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Your Ex Girlfriend Wants to Be Friends – But Do You?

By Dr. George Karanastasis

It’s quite common for an ex girlfriend to want to be friends after a breakup. And while it might seem like a good idea, that’s not always the case.

Sure, it’s a way to stay in touch.  And yes, that’s what you need to do if you’re ever going to get her back. However… going from a relationship to a pure friendship can have the exact opposite effect. Instead of getting back together, you might end up losing her for good.

So what should you do if your ex asks to remain friends? Well, that depends on the timing of the request. Here’s what I mean by that…

If you’ve recently broken up (i.e. within the past couple of days or even weeks) then it’s not the best idea. Why? Because you’ll be giving her the best of both worlds. She’ll have you to help her deal with the pain of this breakup… and at the same time… she’ll be single and available to date someone else. In short, you’ll only be making her transition from you to another guy as painless as possible.

Is that what you want? Didn’t think so. She made her decision to split up so let her live with it. You have to be a little selfish in this respect. After all, who’s going to be there to help you deal with the pain?

Now, if she wants to be friends long after you’ve broken up… then it’s a different story. This is actually a great way to see if there’s still something between the two of you and if you can make things work. The initial shock of the breakup will have faded away and you’ll (both) be thinking clearer on how to move forward.

And for more help with this matter (and all the steps you should take if you want to get your ex girlfriend back) click here now to get the definitive guide to men’s relationship repair…

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17 Responses to “Your Ex Girlfriend Wants to Be Friends – But Do You?”

  1. tonnie sim Says:
    February 28th, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    i have your how to get your ex back guide and have followed every guide,but i am a bit confused,she has started seein someone else and i have kept my distance,now she has started texting me saying she misses our talks,if i ever need anything let me know and i will come and see you,and phoned me the other night,but im confused im not sure what it is she is doing please help as i am not good at this sort of thing!

  2. untranseunte1 Says:
    April 7th, 2011 at 10:30 pm

    I think that as the book says, you should politely avoid talking with her about her problems because that will automatically put you on her list of friends, and won’t see you as anything else.

    I am not an expert myself neither, and just came here because my gf (ex) dumped me 4 days ago (and yeah she wanna be friends) and yeah I did beg and yeah I did look needy to her eyes, but now I am applying the NC and well, I accepted to be her friend but she haven’t sent me any messahe yet, but in the very moment she does, I will tell her what you should tell to your girl, you need your time and your own space, now you are not longer bf and gf, so she can’t expect having the same kind of conversations you used to have in the past. Never ever talk with her about her current relationship, keep growiing up your self esteem and keep your cool man, in the end (as book says) she now is comparing both of you, if she misses your conversation that means she needs you, but if you DO start talking with her what you are only doing is helping her with your breakup and help the other guy to make their relationship work while you only will be her friend forever.

    Of course this is only my very own opinion, I’d recommend you to read the book again and find help there. Stand till the end cuz you are THE MAN!

  3. Taksh Says:
    May 15th, 2011 at 8:10 am

    After reading the book, I decided to follow No -Contact approach. However after much begging, getting angry, blaming her for break up, i still told my girl that we could be friends. So after reading the book, I decided to apologize to her. So I called her up, and calmly spoke to her and apologized to her for my actions during and after break up.I told her I acted desperate out of my emotions and did not intend to insult her. I also told her since i have finally understood, respected and accepted her decision, in order to move on, i would require to gather my thoughts and the being friends won’t be very helpful. At that time she said she gets my decision.
    However the next day she messaged me saying she respected my decision but is ruing the loss of her best friend. She messaged me few times from respecting my decision to calling me names and accusing me for disrespecting her and insulting our memories. She called me after that and wanted to speak to me, however since i was driving i was unable to speak to her. When i called after an hour, she cut my call and told me that she is sorry for bothering me and is walking out of my life. What does this indicate ?? Have I made a blunder ??

  4. brian hepburn Says:
    May 29th, 2011 at 12:36 pm

    aww man

  5. Vincent Says:
    June 10th, 2011 at 12:52 pm

    My girlfriend broke up with me but told me she still wanted to be friends, she said she needs her space and when she’s ready she will call me. After much begging and telling her she was my “everything” through texting, she started to ignore me and I haven’t heard from her since (5 days ago). Having just read Dr. George Karanastasis book, I realised what a big mistake all the begging was and chose to just go straight into No Contact and wait for her call. (like she said she would)

    So, I know she’s going to call! It’s just, when she does call, what do I do?

    I don’t want to be her friend, I want my relationship back? If she tells me she wants to be my friend again but is happy to meet me, what do I say or do. I don’t think she will truly want me back until she see’s me in the flesh and we actually do meet face to face. I just don’t know how to play out the first phone call when it comes. What do I do? Do I meet her?

    Your thoughts and comments would be much appreciated!

  6. Chris Says:
    June 16th, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    Vincent - hey man. I’m
    No expert but you should NOT see her - I tried that and it blew up in my face. By taking advantage of No contact and following the guide - you’ve got to take your life back until she calls you during or after the NC period. She can call you but not the other way around.

  7. john Says:
    August 17th, 2011 at 8:22 am

    We broke up at the end of May, for the fourth time, and I didn’t contact her for a whole month. I was in a bad place before the break up, a real wuss with a lot of issues, but I’ve worked through most of them and I feel that I’m actually in a better place now than when she fell for me originally. I had to get back in touch to pick up my things from her house and we had a chat about being friends and hanging out. We hung out a few times, went shopping, went for breakfast etc. and always had a great laugh. I teased her quite a bit and she always responded by play wrestling and poking, which I took for a good sign, and she always gave me hugs before we parted ways. Anyway, she called me to fix her computer yesterday and then bought me breakfast and we hung out for a few hours. When we went back to her place I told her straight out that I couldn’t be friends with her and that I wanted all or nothing. She looked sad and told me that she didn’t feel that way about me any more, or if she ever could again. I asked for a yes or no answer, which I don’t know if it was a good or bad idea, and she took a while to think about it and didn’t really want to answer but she ended up saying no. I walked out and told her to take care….. What I really want to know is this, is there any chance for a reconciliation? I do care about her and we always have fun even hanging out as friends. I really want this girl in my life. Is there any hope at all? Any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated as it may help to alleviate the pain and emptiness I’m going through now.

  8. Wesley Says:
    August 24th, 2011 at 9:48 am

    I met the girl I love through my good friend. They are kind of like best friend(sisters) relationship. We’ve been dating for the first week and then things went wrong. Jealousies between began and I had no idea that it would happen since they are best friend for so many years. And I don’t which side to choose at that time so I choose to be neutral altogether.
    Then things moved so fast that we spent our daily life together after work. I mean 7 days per week together although we both have our own apartment. I’m 32 yrs old and she’s 28 so we thought we are ready to commit and was talking about marriage. One day (three weeks together), bam!! she’s pregnant. At that time, we sat down and talk it out and decide whether to keep it or get married. Due to the time being together and a lot of things to be taken into consideration. We decided to let it go (it hurts us so bad). After one month being together, things went from bad to worst as the topic between jealousy heated up. Once again her best friend was in our spotlight. And that time, she was contact with her ex (due to insecurity or revenge) I’m not sure why she kept it secret from me.
    So finally, we were entering 2 months of our relationship and then she believes that our relationship was beyond repair and she wants to give up. On the 19th August, our 2 month anniversary she broke up with me at a coffee shop. She told me that she did love me before and not anymore. She said she can be my friend if i want to and also not to hurt myself(which i find it shocked). She always think I was the needy and weak in our relationship which is true…sad but true. That I’m not a happy person with no confidence. We broke up in peace.
    3 days after break up, I went for an interview for a better job(fingers crossed) and I’m trying to feed myself with confidence and stay healthy. I want to prove to her that people can change if there’s a will. I did NC with her for few days, when she texted me and I’d just doing the mirror of her and stay cool.
    She still follow up with my life asking me how was the interview but I keep my cool, again limiting my words when texting her but didn’t sound cold at the same time. She has things(make up and clothes) and key to my apartment. She texted me if she have my permission to come up to my apartment and pick it up but not in one day(too heavy) so maybe few visits. I told her that it’s up to her but then I’d changed my mind and told her that I can bring her stuffs to her instead and she agreed.
    Yesterday, she texted me saying that she wants to meet me and do the exchange tomorrow. I’ve waited few minutes and reply her that I’m busy so postpone it to next week and again, she’s ok with it. I’m trying to avoid seeing her because I might say something that I’ll regret like asking her back into my life.
    Dr. George, what should I do because we are meeting next week? I’ve read your “how to get ur ex back” and UST but I just don’t know whats next. I really want to give the relationship a try.

  9. Wesley Says:
    August 31st, 2011 at 12:58 am

    A little update here…..she text me and want to meet up for dinner. After exchanging text, the next day I texted her that I need time to think this over and my feelings for her and it’s best not to meet up. The point is I screwed up on this when I told her that I’ll always miss her but I need to move on with my life…..now I lost her forever. Well that’s life and sometimes, we do need to move on. Sad but true.

  10. Rohan Says:
    November 17th, 2011 at 4:30 pm

    I have a kind of serious but funny problem.. Me and my girlfriend are in relationship from past 6 mnths. We wer not in contact before. Aftr we hooked on , der was not a single day wer we dint talk to each oder and mess each oder.. Nw suddenly from a few days she feels and says in a pretty sure tone dat u r only ma best friend lke oders and hv never seen u in such way.Even tried non-contacting for week. But den she just completely neglected me. And wen i called her back she asked if how cum i remembered her after s long.. I felt bad, but den i dint wan to lose her, SO Agreed to b as friends.. I love her so f***kin much, i want her badly.. But her opinions are just not changing.Any help??

  11. Jeremy Says:
    January 12th, 2012 at 12:11 am

    Can someone please help me? I dated this girl that cuts my hair for a year and we have been broke up for two months. We haven’t had the no contact period because I am now trying to get help. We always had contact through text. I feel like when I start getting her to come back she pushes away again. I haven’t ever felt this bad before. I’m trying to play it cool at first I begged. Told her that it could be different and tried to persuade not to give up because of all the history we have had. She has an 8 year old son and still lives at home. She has a dysfunctional family and it made it hard in the first place to date her I fell in love with her son as well. Just can anybody please tell me what I’m suppose to do. Is it too late?

  12. rishi Says:
    March 6th, 2012 at 10:50 am

    hey
    my luv just left me coz she said m controlling her i tried my best to convince her that i luv her very much n not contolling her but she thinks we can be best buddies I tried everythng but she said nw she dun hve feelng for me everythng is gone nw…. she called our common friend n told him about us in very insultig way that he is like tht he wants to control me i dun want him n all n m very much hurtd after listening dis frm my friend. my friend told me u shud move on coz the way she talked it was clear she dun luv u n never did. i cry daily for her coz her memories are stuck into my mind. my self respect is really hurtd but nt tht much tht i shud nt luv her. i knw i can never forget her n vl always luv her. i knw i was just a bf for her but for me she is my world . cant luv any girl like d way i used to luv her cant hug any girl like d way i used to hug her just cant b wd anyone please help i dun wanna msg n call her again again n beg for her luv coz she hurted my self respect. please tell me how to forget her please help

  13. Mark Says:
    March 18th, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    Hi Susie and Otto,
    about two weeks ago, my girlfriend broke up with me, but she never gave a definitive reason as to why. We’ve met only once since then so she could return some belongings to me, in which I was very pleasant with her, not trying to show any hurt emotions at all. We’ve resumed text messaging each other occasionally, but I’ve maintained some distance with her, still not showing any kind of negative emotions, and not bringing up the breakup in conversation at all. And we’re supposed to be meeting for coffee sometime this upcomming week. What steps can you suggest to getting her back again?

  14. Dahlia Says:
    November 3rd, 2012 at 7:11 am

    I broke up with my bf of a year and a half living together, because I was insanely jealous and insecure. He made me feel special and covered up a lot of his past even after I asked him to be honest with me, he fed me lies believing I lived in a fairytale, the whole happily everafter. I’m 24 and he’s 29, he’s been my first everything, but after all the fights, the white lies, and the insecurity of him not loving me I felt we were harming our relationship and friendship(because I love him and his company)and the last thing I wanted to destroy was that, at times I’ve felt like maybe he just settled to settle, does that make sense?

    I’ve hardly come across people that remain friends after a break up, and him being in my life means everything to me. I felt like I wasn’t making him happy and so I broke it off, BUT nevertheless it’s killing me wondering if he’s ok, or if he’s even affected by this because he’s so indifferent, and it’s so hard to read him sometimes. My thing is, I regret leaving our apt and I wish I could just ask him if we can take a break instead of breaking up, but will he think less of me?

  15. tom Says:
    November 4th, 2012 at 11:55 am

    i need help ive been a lind distance reltionship with my girl and we’ve been dating for bout 5 months she is going through a divirce and we knew each othere for a few years we met cuz i asked her what happened she gave me her number and we stared talking and the rest is history she came to chicag we dated than she went back homw out west we talked everyday and i wnet see her and it was the most romantice weeek of my life we fell in love we made plans to love toghter and me move there i helped her out with money and everything she went out last weekend and ia sked her to call me when she got home and she didint twice i was furiuis and we got in our first fight she said she needed to take step back but still oved me now she wants to start back as friends so we can make our reltionship stronger she still calls what should i do? im supposed to there in 15 days HELP???????????????????

  16. tom Says:
    November 4th, 2012 at 11:56 am

    PS SHE SAID I REMINDED HER OF HER EX AND WAS TRYING TO BE CONTROLLING

  17. Costa777 Says:
    December 14th, 2012 at 10:20 pm

    Hi
    I left my GF twice this year…but the last time was final or so I thought …..

    The story goes as follows I loved her very much ,until she started swearing and being demanding..

    Know she has emailed me two weeks later and said she wants to be friends etc ….

    I have agreed but every time we see each other we go at it like rabbits ….she drives to me at 1:45 am just to see me …

    But yet she acts as if we should ol be friends

    Her family doesn’t l,e me and my family doesn’t like her ,

    Now we are friends with benefits and I am enjoying it so much , bu she keeps on emailing me do I rem ,so all about he past

    Is she trying to he me back or just plain messing with my mind

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