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Why Sex With The Ex Is Bad News During A Breakup
By Dr. George Karanastasis | March 13, 2008
Having sex is oftentimes compared to having pizza: even when it’s bad… it’s good.
And while this holds true as far as physical feelings are concerned, when it comes to its emotional aftermath (especially during a breakup) it’s a different story altogether.
You see, jumping into bed with your ex girlfriend can be a bad idea if you’re trying to rekindle the relationship with her. In many cases it can destroy much of the progress you’ve made towards “sealing the deal” and getting back together.
And here’s why…
Sexual tension, or to be blunt, hormones tend to bring about emotions that might not necessarily be true. For example, she might feel an overwhelming sense of “closeness” to you before and during the act… but when her physical needs are met those feelings could quickly becomes ones of guilt and remorse.
At the same time, you might confuse this event as the start of something new… something bigger and better between you. But if she happens to feel down once it’s all said and done… you might be met with a healthy dose of rejection and even more heartache.
Now, this isn’t necessarily the case for all relationships as every situation is unique. Your best judgment is required (that is, if you are even able to apply logic in the heat of the moment).
But at then end of the day, here’s a good rule of thumb of how to treat this occasion if it happens to arise:
If all you’re interested in is a good experience - then by all means -go through with it… but if you have bigger plans for the both of you (i.e. to get back together) - then perhaps it’s best to keep it in your pants and save the fireworks for when the timing is right…
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March 23rd, 2009 at 6:02 pm
I’ve been dating a girl for approx. 1 yr. We broke up back in mid-January, and got back in Feb. after 1 month. She realized how much she missed me after a date on Valentines’ Day, etc. This is a long-distance relationship, and has much substance to it, but recently she brokeup with me again, after an old boyfriend of hers died of cancer. I admit I pursued her pretty hard after the first break-up, but thus far (5 Days) into the ‘new’ breakup, I’ve been pretty mute, except for a platonic e-mail last week. Apparently my pursuit of her last time, wasn’t altogether a bad thing, because she got back—however I do feel the hands-off approach will be more effective this go around. Or am I off here? She lives 80 miles away, and we saw each other most weekends, she has a son, and is very independent. Is this in a nutshell worth pursuing, or should I play mute,distant and hands off??
Thanks,
CH
March 23rd, 2009 at 6:04 pm
Let me clarify one thing above, the date was with someone else on Valentines’ day. I found out after the fact. In fact she e-mailed me that Sunday (day after).
PER above paragraph