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Why Nice Guys Finish Last When It Comes to a Breakup
By Dr. George Karanastasis | September 3, 2009
Every guy does it. Their girlfriend calls it quits and they instantly become “nice.” What’s wrong with that? Plenty. In fact, it always backfires. And here’s why…
Being kind isn’t the problem - but going overboard is. That’s what most men do after a breakup. They become the nicest guys in the world and push their ex further away. And there’s a very good reason for this (3 actually)…
1. She needs space. Keep in mind that, just like you, she’s also hurting and confused. So if you’re too nice to her it makes things worse. Why? Because too nice in this scenario usually comes in the form of repeated calls, texts, and unexpected visits. Remember, she needs some alone time (as do you) so don’t add fuel to the fire.
2. She might misinterpret your kindness for manipulation. This is especially true if you were mean to her prior to the breakup. Changing your attitude towards her from one day to the next could set off alarm bells in her head. The result? She puts even more space between the two of you. And finally…
3. It comes off as needy. If you know anything about relationships - you know that neediness must be avoided at all costs. Nothing turns a girl off more than a needy guy.
Now, I’m not implying you act like a jerk. Nor should you be cold. You have to find the healthy, middle ground. That way, not only will you avoid pushing her further away but you’ll also keep her on her toes (and your chances of a reunion alive).
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Topics: How To Get Her Back |
September 26th, 2009 at 11:14 am
Dear Dr Karanastasis,
My girlfriend just broke up with me a few days ago citing personality differences to be the reason. She also mentioned that she is interested in getting to know this other guy at her workplace. Since then, I have been calling her and sending her emails telling her to give me another chance. And she did not pick up my calls. I actually called her repeated times just to get a response. After reading several of your posts and reports. I realized I have been moving in the wrong direction by driving her away. I realized that now and would really like to know what steps should I take in order to try to win her back. She does reply my text once in a while. I wonder if I should continue to text her or just let us cool off for a while. I’m afraid that while we are cooling off she would turn to other guys for emotional support and that would destroy any hopes of getting back.
Thank you for your time.
Gary
October 7th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
Hi Gary,
I’d advise you to read over this post Can You Get Her Back If She’s Dating Someone Else.
Also, don’t let the fear of losing her to someone else during this “cool-down” period control your actions because it’s likely to lead to exactly what you’re afraid of. You’ll see what I mean when you read through that post I just linked to.
Best of luck to you…