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What to Do When Your Ex Girlfriend Texts You
By Dr. George Karanastasis | February 17, 2011
What to do when your ex girlfriend texts you? This question comes up a lot and the answer is not that straightforward. It really depends on what you want from her.
For example, do you want to just be friends? Want nothing to do with her? Or do you want her back?
Whatever the case may be, let’s go over each scenario in a little more detail so you can figure out your next step…
1. If you want nothing to do with her then it’s pretty obvious what your next move should be: ignore her… or let her know never to contact you again.
2. If you want to remain friends, text her back to see how she’s doing - or even get together at some point.
3. Now, if you want to get her back, then things get a little more complicated. In this case, you have two options (both of which depend on what has happened since your breakup):
- If your ex girlfriend texts you (for the first time) after a period of no contact (NC) - then you should respond to her… but not immediately. Let some time go by until you write back. After all, you don’t want to give off the impression that you’ve been waiting by the phone to hear from her. Furthermore, you should keep the message brief. It should be ‘bait’ to get a longer conversation going - not your life story.
- If you’re already in contact with your ex (i.e. you’ve gone through a period of NC and now you’re ramping things up to get back together) you should ‘mirror her’ in every way. Here’s what I mean by that: if she takes several hours to get back to you, then you should do the same. If her messages are short and to the point, yours should be the same (for a more detailed explanation of this see page 43 in How to Get Her Back for Good).
By taking this tactical approach to your ex girlfriend’s texts, you’ll be making small (albeit productive) steps towards one thing: reconciliation. And with a little patience and persistence, soon enough you’ll accomplish your goal.
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Topics: How To Get Her Back |
March 3rd, 2011 at 1:02 pm
My girlfriend and I recently broke up, about a month ago and a half ago after a two and a half year relationship, and it was an abrupt break up. What happen was on Christmas day after she had left my house around 11 o’clock pm she called me hyseterical crying because her brother was drunk and her parents could not control him. They called the cops and they were unable to do anything. She wanted to come to my house, but since its not my house I asked my parents and they said no. I could not get to her because she lives about 45 mintues away from me. I was inable to drive there and there was nothing I could do to help her and I told her that I was sorry but the best bet was to stay locked in her bedroom so her brother couldn’t get to her. That following week we broke up. She did not think that I could be relied upon and she said that that was the moment she needed me the most. The dilemma I have now is that she is kind of seeing someone else. I still have really strong feelings for her, but she says that she does not feel the same way about me anymore. I know to give her space and try to have the least amount of contact possible with her, but she still wants to be friends, which we were for about six years before going out. We go to college at the same university and we are in the same organization.
The new guy that she is kind of seeing is 37 and she is 22, my age as well. I know age does not matter or anything, but the guy is 15 years ahead of where I am right now. He has no job and is in serious debt, and can be evicted any minute. He can always be with her cause he does nothing all day. She is constantly over his appartment, which is on a college campus so who knows when he will be evicted.
She tells me that what she is doing now is what she needs right now and that she does not want to be with me right now. She can foresee us getting back together but that does not mean that we definitely will. I still lover very much, but she does not love me anymore, or so she says.
I dont know what to do, because she said that she is the kind of girl, and i know this from previous expericences, that is out of sight out of mind. So what do i do. I mean i dont text her or call her, but every once in a while she will text me. When we hang out we dont talk about our situation and if it comes up, its from her mentioning it and then she will start to cry. She says she misses some things from the relationship but knows that she cant have them back.
So what do I do, I know to let her go through her phase with this guy, but I dont know how long that can be. She says that she can see herself in a relationship with this guy, but it would not be a long term one and probably would not last long because there are so many wuestion marks between them. For you see, he hunts and she is a vegan, a super vegetarian, so if he goes hunting then its over and she will be upset and call me for comfort. If he gets evicted then she will be upset and call me for comfort. There are a list of things that could happen or occur to make her stop seeing this guy. He will tell her, everythime she brings up my name in front of him, that he will move out of the way so that we can work things out, but she says no.
Do I let her work through what she needs to do? Do I talk to the guy and tell him how I feel about her? Do i just no say anything and just wait? This is a better method then what I am doing?
March 4th, 2011 at 5:06 am
Hey paul,
I am in the same exact boat as you and was looking for an answer. my girlfriend and I went out for about 2 years and 2 months, and broke up with me very abruptly. Her reason for breaking up with me is that she couldn’t hide about her being in a relationship from her parents (her parents forbid her from being in a relationship). To add onto that, her father had a stroke, and told me that she didn’t want to drop the bomb on her dad, when he finds out about me. It’s been a month today, and I miss her a lot. I see her everywhere. She goes to my college, and is in my organization. We see each other, but avoid each other. we havent talked for about 2 weeks. no texts. no calls. nothing. She haves fun and I can see her having fun. It’s like nothing has happened to her. She smiles and talks to everyone like our relationship has never existed. It kinda hurts me, because i loved her unlike i did with anyone else. She is my second girlfriend, and I am her first. I looked after her so much, and she breaks up with me so suddenly. It hurts to know that she dosen’t miss me as much as I miss her…
What should I do to get her back? Do i try to talk to her?
March 14th, 2011 at 10:17 am
Hey, my girlfriend and i broke up. it’s a very sad thing. she told me that i lied. which i did not lie. why should i lie to her? she’s gonna go to america.
im gonna miss her. i love her so much. she loves me to though. but not as before. i text her that i wanna meet up with her, but she says things like, im gonna go to my relatives, and gonna meet up with friends. 
she’s not like before. she even told me that we will make ways. 
but now, it’s different. i wanna meet up with her and i wanna get back with her before she leaves. 
i love her so much. please, help me =’((
May 3rd, 2011 at 7:15 am
Hey,
Have there been any responses to the above?
Also I am in a similar situation, however mine was straightforward at first but I found ways to make things more complicated.
She broke up with me close to three months ago for the reason that I was being too needy, though she did still want to be friends. At the start I tried to convince her to get back, but after that failed we kept some contact as friends. I then decided that I didn’t want that, especially seeing as I was always the one initiating contact, so I disappeared for about a week. Then when I came back on the net, she initiated contact so things seemed good. I then told her that we couldn’t be friends and that I needed space, and she seemed to be able to appreciate that.
However, a week and a half later in a rush of blood I started talking to her again, and this made her very confused, saying things like ‘we went from not being friends to being good friends, so what am I supposed to think?’. Things were left hanging, and I didn’t contact her for two weeks.
Then by chance I saw her and some of her friends, and we travelled for a bit, though the whole time she looked highly indifferent towards me, typically in the way that people do when things are awkward. Another two weeks passed with no contact between either of us, however there is a high chance l will see her at an event which I’ve bought tickets to.
What would be the best course of action in this case, just to greet her when I see her at the event and continue to not have contact with her after, or to try to diffuse the awkwardness between the both of us in some way?
Since the breakup I have pretty much revert back to the calm not-so-needy person I was before and it would probably show, however advice on this matter would still be very much appreciated, as I am in need of assurance that what I am doing will improve my situation rather than make it worse. The awkwardness/unsure atmosphere is what makes me question things. Thanks! ?
July 25th, 2011 at 3:10 pm
Same situation for me but I am older than her, distance relationship and her parents against me did not help, then they could convince her to stop with me!
I am older than you guys, I take it more easily, because i cried enough in the past.
What I could learn from life is : 1st- depending about she blames you, you tell her exactly what she wants to hear from you and to promise her to change what was wrong in her eyes. 2nd- if it does not work and she has already another guy in her arms, then you have to know that she hides it but she still have feelings for you, she cannot click on “reset” and forget you in that way (well not yet lol), so you have to be courageous, you have to touch her deep emotions, you are happy, nice hair cut, fashion shirt, and she has to know that you are chasing new girls around, add some friends pic on facebook etc.. you with another girl who is your friend, nice pic you see the style…then you should get quickly a call or message from her, tell her you are busy and give another day and time for an appointment, once you catch her, you have to act like if it was a new flirt, like you never met her before, caress her arm etc…she has to feel confortable, never talk past, you cant change it anyway, thats done….only future is for you now! be confident but not over confident, be balanced, and listen to her, all the best in love my friends, you desserve that, God bless you!
October 3rd, 2011 at 9:30 pm
I need your help and advice guys. Please read my story you will find it very interesting
My dad is a Chinese minority and my mom is Puerto Rican. As such, I am semi-trilingual and that impressed my ex. The genes have also allowed for me to be the top runner in my class for 6A schools in my State, Oregon. Even though I am only fifteen, my eighteen year old ex said that I am the most handsome guys she has ever seen-moreso than her ex’s. She broke up one to be in a long distance relationship with me, since she lives in Indiana. We met on a group tour and texted/called/skyped/wrote letters copiously since; it was almost as if we lived next to eachother. We both got along perfectly: into sports, God, reading…I would play my piano songs and her fav. songs to her. The breakup was sudden. I called her ex (I didn’t like him, he seduced her into shit and I wasnt thinking). We talked about her, then I told him what she said about her not liking him and just the relationship. This was a dick move on my part and I am sorry, but that is not the point. He was cool that I would tell him that, but during school I got the simultaneous texts from both of them. The next day she called me and told me that I was making too big of a deal over something that never was.
I am in love. The breakup was really hard on her too and she was on the verge of tears; the latter told me that maybe in a couple of months or whatever she will talk to me again and I can earn her trust. What do I do? Contact me at eric9821@gmail.com
October 29th, 2011 at 10:45 pm
I am a lesbian. 19 years old, and was in a 3 year relationship/engagement. When my fiance told me that she wasn’t happy, and hadn’t been for a while. We fought about a lot of things, and we were okay I thought. I figured it was just stress what with work and school and moving and losing her job. She & I had our first big fight and I basically was angry and texted her a bunch of stuff, I was saying that I was upset, and that I hated to fight, and that I was tired of trying to make this work if she wasn’t putting forth any effort on her part. I basically told her I was done, and then later on explained that I was upset and that I didn’t want to break up. She is the love of my life, and there were things that she said and I said to each other that we can never take back. I have been kicked out of my house, and am staying with my parents, and soon moving back to my parents. ( I HATE IT HERE ) We have fought everytime we have gotten together, and none of outr problems started until she made this new friend at work that I actually went to high school with and this girl and I were best friends and then she started a bunch of rumors about me. But my fiance is almost 22, and she would go outside and smoke at 12 am (Which we stay up pretty late) & would be out there talking on the phone with her for 45 min while sat inside. I basically called her out on cheating and have said some nasty thing to her and about her new friend. Everyone of my friends that I have told say that I can do better/ deserve better. & I do. she treats me like shit ever since she found her new friend. And lied about her being over at our house, and she deleted texts, and was just really shady. I have recently found out a bunch of lies she has told me and she told her ex gf that she wasn’t happy with me about 2 years ago. So basically right after I moved in she didn’t like it, and that breaks my heart that she would lead me on and let me fall so hard for her, ask her to marry me and then completely just drop me, and I think it is because she found something better…. Any advice on how to get over a cold hearted liar? First serious relationship. i know I am young but she was my best friend, and now I have no clue who she is anymore. Toribear11@hotmail.com
October 30th, 2011 at 11:08 pm
I had something somewhat simialiar happen to me… I dated this girl and she is beautiful…over a year has passed since our breakup and we hadnt had any contact. But today he randomly texte me “hey” and i found the message on my phone a few hours later an replied but she hasnt texted back
November 2nd, 2011 at 12:20 am
Guys and girls please help!!! I need some advice BIG TIME!! So heres the thing. My girlfriend broke up with me but two days before that she said she was madly in love with me and crying on the phone because she wanted to take a break but still talk every day just not as much. but then 4 days later she broke up with me and said “she didnt want to be in a relationship right now” First what does that mean????? Then we didnt talk for about 5 days and then she texted me on Halloween “Hi John!” i waited about an hour to text back because i didnt want to seem needy but we didnt text that long at all. Now i dont know when i should text her and how i should text her?? im so lost and i need some advice. Im pretty sure she still has to have some feelings for me. To help you out ill tell you a bit about herself.
-She doesnt like to use the word love or say it
-She gets sick of people easily (kind of like me)
-She doesnt like clingy people
Thanks for reading all of this i just need some help! Like how do i approach everything and how do i start talking to her so we dont get stuck in the friend zone! and how should i act around her. Tips!!!!!
November 14th, 2011 at 6:19 am
Hi ,Me(29) and my(25) girl have been together for about 3.5 years.we broke-up 3months ago,and had 2 months nc.We met up again and I was ready thanks to Dr. george’s book.First meeting went well and I didnt bring up any relationship talk.40min later I cut the meeting short and left.She texted me and asked if I still wanted her and a relationship with her.I casually said yes,but we need to start over completely ,a new book ,page and everything.We stated texting once a week and meeting up once a week.been going on for 3 weeks now.After our last meeting i texted her and havnt heard from her till 5 days later.(wich was 1 day ago)
How should I handle this and how do I work from here?
December 14th, 2011 at 6:55 am
Hai EVERYBODY
I have little Suggestions / Ideas It may helps you :
Keep busy on work / update your knowledge / do higher studies / do regularly exercise or meditation
keep nearest relations happily like parents/wife/childrens/neighbour/friends
Finally pray the god ultimately only that power will helps…..
Regards
Madhusudhana.
0 98443 76198
December 26th, 2011 at 5:01 am
Hi ive been dating a girl since september, we met at work. We only saw each other every couple of weeks, but after 3 or so dates we slept together. At the end of September I fell really ill and was out of action for a good month, we just exchanged the odd text. When I was on the mend I met up with her and to my suprise she still wanted to see me - which made me feel happy. We slowly began seeing each other again…Long story short…
-Arranged to meet up Christmas eve and spend the night together
-She text at 1am christmas day when it was too late, then at 2am to say “You know what, let’s just forget it and be friends”
-I replied on Christmas morning agreeing to the breakup, best wishes etc and immediately began NC.
-She text 8pm Christmas day saying how gutted she was that she won’t see me again and I will make a girl very lucky.
-I have not replied - my instinct says it’s best because she probably wants to test to see if I’m still available to her.
In the long run, I would like to continue to get to know this girl, I’m not desperate to get her back and can move on. In a way I want to prove I to myself I can get her back.
Your thoughts? A period of approx one month NC seems a long time when we only met up every couple of weeks for around 2 months (between 7-10 meet ups in total!)
Thank you so much for reading.
January 6th, 2012 at 1:27 pm
my girlfriend break up with me say i cant come
to you and live amsterdam so and so i harassed her lot of hunderend message and she say she go to police and then i stop and then start calling from
no number and end call to my suprised she messaged me happy newyear 2012 it has been month we no talk