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What to Do When Your Ex Girlfriend Texts You

By Dr. George Karanastasis

Ex Girlfriend TextWhat to do when your ex girlfriend texts you? This question comes up a lot and the answer is not that straightforward. It really depends on what you want from her.

For example, do you want to just be friends? Want nothing to do with her? Or do you want her back?

Whatever the case may be, let’s go over each scenario in a little more detail so you can figure out your next step…

1. If you want nothing to do with her then it’s pretty obvious what your next move should be: ignore her… or let her know never to contact you again.

2. If you want to remain friends, text her back to see how she’s doing - or even get together at some point.

3. Now, if you want to get her back, then things get a little more complicated. In this case, you have two options (both of which depend on what has happened since your breakup):

By taking this tactical approach to your ex girlfriend’s texts, you’ll be making small (albeit productive) steps towards one thing: reconciliation. And with a little patience and persistence, soon enough you’ll accomplish your goal.

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19 Responses to “What to Do When Your Ex Girlfriend Texts You”

  1. Paul Says:
    March 3rd, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    My girlfriend and I recently broke up, about a month ago and a half ago after a two and a half year relationship, and it was an abrupt break up. What happen was on Christmas day after she had left my house around 11 o’clock pm she called me hyseterical crying because her brother was drunk and her parents could not control him. They called the cops and they were unable to do anything. She wanted to come to my house, but since its not my house I asked my parents and they said no. I could not get to her because she lives about 45 mintues away from me. I was inable to drive there and there was nothing I could do to help her and I told her that I was sorry but the best bet was to stay locked in her bedroom so her brother couldn’t get to her. That following week we broke up. She did not think that I could be relied upon and she said that that was the moment she needed me the most. The dilemma I have now is that she is kind of seeing someone else. I still have really strong feelings for her, but she says that she does not feel the same way about me anymore. I know to give her space and try to have the least amount of contact possible with her, but she still wants to be friends, which we were for about six years before going out. We go to college at the same university and we are in the same organization.

    The new guy that she is kind of seeing is 37 and she is 22, my age as well. I know age does not matter or anything, but the guy is 15 years ahead of where I am right now. He has no job and is in serious debt, and can be evicted any minute. He can always be with her cause he does nothing all day. She is constantly over his appartment, which is on a college campus so who knows when he will be evicted.

    She tells me that what she is doing now is what she needs right now and that she does not want to be with me right now. She can foresee us getting back together but that does not mean that we definitely will. I still lover very much, but she does not love me anymore, or so she says.

    I dont know what to do, because she said that she is the kind of girl, and i know this from previous expericences, that is out of sight out of mind. So what do i do. I mean i dont text her or call her, but every once in a while she will text me. When we hang out we dont talk about our situation and if it comes up, its from her mentioning it and then she will start to cry. She says she misses some things from the relationship but knows that she cant have them back.

    So what do I do, I know to let her go through her phase with this guy, but I dont know how long that can be. She says that she can see herself in a relationship with this guy, but it would not be a long term one and probably would not last long because there are so many wuestion marks between them. For you see, he hunts and she is a vegan, a super vegetarian, so if he goes hunting then its over and she will be upset and call me for comfort. If he gets evicted then she will be upset and call me for comfort. There are a list of things that could happen or occur to make her stop seeing this guy. He will tell her, everythime she brings up my name in front of him, that he will move out of the way so that we can work things out, but she says no.

    Do I let her work through what she needs to do? Do I talk to the guy and tell him how I feel about her? Do i just no say anything and just wait? This is a better method then what I am doing?

  2. Sunke Says:
    March 4th, 2011 at 5:06 am

    Hey paul,

    I am in the same exact boat as you and was looking for an answer. my girlfriend and I went out for about 2 years and 2 months, and broke up with me very abruptly. Her reason for breaking up with me is that she couldn’t hide about her being in a relationship from her parents (her parents forbid her from being in a relationship). To add onto that, her father had a stroke, and told me that she didn’t want to drop the bomb on her dad, when he finds out about me. It’s been a month today, and I miss her a lot. I see her everywhere. She goes to my college, and is in my organization. We see each other, but avoid each other. we havent talked for about 2 weeks. no texts. no calls. nothing. She haves fun and I can see her having fun. It’s like nothing has happened to her. She smiles and talks to everyone like our relationship has never existed. It kinda hurts me, because i loved her unlike i did with anyone else. She is my second girlfriend, and I am her first. I looked after her so much, and she breaks up with me so suddenly. It hurts to know that she dosen’t miss me as much as I miss her…

    What should I do to get her back? Do i try to talk to her?

  3. Reynald Buranga Says:
    March 14th, 2011 at 10:17 am

    Hey, my girlfriend and i broke up. it’s a very sad thing. she told me that i lied. which i did not lie. why should i lie to her? she’s gonna go to america. :( im gonna miss her. i love her so much. she loves me to though. but not as before. i text her that i wanna meet up with her, but she says things like, im gonna go to my relatives, and gonna meet up with friends. :( she’s not like before. she even told me that we will make ways. :( but now, it’s different. i wanna meet up with her and i wanna get back with her before she leaves. :( i love her so much. please, help me =’((

  4. Tim Says:
    May 3rd, 2011 at 7:15 am


    Have there been any responses to the above?

    Also I am in a similar situation, however mine was straightforward at first but I found ways to make things more complicated.

    She broke up with me close to three months ago for the reason that I was being too needy, though she did still want to be friends. At the start I tried to convince her to get back, but after that failed we kept some contact as friends. I then decided that I didn’t want that, especially seeing as I was always the one initiating contact, so I disappeared for about a week. Then when I came back on the net, she initiated contact so things seemed good. I then told her that we couldn’t be friends and that I needed space, and she seemed to be able to appreciate that.

    However, a week and a half later in a rush of blood I started talking to her again, and this made her very confused, saying things like ‘we went from not being friends to being good friends, so what am I supposed to think?’. Things were left hanging, and I didn’t contact her for two weeks.

    Then by chance I saw her and some of her friends, and we travelled for a bit, though the whole time she looked highly indifferent towards me, typically in the way that people do when things are awkward. Another two weeks passed with no contact between either of us, however there is a high chance l will see her at an event which I’ve bought tickets to.

    What would be the best course of action in this case, just to greet her when I see her at the event and continue to not have contact with her after, or to try to diffuse the awkwardness between the both of us in some way?

    Since the breakup I have pretty much revert back to the calm not-so-needy person I was before and it would probably show, however advice on this matter would still be very much appreciated, as I am in need of assurance that what I am doing will improve my situation rather than make it worse. The awkwardness/unsure atmosphere is what makes me question things. Thanks! ?

  5. arnaud Says:
    July 25th, 2011 at 3:10 pm

    Same situation for me but I am older than her, distance relationship and her parents against me did not help, then they could convince her to stop with me!
    I am older than you guys, I take it more easily, because i cried enough in the past.
    What I could learn from life is : 1st- depending about she blames you, you tell her exactly what she wants to hear from you and to promise her to change what was wrong in her eyes. 2nd- if it does not work and she has already another guy in her arms, then you have to know that she hides it but she still have feelings for you, she cannot click on “reset” and forget you in that way (well not yet lol), so you have to be courageous, you have to touch her deep emotions, you are happy, nice hair cut, fashion shirt, and she has to know that you are chasing new girls around, add some friends pic on facebook etc.. you with another girl who is your friend, nice pic you see the style…then you should get quickly a call or message from her, tell her you are busy and give another day and time for an appointment, once you catch her, you have to act like if it was a new flirt, like you never met her before, caress her arm etc…she has to feel confortable, never talk past, you cant change it anyway, thats done….only future is for you now! be confident but not over confident, be balanced, and listen to her, all the best in love my friends, you desserve that, God bless you!

  6. Eric Says:
    October 3rd, 2011 at 9:30 pm

    I need your help and advice guys. Please read my story you will find it very interesting :)

    My dad is a Chinese minority and my mom is Puerto Rican. As such, I am semi-trilingual and that impressed my ex. The genes have also allowed for me to be the top runner in my class for 6A schools in my State, Oregon. Even though I am only fifteen, my eighteen year old ex said that I am the most handsome guys she has ever seen-moreso than her ex’s. She broke up one to be in a long distance relationship with me, since she lives in Indiana. We met on a group tour and texted/called/skyped/wrote letters copiously since; it was almost as if we lived next to eachother. We both got along perfectly: into sports, God, reading…I would play my piano songs and her fav. songs to her. The breakup was sudden. I called her ex (I didn’t like him, he seduced her into shit and I wasnt thinking). We talked about her, then I told him what she said about her not liking him and just the relationship. This was a dick move on my part and I am sorry, but that is not the point. He was cool that I would tell him that, but during school I got the simultaneous texts from both of them. The next day she called me and told me that I was making too big of a deal over something that never was. :( I am in love. The breakup was really hard on her too and she was on the verge of tears; the latter told me that maybe in a couple of months or whatever she will talk to me again and I can earn her trust. What do I do? Contact me at eric9821@gmail.com

  7. Tori Says:
    October 29th, 2011 at 10:45 pm

    I am a lesbian. 19 years old, and was in a 3 year relationship/engagement. When my fiance told me that she wasn’t happy, and hadn’t been for a while. We fought about a lot of things, and we were okay I thought. I figured it was just stress what with work and school and moving and losing her job. She & I had our first big fight and I basically was angry and texted her a bunch of stuff, I was saying that I was upset, and that I hated to fight, and that I was tired of trying to make this work if she wasn’t putting forth any effort on her part. I basically told her I was done, and then later on explained that I was upset and that I didn’t want to break up. She is the love of my life, and there were things that she said and I said to each other that we can never take back. I have been kicked out of my house, and am staying with my parents, and soon moving back to my parents. ( I HATE IT HERE ) We have fought everytime we have gotten together, and none of outr problems started until she made this new friend at work that I actually went to high school with and this girl and I were best friends and then she started a bunch of rumors about me. But my fiance is almost 22, and she would go outside and smoke at 12 am (Which we stay up pretty late) & would be out there talking on the phone with her for 45 min while sat inside. I basically called her out on cheating and have said some nasty thing to her and about her new friend. Everyone of my friends that I have told say that I can do better/ deserve better. & I do. she treats me like shit ever since she found her new friend. And lied about her being over at our house, and she deleted texts, and was just really shady. I have recently found out a bunch of lies she has told me and she told her ex gf that she wasn’t happy with me about 2 years ago. So basically right after I moved in she didn’t like it, and that breaks my heart that she would lead me on and let me fall so hard for her, ask her to marry me and then completely just drop me, and I think it is because she found something better…. Any advice on how to get over a cold hearted liar? First serious relationship. i know I am young but she was my best friend, and now I have no clue who she is anymore. Toribear11@hotmail.com

  8. Kyle Says:
    October 30th, 2011 at 11:08 pm

    I had something somewhat simialiar happen to me… I dated this girl and she is beautiful…over a year has passed since our breakup and we hadnt had any contact. But today he randomly texte me “hey” and i found the message on my phone a few hours later an replied but she hasnt texted back

  9. John Says:
    November 2nd, 2011 at 12:20 am

    Guys and girls please help!!! I need some advice BIG TIME!! So heres the thing. My girlfriend broke up with me but two days before that she said she was madly in love with me and crying on the phone because she wanted to take a break but still talk every day just not as much. but then 4 days later she broke up with me and said “she didnt want to be in a relationship right now” First what does that mean????? Then we didnt talk for about 5 days and then she texted me on Halloween “Hi John!” i waited about an hour to text back because i didnt want to seem needy but we didnt text that long at all. Now i dont know when i should text her and how i should text her?? im so lost and i need some advice. Im pretty sure she still has to have some feelings for me. To help you out ill tell you a bit about herself.
    -She doesnt like to use the word love or say it
    -She gets sick of people easily (kind of like me)
    -She doesnt like clingy people

    Thanks for reading all of this i just need some help! Like how do i approach everything and how do i start talking to her so we dont get stuck in the friend zone! and how should i act around her. Tips!!!!!

  10. ant Says:
    November 14th, 2011 at 6:19 am

    Hi ,Me(29) and my(25) girl have been together for about 3.5 years.we broke-up 3months ago,and had 2 months nc.We met up again and I was ready thanks to Dr. george’s book.First meeting went well and I didnt bring up any relationship talk.40min later I cut the meeting short and left.She texted me and asked if I still wanted her and a relationship with her.I casually said yes,but we need to start over completely ,a new book ,page and everything.We stated texting once a week and meeting up once a week.been going on for 3 weeks now.After our last meeting i texted her and havnt heard from her till 5 days later.(wich was 1 day ago)

    How should I handle this and how do I work from here?

  11. sudan Says:
    December 14th, 2011 at 6:55 am

    I have little Suggestions / Ideas It may helps you :

    Keep busy on work / update your knowledge / do higher studies / do regularly exercise or meditation
    keep nearest relations happily like parents/wife/childrens/neighbour/friends
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  12. Al Says:
    December 26th, 2011 at 5:01 am

    Hi ive been dating a girl since september, we met at work. We only saw each other every couple of weeks, but after 3 or so dates we slept together. At the end of September I fell really ill and was out of action for a good month, we just exchanged the odd text. When I was on the mend I met up with her and to my suprise she still wanted to see me - which made me feel happy. We slowly began seeing each other again…Long story short…

    -Arranged to meet up Christmas eve and spend the night together

    -She text at 1am christmas day when it was too late, then at 2am to say “You know what, let’s just forget it and be friends”

    -I replied on Christmas morning agreeing to the breakup, best wishes etc and immediately began NC.

    -She text 8pm Christmas day saying how gutted she was that she won’t see me again and I will make a girl very lucky.

    -I have not replied - my instinct says it’s best because she probably wants to test to see if I’m still available to her.

    In the long run, I would like to continue to get to know this girl, I’m not desperate to get her back and can move on. In a way I want to prove I to myself I can get her back.

    Your thoughts? A period of approx one month NC seems a long time when we only met up every couple of weeks for around 2 months (between 7-10 meet ups in total!)

    Thank you so much for reading.

  13. hassan sharieff Says:
    January 6th, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    my girlfriend break up with me say i cant come
    to you and live amsterdam so and so i harassed her lot of hunderend message and she say she go to police and then i stop and then start calling from
    no number and end call to my suprised she messaged me happy newyear 2012 it has been month we no talk

  14. R Says:
    June 4th, 2012 at 8:27 am

    Before you go out and decide on whether or not you want your ex back try to objectively analyze the relationship. If you need help you could ask someone else’s opinion who knows both of you well.
    Make sure you don’t put yourself in a situation where either you or her are unhappy.

    I suggest going through a period of No contact with your ex if you really want to get back together with her. If she shows interest after this period then I would suggest pursuing it further otherwise you’re just wasting your time.

    Also if she broke up with you a few days ago give her some space for a few days. The breakup could’ve been caused by stress and/or by hormones (my boyfriend and I have done this to eachother before and it has led to one of us (mostly me unfortunately) to pull the break up card).

    But people if your ex can’t decide between you and another guy for a long period of time (a long period for me would probably be a month or so) then she’s just playing you and it’s not worth your time. If she wants you she’ll start pursuing you.

    If you find that you still have feelings for your ex, but she clearly does not or cannot make up her mind then DON’T BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX (this is different if she is going through a very emotional and stressful experience; if this is happening then stay friends with her and provide her emotionall support). I know that sounds strange, but it will only hurt you in the long run. And don’t have casual sex with her either, that will just hurt you even more. If both you and your ex have moved on then you two can be friend.

    But if you still want to get back together with your ex and nothing seems to be working then I would suggest you write/type out why you like the person and what made you happy about the relationship (but if it’s going to be really long then don’t send it as multiple texts, that would be annoying). When you write this don’t put in things that will make her feel guilty like if I am not with you I will kill myself. You don’t want to get her to come back with guilt. It won’t last.

    Also don’t argue with your ex when she complains or points out the negatives in the relationship and/or you. Instead listen to her reasons and dont interrupt her. After she gets through the bad about the relationship try doing the above thing a few hours after the argument (make sure she doesnt try to interrupt you while you’re listing those things out.)

    Wow this is long, sorry about that.

    Don’t turn into a stalker, that’s just creepy and unattractive. Trying to contact her multiple times over a short period of time is a big no. examples: Don’t call more than five times every hour. Don’t call more than once a day (unless she calls you first or she calls you back and you miss it then refer to no calling for more than 5 times in an hour). Dont send her a 100+ messages in one day unless it’s to hold a conversation with her. Don’t show up to her work everyday or her house. etc etc.

    See if this stuff works, I’m just speaking from experience from being a girl and being in a relationship and having other friends that are girls. I am not a relationship expert nor am I a girl expert. Not all of this will apply to your situation. ANALYZE THE SITUATION OBJECTIVELY BEFORE DECIDING ON ANY SORT OF ACTION! IF YOU ARE EXTREMELY EMOTIONALLY DISTRESSED THEN WAIT UNTIL YOU CALM DOWN BEFORE YOU ACT!

  15. Kevin Says:
    November 9th, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    me and my ex girlfriend of 2 yrs and 9 months throws me out and decides she doesn’t want to be with me in the relationship anymore we had a breakup prior to this one back in may 2012 but we got back together because she contacted me and i went back but this time she doesn’t want me back she says shes moved on and happy with him but still contacts me not to just contact me to talk and ask questions or things she found in the apartment of mine and she text me saying to pick it up in the mailbox i went to pick it up and i left i don’t know what this woman’s intentions are but i do love this woman and she has hurt me too much.
    the guy that she was seeing on our first breakup didn’t last and she told me that they don’t have anything in common and now they are back together.
    It’s been now 3 months into their relationship and not sure if there is any reconcilliation of us getting back??? what do i do??
    any help is appreciated thank-you

  16. Kevin Says:
    November 9th, 2012 at 10:44 pm

    Me and my Girlfriend of 2 Yrs and 9 Months just abruptly ended when she threw me out on Sept 9th 2012
    we had a breakup back in May 2012 (first Breakup) also because she was see a guy and it didn’t last, we kept in contact while the 1st breakup was going on she contacted me wanting to take me back and i agreed and went back. when i went back
    she told me they have nothing in common and wouldn’t want to be with him but
    up until now
    the day she threw me out she had him there
    she is now seeing him she was talking to him before we split up the second time
    she tells me she’s happy and isn’t leaving him
    she has contacted me since but to get my stuff out and she still does once in a while she’ll text me with there’s something here that’s yours i was wondering if you want it, it was my bankbook
    i don’t know what this woman’s intentions are, i really love this woman we did alot together and she just walks away from a little under 3 yrs relationship
    i don’t know what think about this, i even did the No Contact Rule but she always contacts me to tell me i have something at the apartment we shared together that’s all she texts me about nothing stating we can talk or whatnot, the day she threw me out the following morning she went to the local courthouse to file a R.O. but none was issued judge told me just to get my stuff out and stay away from her.
    what do i do with this ??
    Please help…any is appreciated

  17. jayson smith Says:
    December 5th, 2012 at 5:27 am

    The 4 month relationship ended, a year and a half ago, horrendously with her saying many hurtful things and me making myself look both desperate and needy. So I went No Contact for 10 months. Then I sent a birthday type ATB and got a response but then when i followed it up with 2 more ATB texts and a best of relationship texts just this past summer i got no response and I gave up for good, but since in the time following my texts she’s reached out on Facebook to my best friend (they had never talked previously) telling him he’s so hot and then a few months later reached out on Facebook to my brother (they haven’t spoken either in over a year) saying almost the same things. This confused the hell out of me bc to me their is some connection to me but I decided not to react. Then just the other day she called!! I didn’t pick up because it was so unexpected. WHAT DO I DO? Is it that shes coming back around? Do i return the call or just wait for her to call again and What I am to say to her??

    Please Help!

  18. David Says:
    December 24th, 2012 at 9:48 am

    imaging after 5 years broken up for about 6 weeks and i get a call middle of night christmas eve asking me to help fix her mobile/cell ph. Is that i miss you or i will use him he used to help me before.

  19. kevin Says:
    May 26th, 2013 at 9:54 pm

    My ex gf of 2 yrs and 9 months has been gone from the relationship now for 9 months and no contact she has been with two guys since then. And i have been struggling to get a permanent place to live since i gave up my apartment to be with her and kids
    I just dont know what to do at this time, i dont want to be in rhose nasty shelters. I wasnt brought up that way nor into drugs and alcohol. Just would like to find a decent woman that will love me and stick by at she says and not be a cheater. Can anyone help me out here im in a bind


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