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The Top 5 Breakup Excuses & How to Interpret Them

By Dr. George Karanastasis

Breakup Excuses & ReasonsEvery breakup happens for a reason. But too often, that reason is never revealed (at least not the real one).

And we get it ladies… you’re trying your best NOT to add fuel to the fire; to avoid making a bad situation even worse…

But dare I say that your “gracious” attempts to cushion our fall are doing us a great disservice.

Why?

Because we can’t correct the problem unless we know what it is - either with this relationship or another down the road.

With that said, this post will explore 5 common - yet vague - breakup excuses, how to interpret them, and what to do about them.

Let’s start off with my all-time-favorite:

Common Breakup Excuse #1: “I love you but I’m not in love with you.
Translation: “I’m not attracted to you anymore. Sure, I might have been in the past but those feelings are long gone.

This is a classic line a guy gets when he’s been too needy, too clingy, and for too long. The opposite also holds true: it could be the result of prolonged indifference towards your significant other.

In any case, the underlying reason is clear: the attraction is gone. The solution? Obviously, you have to get it back - and we’ll get to that soon - but first let’s tackle the rest of the reasons…

Common Breakup Excuse #2: “It’s not you - it’s me!”
Translation:
Once again, “I’m not attracted to you anymore.”

Are you starting to see a pattern here? A relationship begins and ends with attraction. When the latter is gone the former soon follows.

Common Breakup Excuse #3: “I’m too busy for a relationship right now.”
Translation:
“This relationship is more trouble than it’s worth and I’m better off without you.”

There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship - each comes with the good and the bad. And the reason that some work out while others don’t is a direct result of this ratio. You see, every one of us will put up with enough “bads” when the “goods” are plenty in supply.

Therefore, in a case such as this, take a hard look at where you’re “lacking” and reverse that ratio. In fact, go grab a pen and make a list - it will be an eye-opener (as long as you’re objective) and will point you in the right direction.

Onward…

Common Breakup Excuse #4: “I’m falling for you - too hard (and too fast) - and I’m scared!”

If she hit you with this one then you’re in luck (maybe). One of two things could be happening here:

1) She digs you but your game’s too “tight.” As far as the latter’s concerned - not necessarily a bad thing but if this one’s a keeper you’ll have to tone it down and show her your softer side. In short, reassurance is your best friend here.

2) She’s just plain crazy, in which case, cut your losses and move on. Sticking around will bring you nothing but headaches - or worse - the tables will turn and you’ll end up in heartache.

Finally…

Common Breakup Excuse #5: “You deserve someone better.”
Translation:
“I’ll be looking elsewhere to get what you can’t give me.”

“Thanks honey but I like you just fine - let me be the judge of what I deserve.”

Now, that would be a good response to a literal translation but you and I both know that’s not what she means. So give her what she wants or get out of her way.

And there you have it gentlemen… 5 of the most common breakup excuses you’ve either heard or will definitely hear at some point in your dating endeavors.

Now, the million dollar question, “What to do about it?”

Glad you asked. Here goes:

1) Give the situation time and space - DO NOT try to force a change of heart.

2) Analyze (in excruciating detail) what you may or may not have done to bring this about.

3) Take a stepwise approach to correcting the problem.

How? Start with this short report. It will give you six actionable recommendations for getting the ball rolling if you want to get her back. Best of luck!

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19 Responses to “The Top 5 Breakup Excuses & How to Interpret Them”

  1. Phil Says:
    April 8th, 2009 at 1:12 pm

    Hey Doc.
    I got a situation for you that is so messed up, I bet none of your advice falls into the category I’m in. If you’re curious, hit me up. If not, you’ll always be left wondering? Just like I am right now.

  2. Adam Blavk Says:
    May 19th, 2009 at 10:59 pm

    Doctor,

    So I got your book and i fell into the category for the NC. but it was a little bitter so i needed to apologize. And when i told her i needed space to think and she said “OK, well call me when you have thought about it and want to be friends” did she just flip it around on me? Did i mess something up? I’m confused now. Or should i just wait for her to call me?

    -Adam

  3. callasaki Says:
    May 21st, 2009 at 4:22 am

    Your help on this would be greatly appreciated beacuse it doesn’t come up in any of what is said here.

    I broke up with my girl after nearly 15 months beacuse at the time it felt like the right thing to do. It was a mistake and she knows it. I’ve made a few of the mistakes that are outlined on this site of things that you shouldn’t do and just over 2 weeks down the line after the break up I’ve realised it and I’m now trying to correct them.
    The question I have however is this,

    She says that she is enjoying being single (I was her first serious boyfriend) and she doesn’t want a relationship right now. She has seen this guy a few times and she is friendly with some of his friends now… The guy she has kissed is out of the country for 3 to 4 months…
    Do I still have a chance of rescuing the relationship?

    She said that she would consider me again when she is ready for a relationship and if I back off it is more likely that we will get back together and she said she isn’t just teasing me.
    Can I take what she says as the truth? Do I still have a chance with her eventually?

    If you can give me advice that would be great. Email me if you have to.

    Thanks

  4. srs Says:
    June 3rd, 2009 at 6:32 pm

    My girlfriend used these excuses during our breakup (about a month ago):
    1. “I need to find myself again”
    2. “I know what I want – and you should find out what you want, too”
    3. “I tried for so long to make this work and you should have tried sooner”

    Here’s the background: I had been dating this girl for about three years. She had wanted to get married for about two of them. She had always felt like she knew she wanted to be with me – while I was I was dragging my feet. We began to look at engagement rings about three months ago. About a month and a half ago, she began to question our relationship & began talking to a co-worker about us. This co-worker has liked her for a long time. The problem was that she increased the amount of time talking to him, lied to me about it, and eventually began to talk to him more as our problems got worse. I told her that he was trying to get close to her and said she’s either naïve or just didn’t care. She said, ‘He’s just a friend and he knows what I’m going through” and “this is and always has been between US”. However, something seemed off and I called her out on it. Her words began to sound like something someone else had told her. At our breakup, she again denied he had anything to do with it – but I felt like something was off. About two weeks after our breakup I find out she has been on a date or two with him. She comes clean and says they have a “connection” and that he had been pursuing her. Does a girl just give up on a relationship that she has wanted (admittedly more than I did) for a couple of years for a new guy that she really knows little about? She had said she needed time to herself – and she immediately begins seeing someone else. Her mom and her friends think she just needs “some time”. Any thoughts on what to do – I’m in the process of abstaining from contact with her. Thanks, Doc.

  5. Josh Says:
    July 24th, 2009 at 1:24 am

    My girlfriend broke up with me before for 2 months then we got back together, we were back together for almost another 2 months, and then i had read an IM with her to another man that she was planning on having sex with him.. but she swears she never went and did anything with him.. but on the other hand.. I thought about it all day and had chose to forgive her and forget it, but the next day i could not forget it still, it was in the back of my mind.. and she decided to kick me out and tell me its over again.. Do you think she is coming back again? Why is she punishing me when i treated her like a queen, and she said i wasn’t like any other guy she dated before, i took care of her and her kid, she said i was like the first father figure for her kid.. How do i get her back, and do you think she will come back.. I feel so lost with out her.. I never had this kinda attraction to anyone before, i been in love before, but never a feeling like this.. Please help!

  6. Jordin Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 3:34 am

    I need help breaking up with my boyfriend because before I really liked him but we’ve been together about a month now and I found out I have absolutely nothing in common with him…no seriously he’s a mechanic and I’m an actress. So These are the reasons I wanna break up with him.

    1. We have nothing in common
    2. We never talk (mostly because of reason 1)
    3. He’s a bad kisser
    4. He’s too sexual

    So how do I explain these reasons to him the ”nice” way PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!…SOON!!!!!

  7. Robbie Says:
    May 7th, 2010 at 9:49 am

    Good stuff,

    See here for some funny excuses

    http://mybreakupexcuse.com

  8. Pat Says:
    June 15th, 2010 at 7:31 pm

    I’m one of the unlucky #5 guys. Actually, she used very similar words saying I “deserved somebody better than her that could give me what I need.”

    After a long drawn out attempt to pull the real story from her, this was all I was left with.

    This girl has taken cheaters back and stayed with a guy after he date raped her, yet I’m straight out of luck for a second shot.

    I’m still not certain what I did wrong. I know there was some stress about declining sexual activity and her living 100 miles away instead of next-door. Both things upset me and I spoke up on the former.

  9. spicer Says:
    August 31st, 2010 at 5:47 pm

    ok my bf broke up with me and he said sorry my dad wont let me date girls until im 16 but then he goes and goes out with this other chick anyways i think my ex needs to know girls talk and they can compare notes so dont use this line guys also another one is i cant concentrate on my work and i need to focus more on skewl well news flash its the 21st century and if a girl went out with you and you said this i would have punched you in the face

  10. jhay Says:
    September 4th, 2010 at 11:10 pm

    My ex girlfriend broke up with me cus I cheated on her, I found this great website called saveabreakup.com , I followed all the instructions on it and it helped me get back with my ex, now we’ve been together for almost 2 years. :)

  11. Lina Says:
    September 26th, 2010 at 3:42 pm

    Hey Doc, Well I have a problem, me & my bf have been going out for a year & 8 months, u used to be really into him but now everything has been getting boring and there is barely connection between us, he still is in love with me but i dont know how to brake up with him becaus ebefore we went out we were bestfriends & he is a really good friend and like i talk to hiim every day and i tell him everything so i wouldnt want to ruin ou frienship by breakiing up with him, i dont want to tell hiim that i just dont love him anymore, help please
    thank you
    Lina maria

  12. maria Says:
    November 12th, 2010 at 12:29 pm

    My boyfriend after 4 months decided to make up an awful excuse about how is father died and he was out of town. We had made a baby but I didn’t carry to full term, we went through thick and thin together. Later I found out that he was cheating on me with an older woman. There was a 7 year age difference between us but I was hoping that with age comes maturity.. Nope it didn’t. Well he ends up telling me that he couldn’t give me what I needed and that he was sorry. Well like hello, who else knows what I want better than me? He had problems committing to is ex’s but after being treated like a king, this is what I get? It’s been 8 months and im still curious. Could you help me?

  13. Amber Vaughn Says:
    November 17th, 2010 at 6:39 pm

    Okay so i was talking to this guy for about 3 weeks(more than friends). and then something came up and i hung out with another guy that ive been interested in. and then he ended up asking me out that day and now im talking to the old guy again. and i want to break up with him but hes reaally into and i have no clue what to do. i feel so ashamed of myself. i need help ?
    -
    Amber

  14. Jon Says:
    December 3rd, 2010 at 9:25 pm

    I’m wondering as to what the other side of the coin is? If what you say is correct, which it seems to be, then what can one say if they are not attracted to the other person and they want to break up without offending their feelings

  15. Confused Says:
    December 15th, 2010 at 3:57 pm

    Hi,

    Actually, I have the exact same problem as Lina - to the T! What’s the best possible solution? Thanks.

  16. Monet Says:
    March 7th, 2011 at 10:11 pm

    hey,ivbeen dating jesse for like 3 weeks now and theres this other guy iv been talking to and we hung out on the weekend and stuff and i really like him, he keeps telling me to break upwith jesse i want to but what do i say to him? should i lie ? or what?

  17. I'M A GIRL! Says:
    April 4th, 2011 at 7:22 pm

    I was raped by a guy last week but my ex says it’s my fault? It wasn’t me, I didn’t ask the guy to rape me but my ex, Lyreshia, is saying it was me, that I didn’t fight back. The guy gave me sleeping meds for god’s sake! How can I tell her that I love her (and she still loves me I know it) and that I want to stay with her even though we already broke up. She said, and I quote, “I can’t trust you to not cheat on me anymore, it’s to hard to trust you when you say I’ll be the only girl.” I don’t know how to fix this, please help!

  18. Adam Says:
    May 12th, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    My girl and I broke up after two years…she said she lost the spark after we broke up we were friendly I found out she was hanging out with a friend of mine Dave that she teaches with…I flipped out jumped to conclusions and said and did a lot of things I wish I didn’t do….I’ve tried contacting her and she’s ignored me….I tried contacting her through her friends and got no where with that too…I can’t stop thinking of her I just finished sending her flowers with a note that said can we talk…is there any chance of seeing her again

  19. toby Says:
    August 13th, 2012 at 8:17 am

    my girl broke up with me three weeks ago she used the “im not ready for a relationship” it has been used on me before i asked her if she was ready for a relationship and she said yes now shes not talking to me shes getting more and more hostile towards me and i havnt done anything to hurt her i asked her if there was any chance of getting back together and she just put “idk” (i dont know) will i ever be with her again???

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