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Meeting Your Ex Girlfriend After A Breakup - 6 Do’s And Don’ts
By Dr. George Karanastasis | March 12, 2008
So, you haven’t seen your ex girlfriend since your breakup and now she’s asked you to meet up. You happily oblige…
You’re excited, yet nervous - full of hope, and at the same time, weary of what might happen… and rightfully so, because this is quite a crucial part of the getting back together process and must be handled with tact.
And if you happen to be in this situation… then here are 6 do’s and don’ts (guidelines, so to speak) to ensure you make the most of this encounter…
Do #1: Maintain a lighthearted mood throughout the meeting…
Nobody enjoys being in uncomfortable situations. And this meeting with your ex girlfriend is likely to be exactly that: awkward and uneasy (especially if you haven’t seen each other in a while).
But despite this fact, it’s on you to take what could be an uncomfortable experience and turn it into a pleasant one. This is important because you want this to be the first of many more meetings… and the latter won’t follow if this ends up being a negative ordeal.
So keep a lighthearted tone, crack some jokes, and make her smile. Make this a fun encounter and more will soon follow.
Do #2: Contain your excitement…
It’s natural to be overflowing with excitement if you’ve been apart for some time and this is your first meeting since the breakup, however, keep your enthusiasm in check. The last thing you want is to give her the impression that you’ve been eagerly awaiting this meeting.
And it goes without saying that you should not tell her how much you’ve missed her! Be happy to be with her, show it, but don’t overdo it.
Do #3: Keep the meeting short…
If everything’s going according to plan and you’re finding yourselves wrapped up in interesting conversations (yet pointless as far as your relationship is concerned)… don’t make the mistake of dragging out this date until you run out of things to talk about and she tells you it’s time to go.
Keep the momentum going throughout the meeting, reach a peak, and then cut it short. You want to leave her with something to look forward to… and regarding the latter, don’t be the one to ask her for a second date. Let her take charge and ask you first.
And now for the don’ts…
Don’t #1: Get there looking like a train wreck…
Going through a breakup can take it’s toll on both your physical and mental state… sometimes to a extreme extent, however, showing up at this meeting looking like you’ve just been through World War III is not going to help your case. It’s not her pity you’re after… it’s her love.
Put on a nice pair of clothes (don’t overdo it in this department), pretty up, and get there looking like you’ve just gotten back from a nice relaxing vacation.
Don’t #2: Bring up the relationship unless she does…
Out of all the do’s and don’ts, this is probably the most important so pay close attention… after the initial round of “hello’s, how are you’s, and how have you been’s” you’ll be tempted to dive into deeper issues such as:
- Where you both stand in your relationship
- Why things went downhill
- What’s going to happen from this day forward
It’s inevitable that the conversion will lead up to that, either in this meeting, or the next… but don’t be the one to initiate it. Your only “task” throughout this encounter is to put both of you in comfortable mood so that these issues can be properly addressed… the latter, however, has to come from her.
And this ties in directly with the final don’t…
Don’t #3: Expect too much from this meeting
It takes time to get over the hump of a breakup, put the negative feelings aside, and start over. And it’s easy to become overly optimistic about this meeting if your ex has reached out to you (especially if she’s been rejecting you for some time). Regardless of this fact… arrive (and leave) without expectations.
If she’s taken the first step towards re-establishing communication and it didn’t go as well as you hoped… then leave it at that. If you’ve followed the above advice you’ll get a chance to meet again, and each successive encounter will bring you a little closer to your goal of getting back together. But until that happens, remember… these things take time.
And finally, for more help with getting your ex girlfriend back, click here to read a free report that contains 6 actionable pieces of advice to follow throughout your breakup.
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Topics: How To Get Her Back |
November 12th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
Thank you so much for this info:) it is really good! God bless:)
November 16th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
my case different she not my girlfriend.im one of her suitors, for a year already. but until now no clear answer from her if she like me or not. a last couple of day i been fight her. beacuse i fell she with someone elese. then she get mad to me very badly. she told me not call her anymore. during that time i try my best to make her calm but i faild i begging her,i say sorry but she junt ingnoring me. then lastly i told her that if you dont want to talk me, dont call me too. i have nothting to lose. and i will not run after you.
January 13th, 2009 at 11:51 pm
Dr. Karanastasis,
How can one reach you to discuss a specific situation? Can you email me and let me know?
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:30 am
This could of been real helpfull about 5 days ago… I was letting her know that there might be something between me and another girl, so she called me 5 days ago at 4am to talk and continiously mentioned that she loves me and wanted me to say the same to her but she also mentioned that she doesnt want to be back with me but she cant live without me…I know shes a little wack but thats why I love her! but now we had a fight over something small and she doesnt answer my calls. Look I really love her and I really need some help!
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:32 am
and I’m also scared that she will start dating other guys by the time she starts missing me again…I know for a fact that she weant out with someone 2 days ago (she kept it a secret from me)
February 24th, 2009 at 5:51 am
[…] "Meet Your Ex-Girlfriend After a Breakup — 6 Dos and Dont’s: From keeping the mood light to acting cool to keeping your expectations low, this guide goes over the basic rules for meeting an ex for the first time. […]
February 28th, 2009 at 11:16 pm
i recently broke up with my girlfriend and it was because of me… i cheated on her a couple of times and she was good enough to forgive me…it finally fell apart when she wanted me to stop smoking and i challenged her threat… i know all of these things work already because i used to get a lot of girls that i didnt feel that strongly for… when i ignore them they try to talk to me but with my ex its different.. she is the first girl ive loved and i thought that pleading with her and telling her how things will be different will change her mind on me… it didnt… like yu said it just pushed her away further… now that ive made that mistake ill do what ive always done and play the cool even though im not…. i hope i didnt dig a hole deeper than that which i could get out of…
March 23rd, 2009 at 10:32 am
Question: I broke up with my G/f one and a half years ago never had an argument but just needed some time off and no matter which way i put it i still broke her heart..
Now! since then I’ve bumped into her twice and funnily each time it’s been the night before i left for south east Asia. It’s been 6 months since i last seen her & For the last month she’s been constantly on my mind and have been missing her.
i haven’t dated anybody since her prob because i haven’t been looking/working but is this normal and what should i do?
we dated for just under 2yrs
March 24th, 2009 at 9:23 pm
hi! thanks for the tips. wt is the best way to set up a meeting with a ex girlfriend?
April 11th, 2009 at 12:58 am
this is great advice. Underlines something important to know about women… they are looking for high status males (though status can be subjective). Being overly enthusiastic towards a woman shows that you feel you are lower value than she is.. don’t believe this! Most women are pretty insecure and what they need is support and not fawning. A belief that YOU have other options, and that YOU are high value, is a much greater stimulus to her than knowing that you love her.
April 26th, 2009 at 7:06 pm
Its been 7 months since my breakup…me and the ex have cut off all ties and i thought id never speak to him again….well last night he invited me out to an after party which i went to…but we didnt really talk there…i wokeup to a text today of him apologizing how he wasnt really around the majority of the night…..and so on. I responded telling him it wasnt a big deal (becuz it really wasnt at all) and we laughed about stuff. 10 minutes went by and he sends me a text saying that he doesnt know why hes saying this, but he would eventually like for us to be more than just civil and we have things we need to figure out. We havent spoke in 7 months! I guess becuz we frequent the same parties/bars and all and he sees me alot? Idkno how to go about this =[
he reached out to me…which i knew took alot, and even during the relationship i would always tell him to “man up” or give in alittle….it shows alot…i just dont know what to expect, and i dont wanna get hurt again….
guess if and when we hangout, i should follow these rules?
October 6th, 2009 at 11:27 pm
been 8 months since the breakup and i have messed up alot tryng to get back with my ex and there was a point where i told her to back off but she didint and we both pushed and pulled eachother and even though we had stopped talking,at times it made me contact her which i knew was wrong. after a reasonable amount of no contact i sent her a birthday gift of choclates and keep the tx messagin convo short. Never called her. it feels wh havn’t spoken for ages even tho since dat birthday greetng tx it has only been 3 weeks. I do plan to keep no contact as i want to get on with my life hopin secretly that she does contact me cos i now know hot to carry my self this time round. However i want to give her the impression i still want her without giving it away.. so is there any indirect way of doin that supposed i contact her after a very long time? write back
thanks
October 12th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
It’s been a months since my girlfriend and I broke up. My friends tell me she’s dating some guy who lives in Memphis. She’s in Florida. I made all the initial mistakes of telling how much I love her, texting her to see if she was alright, giving her cards, etc. What should i do now???
October 17th, 2009 at 5:37 pm
I my girlfriend broke up with me two weeks ago. I tried to be strong, but I ended up calling her a few hours after the break up and begged during are hour long conversation. Later that day I tried making thing better by surprising her at her house with a gift, but she told me that she needed space. I managed not to call her for a full 24 hours, but I attempted to call her two days after the break up, and she would not answer my phone calls. I contacted her on facebook the next day, because I wanted answers, and she sent me a note telling she felt our relationship is over romantically and she needed space from me, and she would contact me when she was ready. I gave her space for about a week, until I ran into on facebook, and I started chatting with her. The first thing she started telling me is how sorry she was about the break up, and how much she things will better if weren’t together, and how she wanted to still be friends anyway. I asked if we could speak in person, but she told me she was not ready to speak to me in person or over the phone. I got desperate, in started to express my undying love for her over facebook, but she just rejected any idea of us getting back together, and just seem to want to convince to me that breaking up was the best idea. I finally came straight out and asked, and told one of the reason she broke up with me is because, I seem to lack motivation and I failed to change things up in our relationship. I know I’m motivated now more then ever. But, how can I make her see that or should I not worry about it too much? And, I have already, but the No contact into place, for about four days and she has not called yet. What should I do?
October 17th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
I asked my girl if she wanted me out her life forever and she told me, of course not. Then I asked if she wanted a guy like me, and she said honestly no. This is after a four year relationship. What am I to do about this.
October 28th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
to DST: you need to let this go for the time being. she said she wants space - well then give it to her. let her feel what it’s like to not have you in her life. right now you’re at her beck and call - and you are pissing her off and downright reassuring her of her decision. just disappear man. if you do that, only then may she realize what she’s losing. she will actually be the one reaching out to you in a month’s time. just give it four weeks or so. STOP checking her facebook. edit your news update feed to block anything coming from her. in gmail, hide her screen name. just straight up disappear from her life, and i guarantee she will wonder where the heck you went. and how you’re doing. and she’ll wonder whether she meant that much to you. this is what you want. you will eventually get a call. four years is a long time - but i had to deal with your situation after seven years. take my advice. it’s hard, and you will think about her 24/7, but believe me what i’ve told you is what you need to do if you want any results. good luck.
November 16th, 2009 at 1:14 am
After 6 months of breaking up with the person I truely believed was my soulmate, I still think of him EVERYDAY. IT was a short 3 month relationship but things MOVED really fast and we were even planning our future together. HOW did something so perfect go wrong? I DONT KNOW. NO answers. I kept denying to myself that he wasnt drifiting away even though in my heart I knew he was acting different. I than text him one day that I realize he is no longer interested, I text it as a complete JOKE just to see what he would say. TO MY SURPRISE HE AGREED. That was the last time we spoke. I did not break any of the stupid rules and text,call,email him after. HE did not attempt to text,call,email me to explain. There isnt a day that goes by that I dont wonder WHAT went wrong. COMMITMENT PHOBIC? Even commitment phobics have hearts …..
still broken
December 19th, 2009 at 8:56 pm
please please can someone help me here.. ? my gf broke up with me a week ago. we have been together for a year and a half. it was the best and happiest time of my life. now everything has no meaning. life has no meaning . please help.she was very dissaponted and didnt expect from me what i did. i love her to death,i realy do. she was crying and i was too. i hate myself because i hurt her and i hurt myself as well. she said we cant be friends and wants me to erase her number and never call her. i tried to commit a suicide but i survived. please please someone help me. i want to hear her voice or at least smth from her so bad but i couldnt risk texting or calling her for over a week. i understand her situation and want to give her some space and time. but im scared and i really want to die. please help me get her back. she is the one and only love of my life and no matter what i will always love her. but i will never be able to forgive myself and its not worth to me living this kind of life. i will do anything and give up on everything just for anouther chance to prove and improve myself in her eyes. she is my true angel. please someone help me. i know everyone says their situation is unique and they are hopeless but i live with hope so far only. that ill get her back.she is a strong person with strong character and thats why im scared she wouldnt listen to me.
December 25th, 2009 at 9:23 pm
I just went through all the posts and wow! It feels like I’ve experienced everything that people have posted (except the cheating parts). I was with my ex for 2 years on and off. She always broke up with me and I feel like i’ve come to a better balance emotionally about her. I wouldn’t be this strong from my experienced with her. Last year when she broke up with me I felt exactly like #18 except I didn’t do suicide. It was so hard for me because I was going to college and it was killing me while being an emotional mess. I know it’s extremely hard for some of you (as I also went through it) to do it, but SUCK IT UP! That’s is the only way. Make yourself busy. I don’t care if you depressed as sh*t and wanna do the craziest thing ever to forget about her. I know that the thought of her seems like is stuck in your head. but you gotta do the craziest sh*t possible. People used to tell me not to talk to her but the truth is I used to beg her over the phone and cry in front of her house on my knees in front of her. And it kinda worked but that was because she felt sorry for me. But then again she would not call me anymore. Then i did it again. I kept doing it until I finally figured out that it’s a waste of time. And at that time (since she was my first) ignoring her was the last thing on my mind cuz I was going crazy. It was one of the most aweful things that happened to me in my life. In the end you just learn and move on. It might seem impossible right now but it just is. I’m pretty sure if I was reading my own comment that I’m typing right now at that time that I still wouldn’t have cared. Because I had to go through to learn it. No one could help me except myself. Just try to know yourself. You know the best. The only thing others can do is comfort you by saying that theyve been through the same thing. But everyone gets over it differently and is not something that can be explained because it’s not universal. Just know yourself. Try to figure out what will at least make you forget about her for couple of minutes. That couple of minutes for me was peace and harmony. And like I said I don’t care if you’re gonna do the wildest s*** there is. ANYTHING that can try to make yourself forget about her DO IT! And another thing, from my own experince and I’m sure many others as well, not contacting her and TRULY moving on is the best thing, not only does it make you feel at peace emotionally, but it will also attract her to you more. But make sure when you’re doing you truly forget about her. for example that could be just giving up on life and not caring about anything and just doing w/e you want and not following rules. Well at least that worked for me. I dont hope, I’m SURE that you guys will get over this obstacle in your lives. Believe in your selves guys, or not, w/e that works best
January 4th, 2010 at 5:48 am
i split with my gf, she said i had done nothing wrong, jus that her family will not allow it, but she said before we really got serious this would not affect us, keeping us a secret etc. She still wants to meet but what should i do?
January 5th, 2010 at 6:12 am
my case is different.she get to know that i’ve slept with a girl and she had prove on it.i’ve drag the issue and told her that i never slept with her and finally i went and agree that yea i slept with her.so she as for a break up from me.i’ve went to a very depression life and i guess that is the last stage on it.she ask 6 months break with me but then i dont know whehter is that just for the sake she wants avoid from me or serious.she told me that no communication,no msg and anything that can contact us.what am i suppose to do?i need some suggestion regarding this and i have no heart to leave her and i told her i’ve changed but she dont believe me.i need a good idea of this case..
February 10th, 2010 at 9:44 am
I was with my ex for 4 years and then she moved away for college (only a year) and she acted really distant to me when i went to see her, so i checked her messages and saw some flirty texts and know she hid things like meeting up with this particular bloke and coursemates when i was at her dorm waiting, she lied to me sayig she had a meeting. I split up with her and i miss her so much and i know from a mutual friend she misses me but theres something she isnt telling me…its been 4 weeks since i ended it and im now going to meet with her but dont know what to say theres so many questions i want to ask?