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How To Win Her Back - One Thing She Never Wants You To Say
By Dr. George Karanastasis | January 6, 2008
If you’ve recently broken up with a girl and have tried to win her back then it’s safe to assume you’ve experienced your fair share of rejection.
Furthermore, I can bet with complete certainty that whatever you’ve attempted so far has failed to change her mind about getting back together.
You wouldn’t be reading this otherwise, right? You want to know how to win her back. Well that’s exactly what this post will teach you. However, instead of sugarcoating your situation, I’m going to give it to you straight.
The reason you can’t break through to her is because you’re taking the wrong approach. Most likely you’ve tried begging and pleading your way back into her heart. Unfortunately, that’s not going to cut it. All you’re doing is decreasing your chances of a future reunion.
And do you know why? Because women despise desperate, needy men. However, in spite of this fact they welcome all the attention they can get - from you or any other guy.
Now here’s some food for thought: what if you stopped showering her with attention from one day to the next? What do you think would happen then?
Before I reveal the answer to you I want to tell you a little story.
About a week ago one of the members of the Makeup Board had a conversation with his ex girlfriend. She called to see how he was doing. He told her he was fine. Naturally you’d expect her to be happy about this but to his amazement she was shocked… shocked to discover that he was OK with the breakup.
But wait a minute missy? Aren’t you the one who broke up with him in the first place? Why then does this news come as such a surprise?
Regardless, he got to witness firsthand what I’ve known for years: the moment your ex realizes that you could care less about the relationship the tables start to turn - she’ll start coming towards you in hopes of a resolution. And while this is not the be-all, end-all of relationship repair, it’s a huge step in the right direction.
And it’s easy to see why when you take the following fact into consideration: everyone wants to be desired whether the feeling is mutual or not. So even though your ex might be rejecting you, she still wants you to want her. It helps her to get over you and move on altogether.
Now, how can you use this fact to your advantage? The answer: go with the tide - not against it. The next time you come in contact with your ex girlfriend tell her that you’re doing just fine.
However, before you proceed with this approach I want to leave you with these two important tips:
- Don’t say it if you don’t mean it - she’ll see right through you and it will backfire
- Don’t contact her to give her the news of how great you’re doing without her - let her come to you first
Finally, if you need more help with this counter-intuitive yet dramatically effective approach, have a look through my free report on how to win her back that breaks this process down even further.
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Topics: How To Get Her Back |
March 10th, 2008 at 10:36 am
so my girl offed me for some older guy! and they dont have much in common at all? i dont get it! yet im quite sure she wants to stay friends! i have recently ignored her texts and emails! and even the birthday card she sent me! i know i was always too available for her and realize that now! does me shutting her out now help or hurt my chances of being with her again? thanks hop
November 9th, 2008 at 4:19 am
Well I just got dumped and I try so hard not to call or text.one day iam fine the next iam not.I keep giving in on calling him, but he never answers. So my advice that am learning just let go and let her come.or els your gonna be hurt with dissapointment as I am as I wright this!
January 29th, 2009 at 5:54 am
Actually this is like pretty wrong. Hearing that a guy is totally okay with the break up isn’t gonna make her ‘want you again’. That only applies to girls who like having men for the sake of having a boyfriend/lover. If a girl is truly interested, she would be hurt that the guy was totally okay without her. Girls do need to be shown that you need them.
February 22nd, 2009 at 3:53 am
I had been dating my girlfriend for over 2 years now and caught here not even a week ago with another man. I am devastated and never expexted that from her as shoe really loved me & lived for me. I can say she is very special to me and I do love & care for her. Problem is during our relationship I never showed it in the way she wanted it to be shown and I never saw her as much as as she wanted too see me. I trusted here with friends and gave here plenty alone time… she told that I was not possessive which I am not to a certain extent and told me I dont care or love her the same way she does for me. Please can you advise me if you think I have a chance of getting her back? What steps should I take? Will I regret the decision of going back?
March 17th, 2009 at 10:31 am
my girlfriend and i just took a short break. she had lied to me and i got mad and decided we needed a break. we got back together and she still loves me but she said that it would be a while before she could be the same with me like she was. while i understand this it kills me inside because i never ment to hurt her. i want to know what i can do to speed this process up. a reply would be greatly appreciated. thank you
April 17th, 2009 at 9:16 pm
please email my myyspace.i had her and i did a speech to her.she liked it but then she went out with my best friend.now me and my best friend r enemys.one day i told him “she broke up with u” and he took it serious.i told my ex “hes cheating on u”.they both found out and i feel like a looser.i plane on telling her this…I am an idiot and I’m sorry because I did’nt think my actions through and such more.should i do this?
June 9th, 2009 at 9:58 am
I have been dating this girl for two and a half years i found out that she kissed some guy at a bar and i was totally mad so we had a fight and broke up, but than we got back together and tried to work things out slowly, and she left me within a week after because she said she wasn’t ready. I was able to forgive her eventhough everyone knew but she said she was not ready to face people and wasn’t happy and regrets that moment, but she syas she loves me but doesn’t feel anything, withing this week she said that she has never been so unsure of something in her life. so What do I do? I haven’t contacted her in any way what will happen in the mean time, and what do you think is the end result. thanks.
August 7th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
It was my fault i had an affair,we’ve been together 17 years.Iknow it was my fault but i’m devestated and i need her back so much.This woman is my world and being without her is killing me.Trouble is some of her friends and family i know are involved and telling her not to have me back,i can’t do nothing about this,help me please.
March 1st, 2010 at 4:17 am
well my ex-gf broke up with me after 1month 3weeks and 1day becuz her parents read some of her texts and did not like them and dissaprove of me… ive offered to talk to her parents but she says she doesnt know what i need to do and she just wants to be single. ive been told many things but idk what to beleive. she might just be playing a game with my head. i dont know what to beleive who to beleive or what to think plz help
March 23rd, 2010 at 9:35 am
ha so i read, this… took your advice, and believe it or not it did work for me… so im arguin with my ex, and shes calling me names, and out of nowhere shes like “you know nic, delete my number” So at this point i see this as the perfect oppurtunity to try and win her back, because although she can get mean at times, who cant? so i simply tell her “ok” and hang up. She sends me a text and says “dont talk to me anymore, your not good enough to have anyone else”. so 3 days later here i am. she sends me a text this morning, ” hey, how have you been” i simply say “pretty good, started talking to someone else.” Whats happening now? she wont stop blowing up my phone. She just sent me a text saying “Nic is this really how you want to end it?” haha wtf? your advice was genious.
May 28th, 2010 at 8:49 pm
well i am 17 years old and my now ex is 16 years old we loved eachother so much we wanted to be with eachother for the rest of our lives i am so in love with her well anyways on may 27 2010 she broke up with me she told me after not seeing eachother for two weeks i relized i dont know what i want i wanna be single and have fun we been together for a 1 year and 5 months our anne is on the 25th i want her back i tried so hard all she says is i wanna be single i dont wanna date anyone i wanna have fun i want my freedom
May 30th, 2010 at 3:53 pm
Well, my GF of 2 years broke up with me. She said that she still has fealings for me but would like sometime for her. At first, i told her that if she needs sometime it will be ok with me. I told her that i didn’t undeastand that if she love me why to break with me. She was crying while she was tellig me all this. Telling that she was sorry. I said to her well if you do not want anything to do with me is ok, i will be happy with you or with out you.
It has been now almost a week, i have call her two times just to ask her when was she going to pick up some clothes that she has in my place. She did not say when. I did not cry, begge, or ask her to take me back, even do i do really would like to stay a couple. Yesterday I send her i text telling here that i had two beautiful year and to thank her. Her response was Not need to thank me. I had decide not contact anymore for about a month. Hoping she will contact me sooner. Do you think I did the right approach to get her back?
Thank you
September 8th, 2010 at 1:17 am
Look.. I was in a 3 yr realationship witha live in girlfriend… I sent flowers and i wrote a 2 page letter that took me 5hours to write i lost wait and couldn’t sleep, and im not over her by no means,,, You want to get your ex back.. heres how.. think about what you did wrong in the relationship, think back to when you first hooked up… if your really in love with her after your soul searching change.. give it time and let her see you for what you have become… you have to put actions behind your words….. I’m out
September 16th, 2010 at 9:19 am
i broke up with my ex and did the begging for her back bit which was totally wrong and all she said was leave me alone. Then i read this article changed my facebook to enjoying single life and a couple of girls commented on the status like i hope ur ok etc….next thing within like 20mins shes texting saying how happy shes is ive moved on and before that she wouldnt speak to me so i ignored her. Then she ring me crying saying how wrong i was to write that on facebook when shes not over me and how she never wants to see me again so i say im sory but i dont want to wait around if you dont want to be with me. then 3 hours later shes begging me to meet up with her to sort things out when in the morining she was saying its over for good. i cant believe this actually works thanks so much
September 17th, 2010 at 2:28 pm
Hey John, im going through what u went through a cpl of months ago. I was just wondering how everything turned out for you. I have not talked to my now ex in like five/six days, i am planning on giving her time. It may be a lil late but i have the hopes that i isnt. When she asked for time i didnt give it to her and looked for her way too much, now i am lost and dont know what to do.
November 15th, 2010 at 3:27 am
I have a friend with benefits of 3 months but she is busy with work and school and says she does not want a long term relationship right now because she wants to focus on herself, however we were talking everyday and seeing eachother twice a week but I started getting closer to her and wanted more of her time but felt I was not being reciprocated so I over reacted and told her to delete my number and I would do the same and she said ok. The next morning I apoligized and accepted my apology and said she was sorry things ended the way they did. So, ask her if we can get past that comment and that I did not want it to end. She said that I ended it so she would not get back with me. We haven’t. Had contact with her for two days and don’t know what to do.
December 13th, 2010 at 12:49 pm
Recently I was contacted by and ex fiance who I haven’t seen in 41 years via Facebook. She broke off the wedding in 1969 8 weeks before the event, we both went our separate ways and have not seen each other since. We talked and I asked her if I could fly out to Dallas to see her, and she said fine. The initial meeting at the airport was very awkward but we got through it ok. As we talked I couldn’t help telling her how much I hated her. The problem was that I hated her not for the break-up but because for 41 years I couldn’t get over her. As i said those words to her I knew i was still in love with her. The purpose of my trip to see her was very simple, I had held on to the wedding ring that I bought for her 41 years ago and wanted to return it to it’s rightful owner. Trying not say the wrong things about how I felt about her only made things worse. Some men such as myself are romantics at heart we seize the moment never thinking of the consequences of what we say. I could see the look in her eyes when I gave her the ring she almost cried. She knew I was still in love with her. After the media wrote a very lovely story about our reunion I am back home thinking about her and yet as much as I want to text her and call her, it’s important to keep in mind that she needs time to think. I need for her to make the first move again and not feel the pressure I put her through when we were together. It’s been only two days since I spoke to her last and yet I miss her already. Am trying to be the so called BAD BOY with the attitude of I don’t care but deep down inside I know I am not that kind of person. I hope I here from her soon!!!!!!
January 28th, 2011 at 8:00 am
im 20 yrs old…..ihave been dating my ex since 3 yrs…….when we were in the same college……..now we are in diff cities n i recently had a break up with her coz i didnt give her space…i had this habit of doubtin on her n callin n texting her often,,,,wch was annoying for her…….nnow she says shez with sm other guy……at times wen shez at her house alone she talks 2 me wen i call her…else she doesnt spk..she acts rude….how do i get her back….shez my life
February 1st, 2011 at 6:56 pm
I followed the no contact rule and she called 3 times but i could not pick the call that moment so sent her a txt the next morning and try calling in the evenig but she never picked up. Am sooo confused. Should I still stop calling?
February 1st, 2011 at 8:49 pm
@ Muhammad: Yes, stop calling. The ball is in her court now. Be patient and let her get back to you. Good luck.
February 2nd, 2011 at 11:06 am
After I stopped contacting her, she started hints by pasting good pictures of her in the social networking site. Still I ignored, she sent me greetings, I reciprocated the same. one day I telephoned her but she did not pick up and did not chat with me. Then I sent her furious message that I will not disturb her again. whenever I met her online I avoided/ignored her. She again started sending hints. What should I do now ? Should I keep my tab messenger offline or online ?
March 3rd, 2011 at 10:05 am
Raju, it appears she is putting you out on what I like to call, the fishing line. Its where she is ready to let you go, nor does she want to pull you back in. I aqpologize but I have yet to find a way past this situation as I have many friends caught in the same limbo, unable to get the girl back, or have her move on. Albiet, some of my friends have trapped themselves in the firendzone. I’d say you should probably move on or find a way to meet up, alone (but not in a secluded area, park mabye) and talk face to face.
March 6th, 2011 at 5:57 am
I was seriously ill last year and when I came out of hospital my wife of nine years spilt is up, I love her, has any one heard of a kind of post traumatic stress she was under a massive amount of stress me nearly dieing, having to sort kids and all the traveling 70 miles each way to hospital, she has said she has been unhappy for a long time but people have said she was so worried about you and we seemed like the perfect couple. Could stress be the reason and how do I get her to see it.
March 10th, 2011 at 5:17 pm
What everyone needs to know is each relationship is different. Both men and women need to understand that when you’re in relationship, if you do not have the same goals, then it won’t work. Sure, you may want to travel to Greece, and she may want to travel to Florida, but until you can mutually agree, then you are different. Relationships take time to develop. I was married for 16 years. What happen to my relationship? Well, my ex and I had different ideas, goals, and dreams. We never really got on the same page. I found myself as the one who always made the change or effort to make her happy. She never did it for me. Her opinion was that as long as she woke up with me next to her, she was happy. Relationships are more than what you have written about. The point is, everyday needs to be experienced as the first day of the relationship and the last. Always expect the worse and live for the best. By far the most important thing you can do is tell him or her you love them everyday and MEAN it.
March 28th, 2011 at 7:41 pm
I recently hung out with a girl for the first time and a day later I asked her on a second date while texting. She said O Hmm and I started sending texts telling her I liked her and all sorts of things. I know I messed something good up, but is there anyway I can fix this?
June 7th, 2011 at 4:33 pm
My girlfriend recently broke up with me and said she needed space and time to think about our relationship because we got into a fight. The day after she broke up with me she started dating some other guy. I broke down and called and text her but I have stopped today I only did it for two days. If I continue to do this will she come back to me? I love her so much I am truly devastated with this whole situation I dunno what to do. Please get back to me on this. I want her back so badly. Thank you
July 31st, 2011 at 2:12 am
i recently broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years, we go to the same college, started dating after graduation. she split it off the day after our 2 year anniversary. 2 weeks prior, she told me she needed space, so i gave it to her. tried not to call or text her as much as i usually did. the day of our anniversary i tried contacting her to see what she wanted to do that night, but she didnt respond. the next morning i got a long text message saying her feelings had changed, shes thought long and hard hoping and wishing they would go back, but they didnt. she said i did nothing wrong, i had been an amazing boyfriend. she says she still loves me and always will. i had prepared myself once she said she needed space for a break up. i told her i understand and that im not going to try to argue with her or try to convince her otherwise because her mind was made up. she keeps texting me more than usual. she said she hopes her feelings return to how they were. i told her that i honestly couldnt be friends with her just for the fact that i would see her for what she means to me, and that wouldnt work on a friendship level. only time will tell what happens. i told her im destined to win her back. i said im not going to do anything spectacular or change who i am. being yourself really shows her what you meant to her. do not change who you are for anyone. ive been bringing up texts and memories from when we first started talking and dating and she said shes been in tears. im on the right path. win her over with kindness and compassion. dont be blunt and rude. that only will push her away. i hope things turn out in my favor. guys expect the worst and hope for the best. be optimistic.
August 28th, 2011 at 7:09 pm
hey, i was in a relationship for a year and two months. in the beginning iI made alot of mistakes. however she kept taking me back and i learned from my mistakes. but now two weeks ago she broke up with me after a two day argument and is claiming that she does not love me and that she does not even want to be friends, deleted me from facebook and twitter. for the first week i begged pleaded and even black mailed her. this caused her to go even farther away now im trying the no contact trick and wrote her a letter apologizing for my action and telling her that i am over the break up. my sister however still talks to her about me and she always tells my sister that she doesnt care about me and that we will never be anything again. she texted me today and asked how i was and i acted fine and dandy however she still doesnt want to be friends and says that she doesnt even like me as a friend. how can i get her back? is there hope? can someone help me please?
September 15th, 2011 at 12:01 pm
Dr. George I need your advice. I will start by saying for the past year I havr been in a long distance relationship. The two of us were absolutely amazing together. We never got in a fight, argument and so forth. We talked on the phone for hours every night and it was absolutely magical ever moment we were together in person. We started a few months ago talking about spending the rest of our lives together. While we wanted to wait for the year mark before we got engaged, conversations prior led us to both agreeing we were ready. In fact she said if you asked me today you know I would say yes. After a few weeks when she was back in town (shes military) I had the ring ready and asked her. We both cried and she said absolutely. She got deployed shortly after overseas. Everything was perfect but after a few weeks she just dissapeared for a week. Then I got the worst news ever over an email. She said things have changed and she did not know what she wants in life anymore but she knew one thing and that was she can not be engaged or in a relationship right now. And that after seeing the world she was not ready for any of this. I was devastated and made all thr mistakes you describe of course. I am moving out to where she is for the same period she is out there. I took the job knowing we were getting married and it would be so much easier on us. She has gone back and forth a few times on wanting to give us a secone chance, but a week ago she said it was over and she wants to give me the ring back in person and not ship it. She brought this up, not me. I could care less about the ring, all I care about is her. She is the nicest, sweetest most caring person I have ever met, but recently she seems to just be mad at me and blame me for innocent things I did such as take calls from friends and family. I would never do anything to hurt her. When she said a week ago its over for good, I thanked her for all the amazing times, told her how proud I am of her, and said she deserves nothing short of the best which I always thought I was. She said thanks. I have not reached out for 9 days now and have been trying to just live the most normal life I can. While I was always nothing but sweet in my responses since she broke it off, I contacted her too much and think I lost my chance of fixing this by not giving her the space she wanted. What advicr can you give me moving forward? Like I said, we never had a single problem before. It was very fairytale… I love this girl with all my heart and do not want to lose her over a distance issue thats going away and a short period in her life where she is overseas. There is no doubt in my mind that she is the one, how do I reverse any damage I already caused pushing her farther away and winning her back. I hope at some point she contacts me, but until then my heart aches for her.
December 2nd, 2011 at 7:56 am
we had an affair jst a week n dr wer sum p’pl tryin 2 break us apart i dnt wnt hr 2 b hurt so i brke up wid hr,n se said it’s ol u decision wateva decision u’ll mke ill accept it,bt i flt vry sad wn i hear doj wrds i wanna know hw wud i tell hr that i dnt wan a brkup cj iv olready said it bt se’s waitin 4 ma ans n told me 2 reply hr letter..plij help me
January 18th, 2012 at 8:14 pm
She just doesn’t love me anymore. I am devestaed and miss her so much.
January 30th, 2012 at 1:06 pm
My ex and I were together for a year and a half and she has a son who will be 3 in April. I am the only father figure that he has ever had in his life. We work completely different schedule (she goes to work at 5 a.m. and gets off at 1:30 p.m. and I work from 2 p.m. and get off at 10:30 p m.) So she suggested that we remain roommates to finish out our lease which is only a month. I agreed with this cause our schedules are so different. She wants to be like best friends now but she always tells me that she loves me and misses me. She is the one who wanted a break to clear her head and I am waiting for her. Do I tell her that I am waiting for her or do I just let on that I could care less and lie to her? Please help!!