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How To Win Her Back - 5 Relationship Rules You Gotta Break

By Dr. George Karanastasis

How To Win Her Back

You would think that winning a girl back involves doing all of the things that attracted her to begin with and led into a full-blown relationship.

After all, if they worked once… why not a second time around? Unfortunately nothing could be further from the truth.

The strategies for saving a relationship are very different than the ones for starting or maintaining one. And while most men are well versed with the rules of the latter, few seem to be savvy to the former.

So, if you happen to be going through a breakup and you want to win this girl back… here are 5 actionable suggestions that strongly contradict the traditional rules of relationships…

1. Do NOT give this girl the same amount of attention you did during the relationship…

Every relationship requires attention from both parties involved to grow healthy and strong. If you’re not showing a girl how much you care about her (to a healthy degree)… it won’t be long before she walks out on you.

But during a breakup it’s a different story altogether. Why? Because when a girl breaks up with you she’s asking for space (whether she’s verbally expressed it or not). And if you don’t give her what she asked for, she’ll continue to put more of that space between you.

Now this doesn’t mean that you should blatantly ignore her… quite the contrary. However, in most breakup situations, when it comes to giving your ex-girlfriend attention… less is MORE.

Besides, giving her exactly what she asked for, at least initially, is a key factor in winning her back (more on this latter).

Now on to the second rule…

2. Don’t try to win back her heart with gifts

Giving a girl a gift from time to time is just as important as giving her enough attention. It’s a great way to remind her that she is someone special in your life. Not only that, but gifts are a great way to say you’re sorry if you happen to screw up… but that’s only when you’re still together.

In contrast, when you’re broken up… the act of showering a girl with gifts (e.g. flowers, apology cards, etc.) not only doesn’t help your situation… it actually hurts it.

Why?

Because in her eyes, this is “too little, too late”. Whatever problem led to this breakup is something that she obviously feels strong about. And attempting to solve this problem with something as simple as a gift just reinforces the fact that you don’t understand her on the level she expects you to.

Now with that being said, there are times when gifts can do wonders for saving a relationship… but immediately after a breakup isn’t one of them.

3. Never try to keep tabs on where she’s going (or who with)…

When you’re in a relationship with a girl you should know what she’s doing and who she’s with. The same holds true about her. It’s a healthy way of sharing your life with each other… even when you’re apart.

But when the relationship ends, you immediately lose the right to keep tabs on her. Furthermore, attempting to do so will most likely alienate her. Remember, she’s single now so she doesn’t have to “report” to you (or anyone else for that matter).

And I understand that it’s nerve-racking not knowing what your ex is doing, especially when she’s “available” for any guy to come along and sweep her off her feet… but trust me on this one… it will save you a world of pain (and possibly your relationship).

Besides… it’s better for your sake if you’re left in the dark, and this ties in directly with the next rule that should be broken.

4. Do not attempt to get in the way of her dating someone else…

A relationship lives by monogamy and dies with infidelity. And that’s why out of all the rules, this has to be the hardest to break (that is unless you’re used to sharing your girl with other guys… but this I highly doubt).

Nevertheless, this all changes once a breakup comes about. And I know what you’re thinking, “How can I sit back and just let her date someone else?”

Well first of all… no one is telling you to encourage it… just don’t fight it. Because if you do try to fight it the only thing you will accomplish is encourage her. Why? It’s pure psychology. It’s the same principle that applies between parents and children. What do children always end up doing? The exact things their parents tell them not to.

And don’t think for a second that this reaction goes away with age. Remember, as soon as someone tries to stop you, me, or anyone else from doing something… we always tend to want to do it even more, wouldn’t you agree?

And now for the final rule…

5. Do not continue to be her best friend throughout this breakup…

Couples oftentimes consider their respective partners to be their best friends. After all, so much time and happy memories are being shared together. This is why it’s typical for a girl to tell her ex that she still considers him her best friend and she wants to keep it that way during the breakup.

However, this arrangement is not a mutually beneficial one (to say the least). To be frank, what usually ends up happening is that she heals and he continues to hurt. But again, you shouldn’t blatantly ignore your ex if this is your case… but just like in rule #1: less tends to be more… so keep this in mind if you’re still best friends with your ex.

Those are the rules… now go break ‘em and if you’d like some more (counter-intuitive but highly effective) advice on saving your relationship, just click here to read this in-depth resource on winning a girl back.

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192 Responses to “How To Win Her Back - 5 Relationship Rules You Gotta Break”

  1. Boston Says:
    February 29th, 2008 at 5:35 pm

    good advice

  2. samy Says:
    January 21st, 2009 at 3:37 pm

    well, this is all good stuff, but I was the one that broke up with her for stupid reasons but as soon as i did it i regreted it. i called her and told her i had made a mistake and asked if she would give me another chance, obviously she said no, that’s what i had expected, but she said she’d consider the idea. and ever since then, i’ve been talking to friends (including her best friend)and they told me that i had to show her that i REALLY wanted her back. her best friend (and everybody else i’ve talked to) recommended that i call her everyday for at least 2 minutes to see how she was doing and that i should try to get her back slowly, but not with expensive gifts or anything, but with like sentimental things like i.e. i sent her an envelope yesterday that contained a mustache, a mini poster of a young michael jackson, another of depeche mode, a paintbrush, a picture of an alien (we like aliens), a picture of a chicken (i’m her stinky chicken), and a printout of a dream flotah that i made on paint (she was my dream flotah). oh and a little note that said, simply, “i know that i am the stinkiest chicken in the world right now. i’m sorry.”

    and that was it.

    what do you think of this? could this be an exception?

  3. gooble Says:
    February 10th, 2009 at 7:24 pm

    if only i had read this 3 months ago

  4. paul Says:
    March 28th, 2009 at 5:30 am

    I should have read this a month ago…I tried giving gifts maybe twice…but after a month i realized that she needs space…it’s so hurting doing that by not knowing what she’s up to…but i think giving her space is giving her time to think, to reflect that she might realized how much i love her. and i know she loves me still…i don’t know why i am writing this…it’s just that my heart got broken big time…i need to win her back for i love her so much…

  5. steve Says:
    April 2nd, 2009 at 8:21 am

    this is the advice i used to always give my friends but its so hard to actually do it yourself. My girlfriend started to think were just friends and i tried everything i could think of( all counter productive) and now i realized all i can do is give her space and hope..

  6. Dave Gordon Says:
    April 2nd, 2009 at 1:14 pm

    Paul, I understand what you are going through. I had my first girlfriend break my heart so after that for 9 years I wore an amoured suit. I finally took it off realizing that the person I wanted to be with was standing right infront of me. It was too little too late. She says, “I need my space” and I almost bought flowers today and booked a trip etc…but then I realized that if she doesn’t love me for who I am than I am just spinning my wheels. I hope that she does. And the day that she comes running back I will shower her with anything that she wants. She is my life, my love my entire world rightside up and upside down. This article really helped open my eyes to something, I already knew.

  7. alex Says:
    April 7th, 2009 at 2:29 pm

    i understand all, my heart is broken as we speak but its by my own doing. i finally pushed my fiance away untill she said she needed a complete break from me. its so hard be because i want to spend every minute im awake making up for it but i know it wont do me any good. all i can do now is give her the space she desires, and trust God that he will show us his will for us and pray the he will give us the strength to make it through this tough time

    faith is so beneficial at a time like this, we can find comfort in him and we can know that he would never give us more than we couldnt handle. God puts us all through these trials to bring us closer to him. i encourage each of you to ask for Gods help throughout this because i guarentee you cannot do it without him. Pray for the girl you that you want to win back, pray that he can give her strength and comfort and he can heal her wounds and she can forgive you, prayer is powerful

  8. josh Says:
    April 17th, 2009 at 6:01 pm

    does any of this apply if i broke it off with her? only because she kept threatening to break up with me and was being impossible. i love her very much and just dont know what else to do.

  9. yeah right Says:
    April 19th, 2009 at 7:47 pm

    so i am going through this right now and at the time she is going out while i am at home… alone… all i want to do is keep tabs on her. i miss her so much! i am so afraid that she is going to find someone else and leave me behind, forgetting about all the love we had before. i understand why she broke up with me, that it’s “too little, too late.” I JUST WANT TO FIX IT AND BE HAPPY THE WAY WE USED TO BE. :(

  10. Trev Says:
    April 21st, 2009 at 11:08 pm

    My girl just left for a “break” to evaluate her life… and ultimately decide our fate.. she says she loves me and just needs time to think. I am a wreck, and don’t know what to do… this advice sounds great but she said she’d call all the time … do i pick up, act busy , or tell her imiss her???? we’re supposed to go out in a few days just to spend some time 2gether…. not sure how 2 handle it….HELP??

  11. mak Says:
    May 1st, 2009 at 4:26 am

    my everyday without her is good as whipping my self.. im living in misery, i want to win her back but it seems its not the right time yet..im still hoping.. nevet too late to mend? guess so..

  12. andy Says:
    May 1st, 2009 at 12:28 pm

    Guys whatever the reason for the breakup and whether it was you or her that actually did it…

    Girls can small desperation the same as dogs can smell fear. I know it’s hard to do, but you have to get control of your emotions and accept the fact that you are broken up for now.

    My girlfriend and I called it quits after 5 years and at first I started chasing after her. She only ran farther and faster. Then I started taking some time away from her to focus on myself and not only did I start feeling better, but she sent me a text after a week or so asking if I was alright. We exchanged a couple messages and I told her I had to get going.

    I waited another week and called her. We kept the conversation light and the only topic discussed was her job (she’s going through a tough time there). As soon as I could sense the conversation starting to die I told her I was meeting some people and had to go. She said she felt bad that we only talked about her and thanked me for the call. She sent me a text a couple of days later and I limited our exchange to 2 or 3 of them. I may call her in a couple of days.

    The reason I’m writing this is because there is hope, but you really, really have to get in control of yourselves or you won’t get her back. You may get your chance, but until then you have to play it cool, be patient and focus on bettering yourself.

  13. Stephen Says:
    May 3rd, 2009 at 8:26 pm

    My girlfriend dumped me 2 days before Christmas Eve. I tried to have her reconsider but she is perfectly happy with the guy she’s with now. She was my first love and the dreams that we had planned are now in a heap of rubble. My heart is in little tiny fragments and it still is. My friends have told me to move on but I badly want her back. She was the only one that made me smile. I was there for her when she was sick, sad, etc. I gave her space but it’s tearing me apart. Even now my heart is like lead, my throat has a lump in it and every night I cry myself to sleep, begging God to take me away from this torture. I always remember her birthday and to give her a Christmas present and vice versa. I can’t move on because I’m suffering from the breakup still. I didn’t do anything bad to her and everytime I hurt her feelings, I apologised straight away. I’m unable to eat much or anything else. Everytime somebody mentions her name I become sad and just wanting to end it all. I’d do anything to have her back. I’ve left myself go completely because of it and all I want is to have her talk to me like we used to when we were in a relationship. Any ideas?

  14. everchanging Says:
    May 5th, 2009 at 5:43 am

    I broke up with her. Twice, instantly only a few hours of doing it. Pain rushed in and i couldnt live without her, first time she took me back, second time no. And that was th biggest mistake i could have ever made really makes me think the term “Dumb guy” was said for a reason. Now she said she wants space, so hard to do shes very attractive and i know many of men would love to get close to her. I didnt talk to her as much as in our relationship but when we did talk it would end up in arguments due to me whining about wanting her back, she claims to need time. But i grew up on “you either want me, or you dont” ….eventually i chucked that moral out of ways and gave her time, i didnt respond to texts or calls for a whole day. By the end of the night she texts very upset that I havent called or text, i told her i was giving her time. Out of a fit of rage she tells me she doesnt want this anymore. I am lost, I let the madness in my mind seep out and come into to conversation to destroy the one thing i want most in my life. I admit i am an idiot for ending it as many times and how i did, very childish. But how do i fix it. I am not gonna take ” move on” for an answer hell no i wont. She too much to lose

  15. Jake Says:
    May 7th, 2009 at 1:25 am

    i have kind of a similar situation. it wasn’t my fault, it was her past that was bothering her. i did everything a girl would expect from her boyfriend. but sometimes i got a little too carried away by being over possessive and caring more than enough, thats she said to her best friend and eventually i found out. we still talk like we used, we still hangout the same way, its just that romantic part lacks in our relationship. she calls me as her friend and i guess i treat as her friend too. i ignored her so she came up to m, i dont pay attention so comes up to me, everything has worked but i cant make her say “I Love You.” she lets me put my hand on her, she also sometimes let me put my hand around her waist but i just want to hear those 3 words from her. if she says then i buy clothes for her and vice versa. any tips to get her say that?

  16. Mike Says:
    May 7th, 2009 at 4:13 pm

    I’m going through this right now. She told me that she doesn’t have the feelings for me that she once did. i’m not so sure that I believe that. She told me while she was drunk that i’m now the man that she always hoped that I would be. What? She did tell me that I was her best friend and I told her that I was never friends with my ex’s. She has text me every few days since it happened. I have left her alone. She has also mentioned me not having a career. Break up factor? Help! Is all hope lost? I have dated her on and off for five years now and we have both grown up so much since then.

  17. Andrew Says:
    May 12th, 2009 at 10:09 pm

    I am glad that I read this when I did. My girl decided it was best to end things due to the fact that she cannot devote herself fully to being a single mother of a very young child and a girlfriend. I took it hard but agreed. My strategy was to stay in touch moderately. Now I believe I will wait a few months. This saved me from calling next week. I am glad that I do not have to worry about rule 4 too because I’m not sure I could handle it, but that’s a long story.

  18. Stan Says:
    May 12th, 2009 at 10:14 pm

    My question would be about rule 3. I feel like there is a fine line between always asking what she’s been up to and asking how she’s doing from time to time. It’s all about how you come off and why you are actually wanting to know.

  19. mitch Says:
    May 18th, 2009 at 9:04 am

    we broke up five days ago and ive been trying to persuade her talk to her tell her how much i care and all that crap but i havent given any gifts so i dont think i totally screwed my chances up. i am going to give her space i havent talked to her in two days i am going to try the advice and see if it works.

  20. gbaxter Says:
    May 19th, 2009 at 4:11 pm

    So my girl and I broke up 6 weeks ago for 5 of them I have been showering her with gifts and begging her to give us a 2nd chance and one week ago I put NC into place then on friday I heard she had given a horse away that I had bought for the 2 of us and got a little upset and call and left a message for her to get the horse back and I would have someone come get it but not to call me to have one of our friends get in touch with me I have lost all my standing ground with this woman and I just want to get back to what we where I am willing to wait and use NC to get her back. HELP?????

  21. callasaki Says:
    May 20th, 2009 at 2:59 pm

    I broke up with my girlfriend just over 2 weeks ago and from the second I did it realised it was a mistake… but she doesn’t wanna know.

    She has been clubbing a few times since we split and she met a guy when she was out. They have kissed a few times but he is away for the next 4 months to work in Greece. They have both said that they will miss eachother and that they wont forget eachother but she thinks he will forget her.
    It is so painful to see that she may be slipping away from me.

    She said that she doesn’t want a relationship at the moment and she says she is enjoying being singal but she also said that when she does want a relationship again she would consider me.
    And something is more likely to happen if I back off and give her space and stop talking about a relationship which is also hard.

    I hope that the love she does still have for me comes through in the end and we do get back together and I am willing to wait as long as it takes.

    It is really hard not to try and talk to her all the time or keep tabs on her.

    I just cant bear to lose he completely over something so stupid because I love her so much.

    I guess all I can do is wait and see what happens.

  22. Ryan Says:
    June 2nd, 2009 at 7:03 am

    Trev,
    I’m in that same boat now as you. Have no idea what to do. Shes going away for the summer so it looks like I don’t have a choice but if only I could do something.

  23. Rock Says:
    June 7th, 2009 at 7:06 am

    I have been able to patch up wid my girlfriend once & that too in a matter of 2weeks when I gave her the scare of moving on wid life & this time we had a terrible fight that too of my fault & now wen I tried to do things like being available & accomodating,showering gifts,its of no use to her- she calls me daily & we speak over the phone for 2-3 minutes & then she rushes the conversation & ends it-may be I should apply the same formula which I did last time coz it sems me being overfriendly in this circumstances doesn’t work..

  24. Cameron Says:
    June 8th, 2009 at 12:41 am

    My Ex just broke up with me and I told her that I didn’t think I could be friends with her, I said that because at the time I was very hurt after the 2 year relationship. Now shw is getting very close to dating another person only a week after the breakup does this mean that the 2 years we spent together can be forgotten in a week. I felt that it would take me about 2 months before I could date again, has she broken any rules?

  25. javier Says:
    June 14th, 2009 at 10:25 pm

    my girlfriend broke up with me in jenaruary and i miss her terribly i love her and i want her back and i asked her if she ever thought of getting back together and she says i dont know and i said how come you dont know yes or no and se says i dont know latter on and she told me that let some time go by and lets see what happens so i really need to know what to do and what are the most important signs that she wants me back or that she is over me just want things to be the same.

  26. Edward Says:
    June 20th, 2009 at 5:02 pm

    I need help people! My girlfriend broke up with me about a month ago..our relationship was slowly going down but i still tried everything to make things better i just didn’t get a good response.. i became sooo scared.. i let fear and desperation drive me.. i kept trying to persuade her i tried everything.. and i’ve realised all i’ve done is push her away even more.. she practically hates me now… i can still feel that there is something inside her that wants me but its very small.. right now shes on vacation and i won’t see her for around 14weeks. she thinks its perfect for her to ‘move on’ ..i only realised a few days ago that i’ve been pushing her away and i’ve provoked her for that..ive thought hard about what i want.. and i want her back.. it seems impossible with the way shes treating me..if i give her more space im worried it will allow her to get over me even more easily. shes a very headstrong woman and once she makes decisions she sticks to them.. i don’t know what to do to win her back now. this girl is a one of a kind.. shes worth everything to me.. i’d give anything for her. i’ve lost all of those rights.. and i want them back.. but what can i do? What can i do to atleast make her consider getting back with me? make her want to come back to me.. even after everything i’ve put her through.. i need a lot of help.. this is the most important period of my life so far.. i want her forever.. i just need that one last chance.. but i don’t know how to aquire it…

  27. Edward Says:
    June 20th, 2009 at 5:04 pm

    all my attempts have ended in failure.. i’ve stopped attempting and im now giving her space.. although i know shes using it to move on.. i ask her to think of us but she won’t listen to me.. i cant even contact her anymore.. what can i do im soo helpless :’( !!!! she - is - my - life

  28. max Says:
    June 30th, 2009 at 6:42 pm

    if only i have read this yesterday! damn!

  29. Andre Says:
    July 6th, 2009 at 8:39 pm

    I just got dumped by my girlfriend 6 days ago. It wasn’t that bad of a break up and were still friends. I keep tabs on her, I text her sometimes and we talked once on the phone and everything seemed ok. After reading this it seemed like ALL of what I did was wrong. I DON’T KNOW WHAT I NEED TO DO!!! HELP!!!

  30. Chris Says:
    July 18th, 2009 at 4:21 pm

    She broke up with me after being together almost a year, no advanced warning, just all of a sudden no phone calls or call backs. Everything was going great until that day, it caught me completely by surprise. She tells me she wants an independent man that she can rely on, when I am the one that would literally bend over backwards to help her if need be. I have my own place, I have good job, I pay all my bills, I never would cheat on her, and have done nothing but treat her with respect. This one hurts, I am giving her space, but I still don’t have a plan for when I actually do get back into contact with her. I am still at a loss.

  31. bob Says:
    July 20th, 2009 at 11:04 am

    this really opened up my eyes. My gf ended it on a Sunday and I tried talking all week to her. Now I realize to just give her the space and let it work out. I love her more than anything and she is my world and true love. Did I hurt it trying to talk to her and figure out what she was doing ??

  32. Dave Says:
    July 23rd, 2009 at 10:51 pm

    My case might be a little bit different because she lives in London while I leave in Atlanta LDR! I aagreed I was too nousy wanting to know what she’s doing, where she’s going, who she’s hanging out with e.t.c and she had always warned I need to trust her but things took a dramatic turn few weeks ago she stopped doing all she used to do and when I brought it up she always have some flimsy excuses and finally she stopped calling its been 6 days now since we spoke and its killing me my heart is broken!

  33. Bruce Says:
    July 28th, 2009 at 8:28 pm

    did all our girlfriends break up with us for the same reason ? Jealousy ? after reading these responses for some reason I`m coming having this feeling it is

  34. Donovan Says:
    September 2nd, 2009 at 7:02 am

    wow!!!! reading this really helps me think about thing…i just hope that it works for me, even though she was never my girlfriend…she was just best friend…and i miss her so much, i’d give anything to go back to the way we were…wish me luck fellas…

  35. Dave Says:
    September 20th, 2009 at 4:04 pm

    Doonovan

    im in the same boat mate.
    though we were togeather we just never officially said anything
    she then said one night that she dosnt lookfoward to comming out and seing me anymore like she used to
    and she needs to sort her head out
    and she needed space

  36. Matt Says:
    September 21st, 2009 at 4:11 pm

    It’s great advice guys! I am back on to say it worked like a charm. It is hard as hell and I know how you all feel, but you have got to keep the faith.

    It really helps if you delete her number - really helps out in those tempting moments.

    When she makes contact be lovely, fun and upbeat. Don’t try to score any cheap points or ask her anything that will give her any reason to think anything that what a fun, lovely guy you are.

    Another tip - keep busy! Try and minimise the moments that you are in thinking about her, it will just drive you crazy. Make sure that you time is spent positivley. Keeping fit, getting you place in order, taking up a new hobby etc.

    I think there is a 70% chance, if you follow the rules, that it will all work out.

    Hang in there!

  37. Dave22 Says:
    September 22nd, 2009 at 11:53 am

    Thanx matt
    im really hoping mine will work :S

  38. Tim Says:
    September 27th, 2009 at 12:21 am

    ha. well, instead of her hurting me, i hurt her. cause i could care less. she kept saying that she was gona break up with me, because we had a big argument the day before. so i got tired of it and told her that im leaving. she asked me if i was really breaking up with her and her face was totally shocked. i said yes coldly and left without another word. now she keeps trying to call me and leaves me messages to come back with her. to tell you the truth, im moving on to better things. (i might just be a jerk) :)

  39. jlaw Says:
    September 27th, 2009 at 7:03 pm

    i hate knowing shes hanging out with guys it worse because i know she has a boyfriend thats a massive ass. but i think these rules might help me get her back.

  40. Rob36 Says:
    October 2nd, 2009 at 3:20 pm

    Couldnt agree more with most of this
    My ex told me last week she needed to be on here own and that it was over.I blame myself,i never invested enough of myself in her,prefered to keep it on a semi-serious basis
    Well the cliche “you dont know what youve got til its gone is so true”
    I sent her a couple of cards,even though i know it was the wrong thing to do.So im now doing the hardest thing in the world-staying away and just clinging on to the faint hope that in her own time she will realise my feelings are gunuine.I just wish id realised it before
    Its only been a few days,and of course im in a world of pain and hurt,but i realise this is the only thing i can do

    Good luck to all above

  41. YourNameHere004 Says:
    October 10th, 2009 at 6:39 pm

    during a 1 year relationship with my ex, i have to admit, i was pretty neglectful. my previous girlfriend did a number on me and i was a bit closed off. my ex stuck by my side and gave her love to me every waking moment of every day and i didnt see what i had at the time. we had a mutual breakup right before our 1 year anniversary and shes been dating another guy. my heart has been crumbling day after day, and i kick myself in the ass constantly for not seeing what i had right in front of me this whole time. we currently are back to dating again, but shes also been dating this other guy as well (about a month i guess) since we’re technically not “exclusive”. this other guy really likes her (she everything any man would want in a soulmate) so she feels torn between the 2 of us. she admits that she still loves me, but is scared that things will go back to how they were before…no matter how much i try to re-assure her. he tells her how much she means to him, so i guess he has a leg up because he hasnt actually hurt her before. she feels bad because she really hasnt given this guy a fair chance and hes such a nice guy and doesnt want to hurt either of us. when shes with him, she says she still thinks of me, which is good, right? but when shes with me, she sometimes thinks and feels bad because she hasnt really given him that fair chance. every morning i wake up and read a letter she once wrote to me when we were together. it brightens my day, but when the sun goes down, my mind begins to wander and my heart crumbles once more. its a daily, torturous cycle that is causing my heart and soul feel pain like no other. i have no idea why im even writing this, but in a strange sense, it is a bit comforting to release these feelings. theres always hope, and God willing, she will come to me again.

  42. phil Says:
    October 12th, 2009 at 7:24 am

    ok so who her can tell me they are back together after doing what you said and giving her space ect

  43. shane Says:
    October 23rd, 2009 at 7:56 am

    I broke up with my girlfriend after 3 years on and off, we stayed friends for 5 months and basically we were like gf and bf, we did all the stuff u do. I still loved her but it seemed she loved me more, I was often an ass to her when we were dating and it made her hurt. when i realised i didnt want anyone else and asked her back out she sed no, only 2 weeks ago she asked if i loved her still. she said she had slept with someone else and realised she wasnt as hung up on me as she fort, and yes ‘not knowing what u have until its gone’ is so true. and also ‘wanting what u cnat have’, i txt her loads opening up my feelings and now she feels suffocated, she says it isnt me and needs space, she sed im her best friend and so i wnated 2 keep her coming round for dvds and hugs. after reading this i feel so much better already by giving her the space she needs and wants, after 3 days of not txtin her, which was agony, she actually txt me. im tryin 2 hold it togetehr, she might be coming round in a few days and im just gona play it cool, cos so far it seems to be working! great advice!!

  44. J Says:
    October 26th, 2009 at 7:06 pm

    look guys if your girl needs space then give it to her…..i knew my relationship was headed south so i confronted her when i statrted noticeing the withdrawal signs from her….by me acting fast i think this is what may have put the brakes on the beginning to an end…..so there we were talking and she said she really wasnt prepared for this conversation and had been thinking about it for sometime but was afraid to say anything because she was afraid she would loose me….and then thats when she asked for them dreaded words i need to think about this relationship….so i looked her in the eye and said if you need time to think if you love me or not thats a pretty clear answer to me……to i got to thininkin the next day so i called her up and told her she could have all the time with her thinking but she just needed to break up with me because i wasnt gonna just sit baack until she made her mind up and then come drop the bomb on me when she got ready…damn that was one hell of a decision i had…well she said that she didnt want to break up but i kept insistin that she break it off with me bacause i wasnt gonna break it off with her because that was not i wanted..it was what she wanted so she just need to break up with me…..welll she did ….lol….but at least i was a man about it and didnt beg didnt cry and wasnt needY……WELL AS SOOON AS SHE BROK IT OFF WITH ME I WENT STRICTLY IN THE NO CONTACT MODE YOU KNOW NO CALLING NO TEXTING AND JUST BROKE CONTACT OFF IMEDIATELY…..REMEMBER SHE WAS THE ON THAT NEEDED SPACE AND BY GOD SHES GOT IT NOW…..WELL A WEEK WENT ON AND SHE FINALY CALLED BUT IT WAS A SILLY EXCUSE TO DROP SOME OF MY THINGS OFF THAT I HAD LEFT AT HER HOUSE…IT HURT TO SEE HER BRING THEM THINGS BACK BUT I KNEW DEEP DOWN SHE WAS ONLY BRINGING THEM OVER TO SEE ME …BECAUSE IF SHE WASNT SHE WOULD HAVE LEFT THEM ON MY DOOR STEPS OR SOMETHING…..SO SHE CAME IN WE TALKED AND I SCREWED UP BY TALKING ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP I NEVER SHOULD HAVE DID THAT BUT WE HUGGED HELD HANDS AND SHE WAS VERY AFFECTIONATE WITH ONE ANOTHER AND THEN SHE LEFT ….AND I WENT STRICTLY BACK INTO THE NO CONTACT MODE AGAIN WELL FRIDAY ITS WHICH I 2 WEEKS FROM THE BREAKUP SHE CALLED AGAIN WANTING TO KNOW ABOUT A SUITCASE I HAD OF HERS….LOL I KNEW SHE WAS ONLY WANTING TO COME BY AGAIN JUST TO SEE ME FOR IF SHE DIDNT SHE WOULD HAVE TOLD ME TO LEAVE IT OUT SOMEWHERE SHE COULD JUST PICK IT UP…WELL I ACTED BUSY AND DIDNT RETURN HER CALLL RIGHT AWAY AND TOLD HER I WOULD GET IT TO HER….BUT I ACTED HAPPY AND NEVER ASKED FOR A CHANCE FOR US GETTING BACK TOGETHER….GUYS NEVER BRING THE RELATIONSHIP UP MAKE THEM WONDER WHATS GOING ON IN YOUR HEAD……AND THEN I WENT BACK INTO NO CONTACT AGAIN NO CALLING NO TEXTING…..WELL I WAS COMING DOWN THE ROAD TODAY AND PASSED HER COMING HOME FROM WORK….SHE TEXT ME TELLING ME THAT SHE HAD SEEN ME COMING DOWN THE ROAD SO I JUST DIDNT REPLY BACK TO THE TEXT…….WELL AFTER ABOUT AN HOUR SHE CALLED ME AND ASKED IF I GOT HER TEXT AND YOU KNOW I SAID THAT I DIDNT BUT I DID GET THE TEXT AND SHE SAID IT MUST BE HER PHONE….LOL…BUT WE HAD A GREAT CONVERSATION WE TALKED A LITTLE WHILE AND I MADE HER THINK I WAS HAPPY AND BUSY AND CARRYING ON WITH MY LIFE AND AFTER ABOUT 10 MINUTES I CUT THE CONVERSATION SHORT AND TOLD HER THAT I KNEW SHE WAS BUSY AND I WILL TALK TO HER LATER …AND TO TELL YOU ALL WHAT SHE REALLY DIDNT WANT TO LET ME GO I COULD TELL IT IN HER VOICE …RIGHT BEFORE I GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH HER SHE TOLD ME SHE WOULD STOP BY AND GET THAT SUIT CASE IN A DAY OR 2(LOL WHAT AN EXCUSE I LOVE THAT DAMN SUITCASE NOW THOUGH….SO WHEN SHE COMES BY TO GET THE SUIT CASE IM GONNA ACT HAPPY ACT CONFIDENT AND FLIRT LIKE HELL WITH HER BECAUSE I KNOW SHE IS READY FOR IT…I WILL HAVE HER BACK AND I WILL NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES I MADE IN THE BEGINNING BY ACTING JEALOUS NEEDY AND CLINGY AND SHOWING TO MUCH ATTENTION ….REMEMBER GUYS YOU HAVE TO SHOW ATTENTION BUT DONT SHOW TO DAMN MUCH OR THEY WILL BE GONE AGAIN AS SOON AS YOU GET BACK TOGETHER….BE THE CONFIDENT GUY YOU WERE BEFORE YOU MET HER AND IN THE BEGININING OF THE RELATIONSHIP AND ME A MAN DAMN IT ACT LIKE A MAN AND YOU WILL BE TREATED AS THE MAN……..NOW I HAVENT GOT HER BACK BUT ITS JUST A MATTER OF TIME AND I WLL KEEP YOU ALL POSTED…..THANKS YOU ALL

  45. Chris M Says:
    October 28th, 2009 at 7:47 am

    If anyone could analyze my situation, please give me advice and whether you think I could win her affection back..

    Well, my girlfriend broke up with me a little over a month ago. Things had been sour for quite some time and I kind of saw it coming. Her main reasons why she broke thing off, she said, were due to the lack of affection and romanticism I showed towards her and that towards the end, I seemed to be more like a friend than a boyfriend.

    I accepted my faults and tried to move on. But within a week, I couldn’t stop thinking about how bad I had made things for her and I know I could have been better. I love her so much that I’d do anything for her and would never make those mistakes again.

    But sadly, I wasn’t aware of these tips and I txted her like normal after the break up. Bringing up our relationship a lot and getting angry. I guess I was selfish hoping I’d get her back easily. But the thing is, we’ve hung out about 3 times since the break up and it just seems so right. But stupidly, at the end of the night I’d gush out my feelings on how i want her back and am a changed man but she just says that she’s sorry but that she doesn’t feel the same way and that she just doesn’t believe that a person can change in a month’s time. But I truly have! I’m getting back into shape and hanging out with more of my friends again. I feel a higher boost of confidence but when with her, I get weak for her..

    But even though she says that she doesn’t feel the same way, she still talks to me and gives off these subtle hints that I’m still in her heart! Because if she wanted to break things with me, wouldn’t she avoid me? It’s just that when I ask to hang with her she actually lets me. And we can txt each other all day and that seems fine. But do you think that she’s just putting me in a friends zone?

    At times I feel low and think that she’s just wanting me as a friend now. But the last night I talked to her outside her house. I gushed my feelings and she comforted me. She says that she does see good changes in me but that it sucks that it had to have been after a break up. And I know that. After talking, I asked her her a probably stupid, but straight question: “Do you want space from me? Because I don’t want to push you away and always be considered as a friend”… Well she gave me a smile and said “Can you be my friend?”. This didn’t seem like a bad way of “friend”. It actually felt as if she doesn’t want me to disappear and hopefully, rekindle things. And even better, she invited me to a theme park with her friends this week, which she had never done. It felt nice. This was all at 2AM. And to make it even better she snuck me into her house to watch some TV with her!

    People; anyone… What should I make of these signs and gestures? Do you think there’s still something there for me and her? I really love her and want to be that great affectionate guy. Please, help a man out. I’ll promise to return the favor.

  46. j Says:
    October 29th, 2009 at 7:42 pm

    chris im warning you to not be her friend……im here to help you tell her that you cannot be her friend ….maybe after a month or so you can come back into the friend zone to prove that you are not to needy…..and present to her the new and improved you…….she is gonna use the friend thing to gradually ease you out of the pic…ive gotten all the get your ex back manuals and by no means can you be her friend…maybe later but not now ….let her misss you

  47. j Says:
    October 29th, 2009 at 7:47 pm

    well guys its j….she came for the suit case today…..i acted all happy and cocky a little…i had just popped some pop corn before she came in …we drank a corona and ate some pop corn but i never brought the relationship…..she was here for little over an hour and a half making sure to let me know that nobody was in her life …..we kissed and hugged like never before and i really believe i could have had sex with her but i told her i didnt do casual sex in a joking manner……i could see the gleam in her eyes the way she was looking at me and then she was dying for me to tell her that i love her but i didnt i just played it cool to not let her know the way i really feel about her ….i really believe things are looking up for ole j

  48. Mike Says:
    October 30th, 2009 at 9:01 pm

    yeah yeah yeah, women are funny creatures…

  49. mae Says:
    November 16th, 2009 at 8:35 am

    mine is another story!

    after 1 year and 4 months, she broke up with me. the reason is because she said i’m no a guy who can leads, can understand her and her friends, could care about her, and most of all, she couldn’t see me as her future..

    BUT

    I don’t know how, but i managed to get her back! on the day i get her, we were on date. but initially we kept in mind that we are a friend, not a couple anymore. but the tully reason for going out? i don’t know about her. but my mission on that day is getting her back. and i won!

    BUT

    just after 5 days we resumed to be a couple, she ask for a break up again..bcoz the same matter as i mentioned earlier..

    days passed. she starts to text messaging me to ask what i m doing n bla bla bla.. i entertain her.. but she said that she just wanna b friends with me..not couple back. but i was so stubborn. i want her back. i constantly push her for that.
    i said, i rather not contact her if she is just a friend.

    then..after 4 weeks we’re on that situation, i delete her from my social network and said i want her to change for good.

    but it was a mistake. now she is COMPLETELY ignore me. she’s never text messaging me neither call me. i tried to pursue her back. saying i m sorry. i also tried to add her back in my social network. but all is effortless.. she never ever giving me any chances.. never trully reply to my contact..

    right now i just don’t know what to do..
    i really wish to make she open her heart again n see the bright sight.. but she never responds.. so how it is going to be? :((

  50. Dan Says:
    November 17th, 2009 at 9:55 am

    This is exactly what people are telling me to do..its only been 2 days that i havent seen her and already im going crazy. it just hurts to think that she can be giving her loving kisses and her self to someone else when i have no say in it. i need her back i have not slept or eaten anything in 2 days..im really hurt but its all my fault

  51. john Says:
    November 17th, 2009 at 2:15 pm

    My girlfriend split up with me 2 days ago, ive tried texting her and calling her and she dosen’t want to talk. After reading this maybe i just need to leave her alone for a while. I really miss her and il do anything to get her back, i know she still loves me and it was all my fault we broke up, i just wasnt a good boyfriend. Hopefully i can show her that i can change but not contacting her is going to kill me……….

  52. Nate W Says:
    November 19th, 2009 at 6:30 pm

    Being the typical guy sure does not work when you want to be with the one you love when you have made the stupid mistake. I have been typical for far too long and my mentality was centered on ‘being one of the guys’ and my mind was all screwed up. I was in a long distance relationship lying to her and cheating on her and was hot-and-cold when I came back home to be with her. She wanted to be back to with me and I didn’t know and I always had an excuse and I put my blinders on and drove her away big time. I put myself first instead of her and rejected her when I said I wasn’t ready for a relationship at the time she wanted things to work out, but I did it in spite when she told me that she was spending time with another guy….

    That was a huge mistake! In the midst of trying to implement the steps to win your girl back, you have to consider how she feels first and foremost if you really love her and get rid of the distractions and things that do not matter for a new relationship. I’m in the process of showing her how much I love her and this article really helps guys! Remember, she wants to ’see’ how much you care, not talk about how much you care!

  53. john Says:
    November 21st, 2009 at 2:23 pm

    its been nearly a week with no contact guys……………what should i do? do i loode touch with hr more so she drifts away and gets used to not been with me or do i contact her??

  54. stacey Says:
    November 22nd, 2009 at 4:24 pm

    my advice from a girls perspective is to concentrate on your own life, show her that your a real ‘winner’ eg don’t mope around the house, get out and do things, really live your life. do the things you’ve always wanted to do, like travelling, getting the job you want, getting fit, having a great time with your friends and family, being a kind, helpful and generous with others, get a hobby. these things will make you into a better person and she’ll see the change. if she texts don’t ignore her, it’ll probably infuriate her, but don’t be too available either, she needs time to miss you, and being at her beck and call will not help her realise that.

  55. john Says:
    November 22nd, 2009 at 9:16 pm

    thanks!

  56. Tyler Says:
    November 26th, 2009 at 4:38 pm

    This girl and I had been dating for about a week and everything was going perfectly well and great. Our dates were amazing. This morning, I woke up to a text message from her saying she’s sorry but she’s back with her ex-bf. Apparently her ex-bf came to visit her at work last night and they got back together. She says she feels terrible for what she’s done to me. I’m extremely heartbroken. I didn’t believe it at first. Being with her felt right and I can’t believe whats happened. I’ve been browsing the net all day for advice on what to do. I don’t want to lose her. :(

  57. ryann Says:
    November 27th, 2009 at 7:01 am

    just want to say, if space she needs, space is what you give…have a life, turn it around, i’m into this right now, i really love her but if i do something i know i will end up with nothing…i didnt
    t listen, i know its my fault and i am sorry for the things ive done…but it really hurts, that i need also to think of myself, or if i am worthy with this treatment, loving yourself is the best thing you could ever do after the relationship, have a life, go out with your friends, hang out and be happy, leave this all for a moment, i also want to know what she’s doing, i am dying to know what she is up to, but if the relationship ends, you can’t control her, if she can leave you, what can you do about that? i’ve tried everything, ive said sorry, i really love her, i know, i’ve promised to lord above that i’ll stay with her for the rest of my life, but arguments and misunderstanding gets in our way…i am still hurt right now, i don’t know what to do, i am also searching myself, i am doing the things she wants me to do, and if the love is not really true, i guess i have to let go, because all of us needs true love, all of us needs a girl that could stay and understand what we want, which in return we give it back to them, we stay in a relationship because we love each other, but either of the two loose it, it would not work out, ive just learned now that letting go is really hard to do, and if you can do you consider yourself as a person that is very determined to do the things that makes you happy…for me what makes her happy is what i want, and i wouldn’t ask for more…not knowing what she’s up to is really painful for me, it hurts everyday, i am lost, but what can i do, with the rules above i know i am on the right track, but it is hard…no one wants to be left, no one wants to be hurt as well, but maybe things are not likely fall on what you want…and right now, i can say i am not strong, but if this is what she needs, this is what i gonna do…it is hard, leaving things that you getting used to, but you can’t do anything about that, if you’ll wait it is your choice, but living your life is way much better that the pain that you feel…to the one i loved, i still love you so much, i know you know that, but if this is what you wants i believe what you said before, i am living the life you want me to be…and i hope to see you around, i hope

  58. Brandon Says:
    December 1st, 2009 at 7:38 pm

    NEED HELP! two weeks ago my ex had me come to her house and to tell me she didnt love me anymore. after that we still talked a bit here and there. decided to go to counsoling. the thanksgiving morning she told me she thinks she is ready to see other people. i have talked to her a few times since then, once over the phone (about school not us) i have not talked to her going on 36 hrs. WHAT SHOULD I DO!

  59. john Says:
    December 3rd, 2009 at 10:29 am

    Give her space, she may see someone else and then realise your the one she wants, don’t stop her seeing someone else it will just make her push you away. You need Patience and Persistance, just be cool about it and if it’s ment to be then it will happen………..if its not ment to be then you WILL find happiness somewere else.

  60. PSV Says:
    December 9th, 2009 at 9:33 am

    Man…I am seeing a pattern in this. I cant stress on the point that I am going through the exact same thing. I have won her back 2 times already and this time she asked for space but she was getting close to this other guy and something i said made her so mad that she said she hated me. I am now on a vacation for a month and she sent me an email on my birthday wishing me and asking how I was doing and I am contacting her minimum. I just hope the rules get me the result i desire. She is my life. I don’t want to loose her. My only question is if I play cool would it not help her to forget about US and move on? That’s my biggest fear. Somebody help !!!

  61. Jon Says:
    December 14th, 2009 at 12:11 am

    ok i need some help…me and my ex broke up about a week ago, we’ve been on for about 2yrs and a half. it was all over me not showing affection n not catering to her. for example it was time for her to go back to school and she asked me if i could take her but before i even knew she needed me i already had plans with my aunt to go to the football game. so i told her ill take u after the game if u really want so u dont have to leave at 6am with your mom. she got madd and was acting all childish for the rest of the night. couple days go by and she tells me i want to be yours again but u have to pass a test n i guess the test was to see who i have talked to on social network site which she already knew about. from that day she said it was really over this time i havent changed or anything( ive lost her twice before). i really have changed and was there for her alot. im scared to lose her, what am i suppose to do. i read the rules on top and following them but i dont want her to really leave this time…help

  62. Max Says:
    December 22nd, 2009 at 3:24 pm

    She broke up with me beacuse she said she did not have the time and was not ready. She was all over me and i decided to try it out, now she says she will be single for a long time and i found out she is dating someone else but she tells me they are friends. She says i was brought to her for a reason but does not know what, i really helped her through some bad and i want her back but she is not telling me things and i know that beacuse she talked to one of my friends and he tells me. What should i do?

  63. Phil Says:
    December 23rd, 2009 at 2:01 am

    Damn, I just lost my fiancee last Sunday, December 20th when she gave me back the engagement ring i gave her. OUCH! Back on December 14th i started seeing something wrong with her. She seemed distant for some reason. I asked her what was wrong and she said nothing. So i left her house and went home, but immediately started thinking about her. I called her and asked her what was wrong, but she said nothing was wrong. When we started talking for a bit, she said that she felt i didn’t want to marry her and that she rushed me into getting married. I told her that wasn’t true and i kept insisting that i loved her.
    Then, when i saw her on Tuesday Dec. 15th, she seemed “so-so” but i still told her i loved her and i wanted to get married no matter what. She started crying and still believed i didn’t want her.
    I then left her alone on wednesday, but called her on thursday. I was talking to her about our engagement and she said she needed a break. She said her parents also believed i didn’t want to marry her. She kept hanging up on me and finally told me to leave her alone.
    So I went to her house on sunday dec. 20th and told her i didn’t want a break and that i wanted to be with her and that i loved her. She was “stone cold” and showed no emotion. She strongly believed i didn’t want to marry her still. I felt sad after she gave me the ring so i left.
    Me and her met through our cousins. I’m related to my cousins mom, and my ex-fiancee was related to my cousins dad. So yeah it sounds weird but it isn’t. SO anyways shes been talking to my cousin and saying that i didn’t try to win her back. That i just let her go and she’s been feeling sick.
    I went to her house yesterday to talk to her parents and I found out why they said what they said. They said i wasn’t ready because I wasn’t done with school yet. HOwever, they now see the type of guy i am. I’m going to her house on Thursday, Christmas Eve, and I’m going to try to work things out.
    Its funny cuz, although girls say they want you to leave them alone, they don’t mean it completely. They still want you to show them that you care. I’m going to fight for this girl because she is my LIFE. She said i wasn’t taking her out enough anymore, but that was because i was busy with work and school. So hopefully everything works out. Don’t ever give up guys. If you really feel like you didn’t do anything wrong, just keep trying.

  64. Phil Says:
    December 23rd, 2009 at 2:01 am

    sorry bout my last post. Just needed to pour out my heart. this is tough man.

  65. Dhruv Says:
    December 23rd, 2009 at 6:34 am

    H iguys
    My gf left me 6 months ago .. She says her parents saw her roaming with me and the nindirectly her dad told her jus cut off everythign and concentrate on ur studies …and the ni tryed every thing but was unable to get her ..
    Guys wot u think . does she really loves me . She says she loves me but cant show and cant talk also ..

  66. stephen Says:
    December 23rd, 2009 at 12:58 pm

    My girl just broke up with me this mornin she told me last night that if she found out i lied to her it was over this was probably my chance to come clean but i didnt i wanted a few hours after she went to sleep and came clean and tried to use my way with words to win her over but it didnt work i cant stop thinkin of her and i know i wont be able to move on ive been with a lot of women and have never felt anything close to wat i felt for her so shortly i knew she would be the one but i messed up once b4 and let my anger get the best of me but now i lied to her and this is the first time i have and feel like the lowest thing on the earth for doin it i hope this works but i think my chances may have run out she has trust issue cus every guy she has been with has cheated on her i have never but i lied which is pretty close i can only pray to God that she will take me back

  67. screwdriver Says:
    December 26th, 2009 at 11:52 am

    well i have messed up in a big way, we were happy for 3 years, blissfully, we then moved to be closer to her parents, they then decided to drive a wedge between us and it worked, she started seeing her ex and not telling me, we got through this and were going to be married, her dad then got in the way again and wouldnt come overseas to see us, (she dreamed of a winter wedding in the snow), she decided to please him and get married over here, it left me very resentful of him and her decision and it ended up with me kissing someone else, i told her and hoped we could get through this, i needed a little time to clear my head, but she left that day and returned to her parents, i started a relationship with the other woman,this was 3 weeks before christmas, it broke her heart,we then saw each other regularly and ended up having sex several times, the relationship with the new woman was a living nightmare, however the woman i still loved ended up getting pregnant, i was a mess and wouldnt get back with her, we had a termination in april 07, we tried to get back together and then she decided to see a guy who had paid her some attention, this lasted 2 weeks and we decided to try again, that was 18 months ago, she was living at her parents and we were getting closer, still we argued about how i felt her parents had treated me, the had told alot of lies about me and i couldnt forgive them, we went on holiday this year and were the happiest we had been in years, she moved back in and in 2 weeks we were in pieces, i told her to leave, the week after i took my kids away for the weekend, she came too and was going to try again, all we did was row over the kids, i wouldnt listen to her. it was my birthday last month yet we didnt see each other till 4 days later, she came over and told me she wanted the future we had always talked about, we made plans to go to the xmas party the following week, then on the sunday morning she told me she had met someone else, i was in pieces, she has told me that they are going to move in together and that she is in love with the guy, it was christmas day yesterday and all i got was a text, it was heartbreaking, now i sit and pray every day that she will see that i love her and come home,

  68. stacey Says:
    December 27th, 2009 at 7:50 pm

    sounds to me Stephen (23rd dec) that you don’t deserve her at all. and this is probably the biggest lesson you’ll ever learn.

  69. Jeromy Says:
    December 30th, 2009 at 4:09 pm

    This is hard to do. My girlfriend left me over Christmas, we have two boys together. I didn’t show her enough attention and never asked her to marry me. I thought I was miserable. Well, I didn’t know miserable until now. I haven’t felt this way in 14 years. We’ve been together 4 years. She says she hates this state and wanted to stay in her home state. I currently have our kiddos for the week. But I’m dying to get her back, and would do anything. No gifts, but it’s hard not to contact her. It’s hard to function and I haven’t eaten in days. I’ve stayed sick and I just can’t get over this actually happening. I’m 30 years old, and I’ve been really immature about things. I should have proposed when i had the chance. I should have done lots of things better. Of course, it’s hard wondering if she’s with some other guy, even though if she’d admit to it, I’d know it was over for good. It’s so hard to do anything. My insides are toast. All I want to do is lay down and never move, no energy, no motivation. I’m trying to stay strong for our boys. I did text her apologizing, and told her I would change things and make her feel like a queen and pretty much begging. After reading this, that may have hurt my intentions, but at least it’s true. I want her back so bad, it hurts.

  70. john Says:
    January 10th, 2010 at 9:28 pm

    well ive been in no contact for 2 months now and i still think about her all the time every day, it is easier now than it was right after the break up though. anyway yesterday she contaced me out of no were saying she hoped i had a great christmas, i personally see this as progress as its the first time shes initiated contact since we split and it shows shes thinkg of me. anyway guys hang in there you will either get over it or she will come back one day, don’t give up!!! do not contact your ex untill she contacts you!

  71. Cinnead Says:
    January 16th, 2010 at 12:14 am

    My situation is different. I fell in love with a flirty co-worker (though I tried to hide it). We had great chemistry and a lot of things in common. We went out a couple of times on very long non-romantic dates talking and having a wonderful time for as long as 12 hours. Other people at work noticed our attraction to each other and began making comments. I made the mistake of asking her out in front of others and that’s when her boss took her aside and told her we should not be seeing each other and basically threatened her job. So, she told me she did not feel comfortable seeing me because of that. I was very calm and said it was no problem and we continued as friends, with me gradually getting closer. Then I made the mistake of sending her a Christmas card that while not suggesting anything more than friendship, she regarded it as “more than just a card” after the gossiping assholes in the office said to her over and over again that I was in love with her though I had never done anything to suggest that (obviously too early). She flipped and made a big drama out of nothing, but basically ended our friendship because it was too personal. The kicker is she still wants to be together with me on my team but strictly as “co-workers” and nothing close. I am still relatively calm about it, but inside I am dying. I am giving her all the space she needs, interacting with her only when she comes to me, or when required. Without having gotten to the point where we were lovers, I don’t know if that puts me in a better situation for a comeback or not. I know she was attracted to me before it was suggested our relationship was somehow inappropriate. I don’t think I cam e off as needy, but I may have been too pushy in trying to be a closer friend, which tipped her off that I do have feelings for her though I lied and said I was not in love with her.

  72. miami Says:
    February 3rd, 2010 at 2:05 pm

    Thanks 4 the advice i was doing the total opposite and it wasnt working. im going to try these rules and see if she comes back to me. If not then i’ll move on but always with regret in my heart for what i did to her…

  73. PacoElGallo Says:
    February 10th, 2010 at 8:32 am

    Guys, all I can say is this. I was with a girl for ten years. She was my first love. She was by my side when I was in the Navy and continued to be by my side when I got out. In that time I started doubting our relationship because of what society says, “You are too young, you can’t get married, you need to meet other women” etc, etc. To make a story short she recently broke up with me after I was going to marry her; not to mention that I broke her heart during the relationship because of the doubts I had. Now she’s the one having those same doubts. I tried chasing after her initially for almost a month. But you know what, it is useless. She knows who you are and nothing you say is going to change her mind at this time, and if she truly wants to come back to you just give her her space and she will. And even if she doesn’t just move on guys and appreciate all the good moments you had with her, and learn from all the bad moments so that your next relationship can be even better. Don’t get me wrong guys I still hope to have her back but I’m not holding my breath.

  74. eric Says:
    February 11th, 2010 at 7:52 am

    A few months ago would have nice lol

  75. mc Says:
    February 12th, 2010 at 10:54 pm

    she contacted me by email telling me thank you for telling her dad how to fix her ps3. I sent her a nice email wishing her luck and telling her I was ready to move on. She freaked out and called guys! She I’md me and told me she was pregnant. I stupidly went along when I should have ignored her. I was going about it all wrong. She needs space, time to miss me I guess. I hope it’s not too late. She said she still loved me and wanted us to work. But she keeps bringing up the space. I hope is not too late. I will try to follow these rules and see what happens

  76. Eric Says:
    February 16th, 2010 at 3:51 pm

    My girlfriend and i dated for 1 year and 5 months she broke up with me the day before valentines day..she still gave me a gift and i tried telling her no..but she insisted i take it..its been 3 days now barely talking at all…i text her alot but she only replies 5-10 texts a day…she seems so serious about this..and its like her friends persuaded her into doing this..i talked to her on the phone twice and each time was about 10-15 minutes…i explained my fealings and i said do u have ne fealings for me at all and she said yes..but it really doesnt seem like it…she texts like 3 different people all day long 2 of them being guys..and she even talked to them on the phone the same night for an hour each..what do i do? Im afraid she is just going to move on..i was her first for EVERYTHING…she is only 17 and im 18..but i love her so much i cant picture her with another guy or i just get very sad? IDK WHAT TO DO IVE CRIED EVERYNIGHT with out her..she went on her facebook and erased some pictures of us and took everything she wrote about me off..what do i do i need ADVICE ASAP!! PLEASE HELP

  77. Paul Says:
    February 21st, 2010 at 7:08 pm

    its been 2 weeks now since my girlfriend asked me for space..we’d been arguing a lot because of my past (previous relationships cropping up and I still got an ex named on my current mortgage that I didnt tell her about and I cant as of yet get her off as the mortgage company wont allow it)
    so as you can imagine this has caused trust issues, resentment and constant stress for both of us for a long time.
    She started to put up major defences back in November and due to that I started to become very needy (constant texting/calling checking up on her) which caused even more arguments. Eventually she had enough and asked for a break, it’s killing me inside, I havn’t eaten properly for over 2 weeks, weight is falling off me, cant sleep properly, I end up in tears at the drop of a hat and I cant seem to get myself together at all. We’ve text a few times since the break and she seems to have gotten over us already? want so much to try and fix us but I know that I cant and all I do is hope that she’ll remember all the good times and maybe miss me enough to want to try again…this is so hard, anyone got any advice??

  78. Eric Says:
    February 24th, 2010 at 1:10 pm

    Paul im in the same boat!! Cant eat sleep…and we text a little bit…i want her to remember our good times too…but good luck on this website because NOONE has replied to me yet! Im lost stuck and confused!! all girls are the same! They get your love and then tear you apart slowly…

  79. Paul Says:
    February 24th, 2010 at 9:09 pm

    Hey Eric thanks for the response!!!What about you mate?? what happened?? how long’s it been?? Yeah man it’s very very hard,so many things I want to say to H, not text since Sat night and I have to stop myself from texting to see how she is, H wanted space to sort her head out and to re-boot her brain as she hates being bitter and twisted over my past(that’s cropped up).My lady thinks I was still seeing my ex when I started seeing her and therefore was cheating because I didn’t tell her about the mortgage!! I may be stupid and may keep things to myself because I didn’t want to lose her…but no way cheating! she’s made me out to be Tiger Woods or Ashley Cole but no way!! oh and I was a bad boyfriend (have no idea how??) and I couldn’t get through no matter what I said. I love her to bits and miss her every day,I think of her as soon as I’m awake and last thing at night…hell I even dream about her lol (how sad am I eh!) but I am now sort of glad of the timeout as I am starting to de-stress and get back to the way I used to be before all the arguing and bitterness set in. I’m hoping that H is getting back to her old self too….I miss her smiling so much. You gotta start doing stuff for you now mate, be round your friends, join a gym, do stuff you wanted to do but just never found the time to do when you were with her (I’m re-learning to ski and fancy doing rock climbing etc..)and hopefully she will see what she’s let go and give you guys another chance.I’m sure she is remembering the good times but also has those “issues” kicking around too which is messing her up..try stop texting/contacting her for a bit, make yourself unavailable (it’s hard I know) for a bit.
    If you wanna chat mate message me back and I’ll reply back. Keep yer chin up pal

  80. germanvolpino Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 4:51 am

    J how did you go?

  81. Eric Says:
    February 27th, 2010 at 10:53 pm

    Paul! My gf decided to break up with me because she “had no fealings” but the week before we broke up she was at my house an she explained how much she loved me…we rode quad she laughed flirted EVERYTHING WAS AMAZING…then she went home and a couple days later she broke up with me…all of her guy friends talk trash about me to her and she is a croud pleaser!! so whatever they want she does…so i think it was her guy friends that did it! but she like ignores me…but last night i ignored her for a couple hours and she texted me 5 times trying to get ahold of me..then she called me and said i was seeing if my phone was off!! lol i dont believe it…we havent been communicating well…idk what to do..and it has been since the 13th of febuary..thats when we broke up..i think about her ALL the time!! and your girlfriend must have Jealousy problems…especially if she accuses u of cheating…by the sounds of your relationship it seems that u guys will end up together again soon..i feal it is the whole jealousy concept!

  82. Paul Says:
    March 1st, 2010 at 8:47 pm

    Hey Eric,
    Hmmm seems like your gf is listening to too many people, but I guess if you start to bite ack about them then it only looks like you are being bitchy! best to keep playing it cool mate, get out and do stuff, switch your phone off for a night and make her wonder what you are doing for a change instead of the other way round.
    Yeah my (ex?)gf does have jealousy probs I think, it’s gone a wee bit odd since posting on here last time, I havn’t txt her for a week and then on Sat she txt’s me at work (we work in the same building) asking if I’d brought in her shoe’s etc from mine, I replied (nicely but short txt) that I had, heard nothing all day from her until 10pm…got a txt saying ” Woman’s Intuition…I knew I wasn’t the one for you..maybe one day I’ll tell you the real reason I ended the relationship” wtf????? anyway’s that pushed my button….and yep I ended up txting back…”you were always that one etc…why do you think I tried so hard etc…stop playing games and tell me why you broke up with me” so I gets a txt back ref how she let me off to easy when she found out about my lies (the mortgage) and at what point did I try etc. Buttons pushed again and I replied back about how I tried to sort stuff and how much I want to be with her (yeah I fell into it) etc. txt back from her about how it was all just words etc. txt from me AGAIN stating how much I want us to e together etc. then nothing…spoke to one of my mates who said, just ask her why she dumped you,what was the reason and and why she seems to now hate you. So I txt this morning asking why I was dumped and why she hates me as I don’t understand….I gets this back ” Paul I don’t hate you at all.Txt you later.Im shattered and not feeling too good.X ” ?????? anyone any ideas on what the hell is going on?? still no reason!!! and guess what? no txt tonight to give me a reason!!! arrrrrrgggh!!! she’s driving me mental!!!!

  83. Eric Says:
    March 1st, 2010 at 11:26 pm

    Paul…hmm…lets just put it this way GIRLS ARE CONFUSING! But Paul idk what to do cuz she is on MY PHONE CONTRACT…everyone is saying shut it off and idk what to do! Your GF lost me lol! i have no IDEA and my EX GF is really getting on my last nerve! Her Friends are so IMMATURE and im about ready to shut them the hell up! And one day it seemed everything was going ok bcuz i was ignoring her!! then she was all trying to get ahold of me AND OF COURSE I FELL INTO it then the tables turned again and now she erased me off of Facebook…and she wont even text me back!! She is pissing me off HARDCORE!! im going Insane! Your GF paul seems to not know what she wants at the moment…mb she is going to see if there is ne one else out there..thats what i think mine is doing! it hurts but it seems true!

  84. Eric Says:
    March 1st, 2010 at 11:27 pm

    Paul if you have a facebook you should add me on there i check it everyday! type in my name Eric Platzer and send me a request!

  85. Paul Says:
    March 2nd, 2010 at 6:20 am

    sent you a friends request, oh if I were you…remove her off that phone contract, hey if she’s not wanting to be with you then no need for her to be on there is there
    Dunno what’s going on with mine, one minute we’re okay,in love etc, talking about moving in together,kids (yep the only woman I’d want a family with!) sorting out the mortgage once and for all etc, next thing she’s detached herself and is distant?? even my female friends don’t know what to make of it? one of my mates at work saw her yesterday and said she looked down n sad, he wondered why, then I told him.He doesn’t think I should give up on her. Think I need a face to face to find out what is going on in her head, maybe get a resolution on way or another on this so I can move on with my life. Been 3 weeks now of odd texts, and I’m still confused as to why she ended it. Still no reason?? As much as I love and want to be with her I’m kinda stuck in limbo not knowing..

  86. Eric Says:
    March 2nd, 2010 at 9:41 pm

    Paul…i accidentaly ignored your request lol…my bad one more time haha..i cant find you on facebook! Eric Platzer!!

  87. Paul Says:
    March 2nd, 2010 at 11:21 pm

    lol I’ll send another request again, do it in the morning,
    Am well hidden on facebook mate lol…saves loony tunes looking me up lol!!

    Oh may be making progress with H!!! sent her a huge txt with all my feelings laid out and how I’ve been an ass last few months when drunk (don’t drink at all anymore)she replied that she is in love with me but has big time trust issues with me…and she’s missed not seeing me at work!! going to take a while but maybe just maybe we may work this out!!I’ve got to regain her trust again, she cant seem to stop being bitter at the moment…not sure what to do???

    you canceled yer gf’s contract yet???

  88. Eric Says:
    March 4th, 2010 at 12:45 am

    Well you are making great progress!! WOW!! wish mine was good..No i havent cancelled her contract i cant pull myself together at all to do it…i love this girl so much! Mb your girlfriend is just confused on HERSELF not you…did she do something? That is what im wondering? If you ask and she freaks out you know she did…me and my girlfriend have not talked in a few days..although tonight i called her and we talked for a few minutes and she said she was getting ready for bed so i said goodnight and hung up! usually i try to keep her on the phone and say i love her..but not tonight! Im so cofused i love her alot

  89. Paul Says:
    March 4th, 2010 at 10:00 pm

    hmmm not so sure about the progress bit at the mo, went out with some guys from work (was my day off so I traveled in)just been txting each other, and she asked what I’d been up too…said Id gone out with guys from work (she knows them as we work in the same building) am now getting kinda frosty txts back…dont think she’s happy that (a)I traveled in to see them on my day off and (b) I went out and had a laugh with them tonight! now what have I done?? should I have cleared it with her first?rung her when I got into work to say “Hi I’m in the building fancy meeting up for a cuppa?? ” (just asked her how her night went again!! she was out with 2 girly mates…now no reply!)oh well and so it goes on…Paul in the doghouse again!

  90. Tom Says:
    March 6th, 2010 at 11:11 am

    I’m probably coming at this from a slightly different angle to a lot of you guys and I hope you don’t dislike me for it, you see, I am the ‘other guy’ in this situation. I met a girl when I started a new job, it was immediate attraction for me but I knew she had a boyfriend so decided not to let my feelings get the better of me.

    To my surprise it was her that seemed to be showing the signs of attraction and interest in me more prominently and obviously this fired those initial feelings I had for her. Over the next six months we didnt see each other that much due to working in different locations but she initiated several meetings betwen us and I could tell the interest from her remained.

    The time came when I was leaving for another job and feared not seeing her again so I found the courage to tell her exactly how I felt about her. She appeared pleased with what I said and suggested we meet up. From this point, for about 3 or 4 months our relationship grew stronger, there was nothing physical, but we both knew it was building. She would tell me of her frustrations with her relationship (I later found out that at this time she hated her boyfriend)and how she wished she was free of it leaving the door open for the two of us to maybe get together in time.

    Just when I felt things were building it all went quiet. One week were were talking on the phone and she was saying how she wanted to go to a party with me, the next week - nothing. A month went by with no contact. Eventually, she contacted me and told me she been away to Prague with her boyfriend and he proposed. She said ‘yes’, they were engaged. I was gutted!!

    At first, I played the game and offered my congratulations and decided to play it cool despite feeling like crap! Problem was my feelings got the better of me and fearing never being able to have the same connection with her again I told her I was pleased for her but wasnt dealing with it too good. Not really heard from her since, did I appear to needy for her?

    I understand peoples relationships go through ups and downs but this one seemed to be in tatters. I reacted to a good six months of interest from this girl before telling her of my feelings and then things grew stronger. I can’t understand how quick she turned back to him, it seems to me that the engagement is just papering over the cracks in their relationship as I know shes the type of girl who cant wait for the security of marriage, children etc. It was offered and she took it. I may be the bad guy here to some of you but all I’ve done is fall completely in love with a girl who showed me the same.

    I know all I can do is sit tight and hope she realises the relationship they have isn’t the real deal and I may hear from her again but them being engaged almost puts a brick wall in the way in my mind.

  91. Eric Says:
    March 8th, 2010 at 1:10 pm

    Tom…im sure no body dislikes you for it…but ne ways maybe she disliked her bf at the time bcuz she was WAITING for him to propose and mb she didnt feal he was going to and she wanted that? Maybe they were in a small stage of there relationship where they both felt not so in love ne more? Who knows maybe one day she will realize you were for her! There engaged MANY people realize during engagement that the person is not the one who they want to be with forever! Give it some more time…but dont try and talk to her..let her talk to you! But if you feal she isnt going to maybe you could spill your guts once again? You always here of the stories where the person lost the one they loved bcuz they didnt have the guts to tell them how they felt! so being i dont know this girl or you…it is your call if you feal she isnt going to contact you…you should maybe contact her! Otherwise you may lose this girl forever! Hope this helped a little bit!

  92. Tom Says:
    March 8th, 2010 at 4:48 pm

    Thanks Eric, appreciate you taking the time to reply and yes it does help a bit. I had thought about what you said about the period where she seriously disliked her boyfriend because he wouldnt propose and she felt maybe the relationship wasnt going anywhere and for this reason she turned to me instead. It could be a possibillity but I think us blokes could only ever find that out if we could somehow gain access to inside a womans mind!

    The latest development is that I told her the other day (by txt) that I was moving to a new job, she congratulated me and said it was a good move for me. She even asked where it would be so that she could come and say ‘hello’ sometime.
    On the face of it this is good as it keeps up the contact between us but I can’t be sure if she means it. I know I just have to get on with my life, leave her alone and see what happens but its so difficult when you’ve invested the last years thoughts, hopes, dreams etc in one girl and then suddenly, thats it!

  93. Guy Says:
    March 12th, 2010 at 2:02 pm

    when you’re with a girl who seems to good for you, well boys you gotta learn not to take it for granted .. getting dumped is more frustrating than stressful because only then do you realize how great things really were .. the age-old saying is true: you don’t know what you got till it’s gone.

  94. john Says:
    March 30th, 2010 at 11:08 pm

    No contact worked to get inital contact from her! been talking for nearly a month now and seen her a couple of times. Not getting back together just yet or maybe never but at least now i have a chance. dont give up guys hang in there

  95. Paul Says:
    April 2nd, 2010 at 8:02 pm

    Hi John, how long did you go no contact for??? currently been 3 weeks since I spoke or saw my ex. posted on here in March, we did have contact on and off for a few weeks now nothing at all. She stopped first and I’m not contacting either. I know I need time and space to heal. Am hoping she does too.

  96. Dan N Says:
    April 8th, 2010 at 7:29 pm

    Guys,
    I am also going through one of these break-ups that are all the same. The “i need space” or “i need to think about things” and “it’s just not right right now”. It’s ridiculous, i know. For some, you may be dating a girl and this could be your first real long relationship, and hers too. You’re a committed young man, and she was… but gets distanced. After she asked for space, I gave her space. We talked occasionally, but i didn’t see her for 4 weeks. I filled my time up with things I liked to do… visited friends in other cities, partied with others, read some books of interest, and started working out and eating right. I felt better about myself, thinking that when her time of reflection was up she’d miss me and want me back. I was wrong, she was “still confused” and so I did what every man should do, and stick up for himself. I told her straight “call a spade a spade, if you’re still confused and all that after 4 weeks of not seeing me… then we should probably just break up.” Stone cold. No emotion. Bottled it up. I told her how i felt (i loved her, want to make it work, but can’t do this limbo anymore) and she said she still loves me, and i was the best boyfriend she could ever ask for, and didn’t know why i would remain so loyal and love her so unconditionally. Women… have everything they want right in front of them.

    So what happened next? She cried, said she didn’t want to lose me but didn’t know what else to do. I told her it wasn’t my choice, but i understand that she doesn’t think of me the same way anymore and that as much as I want to be with her, I AM NOT GOING TO WAIT IN VAIN. I said “well i guess this is goodbye” and the tears flowed from her face that i had to shed one or two to show i was human. She asked if we would ever talk again, so i turned to her and said “i already told you how i felt… this wasn’t my choice.” She said “lets talk soon”. I kissed her on the cheek and walked away. The next day she texted me, telling me to have a safe trip (i was travelling which i why i pulled the trigger that night so i could clear my head for a few days). She now initiates contact with me over the past 2 weeks, i tell her im busy, or i stay aloof and act the WAY I DID WHEN SHE FELL FOR ME… which was busy, elusive, mysterious, but nonetheless a charmer and a full heart. Who knows where it will go. We never do. But maybe in a few weeks she’ll realize she made a mistake, or maybe in a few weeks I’ll realize that although she was once the girl of my dreams… maybe there’s more out there. This obviously applies to those that are young. Find who you were before you got in the relationship. Be that man. The rest will fall into place. If you got her, you can get another, maybe better, because you learn from your mistakes. If she is the right one, then she’ll be back. If you’re down, find the people that love you… friends, family, even animals lol. Go out with them. Let them remind you of how cool or fun or witty or charming or anything else you used to be. Enjoy life, and your enjoyment will attract the same type of girl that you fell in love with before… and this time, she may be better. Just don’t be fixed on getting her back. Be fixed on being who you were that she fell for, and she’ll come back.

    Sorry for the length, but I’ve gotten some good advice that has made me feel good about myself and feel better about my situation, knowing that I am a catch, and there will be more where taht came from. She’ll notice that, and if she doesn’t, someone better will. Good luck gents, and when you’re down and out, go find a female best friend… they’re the best medicine… they love you for your friendship and they know how to help.

    God speed

  97. Lee Says:
    April 20th, 2010 at 7:28 am

    I remeber reading this 4 months ago when i split up with my girlfriend, trust me when i say.. its faultless advice, 4 months sown the line i have won her back, and were stronger than we ever were before. girls dont like being pestered jus leave them be give them space and time to think, be yourself try to move on, and she will see this and think long and hard about it. good luck guys but we cant all be as lucky as me, and if your not then… you have to move on, if u dwell on the past it will dwell on you…

  98. Tom Says:
    April 20th, 2010 at 3:53 pm

    Thats great news for you Lee, theres hope for the rest of us then! So you say you let your girlfriend be for a few months, what happened during this period? Did you initiate any contact or did your girlfriend come to you? How much contact did you have with her? Don’t mean to pry but as your story is a success any details could help the rest of us.

  99. Bob Says:
    April 22nd, 2010 at 8:47 am

    It really helps, it helped me sometime, and i did the opposite recently and i screwed things up. Me and her had a very hot argument sometime last november, Well i started evrything, she became unbending i ended up using abusive language, it was thru the phone. Then sshe suddenly dropped the bomb words, never ever cal,l my number again, i tried for full two weeks but she wasnt ready to take ma calls, i just stopped instantly, after a month she just called me to say she just wanna see me, i bought some presents for her uuh i just screwed up there…but now that i more distant from her shes calling time and again, and i know and i can feel that she is burning

  100. Maidrin Says:
    April 26th, 2010 at 8:43 pm

    Hey Tommy.
    Personally I’m on a “break” with my gf, its not an official “break-up”, but it still yields the same awkwardness as a break up. I guess the difference between the two is that there’s a far better chance getting back together on a break rather than a break-up. To the point though, yes you have to ignore your partner. Again, that doesn’t mean be an outright dick to her, it just means you keep contact to a bare minimum. For me, she’s still offering me rides to school and really I have no reason to say no; these sort of things are fine.
    Phone calls and texting you should generally just avoid, maybe ask her how her weekend was if the situation permits, but DO NOT ask her exactly what she did and all that; remember during her “space” time she wants to be independent of you, you cannot show control over her in any way. I know it can be hard, especially in the past if she told you such things as “I love a protective guy” or “I did this this, and this, what did you do?”. Just don’t do it okay, trust me you’ll be glad you did. And the friend thing…. I agree do not do this. At first my gf asked if we could be friends during the break, to make it less awkward. Initially I said yes… but after just one day I said there’s just no way man.
    Again, keep your distance from her in all forms of contact but do not be an a-hole about it. Whether they admit it or not, or even if they’re going through an “I don’t care about attention” phase; girls LOVE attention.
    Give it some time, she’ll notice that you’re actually doing what she asked for; giving her space.

  101. Eric Says:
    May 10th, 2010 at 7:56 pm

    well fellas…it took me 3 months to get her back and now everything is amazing again!! everyone says no contact…well i didnt do that at all! i talked to her while we were broken up almost everynight!! then one night i did something dumb and ended up in jail for 3 nights and she decided to come back!! She spilled her guts to me! never heard her say any of it during the first relationship!! Idk what it did mb it wasnt jail..mb talk to her for majority of the time then all of a sudden just cut it for a couple daysseemed to work for me…so the no contact works yes but mb dont do it the WHOLE time! i was always there for her fighting my ass off to get her and well look it paid off!!

  102. Lee Says:
    May 14th, 2010 at 7:22 am

    @Tom
    “Thats great news for you Lee, theres hope for the rest of us then! So you say you let your girlfriend be for a few months, what happened during this period? Did you initiate any contact or did your girlfriend come to you? How much contact did you have with her? Don’t mean to pry but as your story is a success any details could help the rest of us.”

    Well after the break up, i just left her too it to be honest, i knew if she truly loved me we would meet again and so we did. Our break up was explosive and very unexpected by all of our friends, as we had been together 4 years. after we broke up we had a bit of contact, and then we stopped speaking all together, i left her be, just waiting and biding my time. well 4 months passed with no contact, i never even saw her in the street =( , and i was invited to a house party, well me and a few mates had already been out in the pubs and we were pretty drunk tbh =)… anyway we all went to this house party, and as we all walked into the back garden, i spotted her and she instantly spotted me, i didnt know that she was there nor did she know that i was coming. she went to talk to her best mate aka my best mates mrs (:P lol)i dont know what she said to her but, she came over to me and asked ” are you okay?” i replied “yeah, you?” she then much to my suprise said this “No, i miss you, can we go somewhere and talk” so we did and she kind of started having a go at me, saying things like ” why did u stop texting me” “i missed you so much, it hurts still”… then sure enough next morning, we got back together and we have been back together now for a month… and the weiredest bit is that it doesnt even feel like we have been apart… true love always finds a way.. dont fret, chin up and walk tall, she will see this and trust me when i say all the above stuff works. hope that helps Tom and others xD

  103. tyler Says:
    May 30th, 2010 at 4:22 pm

    Hey guys, I’ve read just about all of the previous posts, and I hope everything works out for you guys. I trully do.
    Here’s my story:
    I’ve been with the same girl on and off for almost 10 years. During one of our “off” times about 6 years ago, she started dating another guy and got pregnant. Well the guy ended up being a complete fraud, and she left him. The guy was never there for her while she was pregnant, and during that time, her and I got back together. I loved her so much, that the fact that she was pregnant with another mans child did not bother me one bit. All that mattered to me was that I was with her, and that she was with me. Well, for a long time everything was just great. She had the baby, and I was there the day he was born. Soon after the baby was born, we moved in together. At first, I did not take on the role of the “father”, because I really didnt know if it was my place. Well, a little bit of time passed, and when the baby got to talking, he called me daddy. I broke down, and knew right then and there that I was put there to be a father to this child. More time went by, and we got rid of our apartment and started renting a house from her mom. Again, everything was fine, aside from the occasional argument or two.

    It has now been about 5 years, and I am the father to her child. I am the only dad he has ever known. Now, we are engaged to be married, both of us working full time, and I am still in college trying to graduate, going to night school 4 nights a week. The past couple months, we had been getting into arguments over stupid things. I had recently purchased a 4-wheeler, and I was spending way to much time working on it in the garage than I should have been. I was really neglecting her, which was a big reason for our fights. I was just too selfish.

    This past monday night (about a week ago), we got into a big fight, and she said she was done. She said that I need to grow up, and change my selfish ways, and that the engagement was off. Of course I was completely heart broken, and wanted to talk to her about things, but she said she doesnt have anything to say. She says she needs time to herself, that she wants to be alone. She also says that if there is any chance of us getting back together, that I have to let her go right now and give her time and space.

    Well this weekend (memorial day wknd) she took our son out of town to visit her best friend, and I am here at the house. Her sister told me that she thinks we will be fine, and that we just need a little time apart. Its just hard though you know? She also said that her sister told her that she was worried I would go out and find another girl and move on with my life, but that is really not what I want to do. On top of all of this, I have to find a new place to stay. Making it even harder is the fact that I have a pitbull, and alot of places here dont let you have them if you are renting.

    I am going to give her space and not call her, which is something that I have never done in 10 years. The other times we were broken up, I always called her asking for her back, but this time I am not going to do that. I have not talked to her since thursday night, and it is now sunday afternoon. Im dying here guys. So scared of losing the girl I love. Any opinions? Do yall think that by me not calling she will think I have moved on, or is it maybe just time to move on?

    Oh, and if you read my whole story, thank you for listening to me. I’m hurting bad right now.

  104. Richard Says:
    June 4th, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    well i’ve read all the above comments and it’s nice to know im not the only one going through this, and that there is perhaps some hope (no matter how small it may be) of us getting back together. I’m still in school and i know im young and there are plenty of other girls out there but i just really miss her. we had only been going out for about 3 months so i know it sounds a bit pathetic compared to the years other guys spent with their ex’s, but everything was just so much easier when i was with her. she opened up my eyes to so many new things in the world and i saw how much i was missing out on, so i started appreciating the better things in life, and i changed for the better.
    It’s all my fault that we broke up 3 weeks ago. my problem is that i think into things far too much, no matter how small they may be. i didnt see her properly for 3 weeks because she was always busy so i jump to the conclusion that she is avoiding me, and when i did see her when we went on a date she would just constantly fiddle with anything that came to hand, i knew she did that kind of thing all the time but it worried me that she let go of my hand. so i wrote a letter telling her that i loved her, but she was out of my league and i thought she could be happier with one of the better guys out there because i’m just an average kinda guy with a whole lot of luck that somehow went out with the best looking, kindest and smartest girl in school.
    Two close friends tried to persuade me not to give her the letter and i’m really regretting it now, but in the end i did. when she read the letter she said she didnt want to see me, because she didnt trust me anymore, and if i felt she was out of my league then maybe we shouldnt go out anymore. i think she was happy and so in love with me that it all came as a shock to her that i thought like that. everyone tried to persuade her to talk with me so we could sort it out but she wouldnt. i called and texted her every day for 2 weeks telling her that i didnt want to break up because i loved her, but i got no reply. eventually she changed her relationship status to single on facebook and removed all pictures of us together. i was just about ready to throw away everything that reminded me of her so i deleted her as a friend. but i realised i couldnt do that because i still loved her. sent a friend request, but her sister accidentally accepted it, or so she said. i tried talking with her but eventually she blocked me and my mobile number. that hurt alot coupled with the fact she never told me to just leave her alone or that it was over to my face. i went to her house with chocolate and flowers and left them on the doorstep. she saw me once outside her house after i delivered the flowers and i looked into her eyes and called her name. but she just turned away and shut the door.
    i’m going to try the methods above and hope to heaven they work, but im not counting on it.

    As a wise man once said, expect the best, but prepare for the worst. It’s all we can ever do.

  105. Chaka Says:
    June 14th, 2010 at 2:56 am

    this is very true.
    i broke up with my girlfriend 2 days ago…..and good thing i read this…hope it helps me out..and win her heart back!

  106. help86 Says:
    June 16th, 2010 at 9:58 am

    hello,
    please read my story, i really appreciate any advice you give me.

    my ex broke up with me about two weeks ago,since then i tried to get back with her and talk to her with logic but it didnt work ,i call her almost every day just to talk , last night i called her and told her that i really mis her and how much i love her and hard for me to move on because everything i go through out the day reminds me of her, she replyes back saying that i should move on and she doesnt want to make it hard for me and she still loves me but dont want to get back with me,i asked her if she moved on she replyed that she is working on it and takes some time. i am just shocked by the way she treat me now , am talking about this girl that i truelly loved for past 4 years and cared about her, and now she act like she have no feelings left for me at all, i told her that am shocked of the way she act now but thats not her fault thats somthing i need to work on with my self.. now i really want to get back with her and at the same time i dont want to hurt my pride,infront of her or her freinds, i really need some help

  107. KyleXY Says:
    June 18th, 2010 at 2:27 am

    My girlfriend broke up with me on March 31st 2010. Communication was an issue and she became unhappy holding out for a proposal. Never told me how she felt. Then I let the breakup happen. Didn’t believe it and asked her the next day if it was an April Fool’s Day joke. It wasn’t & I freaked out for a few days. Then I saw her a week later and she hardly said a word. We went to dinner with my brother and his wife. I left it alone and it took two days. So the next day I poured my heart out to her and she told me she didn’t know what she wanted. We hung out all day and she cried in front of my sister and said she wasn’t over me. The next day she found out her parents were discussing divorce. Really? REALLY!? The timing could not have been worse. We maintained contact, hung out, said ‘I love you’ still, stopped talking, started talking again and the whole time I acted weak and did so much damage. For six weeks I tried to fix it and she would cry ANYTIME anyone brought “us” up. Then I made a huge error- I called her mom. She said I crossed the line and cut off contact. I sent an apology letter three weeks later. The day after I sent it my brother told me she was beginning to miss me (she is friends with his wife still). Next day she contacted me and it was good. We had lunch together a few days later and it seemed to go well. Had contact for a full week before I could tell she was growing distant so I just stopped texting. Too much too soon. Going on three days now and don’t know what to expect. We were together 44 months and she was waiting for a ring. I had planned to pop the question on our four year anniversary but she couldn’t hold out, didn’t know whether to believe me when I told her. The love of my life and I pushed her away so many times through the break-up. She misses me but feels I am not ready. It seems like the more time we spend apart the smaller my window gets. I don’t know if NC will work again but the spark still exists, I saw it when we had lunch. For weeks I’ve been reading up on “getting the ex back” and relationships and know where we went wrong. Know how to fix it, make a better and stronger bond. But all I have is time. I’m past the hurt but feel lost. She completed me and from what I understand she feels the same: Identity Crisis. Our fourth anniversary is in six weeks and I am contemplating sending flowers, as weak as that sounds. I brought her flowers every few weeks to her work, she loved to make her co-workers jealous. Even bought her new tires a few days after the breakup just so she would be safe. She always said what we had was stronger and better than any relationship she had ever seen. No one believed me when I told them we broke up. All I heard was “you guys are perfect for each other” and “how does anything that strong fail?” I still can’t believe it’s gone. After everything we shared and had planned for our future. Like it didn’t mean anything. Don’t know if she’ll miss me again at this point. Figure NC is best, if you love something, let it go…

  108. Milton Says:
    July 4th, 2010 at 4:43 am

    I was with my girl for 3 year we have a child together I lost her because we fell on hard time and she took my child and moved back home we got into a fight because the distance is killing me so in my anger I broke up with her huge mistake Im still in love with her I went through all the stages crying texting call I even talked to her sisters that only made her mad I miss her I have been giving her her space I need her back I’m not complete can’t sleep eat or think right now I hope this advice works I want my family back will do anything in this world I just prey she don’t fall for someone else she is a good women and any Guy would be lucky to have her

  109. tony Says:
    July 8th, 2010 at 3:52 am

    I wish i had read this in april. Me and my ex-fiance went through a very rough time immediately after the break up. Now we’re best friends but its just not enough. She has even told me that she still has very strong feelings for me and is still extremely attracted to me. My problem has nothing to do with any of these advices. My problem is she is active navy stationed in washington as of this month and im army national guard leaving for a year on a deployment. If anyone has advice for me email me at jr_1_2006@ yahoo.com

  110. Johanna Says:
    July 8th, 2010 at 2:23 pm

    As a woman, let me tell you now, that no self respecting girl will willingly come back to you due to psychological mind games. If she’s smart, she’ll see right through it. And if you can “trick” someone into taking you back, well then uhm that’s one smart cookie you got there heheh.

    Ex’s are Ex’s for a reason. The functional way of “winning” someone back is to look at what went wrong in the relationship. Really pinpoint what the problems were and determine if they can be resolved.

    My problems w/my ex was that he would come home drunk every weekend and I just didn’t feel any romance or effort was there.

    So do you think paying me Less attention is going to work?! It will only drive me further away in the opposite direction and confirm my reasons for leaving him.

    There is no cookie cutter advice folks. Work on the relationship, come to an agreement, or part ways.

  111. secret Says:
    July 11th, 2010 at 3:10 am

    this is just great !!!! thx 4 all ur post, i was down 20 minutes ago after reading this .. its a relief.. weew, tnx a lot bros .. cheers =)

  112. Greg Says:
    July 14th, 2010 at 4:48 pm

    I’ve been reading the above comments and finding them helpful. I suppose it’s also comforting to know others are going through what I’m going through and able to put some perspective on it for me. I hope you guys are all able to work it out, I really do, because most of you sound like you’d be better boyfriends for having gone through it all. Here’s my story:

    I’ve been going out with my gf J for 3.5yrs. We spend, admittedly, way too much time together. When we first met, she told me she was bisexual and, getting out of a long-term relationship with a guy, she wanted to experiment with girls and not be tied down. Sucker that I am, I fell madly in love with her and won her over a month later after spending practically every avail waking moment with her. In retrospect, it was stupid of me to have started a lengthy relationship with someone who so clearly needed something that being with me couldn’t offer her. But I still feel if I’d only met her a couple years later we could be happily married right now. Anyways…

    We hit it off amazing, she inspired me to be a better person, to try and move on from the past that had been haunting me. When with her, I was funnier, kinder, more generous and just better in every way. She helped me get my life on track, get into university and in turn I helped her, supported her in every way I could and for a few years we were living blissfully. She became my best friend and I thought I was hers too. In the end though, we spent far too much time together.

    For months now we’ve been having problems. I love her so much that I try to do everything I can to make it work, accommodate her, compromise for her, but ultimately, I seem to have just smothered her and seemed needy. The things she wanted most of me (quitting smoking pot, keeping a synchronized sleep cycle, being more open to her plans) I never gave her, and it was only after I’d lost her that I grasped the importance of those things. I took for granted how much of an effect I was having on her achieving her goals and I took for granted the ways in which I should be loving her. I truly lacked any accurate perspective on our situation for the longest time. Being dumped is bringing me around to what a jerk I unconsciously was. All the gifts, flattery, affection and effort in the world won’t help if you’re not applying them properly.

    In fairness to me she gave me very mixed signals throughout our relationship and it was often difficult to please her despite my sincerest efforts. Sometimes less is more, I’m learning that now. The thing is, I feel like I’m grieving the death of someone, because that’s how it feels; even though she wants to stay friends and isn’t closed to the idea of a date in a few months, I can see it in her face, she’s given up on me. Wants to focus on her, that means forgetting me. I’m sad that the person I consider my best friend in the world, in whom I’ve confided my deepest secrets, with whom I’ve had some of my best experiences and happiest moments won’t be in my life anymore. Her last boyfriend and her are technically friends but they never see each other. No matter how sweetly it ends, you two grow apart. That’s what hurts the most.

    Here’s the difficult part to interpret: she claims that she knows I’m unhappy with her, which I have been, despite still loving her to death, and she is obviously unhappy with both me and herself. We’re both trying way too hard to be having the strife we are. That’s why she needs space, something she expressed to me a week ago but I didn’t take seriously enough, still talking daily with her and seeing her most days. But when I expressed to her my frustration, this past weekend, with our relationship and how nothing felt like it was working, she clearly viewed it as an affirmation of the doubts and frustration that she’s been having too. The irony is that by venting, I ended my relationship when my intention was to work it out. Last night I went over and we cried it out, both of us sad to be losing the other, and as hard as it seems for her, I know she’s the one moving on and I’m the on left behind. I’m going to try and change in the ways she wanted, because it’s in my own best interest whether we get back together or not but I can’t help but feel betrayed that she claims to still love me but doesn’t think it’s worth giving one last chance, at least yet (probably ever), even if I change. Too little too late. Won’t be taking the next woman in my life for granted.

    So, any advice? Technically we’re on a break. No change in facebook status yet. I keep hoping the space I’m now giving her will help her realize that she loves me and misses me, which is somewhat possible, but I feel like I have no clue how to play it. We talked and spent so much time of our lives together that I understand the need for space, but I’m just afraid that it will lead to a superficially unsatisfying friendship. I could be happy just being her friend, but I don’t know how to make that happen. She claims she’d have it no other way but things change, people distance themselves from things which evoke painful memories. I don’t know, long rant, but feeling totally hurt and lost.

    Any advice would be appreciated.

  113. Derrick Says:
    July 19th, 2010 at 1:00 am

    WOW All my questions have been answered ive spend day and night thinking of ways to win her back but at the same time give her her space and this just ralated to me so much all i can do now is go by these rules and test it out for myself

  114. Tony Says:
    July 20th, 2010 at 4:28 am

    An opinion on this would be very useful!

    I have just put NC into place with my girlfriend, who was trying to decide whether to go back with her ex so she can have a baby, they have frozen fertilized eggs and she had “Chemo” that made her infertile, she has to make the decision by next Monday, or they will destroy the eggs. She says her only chance for a baby is to go back with him although she is fighting the fact that she loves me, but can’t decide what she wants. She was very distant with me last week and I didn’t know about the egg issue till the Friday.

    We have only been together for just over four months, but the love and passion was definitely there and I think genuinely still is, on both sides.

    She came down to be with me on Friday night and was loving and telling me how much she missed me, then at 2 in the morning her ex turned up and demanded she go back with him to talk, so she left, although you could see she didn’t want too… They live 240 miles away.

    After a few text messages and not really knowing where this was all leading, I called her on the phone last night, it was a pleasant chat and she was full of remorse for making me wait and that she still hadn’t made her mind up… Although she was pointing out how pathetic it sounded about going back with him.

    I said that I will respect her decision and never contact her again, saying that if this is what she wants, then I’ll give them a chance.

    I told her that I wanted to chat with her on the phone, as it could possibly be the last time we spoke to each other, she said “don’t say that” I said well, I am backing off and letting you make your decision, I love you and would love to think that we had a future together. But I said that I don’t want her to contact me with what she decides, unless obviously she decides it’s me she wants. I said that I am giving her space, but she must respect that I need some too, that shouldn’t contact me to give me my space, I said I need to think of moving on.

    I told her that I hoped what ever her decision, that she leads a happy life, because I think she deserves it.

    Have I done too much or should I have waited upon her decision, I just haven’t been able to cope the last week or so not knowing, so I wanted to take the decisive approach and show that I won’t be messed about. The I am strong and although I want a relationship with her, I don’t need it!

    The way I look at it is, he is possessive, needy and aggressive, all the things I am not. I mean coming all the way down to get her to come back is showing a sign of neediness right? I just wonder if she is took weak to fight off his bullying and she will back down.

    I really hope this works.

  115. Ry Says:
    August 9th, 2010 at 2:20 am

    I’ve been uhhh broken up with for a few weeks now. Blows of course. I miss her deeply and I know was too clingy and bullshit. But we work together and no contact is outta the question!! I do I go about my day eith her at work. I just dint know if it’s making it easier for her to get over me since we work together. And what should my attitude be to her at work! Replay please

  116. Nuvin Says:
    August 9th, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    Please someone help me. my number is 07916559690. My girlfriend just broke up with me and i don’t know what to do. i havent contacted her since she broke up with me and i feeel soo bad now. Please Gurus Help meee .

  117. Chad Says:
    August 10th, 2010 at 1:13 pm

    I am going to write a comment if, for anything, just to get some of this out of my head (and heart). I have known this woman for almost 7 years now, and we met in school and dated off and on. I was not in the right mindset to be in a relationship during that time so I made a lot of mistakes and cheated on her but she forgave me and we continued in that relationship. We left school and came to a point that we mutually thought breaking up was the best thing to do. We continued separated for a year and half, when I learned she was with a old boyfriend who wanted to marry her. This hit me hard and I desparately wanted her back, but it wasn’t going to happen. I eventually backed off bracing for the worst, but it turned out she didn’t want to be with him. Shortly thereafter we began talking again and got back together with the idea that this was going to lead to marriage. I gladly accepted as I wanted to marry her and spend my life with her. That continued for another two years as I eventually moved in with her, but we were not yet engaged. She became very upset over this as she never wanted to move in with someone she was not at least engaged to. Christmas came and went and I didn’t have a ring to propose. Shortly thereafter I started paying on a ring, then her birthday came around and I still didn’t have it paid for so I didn’t propose once again. I finally paid it off, had the ring in my possession, and what did I do? I never asked her. I started feeling like she was pressuring me and I resisted “giving in.” So this caused strife and finally lead to her saying she couldn’t do this anymore and we weren’t meant to be or this would have happened already. I didn’t have much of an argument, but I knew I still loved her and wanted to be with her. She told me I wasn’t ready, and I knew years ago that I wasn’t, and maybe I’m not 100% ready now, but it’s for trivial, selfish reasons that should never stand in the way of being with someone you care so deeply about. I have since moved out and that hit me really hard, moving into a place by myself and away from her. I’ve had moments of great sadness, despair, anger, desperation, and it never fails that I go back to her with it all. I’ve even scared her into thinking I would kill myself, and though I’ve had those thoughts I know I would never, could never do that. It was desperation talking, trying to find a way to ease a pain I’ve never felt before in my life. On top of it, I know she is interested in someone else and they see each other frequently so it’s only a matter of time before they start dating which could lead to a serious relationship and even marriage. I don’t know how I can take knowing that I was with her and had a ring that I never gave her, and only to watch her walk away with someone else. I want to think we are still meant for each other, but the odds are less and less. I only make it worse by not only thinking of her, but exasperating those thoughts until I am overwhelmed by them. This has only hurt her and put a stress on whatever is left between us. Why does this have to happen? If we aren’t meant to be, why has this continued for so long? I have made the decision today to stop talking to her. I can’t change anything with what I am feeling now and more importantly what SHE is feeling. I think this might be the end, and there is NOTHING I can do but give her space. She may very well go on to marry this guy or another and never look back. I have to accept that. If it’s meant to be, we’ll be together again. This is by far harder than anything I’ve ever experienced and I can only hope I learn from it with or without her in my life. It’s somewhat comforting to know I am not the only one who has experienced this. You are not alone!

  118. Shane Says:
    August 14th, 2010 at 3:01 am

    what is you leave her alone, not giving her more attention and she is able to get used to it and eventually totally forget you?

  119. Juwan Says:
    August 17th, 2010 at 2:10 am

    WOW, I think that I really had messed up. Well it all started when she started to poke me on Facebook since than I added an face book app on my phone and so she poked me and I tried to poke her back but instead it sent her a message, so than we were talking a lot because she had just broken up with her boy friend that had broken up with her, so than her sister told me that we really had made an good cuple and stuff like that so that’s when I made the first mistake by telling her things like we should get back together and that her sister said that we really had made a good cuple and stuff like that. So than she pretty much changed the subject. So a week like a week later I made anthor stupid mistake by telling her that I really love her and that I really wished that we were back together and stuff, so than she stopped talking to me and now we are talking again but not as much. But the whole thing is that she is moving and I might be moving and we both are going to different high schools because one is a free computer school were you do a lot of projects and use computers. So I just don’t know how to deal with this, do I cought her off and just wite for high school because it is starting in just a little over a week or what. And also it seams like she had wonted to get back together and stuff and now I am just realizing that she really did want me back because she never talked to me before and her sister said that I was the only Guy that was treating her right and stuff like that. Please help I don’t know what to do

  120. Instantclassic Says:
    August 18th, 2010 at 6:18 pm

    hey guys! Ive read ur stories and it helped lots :D i was with my gf and at the start i was a very possesive and i hurt her then she broke up with me and then when we got back together i treated her great….she broke up with me 2 days ago…..

    I sat here blaming my self..shes the love of my life and felt id never love anyone the same. Whats worse is i keep blaming my self at the beggining of our relationship…

    But we cant turn time back lets be honest boys things happen for a reason. We can force fate. The same way u met ur gf’s ull meet someone else. At the end of the day
    it’s all about love. If ur gf truely loves u they wouldnt leave u. My gf showed that she is willing to give up on me and leave me. She was willing to destroy all the great stuff we had. If someones willing to do that do u really want them to be with u? I mean what if u married them and had kids! And then they’d left u……..

    If someones supposed to be with u they will be things happen for a reason to teach us life lessons. Yes its hard but my gf left me over arguments at the start of our relationships……..people in relationships forgive one another for cheating. Physical abuse. And worse things and she broke up with me over that?

    Look its hard i havent slept properly i break down i keep throwing up everywhere i barely ate…..but we can only apoligise for our mistakes and move on. When u make a mistake u cant take it to heart u learn from it but u dont take it to heart. If u did it kills ur spirit and you die a little inside. Look i know this time sucks but most of u need to realise theres other women waiting for u out there and that this is a blessing in disgiuse….

    Surround ur self with family and friends talk to people who have lost there first love and u’ll see that most people have been in our shoes….BE STRONG go out and discover life…pick up hobbies u always wanted to do but didnt because u had no time because of her. Meet new people feed of their spirit and let their spirit feed u. Just get back to life!

    No point in trying to do the things above remember u guys are the man! Ur the best! Be happy ur alive and healthy! We all die one day lets enjoy the days we have. Love is sometimes an illusion and when someone leaves u that illusion one day disapeers.

    True love means that would never have left us! Thats true love thats that unconditional love….thats what we deserve! We are strong no matter what they do we are still here where still fighting strong! U guys sound like u did everything u could!

    Just let it go i know it sucks but u deserve more u will find more just let go. Dont destroy ur life over this! Shes the one who left that guilt will be on her for the rest of her life. U did ur best i did my best she was my first gf and i didnt understand love or relationships because i never liked anyone before and had relationships before. So i was an idiot i asked too many questions about her past if she loved me she would have given me a proper chance…..

    Im so hurt im in the same shoes but boys this is life remember be proud of the fact u had the guts to go for it. U risked it all and u lost. But u risked it all! Not many men could put them self’es on the line like us. Far better is it to dare greatly then end up with the poor spirits that know nor victory nor defeat because they live in a grey twlight.

  121. Zach Says:
    September 10th, 2010 at 1:27 pm

    Going to sound redundant, but great advice. The only problem is I broke up with her because she was acting weird. We met in nursing school and have been dating for 8 months and lately I noticed she had been acting very very distant and unlike her old self. So I approached her and told her I knew something was up… well she proceeded to tell me that she doesn’t know what she wants. I told her how I felt about her and said it isn’t up to me whether we are in a relationship and I walked out. 3 hours later she called me and I went to her place and she apologized and started crying saying she was stupid and that she wanted to be with me, but that she needed more alone time which I definitely agreed with. See in Nursing school you see the same people every single day of the week. We form a new bond with these people and what not so not only was I seeing her at night or in our free time, but also during school hours because we had the same schedule. Anywhom, A week goes by and she starts getting really distant again… so again I just figured she needed a little bit of space so I let her do her own thing and left. Well that night I find out she went out and didn’t want me to come along, but she wanted to go out with a group of guys. I found out and called her and she admitted it and I said you know its one thing to want your alone time, but its another to not even want me in the picture so I ended it. Well the next day she texts me saying she is sorry she has finally realized what happened, blah blah blah. Then she says I have been a wreck lately and I don’t want me being a wreck to be the reason I let go of such a good thing.
    Ok guys I have mentioned I am in ROTC… so when I graduate I leave for 3 months and then in the next 3 years I have to go overseas. I told her this at the beginning of our relationship and I told her I wanted her to come with me. Let me also says she is a really really free spirited and independent. Well lately she has been really distraught about the whole thing and I don’t blame her, but she pretty much told me 2 days after I broke up with her that she thinks if she stays with me that she will have to give up her hopes & dreams in order to have a life with me. This is what gets me… a relationship is a mutual sharing of extreme feelings between two people; there are sacrifices and agreements and if its a good one everyone is happy. Well I told her that and she just doesn’t understand. I don’t know what to do… I mean she told me she wanted to be with me after I broke up with her, but that she needs to figure out if she wants everything that comes with being with me, which means the military thing.
    So basically I have been giving her the space she needs. I give her small talk texts limiting it to about 3 or 4 responses. I know I am not emotionally able to just walk completely AND to tell you the truth I dont want to. I love this girl so much… what else do I do? I can only give her so much space because we see each other every day and on top of that we live in the same apartment building… what do I do?

  122. brandon Says:
    September 15th, 2010 at 3:26 pm

    im so glad i found this site me and my girl broke up two days ago. yesterday i went to her work and gave her flowers she seemed kinda happy to see me. im going to give her the space she needs to think bout things. im going to follow the advice on here and hope for the best.

  123. stevoooo Says:
    September 16th, 2010 at 9:18 am

    i broke up with my ex and did the begging for her back bit which was totally wrong and all she said was leave me alone. Then i read this article changed my facebook to enjoying single life and a couple of girls commented on the status like i hope ur ok etc….next thing within like 20mins shes texting saying how happy shes is ive moved on and before that she wouldnt speak to me so i ignored her. Then she ring me crying saying how wrong i was to write that on facebook when shes not over me and how she never wants to see me again so i say im sory but i dont want to wait around if you dont want to be with me. then 3 hours later shes begging me to meet up with her to sort things out when in the morining she was saying its over for good. i cant believe this actually works thanks so much

  124. "Joshwah" Says:
    September 17th, 2010 at 4:25 pm

    I read through as many comments as I possibly could before I couldn’t stand it and had to write out what I’m going through;

    I’m going to change her name to “Bonnie”, just for the fact that we always enjoyed the “love story” of Bonnie and Clyde, not what they did, but how strong they loved each other…

    Anyways!

    Me and my ex had been together nearly two years. We have gone through a lot. She first moved in with me the first week we were together. Prior to tha, we had only hung out twice, both times spending more than 8 hours together each day. She actually found me due to one of my old best friends making a fake profile on MySpace to hook up with girls. At the time, I hated him for doing that after she had told me the reason she added me. Then after her and I got together, I thanked him.

    I was afraid of actually getting with her because she was a signed model that moved from Cali to her in the Mid West to see her family before she moved to Ireland for her agency. So I didn’t wanna get with her because I didn’t want to long distance anymore.
    Then one night, while out at a bowling alley at two of my chick friends, we were taking a break from playing pool and I was holding her from behind while we leaned on the air hockey table. The song “Right Now (Na Na Na)” by Akon came on. I had never sang to a girl before, and I felt so close to her. So I rested my chin on her shoulder and sang the lyrics in her ear. Then after the song, I gripped her tightly with my arms around her and told her that her and I are together, I didn’t ask. She quickly turned and kissed me.

    Now, the bad stuff:

    I used to break up with her a lot, just about everytime we would argue. Then I realized I was just doing it just for the fact that I wanted her to prove to me she wanted me and didn’t want me to leave.

    It all started when I had found her journal after the first month she had moved in. She had wrote that her and her gay friend were just using me and another best friend of mine (that didn’t make the fake) for an apartment, money, and waste time. While she was out with a group of friends, I called her and told her that when she got home, I had a “surprise for her”.
    Well, when she finally got there maybe 30mins later, she found all of her stuff packed and ready to go. She immediately burst into tears and begged why. I told her while I was cleaning, her journal fell to the floor. I was gonna put it in the night stand on her side of the bed when I seen my name mentioned a lot. So of course, I became curious and read.
    She quickly flipped the switched and told me she told her friends she wasn’t going to use me. And she had called her agency and told them she wasn’t going to move to Ireland, that she was staying with me. Which of course made me feel like shit, so I quickly took her back. But told her she had to make it up to me. Especially since a couple months later, I found messages between her and her agent about loving each other and wanting one another.
    Then two months after that, she said she was going to visit her cousin near NY for her bday. She was sharing her phone with me when one night I went through the texts and seen her “cousin” calling her foxy. I thought nothing of it because her favorite animal is a fox.
    Then one night while we were staying at her parents house while they were away, she was making dinner for me when her phone went off. I of course read it thinking maybe it was one of my friends. When I opened it, the first thing I read was how the guy was excited to see her and to finally have her all to his own.
    So, we went through the whole breaking up ordeal yet again. Told her I couldn’t trust her and that I didn’t know if I really did love her. And that she’s just like every other girl I had ever been with. Well, I took her back…

    Then the rolls completely switched… We had had a threesome with he best chick friend that she modeled with. Well, “Bonnie” was always at work. Working her ass off to pay all of our bills, food, cigarettes, etc. I found myself feeling unwanted and alone. Even though she would text me and call me every chance she got. Even if it were to say she loved and missed me. She hate her job, as she worked telemarketing for a political party she is completely against, just so she could have a job to support us both.
    I found myself texting her best friend a lot. Eventually, it turned into “sexting” one night, while “Bonnie” was asleep in the same bed as I was.
    After me and the best friend’s conversation ended, I quickly hated myself and felt disgusted with myself… Bonnie knew what happened because she kept waking up to my movements and got into my phone and seen it all. She wanted her and I to break up. Well, I convinced her otherwise.

    Then, an ex of mine got ahold of me via Facebook and I started talking to her. She always wanted for her and I to hang out. But because of what happened between me and the last girl, I bluntly told her I did not trust myself with her. Then one night while Bonnie was at work, my ex sent me nude pictures via text. I did not respond to her, but I emailed the pictures to myself and deleted them off my phone.
    I had forgotten all about them due to me constantly blowing off my ex and telling her I wanted, yet again, nothing to do with her. And of course, Bonnie found them. Along with an extensive “collection” of pornography pictures and sites I had sent to my email address.
    I convinced her to stay again.
    Then another ex started talking to me. Although there were no “sexting” or pictures sent, we had talked about our previous sex life. I, stupidly, saved the conversation and emailed it to myself… Again, I convinced her to stay.

    Then maybe a month later, a “new girl” had come around. I was not interested in her at all. I just was friends with her because she liked my tattoo work and she paid well for my work.
    One night, I went to her house while Bonnie went out with our friends, who I was to meet up with later. Well, the tattoos took way longer than I expected. I told Bonnie I’d be gone maybe 3 hours, because I was fixing a tattoo on her hip and doing stars all along her back and ribs… I ended up being gone nearly five hours. I tried calling and texting the entire time, but she never recieved a call or text (I’m not lying, I have no reason to lie anymore).
    I was ok with Bonnie being pissed at me, I understood completely. I told her that from that point on, I wanted Bonnie to be there when I tattooed the girl so that she knew nothing went on at all. She was comfortable with that idea, but still didn’t trust me.

    Well, things were fine for a while until the girlsent me nude pictures. I tried deleting them because she sent them to my email and I was using Bonnie’s phone. Well, she apparently has a back up app on her phone that saved deleted pictures. She seen them, and yet again, tried breaking up with me… It was the worst pain ever. Especially sinc I did not pursue anything.
    We eventually made up that day. Though she was stilled hurt and mad. I told her I’d never put myself in that situation again. And I have stayed true to that still to this day. And I no longer kept a single thing from her. I vowed to no longer lie, cheat, etc. But it was/is hard for her to believe anything I said. Because I had broken a promise that I swore to keep, that I had put on my life, her life, my father’s grave, and her daughter’s life…

    All of that lasted from the beginning of the summer of ‘09 until just the begining of this year. And since that last time, I kept my promise to never be in a situation like those or cheat.
    But, I became “addicted” to porn. I was always turning down the best sex I’ve ever had to “enjoy” porn.
    She eventually caught me during my two month escapade of my addiction. She didn’t want to leave me, but rather work through it with me. And we had. Though, she was extremely skeptic of any new website I signed up to and thought I was becoming addicted to porn again. So I let her pre-approve any new site I joined or looked at.

    My main problem (besides not having a job) was my anger and not showing “PDA”. Not once did I hit her. I never have, and never will hit a female. But I would always find things to argue with her about. And I had once punched a whole in our closet door.
    Also, I had become some what of a “home body”. I would go out with her to over-look photoshoot she had and go out with friends with her. But, I never would dance with her. Which bugged her because she wanted to be the first girl I ever danced with. Plus, she hated that guys would hit on her and I was never there to back them away…

    Now, I am unsure of this anymore, but the first girl and the tattoo girl would tell everyone that me and them were still doing things. And I was going to leave Bonnie for them. Just everything they could to get Bonnie and I to break up…

    But besides all of that, I was always doing my best to be the sweetest guy I could ever be. Massaging her, insisting on making dinner instead of going out. Cleaning our house. Everything I could think of that didn’t cost money, since I didn’t have a job 80% of the time we were together.
    But when I did have a job, I became selfish and bought myself cigarettes and soda over buying her a fifty cent sticker from the grocery store…

    We eventually both decided to call it quits on Aug. 23, just last month. And it sucks because it all started with her best friend (not the threesome girl) told her she should leave me. Which, I didn’t understand her saying because this girl’s “fiancée” is worse than I am. He physically cheated on her selveral times. Was living with another girl while still talking to Bonnie’s best friend…

    The worst things that all happened is on Aug. 13th, the car we got into a bad wreck and totalled the car we were buying together. She broke up with me the 23rd. Got fired from my job a week later. My brother and his gf are moving to Montana Oct. 6th. My mom and her fiancée are moving to a different city 45 minutes away within the next week. Possibly even today. Bonnie told me she found someone else that she “might like”. She deleted me off Facebook, deleted her MySpace, deleted me from Twitter, and some how even though we’re on a family plan, she blocked my number.
    Has told me she’s not in love with me. Will only talk to me when the phone bill is due. And says that no matter what I do, she’ll never take me back. She’s going to Cali for 9 days and said she’s going to keep her phone off the whole time. Only turn it on to call her parents. And said when she gets back, she’s going to take all my stuff to our old place with our room mate and take all of he stuff…
    But yet, she calls me every night when she gets home. We’ve had sex a few times since the break up. She told me about the dream house we picked out on our first day together is still for sale. Her mom and dad miss me and will randomly bring me up saying things like, “If it’s meant to be, it’ll work out.” “I hope later on, you guys get back together.” “You two were great together.” And they know everything that’s happened. And knew how much I worked on fixing our relationship.

    There’s still so much more to say, but I’m sure that this is plenty of reading for now…

    I just wish I knew how to get my LoveBird (pet name for each other cause we said we’d always die if we were seperated, just like LoveBirds). And I wish I knew how to read her signs. Because yesterday, when she told me about the new “boy”, she wouldn’t say who it was or anything. Then the first thing she said when she called me at 3am, was “Are you mad at me?” I told her I was, but that if she’s happy, then whatever. Then she proceeded to say, “Well, I didn’t say that I DO like him. I just said I think that I might.”

    Sorry for the long story. But I just don’t know what to do. I try to move on and let go, but every little thing reminds me of her constantly. Especially since she will keep saying she misses me and still cares about me…

    What can I do to prove to her that I have actually changed and will make it up to her? That she’s what makes me happy and makes my world turn… She’s my everything.

    I did only one gift to her. I stopped contacting her first (before she blocked my number). I am always out trying to find a job. I’m always trying to hang out with friends. I told her I just want to be happy, and meant it. I don’t flirt with girls/doing the jealousy route. I’ve done just about all the tricks I have read about… What can I do?

  125. w Says:
    September 17th, 2010 at 6:44 pm

    What does it mean if after my girlfriend broke up with me, she still calls or texts me everyday, even though I rarely go out of my way to contact her. I still love her and would like to get back with her, but it’s been about two months. I believe she still misses me because about three weeks after the breakup, we had sex twice and she still would invite me to sleep over but with no sex afterwards. She’s always telling me about dudes hitting on her and her not being interested in another relationship for a long time. Last night, we hung out and she said “Not that it’s a big deal, but this guy asked me to dinner and I said yes” She then asked me if I was okay. As I was leaving i told her good luck on her date and she said, “Well he seemed kind of arrogant when I first met him, but we’ll see.” I guess I’m not really sure what to do. I don’t want to hurt her feelings by asking her not to call or text me. Does anyone know what she might be expecting from me as to my next move or moves?

  126. w Says:
    September 17th, 2010 at 6:54 pm

    Oh and when we broke up, we hid our relationship statuses on Facebook when we set them to single and they are still hidden. We both also have all of the pictures of us still on our pages. Is it that difficult for her to let me go and is there a realistic shot of reconciliation?

  127. Jeff Says:
    October 1st, 2010 at 9:17 pm

    Ok, I sent her 4 nice gifts last month with some nice notes that are heartfelt, but not mushy, not acting in desperation, and not saying I love you, I gotta have you.

    I sent these 3 months after the breakup after we have had time apart. We did meet once and talk on the phone once in July, but she has been chasing me around with silly games since while she is trying to figure things out.

    I stopped sending her gifts last week and I am going to let her be for a while for things to catch up and give her a chance to figure out what she really wants.

    She is still however still showing great emotions when talking about me or thinking about me.

    She has a hard time understanding that renewed contact is ok to do after 3 months.

    Is she getting riled up because she feels bad about the breakup and is having a hard time dealing with the truth that she is still in love with me and wants me back?

  128. mayhemmamachine86 Says:
    October 6th, 2010 at 2:04 am

    All sounds good…but my situation is more complicated than u you think…i live with her. and none of us can move out at the moment. what do i do? i could move out and stay with my mates but at the most i could do 2weeks before i start crowding peoples space? if you know what i mean? any suggestions?

  129. Tejas Says:
    October 19th, 2010 at 5:59 am

    I always had a soft spot for this girl since the past 4 years. But I could never do anything about it cuz she was with this guy till like 8 months ago. They ended on a bad note and she wasn’t looking for anything serious, just something casual and so was I cuz I was out of a bad relationship too where I felt trapped, so our situation was quite similar. My best friend(a girl)who happens to be her best friend too, set me up with her since she knew that we are just the same and that we would be perfect for each other, where we could be friends, get to know each other, love each other in way in which we could discover life in the bestest way possible ( I know all this sounds really mushy, but its true). So, we met, we started texting and went for more dates, and there it was, I had this girl, the girl I have always wanted to hug, kiss and have by my side. Yet, I officially did not ask her out cuz I wanted to take things slow and not rush, but she wanted that assurance, but she was very mature and understanding to give me that time. I finally did ask her out and we were toghether for 2 months uptil now. She confronted me and said shes confused, and that she needs time to think this over and that I am free to move on. She told my best friend that she likes me a lot, but she dooesnt wanna hurt me. I really really want her back and I want this confusion in her mind to end so that she can give me a positive reply. I ll give her the time and space she needs, but I just cant get her out of my mind, shes all that I want in my life, shes got everything I look for in a girl, shes just a very important part of my World. In fact, we are away from everything when we are with each other and I wish she could realise that. In the meanwhile, all i can do is hope and have faith in God, and moreso in myself and waht we shared and our undying love. I LOVE HER. If you guys have any suggestions, please let me know, I really need a lot of help. I ll be devastated if she doesn;t give me the reply that I want to hear.

  130. Ricardo Says:
    October 26th, 2010 at 12:38 am

    ok so guys, i have been in a relationship for 4 years now. on and off. we have broken up maybe 6 times! i know its a lot but here is what u need to do. Make sure u follow these rules! they will help. LEt her mind wonder what you are doing, let her miss and want to see you. NEVER say yes to seeing her for the first time after the breakup. maybe not even the second- as a matter of fact not until you hear the “can we talk” line, DO not invite her anywhere or text her back, even if its a good night text, ignore it!. . do not email her or call her. Give it less than 2 weeks and she will contact you. Keep your head up, dont go talking to any girls just yet- this will let her know that you are either moving on or you are attempting to make her jealous! this will only start a fight and she will go out n date for you to see and find out. Do not change your status on your social pages or make any updates on the recent change of status. Keep things as normal. If anything try new things and update ur social page about how much fun the gym was or poker night. Let her see that you are having fun and you are ok without her. all of this will work if you have been together for a while. It will make her realize that she is not just “used” to you. She does still LOVE YOU. When you do get the “can we talk” line. Set groundrules. EVEN if you made the mistake, let her know what you expect if you get back with her. Its a mind game, you will have her thinking she is the one that messed up! It hurts but staying busy is the only way to do these things. good luck guys!

  131. Dave Says:
    October 28th, 2010 at 5:19 am

    My ex and I broke up on my birthday after a stupid argument. I was being childish. I didn’t call her for 4 days and then I started missing her. I tried to text and call, no respond. Called her work and she hang up on me. Tried friends to talk to her, nothing worked, I even proposed to her on her voicemail since she wouldn’t pickup. 10 days later she called and asking for space, her mother was on the phone too telling me give my daughter a month and if she finds out.I spoke or saw her she will no longer be her daughter. I said fine, after mother hang up we tallied for hours. She asked me to send her flowers and things were fine. I didn’t call her for 3 weeks but sending flowers 3 times a week. Finally I text her asking if she liked the flowers and no respond, I emailed her and no respond, then I stopped sending flowers. A week later she sent me a very nasty breakup letter and 13 days later she event to tailand meeting this guy from Iran, We both are from Iran too but we live here for long time in calif. So make the story short, she Spent 10 days withbthis guy who traveled from Iran to meet her there and gets engaged in 3 days. When she got back she put up their picture and changes her status to ENGAGED and also indicates his name to as who she is engaged with. We been together for 2 1/2 years but the last 9 months I became determined that she was the one for me. She didn’t give me any chance at all. I later found out that this guy from Iran has no green card but is also been married and has a 6 year old daughter. It’s been almost a month that she came back from Thailand. How the he’ll someone gets engaged in 3 days without living or dating them. This guys is never been to the states. I am sure that must have talked on the phone for couple of months. I know this guy sweet talked her into meeting him and she fell for it. She doesn’t know that he is using her just to get a green card. Need advise. It may take 8 months before he can come here. What do you guys think the chances are she will realize she made a mistake or see the light.

  132. Anotherone Says:
    November 11th, 2010 at 7:14 pm

    Guys, listen to the advice above. You HAVE to commit to NC (No contact). I got my hands on that ebook “How to get your ex back for good”. Same outline. As much as it hurts. As much as you want to send that last text,email phonecall… DO NOT!!! Plain and simple. Stop looking at her phone number, pictures, facebook page…whatever. Erase her from your head for now.

    It hurts. I know. You want to reach out. You’re convinced that if you just say the right thing she’ll turn around. She won’t. Even if she did.. all you would be doing is being up her ass the rest of the time asking “is everything ok?”.. “Are we ok?”… “Are you sure”… pathetic. Thats NOT who you are.

    No contact. Video games, bike riding, working out, playing guitar… do WHATEVER makes YOU happy. You have to rediscover yourself. You have to have fun even though she’s always going to creep into your mind.

    The secret is, shes thinking of you as well. Just as much. BUT… chicks surround themselves with other chicks. They have fun all the time. Thats what women do. You’re suffering more than she is because you’re sitting there feeling sorry for yourself. Now think about this. You’re screwed up because she it wasn’t just that you loved her, or that the sex was great. It was because at the end of the day she made you happy.

    You need to make yourself happy. Why? Think about it. Who did she fall for? The sad guy who was destroyed? Or the happy “go-luck” dude that caught her eye? Think about that. Really think about that.

    #1 Get your confidence back. Flirt with women in a positive manner. Not sexual. It will give you back your self worth and confidence.

    #2 Stop being needy and insecure. ALL women HATE insecure men.

    #3 No contact.

    Women desire confident men.

    Women demand a secure man.

    And etch this phrase into your head now.

    “The power in a relationship resides with the one who needs it the least”.

    Think about that. You’re a man. You want the power. You have to need it the least. If you keep getting ahold of her you’re HELPING her get over you!!!

    You’re like daddy holding the back of her bike as she’s learning to ride. Helping her move on alone.

    Don’t be “dad”. By ignoring you’re making her do things on her own. You’re making her think about you. If you’re right there… there’s no one to miss.

    I’ll leave it at that. Don’t worry how you ended it. Don’t worry if the last things you said were “Baby I love you and I’ll be waiting for you”.

    No contact will take away that security. She’ll be the one wondering where YOU are. Drop off the face of the planet. Work on yourself… become yourself again.. and when she does call… take it slow.

  133. Ante Says:
    November 21st, 2010 at 7:51 am

    hi there..

    where should i start…ok well i was with my x-girlfriend for 1 and half years which is quite a long time considering she was my 1st real gf

    and i was her 1st real bf. everything was great and ran smoothly..the biggest problem in our relationship was that i was ov full croatian blood and

    she was 3/4 serbian and 1/4 croatian becoz her dad was half. this didnt arise to be much ov a problem at the start but then it slowly started to bulid up..

    unfortunetly i can only blame myself becoz i should ov brought her home from day 1 and things would ov been much better and different instead i waited

    which i should ov not done…though my parents neva told me to not date her and not bring her ova and go 2 her house they neva said that…my mum was alright with it

    i just think it would ov taken the old man a bit more time to process..we had our usually arguments ova stupid things that were mended quite quickly…though as of this year start ov september we went on a little break so i could sort out my stuff with my parents and so that she could sort out her negativity with a few things… one nite i decided to go for a drive with a friend through the local town..one ov my x girlfriends, friends saw me driving and immediately txtd my x gf, she went berzerk started saying i dnt care about i dnt love her and that im moving on…i didnt kno wat to think or say i was angry..then the arguing started and in a couple ov days she broke it off with me…we were broken up for 5 days and next thing u kno i shes in a new relationship! i didnt think much ov it becoz i thought it was all bullshit to try get bak at me…but when a few ov my mates were asking wat was going and that she (sandra my x) was in a new relationship it really hit me and i basically lost the plot..all the stuff she use to say to me felt like a lie…she use to say i love u sooo much i cant imagine my life without u and that she wanted to get engaged even married at some point…i was tottally gutted and i started texting and calling her..i was soo angry and upset…then when i calmed down after a week or so..she called me to come to her work…she said she dosent kno if she can go bak with me becoz i havent done anything to prove to her how much i love her and wanted her bak…soo basically she said if u want me then fight for me…i chased her for nearly 2 months she lead me on…thinking we’d get back togther…she made a fake account on facebook to contact me through and we even talked on msn…even on webcam…the thing that kills me the most is that she said we will set a date to get back togther which she said was december the 1st… but while this was going on she kept saying she needs space i dnt understand how u can need space if ur withsome else…i was confused, hurt, emotional angry the works…the guy she is with now is ov serbian origin… one my friends thinks that my x wanted/needed something i couldnt give her and that apparently was that she now sees how she’ll be accepted by his parents becoz they are serbian…also one ov her friends told me that my x said her new bf is really nice and is ready to settle down with a serbian girl…i was like wtf… during this peroid ov being led on..i bought her a ipod touch and a gold pendant with her name on it Sandra…which i dnt regret but it still hurts… november the 3rd was the last contact i had with her…she basically rippt my heart at the library in our univerisity… i kept telling her though this ordeal that if she came bak to me we would go straight to my place and i would tell me my parents this is more than serious now we really do love each other and u will accept it whether u like or not…but in saying so on november 3rd 2010 she told me she dosent want anything to do with my parents and that she is happy with how she is now and she really likes this new guy shes with…and that she sees me as a friend..i askt her if she loved me her response was a a slight shake ov the head as in no and that was the same respone when i asked if she still had feelings for me…the weeks prior to the final one she was saying she does love me but shes unsure if she wants to be with me and still needs space…well i have cut all contact with her and it hurts like hell…i think about her non-stop.. its been 18 days no conact and she has been with her new bf for 2 and a half months… i dnt kno what to do or think anymore..i.d do anything to get her back.. can things be mended? is there still hope? please i really would like some help as the stages i am at r pure anger and hatred… i am 22 and she is 18.. if that helps in any way…she was 1st first love and i was hers well i hope i was…i still think things can be mended i just feel like i keep hitting a brick wall please help if you can thank you…

  134. beau Says:
    December 19th, 2010 at 8:13 pm

    Ok so im in a different boat sort of me and my gf were together for 6 years and i mesed things up by talking to another woman on face book sge seen it in my phone and went histrical so anyways its been 4days it seems shes over.me but the big thing is shes still living with me nd it hurts to see her so im gonna try this out and see how it works any extra advice would be great

  135. Chet Harshman IV Says:
    December 19th, 2010 at 11:57 pm

    Me and my girl broke up two weeks ago…I’ve texted and called her everyday and even stopped by her place…our place it was…she will not even respond to me anymore…have I already crossed the point of no return if I back off now or is it to late?

  136. beau Says:
    December 20th, 2010 at 10:20 am

    I got home lastnight after going for a long ride she was there. Sge was puting in a movie, i went to go change and when i came out she asked if i wanted to watch our favorite show together as friends and i said sure 15 minutes into the show she starts crying and says its to hard to watch this i asked her if she wanted me to turn it off and she said no after the show i told her i will be moving after i have enough hours to take my schooling and she starts crying not wanting mw to go and in the morning after we both woke up at the same time she said it would be better if i do go i didbt know what to say so i just said sure and got ready for work i dont know what to do and i syspect theres someone else her phone goes off every couple minutes i love ger with all my heart and i miss the love we use to have oh and she gave me a hug b4 she left for work

  137. Andy Says:
    January 9th, 2011 at 11:30 am

    Ive found all these stories such a great help. My story is quite different but still a break up I guess.

    Ive know this girl for a few years now but she was always with another guy. We always emailed and got on really well but just never got together because of being with other people and also because I never made a proper move.

    Well eventually I plucked up the courage to sent her flowers on valantines which she loved but again she was with someone else so it never went anywhere. I still felt some hurt but got over her pretty quickly as nothing really happened at this point.

    Two years passed and in October she emailed me asking how I was. I ignored this as I was with someone else at the time and also thought that she would be asking me to come to her wedding as her best friend or something crazy like that… which I couldnt deal with. Anyway I ignored it and then in November she emailed my facebook account and asked whether I got her message. This time I replied and just asked how she was. She told me she was having a bad time with her fella and was thinking of leaving him. She told me that she thought I was the perfect guy for her.

    Well the next message I got said that she’d now broke up with him and wanted to meet. We met up in December we got together and hit it off really well. Started seeing her more and more over xmas and it felt like it was going really well and I started to really like her. I met her parents and granny and everything was going great.

    This is where things turn really bad. She basically invited me round to hers for a house party on new years to meet all her friends for the first time. I told myself “gotta be on my best behavior tonight”… well I obviously didnt listen to that one too much.

    She made some punch with vodka and gin in and I started drinking loads of the stuff. I got on with her friends and everything was going well but then when it got to around 11pm I started to feel really wasted and cant remember what happened after that. Ive been told I saw in the new year and then said I was going to bed.

    Well basically I woke up at 2am covered in sick. Id thrown up all over her bed and all over myself and dont even remember doing it!!. She obviously went crazy and her and her cousin had to clear up my mess. Someone then told me to get myself cleaned up in the shower. NOT GOOD! She was having the bathroom done so shouldnt get the tiles wet. And what happens… EVERYONE walks into the bathroom and sees me naked in the shower and has a go at me for being in there..!! It was a total nightmare.. Like a scene from meet the parents.!

    Anyway that night I couldnt go back home as there were no taxi’s and couldnt sleep anywhere but her room as everyone in the house was sleeping everywhere else so I had to lie there with her the whole night (with her room smelling of sick). It was easily the worst night of my life! I tried to talk to her but she didnt want to talk and just didnt want to know… which I understand.

    The next day she got up and just seemed distant. She wasnt angry she just didnt say anything… which is usually worse. I stayed there till 2pm with everyone else in the party and a lot of them were just saying, she’ll get over it… just send her flowers and apologise a lot… she’ll be fine.

    Well I gave her a hug before I left and she seemed ok. I didnt text her then until the end of the day and just said sorry again and said that I hoped I hadnt ruined things between us as I really care about her. She text back saying that she would talk to me in a few days but shes still really upset about what happened. Once I read that I knew it wasnt good.

    I left her and gave her space for two days (which killed me!!) then sent her flowers to her work saying sorry again. She text thanking me for the flowers and just made a joke about me embaressing her in front of her work friends. I asked her if I could come round for a chat to explain things face to face and she just said she doesnt know as she thinks that she wants to be on her own now. I felt so depressed.

    I arranged to go up anyway and talked to her apologising again and just telling her that what happened isnt me and Im not like that usually. I wanted her to know that what happened was a big mistake but I hadnt intentionally hurt her or cheated on her. I made a mistake and I was paying the price but I didnt think she’d never want to see me ever again because of it. I understand why she would be angry as it was the first time that Id met her friends and I had totally messed things up but I just didnt think it was bad enough to break up with someone over.

    Anyway she just said it really upset her and she wasnt happy with what Id done and that she thinks she wants to be on her own now and be single for a while. I felt so bad once she said that but weirdly relieved that I knew where I stood. That was 5 days ago and since then Ive been feeling really down and depressed as I know its all my fault.

    Ive done the no contact rule since then and shes text me twice thanking me for a card and gift voucher I got her and the second text said she had bought some pillows with it and she thanked me again and said hope you’ve had a good week. Ive replied with closed off replies to both (not asking any questions) just providing friendly responses.

    I dont know what to do now as we were meant to meet up (as friends) next week to go for some food. I dont want to meet as friends and Id prefer to not speak to her at all if thats all she wants. Trouble is Im thinking that theres a small chance that if I meet her I can get back with her even though shes probably just happy being friends.

    Dont know what to do… So confused and drained emotionally with the whole thing. I think Im best moving on but at the same time I dont want to regret not at least trying to get her back.

    On another note, what do you guys think about what I did? Is is a break up moment or do you think shes using it as an excuse to end it now? Ive asked different people and everyone has a different opinion on this one.

    Advice and thoughts on this would be greatly appriciated. Thanks, Andy.

  138. Phil Says:
    January 29th, 2011 at 9:54 am

    Guys don’t depress … at least you HAD a relationship… mine just ended before it starts … we got close one evening and then she freaked out the next day and decided to drop it …

  139. Joe Says:
    February 14th, 2011 at 7:54 pm

    great advice but what if she is kinda mean to u but still wants to be friends

  140. Red Says:
    February 21st, 2011 at 3:28 pm

    Such great advice. I’m just going through the silent phase with my ex n so hope i can get her back.

    Before my ex came along I had a very destructive lifestyle. It was a fun lifestyle but I would have ended up dead or something. Sounds a bit dramatic but I am a dumb ass and it could have happened. Either that or I would have ended up with an STD at least.

    I’m still crazy for her n want stuff to work out. After reading this I feel like there is still hope.

    Hope it all works out for everyone else.

  141. charlie Says:
    March 14th, 2011 at 6:13 am

    my girlfriend ended it with me yesterday morning. we have been together 9 months and ive never even looked at another girl. shes perfect for me in every way but on saturday night a girl i know sent me a text that read im very drunk feel free to take advantage of me my girl friend saw this and saw my reply which read, i wish you wouldnt text me that. she mis understood what i meant and ended it on the grounds that she cant be the girl thats paranoid all the time. im so beat up about it and have read this article and dont beleive its possible to give her the space you talk about. she is my everything and not seeing or talking to her is crushing me.

  142. zelda Brown Says:
    March 18th, 2011 at 4:57 am

    Hi!
    I hope you guys could help me.
    My heart right now is really cracked and I really don’t know what to do. My girlfriend for almost 4 years since high school broke up with me last week. We had previous argument and I never showed or called her for 6 weeks. And when I returned, she told me that it’s too late. She said to me that she is in love with other guy. That guy comforts her every time we have misunderstanding. Right now, I don’t know if they are in a relationship. My problem now is that I can’t accept the fact that she easily give up on us. She asked an apology for the mistake she did. But I really can’t let go of her. I really love her so much. Everything I do is for her. All my goals are for our future. I can’t move on because I just love her so much. I want to win her back. She texted me last night and she said that she want me to be still her friend. I asked for a second chance but she just replied it’s too late.

    I truly love her and although she is in love with other guy. I still love her and want her back. My heart is really bleeding. My heart is hurting although I’m not thinking of her. Please tell me what to do. I’ll do everything just to win her back. I don’t want to live without her.

  143. liza Says:
    March 31st, 2011 at 9:42 pm

    Ok. I hear it from all the gurus. Do you know women are told the same thing? I think alot is going to depend on why you broke up in the first place. Seems to me that both sexes need to get a grip on the emotional “knee jerk” responses but sometimes a breakup is a GOOD thing even if it hurts at the time. When you’re in a relationship and you truly love someone. Make sure they know they’re special and don’t take them for granted. A little respect and appreciation go a long way. As for getting her back, in my woman’s opinion, be cool and don’t try to force her. Most of the steps above are ok but I know if I broke up with a man because he wasn’t showing me he cared, staying in touch and showing me he appreciated me a little at a time would go a really long way. Just my thoughts.

  144. lee Says:
    April 23rd, 2011 at 12:04 am

    My ex-girlfriend and I were together for almost 10 years until she broke up with me last Sunday. I found out that she’s been cheating on me for 6 months so I got the biggest shock of my life. I let her choose between me and the guy but she chose him over me. I hold her tight and told her that I’m willing to stay even if the guy is still around. I love her that much that I can’t just let her go and be with that guy. She can’t believe that I’ll do that for her so when I asked her to broke with that guy, she gave in. The following day, they broke up. All must be better now but I can’t take the fact that she slept with him! This what make her decide to leave me as well and just be alone. We gave each other 2 days to think and she still doesn’t want to get back with me even if I insisted that I’ll try to forget all the things that happened and things will be the same again in time. Now, I’m still hoping that she’ll take me and when that day comes, she’ll be faithful and truthful like I’ve known her for the past 9 years.

  145. Ricky Says:
    June 12th, 2011 at 11:46 pm

    me and my girl friend broke up. but first we became best friends. i was there for her when ever she needed me for anything. i was there for her about her ex boyfriend gave her problems. i admit i did have feelings for her already then, but even then i never put bad blood between them. i was just there as a shoulder to cry on. i didnt like the guy who would but what can i do she loves him right. then she lost someone very important person in her life. she turn to no one but me during does time. during does time she talk to her boyfriend but at that time in need he breaks up with her during does hard moment of her life. i was there for her as a friend n someone who has fallen inlove with. i gave her time to heal about 4-6 months. then i went away for a month and she stayed at my place while i was away. i came back n she was different towards me. i felt like she missed me and wanted to be with me. i gave it more time to see whats going on. but everyday she wanted to be next to me. so i told her i love her that i cant just be here friend. we lasted for 6months its our first break up. i wanted her to spend time with me so badly and she didnt have time. we started from there and were fighting till we ended up breaking up. she still wants me to her best friend and wants to hang out and keep each other updated. i dunno how it got to this point. but here i am trying to make a plan to fix it cuz i truly do love her. but i just dont know how the last rule will apply to me. she said she wants time, she said she wants to still be close, she said i need to open my heart to god and other ppl. i asked her if i gave her time to think and when she ready to love again if i can have another shot. she said i really dont know. please people other there help me be strong

  146. Christian Says:
    June 27th, 2011 at 11:16 pm

    I am glad I came across this, and I have been reading all the previous posts. I feel better just knowing there are many others in a similar place.

    We were engaged when she broke it off…came out of now where. She explained she had been feeling not the same for a while and tried to ignore it all but gave in. She felt we both have more growing up to do before marriage. Which I can see. Plus, I didn’t really talk to HER about getting married. I got permission from the father, her family loves me so it was all good. She said yes and we were happy.
    Another factor, which I never saw until now, was I had a negative attitude about a lot of things. I was very opinionated and rude. Which was due to things in my life I didn’t realize. I am a spiritual person and I’ll just say I went off the path, let myself be pulled down. It was gradual and had no idea the affect it would have.
    So it has been almost 2 weeks since this happened. We have talked (texting) a bit back and forth. At first I would start it up. Then I would back off, and she would start. Today, nothing at all. It is so hard and it sucks not talking to someone you planned the rest of your life with. But I am doing all I can to maintain my self control and have NO contact.
    It is all mental, guys. Make HER chase you. Give her all the space and time she needs. During this time make changes in your life. Hobbies, friends, books, etc. I re arranged my room, have been doing yard work, making house improvements. Going to start cooking a lot. We’re still Facebook friends, so this will be a good way to keep her interested. MYSTERY is key I feel. Don’t share everything with her because that won’t give her any reason to come to you. I plan on taking pictures of the food I make and saying how well it turned out. Making status updates that are upbeat, happy, positive, fun.
    I know she doesn’t hate me. She has told me I am the most amazing person she has ever met. Which makes it even harder. But I am going to wait as long as it takes to have her back.
    The other day she asked what I was up to, I was on a picnic with my family. She told me it makes her sad to miss things like that…What?! Little things like that give me hope. She said her family misses me too because, after all I “tamed the shrew =]” and she also commented a status I had about my family being the best.
    So those are good signs, I think. I have woken up to my bad habits and behavior. I am much more positive already.
    Fill your time with friends, family, good things so your mind is busy. Well, busier. I know it is impossible to stop thinking about her.
    We both were raised in the same religion, but aren’t super active anymore. We have discussed that we both pray and believe in God. The feelings I have gotten have been positive. She said she had prayed and felt what she did (break up) was right. We will see what happens. I will play the game by the rules. If all else fails, I made myself a better person and when the time is right, the right girl will come along.

  147. Jeffrey Says:
    June 29th, 2011 at 10:10 am

    we all have the same situation, we made mistakes that we should not. But my case is a way harder. i know her facebook password (she doesn’t know this) and i see how happy she is and she’s doing the things that i was telling her not to do. i can read her messages, i can see her pictures with some new guys, i can see the way she lives. all these drives me fkn mad. dunno what to do. im trying to make myself better, but it hurts, when you see your x happy with some other guys. when she’s doing exactly the same things i was beggin her, not to do!(when we were a couple) so guys, i have a way harder situation than u all, because i can see all these things. but i know i can win her back after couple of month, but im afraid it will be too late. tell me what to do. she loved so much that she changed her place of living, she left her family because of me, she left everything beacuse she loved me and after 4 years being in love with me, she said that she’s bored of everything that is connected with me, shes bored of loving me. so…?

  148. Christian Says:
    June 29th, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    Jeffrey:
    Don’t log into her Facebook anymore! It will only make it harder for you. Plus that is kind of an invasion of her privacy. I know it is hard, going through the same stuff. I did the same thing, kind of got boring. You get so close and comfortable with the person that you kind of forget to be spontaneous and exciting.
    Don’t beg her or shower her with gifts. Start making changes in your own life to better you, and avoid contact with her!
    This works…Just last night my ex text me later in the night. I didn’t talk to her all day and she came to ME! I talked as if we just recently met and I am starting to be interested in her. I joked around, was a liiitttllle flirty, but very positive and outgoing in my way of responding.
    Ontop of that, I have been doing a lot for myself. Cleaned up room, rearranged, hung curtains finally, etc.
    It helps being Fbook friends, as childish as it sounds. I post statuses hinting towards things, and that has even worked to grab her attention. She will respond and ask more. Its’ working!
    Hang in there, getting her back should be a big enough motivator to start following the proper steps. It is hard emotionally, but it is pretty simple.

  149. Jenna Says:
    July 4th, 2011 at 6:58 pm

    Hi guys! i actually started reading this cus i want my ex back! i wanted to see both sides..:) and boyyy i didn’t know a lot of you guys are really like this! in a good way. i know you all may have good intentions but just a word of advice, giving your ex too much space might backfire on you! this is something i definately wouldn’t want, becuase it shows a sign that you don’t care and that you’ve done the expected and have moved on. its very typicals in all my relationships that my ex’s never showed their true feelings and without another persons acts how do you know what couldve been? don’t be overly clingy but if you want her back, don’t forget about her either. she could still be angry at whatever has happened between you two and may say some things she may not mean, as in leave her alone, she needs space, etc.! give her some time, but she her u care and not say you. actions speak louder than words!

  150. Ivey Says:
    July 7th, 2011 at 8:12 pm

    I normally dont post but I just feel this is a good way to vent and learn from this as well as hear other opinions.
    Heres a quick background, Im 26 and my gf aka now about to be ex girlfriend is 24. We met 4 years ago because we lived in the same building and things just hit off instantly, we went out for 6 months at first but she ended up moving out of state and broke it off with me after 6 months. Prior to this my longest relationship was maybee a few months if that. I made an effort not to get into relationships because I didnt want to get hurt and I enjoyed being single and having no obligations to any female, other than showing them a good time one or twice a week. Well I practically fell in love with this chick and gave up my ideas of keeping a wall between woman and put myself out their for her 110%. Im very glad I did it was great. So anyway after the first 6 months we broke up then about 5 months later she came back and we started talking again and eventually started dating again. Next thing you know we ended up moving in together in a nice apartment right in the middle of the city. First year was great, 2nd year was still great except one day she told me she wants to be independent and find her self. I told her she can do as she pleases but It would be silly to waste 2 plus years because now she wants to be independent and single. So we ended up working things out or at least so I thought, althought mentally after hearing this I was prepared to hear something similar down the line and since have kept my guard up to this point, . Now about a year later from that date which is now our 3rd year of living together She said the same Exact thing ” I want to be independent and try living on my own ” ” I never lived alone and have always been in relationships now I just want to see if I can do it on my own” That is pretty much exactly what she said. Except this time she sounded like she ment it and was very sad and emotional. Ironically when she told me that I was not as hurt as I was last year when she said the same thing. Now dont get me wrong Im very much hurt and sad and angry but for whatever reason Im not shocked. Just like in any relationship the passion has died down over the years but I like to think we still have great sex and what really kept us together this whole time is our chemistry, This girl is amazing on every level , theirs never a dull moment and we always seem to have a great time and wherever we go she makes me look good and vice versa. Today is July 6th and tommorow she is flying back home for 3 weeks to see her family and also do some work for this annual rodeo show she does every year. What hurts also is the fact that I was going to come out their for a week to spend time with her and mainly her family. We had been planning it for a few months now for this summer . Well she literally told me the bad news a day before I was about to buy my plane ticket. In a way Im glad she did because it would have super akward if I flew out their with her and then she told me. She said I can still go and she hasnt told her parents or anyone about the break up but I told her it would be to painful to be there knowing that most likely were splitting up when she returns. This gives us 3 weeks to see if their any seperation anxiety and to see if maybee will end up missing each other to much and will try to work it out again. Realistically I told her I don’t think we will be able to fix this and I don’t want this issue to keep coming up in the future. Its extra hard because I work from home on the computer and its only a one bedroom and she works at a bar often very late till 3 or 4 am. Its been about a week since she told me this and were still sleeping together and stuff just trying to be less touchy touchy and saying I love you to a minimal. Its very hard for me to cuddle her up at nite knowing whats ahead. Anyway she leaves tomorrow for 3 weeks and I would love to hear some advice as to what to do. We both agreed that we do need to set a move out date soon because we have to give a 30 days notice. Im financially set for now and have no problem moving, her on the other hand its another story. She barely makes enough for herself to cover all her expenses. She will most likely have to get a roomate or two. Which is ironic because she wants to be”independent” I told her I will help with anything she needs, I also feel bad because 80% of the stuff in our apartment is pretty much my stuff, Bed Big Tv exct..
    Cliffnotes:
    Almost 4 year relationship with 3 years living together.
    We had a couple of minor breakups in the past.
    Girlfriend wants to be ” independent find her career and try the single live”
    1st time I ever put myself out their like that, gave her a 110% of my love every day.
    Feel very upset and sad not really angry.
    I still love her and think she is hot and sexsy and fun and smart and a great person regardless. WE hardly ever argue and get a long great
    She taking a 3 week vacation back home. when she gets back will either have a move out date set or will be trying to fix things.
    The next step??? setting a move out date and letting the heal process begin ???

  151. delusion Says:
    July 10th, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    Good advise, Please let me add to this thread. Take it from some one that has been Married 4 times before, not counting the wife i am seperated from now, (*who is on her way over*) If this had been around years ago, I may still be with wife #1. Let me tell you about mistakes. Mistake #1 has been said here and I tell you it IS true! DO NOT CALL OR TEXT HER OVER AND OVER! DO NOT ARGUE IN A TEXT! Ok, here’s the simple fact. It does NOT matter who is wrong or right. The only thing you succeed in doing by proving your point, is proving your single. Give them some space, let them wonder what your doing. they may act like they don’t care, but guess what? THEY DO. its human nature. I learned all this the hard way, and maybe I can save someone some heartache as i’ve endured. No gifts, no bragging about what your doing now or how your succeeding now. A casual mention in a well spaced apart txt or call can do the trick if you feel so inclined. DO NOT GO TO HER FRIENDS AND FAMILY FOR SYMPATHY! A casual mention to them that you are learning to move on, but will always love your X does more wonders than anything! Just do NOT spend much time talking to them!!! Avoiding gifts is true, but there is one little trick that works wonders :) Either in Text, or send her favorite flower or a single rose. NOT a dozen, and NOT a bouquet. No teddy bears etc. A simple plain note with it, that says “Just letting you know I am sorry for my part, and wish you the best.” In one sentence you apologize with tact, do not admit guilt, do not condemn her actions, and let her know you care, but are prepared to move on if left this way. DO NOT FOLLOW UP THE TEXT OR FLOWER! leave it to her imagination! This one sentence can save an entire relationship if used correctly. Best sent after NO communication for a full day or two. LEAVE HIM/HER ALONE before, and after to see dramatic results! And now, the GOLDEN RULE! as said here, do NOT try and find out what he/she is doing or who they are seeing! Here is the in your face reason why. You will ONLY get hurt, and you will ONLY loose him/her! check up on them ONLY if you want to be single! now, you’ve thrown out your fishing line, and waiting for the bite. Do NOT try and reel them in too fast! No begging or even mentioning the issues when you do talk. Talk as if nothing has happend, about casual subjects only! And the cardinal rule… if they come back… DO NOT EVER TALK ABOUT THE BREAK UP AND WHAT THEY DID OR WHO THEY SAW! Suck it up, be happy, and move on!

  152. Christian Says:
    July 22nd, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    @ delusion

    Great points!
    I kind of have made the mistake of contacting. We would text off/on through out day. I would keep it casual and not be a baby and whine to her. NOT ATTRACTIVE. Another mistake I recently made was (I forgot how we got on the subject) but I kind of just told her I still have feelings and understand, and I am happy with myself. I realized WOOOPS soon after. She told me “sorry, no, I don’t intend on us getting back together”. So I stopped. I still owe her dinner, which I am going to make myself, and she said “ok :]” so all I said was “you tell me. Whenever you want” left it at that. The fact that, even after my heart-spilling, she is still interested in contact is good. After she said that, it was like breaking up again in a way. I felt kind of the same way, but more like I have moved on this time as if there’s no hope. I feel SINGLE. Maintaining the no contact further for a week+ and we’ll see if she makes the first move to get in touch with me.

  153. Christian Says:
    July 23rd, 2011 at 2:23 am

    I should also mentioned she once allowed me to make dinner for her. This was a couple of weeks ago. After that I felt awesome, but now back to a depressive state. But cannot let that take over. Unattractive. I still owe her another dinner and bought her favorite alcoholic beverage to share. Although she told me she does not “intend to get back together”, these are still good signs. And hopefully that added with my complete silence will start to really work.

  154. James Says:
    August 14th, 2011 at 2:45 am

    well its comforting to know that other ppl r going through just what ur going through even though u think that there’s no possible way somebody could be as hurt as u… well I hope a girl that dumped a guy is reading all these comments so they can see what hell we go through emotionally!

  155. Ungk Says:
    August 20th, 2011 at 9:58 pm

    I like most of everything that was said. My situation is that my wife of 9 years who is also the mother to my five year old daughter, just one day decided that she doesn’t love me anymore. I guess it wasn’t just one day, I guess if I had paid attention to her feeling and emotions then I would have figured out something was wrong. It’s been about two weeks now that we’ve been apart and at first I thought I was gonna die without her, now it’s a little easier to get by. I guess the hardest part at first was the pain of rejection and thinking that I was a failure at being a husband really killed me. After a few days of blaming her for hurting me, I came to realize that I was the problem. I didn’t give her the attention that she needed, or the love that I should have. After reflecting on my actions and inactions I think that she would be better off without me, maybe the next guy will treat her the way she should be treated; with love and respect. Don’t get me wrong, I still love her very much and I miss her a lot. But her happiness is what makes me happy, even though it might not be with me. I know that’s not what everyone on here wants to hear, but if we really loved that person and if they were supposedly our soul mates, then why the hell did we treat them the way we did? Which in turn caused them to leave us. Think about it guys, if we really loved them and they are the “one” then we probably shouldn’t be in this situation. Move on, and if it was meant to be, then it will be.

  156. Sarah Says:
    August 31st, 2011 at 11:09 pm

    I tried to break up with my boyfriend a few times. But then I found the courage to actually go through with it. It was hard for a few days. Then I checked my email. Guess what I found? A TON of emails from him, ranging from him cussing at me, to telling me how much he missed me, to just asking to be friends. But the more he emailed/called/texted, the more it pushed me away. I just wanted to be left alone. And who knows, maybe if he would have given me space for a while, we would be back together by now. But after all that, I don’t want anything to do with him anymore. Just a thought to all you guys who keep calling and calling trying to get her to talk to you again right after a break up. Just give her a break for a while. It may work wonders.

  157. dustin Says:
    September 14th, 2011 at 12:02 pm

    I have a unique story. Me and my gf started dating in college, and after she moved back too my hometown with me. We have said we loved each other for a long tome know. But she recently told me that she didn’t want this for her lifestyle or at least wasn’t sure if she did. its hard for her because now she is apart of my group of friends now, (and let’s just say we grew up differently than she did). Well now she wants too move back home and quit this life we have started together. I love her with all my heart, and have even thought qbout marrying this girl, she’s my everything. I have told her how I feel. She says she needs space too realize what she wants. and now she don’t answer when I call and barely answers my text messages. Should I let her go. If I let her move back I’m afraid ill me we get her back. Sounds crazy but I’m open for suggestions.

  158. erik Says:
    October 3rd, 2011 at 2:40 am

    Hi all, as I’m reading we all have similar situations. Here’s something to think about. U are either the dumper or dumpee. If our exs were really so great would they have left us? If we loved them so much would we have pushed them away? When u get dumped ur partner has already been planning this for sometime (trust me it is NOT a quick decision) so while u are left and they seem unaffected by it, its because they’ve. Decided and reasoned it long ago. While its rude to be stung along until they find someone else,it usually is how it goes! When u are told “I need space” someone else IS in the picture. Best u can do is find something to do, or date\see someone that helps with ur loss. Checking ur phone or email or whatever u use to talk to partnr will only drive u crazy, they won’t call or if u do get a call\text it won’t be what ur wanting(hey let’s get back together or whatever will make u happy). U MUST fix you! If. U really want ex back, u must fix the problems that led to the breakup, or ur partner must fix themselves or it will NOT work! If someone else is involved u can 4get fixing anything, this is pretty much impossible to do when dealing with a 3rd party. They are fun,new,challenge and most importantly have a clean slate! (Suxs I no been here). U can sit and wait while they have “fun” and life passes u by. Or u fix u and have fun of ur own if ur ex finds out that uve moved on and is playn games they will come callin, then its ur ballgame! Never devalue urself, just because ur in a bad spot! someone is just prayn to have u! Just be ready when u get ur chance! Unless deep down u are an a$$ u will find ur joy again :) God bless!

  159. MisS T Says:
    November 22nd, 2011 at 12:21 pm

    I’ve been reading through everyones experiences, im going through a break up ryt now n knowing that there are people out there that i can relate to really helps. In my case, im the female so i hope u guys out there have some tips on how i can get my guy back? Will giving him space help me get him back?

    We’ve been together for 6 years now, lots of breakups n makeups in those 6 years. I have hurt him alot in the past because i was never really committed to us coz of certain personal reasons. He hates lies just like most people but there were certain things i cud never cum clean about. Over the weekend he found out some stuff, not very major but things blew up from there. I confessed to things i have been lying to him for 6 years n every time he asked me i lied coz i was too scared of loosing him n afraid of what he will think of me. I have been fully commited to him for about 2 years now, wen i asked him for 1 last chance. After my confession this time, he said we ova and he needs his space to get over me. I feel as if i dnt have the right to ask him to take me back but i so want that. Am i messed up for feeling that way? So last night, i cudnt sleep, sat thru most of the night reading this break up blog n taking tips n just wen i decided at 4am that i need to give him space, maybe ill win him back, he called me. The convo was short but basically he was willing to try. Only to phone him today n he had no idea that he called me, said he was tokin in his sleep. He does talk on the phone in his sleep so it is possible. I am now crushed coz i actually believed there might b sum hope. I cant eat, cant sleep, cant work, cant concentrate.

    How do i get the love of my life back even though i am to blame for our break up? Will giving him the space bring him back to me?

    Just heartbroken

  160. jon Says:
    November 23rd, 2011 at 11:59 am

    ME and GF broke up 2 weeks ago.. She was texting her ex constantly all night on my birthday and they werent innocent texts. I confronted her about it and she lied and denied it. I left and called her every nasty name in the book. I felt bad and apologized. I tried to reconcile, bought her a gift, expressed how muched i liked her and she says shes too closed off and doesnt think she can forgive what was said. I asked her if she needed time or already made up her mind and she said she doesnt think she can forgive me so i stopped all contact.

  161. gin Says:
    December 6th, 2011 at 4:02 am

    Hope you guys for success… You all are lucky to be in a relationship. In my story, the relationship ended before it even started. Same reasons as of mentioned above. =\

  162. donavan Says:
    December 12th, 2011 at 9:40 pm

    me and my gf broke up 1 week a go i call her and she said that she didnt wont to be with me any more but she also said the only way to get back with her is to prove my self that i am worthy a nuf to be with her what do i do to mack that happen email me if you can help me at donavanvieth@ymail.com

  163. Paul Says:
    December 19th, 2011 at 8:25 pm

    Guys i need help, I am trying my hardest not to try everything to get her back, I am constantly thinking of ways to reignite the love she has for me. She loves me to pieces but doesnt think she will be happy with me for the rest of her life. I haven been a good boyfriend but this is too hard to take and i am willing to do anything. I know i need to give her space but after 4 years of falling asleep beside her i am so lonely and in absolute bits. I cant bare to do anything without her. I wish i wish i didnt screw this up because she adored me for so long. Ill be alone for xmas on the other side of the world. I have no1, i am broken. want her so badly. HELP paul.hickey2005@gmail.com

  164. Andy Says:
    December 26th, 2011 at 11:15 pm

    I am going through this right now. I have….well I was with my fiance a little over three years. I cheated on her when I moved away for work. I told her when I got back because I was trying to be truthful with her. I asked her 6 months after I told her I cheated that I wanted her to be my wife not just my girlfriend. She accepted my proposile and we we engaged for 10 months. She broke it off right before thanksgiving. I have not been the same since. Ive read it all and the room thing seems to be the biggest thing. I dont know how to give her that room because we are in a lease we cant get out of. How am I suppose to give her her room in this situation? I love her so much and I told her I would do anything to get her back. I need some real advice her because Im going crazy. I mean she still tells me where she is going like she did when we were together and still ask where Im going when I live. I want to believe she still loves me but Im at a lost and dont really know what to do. My heart is just shatterd in a million pieces and I know her has to be too. I really messed up and just hope and I pray I can get her back because I believe she really is my soul mate. Any advice would be great!!!!!!! Thanks in advance to you that read this.

  165. Ryan Says:
    December 27th, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    I cheated on my girlfriend of two years after becoming very drunk which I don’t blame for cheating and I told my girlfriend straight away just because I wanted to be honest to the girl of my dreams she says she wants to give it another go and says I need to change which I knew from making the biggest mistake of my life and have told her I’m going to drink responsible and not go on lads holidays and spend more time with her ect i love her so much and an ashamed i put her through all this pain i have learnt from my mistakes and know full well that i will never cheat again which ive mentioned to her but is still debating if she can trust me again does anyone have any ideas on how I show I can change or any advise would be grateful xxxx

  166. ek Says:
    December 29th, 2011 at 7:16 pm

    hey some of this stuff is pretty gud

    i was with my gf for 9months, she dumped me on xmas eve, supposedly she doesnt “feel that way for me anymore for a few weeks” though we were out 5days before that and she told me she had fell for me (she claims she was confused and emotional wen drunk). Anyway my friend had been interested in her at the beginning but backd off wen realised she was with me. My friendddd then started up a sports massage business and i got my gf 2 sessions with them just being nice as you do. I began to notice my gf gettin distant an was weary of my supposed friend. So when she dumped me i opened my heart up to my friend an said how i loved her an didnt no how this happened etc, friend gave me advice. So really missing my gf (now ex gf) i go to her dads were shes stayin at, her dad left me in, i go up to her room and find my friend in bed with my ex!!! i was sooo angry and hurt and just words cudnt describe. My so called friend who i opened up to had been chattin to my gf on facebook squirming there way into her head and then 4days after she dumps me jumps into bed with her!! buttt my ex wants to be friends still and they just dont understand how this is all wrong. My ex says it shouldnt bother me cos she was single and hadnt had feelings for me in a few weeks (im guessing from the massage i paid for) but i didnt no she had lost any feelings until xmas eve and then 4days later she sleeps with my mate… like wat!!! i still want my ex back i no i no there both to blame and it takes 2 but im sooo lost!!!

    please help, wat do i do… ex still txts and wants to be my bestmate plus iv still xmas presents etc and were all to go out new yrs day, i think il kill my so called friend if there out!!

  167. Kyle Says:
    January 5th, 2012 at 5:24 pm

    Gentlemen, be assured that you are not alone. Three days ago, my fiancee, my girlfriend of seven years, broke off our entire relationship unexpectedly, engagement and all. She tells me that she “doesn’t love [me] enough” and that she has been doubting us off and on for a few months. This had happened before, beginning in our fourth year when a friend of hers got “bored” of her relationship and another friend of hers had a bad break up. Back then, my girlfriend did ultimately get back together with me after three or four days of each of us being zombies, barely taking care of herself. This time around- a complete and total surprise to even her closest friends- she is miserable but still believes that she is making the right decision for “us.” Reasonably I’ll admit, she doesn’t believe she can continue with and be happy in our pending marriage, the relationship in general, with her doubting if it’ll work out. Much as I hate it, I do agree that if she’s preoccupied with these doubts then we’ve got a wedge between us. We have had a heart-to-heart each of the past three days and we are on good terms, as good as can be expected, and we both teared up plenty. She even had me listen to Rascal Flats’ “My Wish,” saying that I am a great man that any woman should want and that the song’s lyrics were exactly how she felt. I have made it clear that my door is still, is always open to her and asked that she keep an open mind for the future (she agreed to, however much that may mean). And so I continue renovating what was to be our condo together. I continue my job search. I continue living away from my family and friends, where I moved to be with her because she’d gotten into grad school and we were getting married in a matter of months (I have her ring, a keepsake of ours, and the engagement pictures we took only a month ago sitting on my mantlepiece). All of this has entirely floored and crushed our friends- hers included, not to mention her family whom loved me like a son. She says she still loves me, so you can understand the confusion and frustration that I feel.

    All of your comments have helped me immensely. I am determined to keep a distant connection to her as a friend but, by and large, live my own life. I intend to ask her on a date after a month or two, if she (and I) is still free. I will send her flowers at work along with the keepsake of ours which sits on our mantle for now (one of the first gifts she ever gave me, seven years ago). I can only hope it all works out, however slowly. I wish all of you the best of luck, though remember this: this is about you, not you and her, so take opportunities as they come.

  168. Kyle Says:
    January 5th, 2012 at 5:31 pm

    Andy (December 26 post),

    As so far as giving her “space” in your situation is concerned, seem to have moved on. Speak with her casually, feel free to go out on your own without saying anything and let her donthe same. Tough as it may be, I would even allow for other guys to come over (no reason to stick around while they are there though). In time, perhaps point out- if they have gone well- how happy the two of you have been the past few months. You will want to stay single during the lead-up to this discussion, so that you can say you were loyal and are sincere regarding your feelings for her over other women, that you regret having cheated. Other than that, I am not sure what else is to be done. Best lf luck to you, man.

  169. patrick Says:
    January 16th, 2012 at 6:02 pm

    well I’ve been reading your posts here this afternoon and am in the same boat as a lot of you. Its not refreshing but at least I know I’m not the only person going through the same emotions as a lot of you. Loss, despair, hurt, thinking the one girl in the world has left you and just wanting to be friends. We broke up last week on thursday, immediately I knew it would be the biggest mistake of my life. She gave back the cell phone and moved out all her clothing, she had found a place to live the next day actually. She came over on the weekend to get the rest of her stuff, she also asked for the cell phone back in case of emergencies as the place she’s at has no phone, so I gave it back to her why I don’t know I just did. I know its early right now and I’ve read through alot of posts here to just give her the space she needs. Well I’m just doing that, yes she does txt me and I’ve basically ignored them or let them sit there for awhile before I give a small answer. The lost feeling I have right now is too much at times, last night and the past few nights have been hell. I can’t get a good night sleep I constantly think about her and miss her so much. Last night she called me and said maybe I was a bridge for her?? To help her get out of a previous relationship, and that shes done crying over this one. Well those words really hurt and I went into my shell. I calmly said good night to her and sat on my couch thinking to myself that yes it probably is over. Today she txted me, and we made some small talk via txt if one can really do that? Anyways her parents are lending her a vehicle for awhile, just so she wouldn’t have to rely on me for a ride here or there. I’m starting to see that maybe she is on her way? As for now emotionally right now I’m a train wreck I can’t find the strength or desire to do anything right now, last night I moped on the couch thinking of what i was going to wear to work? Like who does that on a sunday night? Well here’s to all the lonely hearts out there who aren’t afraid of posting their feelings to the world, it actually refreshing and making me a stranger person inside knowing I’m not alone in this world. thanks for all your posts good luck to each and everyone of you.

  170. Tom Says:
    February 25th, 2012 at 8:08 pm

    I’m going to try this. even thought we didnt really go out we were half going out. And she feels like giving up cause i said we couldn’t go out. So ill do this and try to win her back :\

  171. LONE Says:
    March 16th, 2012 at 9:08 am

    Thanks Helps A lot to 171 Heartbroken

  172. jamo Says:
    March 31st, 2012 at 11:36 am

    i broke up with my wife and she left.how do i win her back. i have read your comments and this is what am trying to do.some friends advices me to give her space.The worst is that we cannot divorce and we have a son that we very much love.Am the one who takes care of the son but she lives with her and that means i have to go see Him atleast once a week.This leaves me hurt alot as am the one who wronged her.The rules are very pratical But only works if you have enough Grace from God.
    Thanks for the advice.

  173. Jay Says:
    April 20th, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    This is whats up! Dated a girl for 3 yrs off and on, had alot of fights but always got back together because we felt deep for eachother! She moved up to my hometown for me and was ready to settle down and I paniced and broke it off! Stayed best friends with her and still talked to her everyday so it wasn’t like we were even officially broken up! Still did the holidays together and stayed together on occassion! Finally worked up the balls to tell her that I was sorry and I wanted to work things out! Of course as soon as I did there was another guy coming in to the picture at the same time! She has been talkin to him for a lil over a month but still has contact with me! Told me everything was over and what we had was special but then last monday she was drunk calling me to come sleep with her so of course I did! I love the girl more than ever and now I have a week window because the other dude is out of town! She keeps contact but is drifting away and becoming more dependent without me with this new dude in the picture! Comes to see me atleast once or twice a week bc she said she knows it makes me happy and she is trying to be nice! I know the girl still has feelings or she wouldn’t come by period non the less sleep with me a week ago! What the hell do I do to get her back non the less even get her over while this new douche bag is gone to show her I am still what she wants?? Any adicve ASAP would be helpful because time is running out!

  174. Gajil Says:
    April 26th, 2012 at 10:21 pm

    we just broke up without any hatred
    we just both agreed to break up.. and i also accepted it, because. i love her and i don’t want to ruined her studies..
    the reason is she has to continue her studies first , and even though it really hurts me I patiently accept it.
    after 2 years when we meet again (she calls) (until now she is studying .. )
    we had a talk, she said that she has a boyfriend after we broke up . and i was stun or either shocked!. she said before that she will continue her studies first but she had a boyfriend, but before that talk she is so good to me it seems that she wants me to be her boyfriend , but after that , she asked me…
    are you okay now?? have you already moved on?? if you do. that’s good
    and i said yes as if i had really moved on..
    and now i don’t know what to do.. i already tell her that i really do moved on

    but all i want is To Win Her Back.

  175. pranav Says:
    May 8th, 2012 at 9:47 am

    plz help help help meee.me and my gf wer in realtion fr only 4 months and i have broken up wid hr since 4 months.
    initially b4 breakup she started ignoring me.
    wen i asked hr abt that ignorance then she told me that she wanted space as she had some family problems.
    i refused to giv hr space and went on crying and crying.but finally i agreed fr giving hr space but then too i wasnt able to giv hr space.then aftr a month she broke up wid me.aftr that i used to cry days in front of hr fr patch up and that made hr more away frm me.then i requested my frnds to tak to hr abt me and the whole college came to know abt our breakup.she started hating me more and more and more.
    she ignored me a lot.
    nw the things went so hopeless that she told me ki she hates me and slapped me in front of te whole college.she told me to stop contact wid hr and i told hr that i loved hr and cudnt live widout talking to hr.the she told me that it was nt hr problm
    aftr that i havnt contacted hr since 2 months.
    she is in my college only but she doesnt evn look at me
    she is happy in hr life
    she doesnt care evn if i die
    but i cant live without hr
    i vil really die guys.she has moved on.
    how can i get her back??
    pls help me beg u guys plz.
    i LOVE HER A LOT!
    and nw she has become so desperate that she talks to any guy around and dates any1 and i cant bear this.
    she reall doesnt hav ny feelings fr me!
    wat to do?

  176. AJEET Says:
    June 21st, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    WE HAD BEEN IN RELATION JST FOR 4 MONTHS….SHE WAS THE ONE WHO CAME CLOSER N SHE HERSELF DUMPED ME……SHE TOLD ME THT SHE WANTS TO BE ALONE AND SHE SAY SHE IS NOT HAPY WITH HERSELF…THE RESON SHE ASKED ME FOR BRK UP…I DONT THINK I HAD MADE MISTAKES…..I LOV HER ALOT AND I WANT TO GET HER BACK…WHTS THE PROBLEM WID….WIL SHE COME BACK IN MAH LYF AGAIN,,…??WHT SHUD I DO TO GET HER BACK…?

  177. Blue Says:
    August 15th, 2012 at 6:45 am

    My BF and I have been together for 5 years, and have been long distance the past year. Long story short, we have been fighting a lot, mostly because I feel emotionally neglected. I just can’t be with a guy who truly knows he loves me, but would rather put a pencil in his eye than show me his emotions.

    Like all women I need reassurance on occasion. Stress, or hormones, or whatever happens, and I’d need a little sweetness from him. But when I’d seek that reassurance in little ways and not get it, I’d try a little harder, because I know he loves me very much. I just need to hear it, because we are long distance, and I do miss him! But eventually I guess he’d get frustrated with the result of his reaction: my growing (but temporary) insecurity. Eventually it’d seem like he doesn’t love me, because he would be silent after my “I love you”s… If he doesn’t love me, then what are we doing? After my failed attempts to get any reassurance, now he’d be even more distant, and then can’t say he loves me? So I give up, and give him my “I’m fed up, we’re over” speech and we break up.

    Then one or the other of us comes back and we reconcile… When it’s me, I usually apologize the next day. When it’s him, he doesn’t call for a week, then calls saying he loves and misses me very much. This breakup/reconcile routine happens over and over and it’s driving both of us nuts.

    The last breakup has been the worst, and I’m not sure I love him any more. I told him that, but he doesn’t want to believe it. I told him he lost me. It’s not because I didn’t love him, or he didn’t love me… It’s because when I am feeling vulnerable, I need reassurance! (This happens to everyone, including him, and I respond in a way that he really appreciates!) To me, it’s unloving to deny reassurance to someone you DO love when they are feeling vulnerable. And when that happened just too often, the hurt outgrew my love, and I had to walk away.

    From all he has said in the past, I could imagine him thinking “I should play it cool, and then she’ll miss me.” But because what he was doing was taking me for granted, it’s the “I love yous” that worked in the past to win back my heart! He reached out recently with a text, and we started texting just a little… But while his texts are “nice”, they are definitely lacking warmth. If he’s “playing it cool”, so he can win my heart back, it’s backfiring. I want to feel loved. I miss what we used to have, but I don’t miss being emotionally neglected when I was feeling vulnerable. He needs to show me he won’t take me for granted any more, and being standoffish isn’t the way to get that message across.

    To you broken hearted guys out there, here’s some insider information… She wants to break up? Yes, respect that, in all the ways you know you should. But if/when the two of you reconnect, FIX the things that led to the breakup, if what you want is to be back together. Then let her see you have changed, to get her back! Anger management, self-esteem self-help, whatever it takes. Then show her the new you. But playing it cool after you took her for granted will just backfire.

    My ex being cool towards me now is pushing me further away, not bringing me closer or appreciate him more. He might even push me into the arms of a new boyfriend who isn’t “aloof”. Do I miss what we once had? Sure. But what I need from my ex is an outpour of emotion, not the absence of it.

  178. Blue Says:
    August 15th, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    To the guys out there, I offered my perspective above, as a girl in your ex’s shoes, the one who wanted to break up, giving my feelings about all that… Including what it would take to win her back, hopefully helping you guys. But I have a questions, too…

    I should add some important info here… This “long distance” will probably continue until the end of 2013, as he has a job contract he must fulfill. (I can’t move out of my area due to a custody order.) We had planned to be together once his contract is over. I do know that it’s frustrating to him for us to be so far because he wants to be by my side and be a provider and partner in ways that this distance can’t allow. My feeling has always been that I can tough this out, I just need reassurance from time to time to get me through. But he has his subconscious feelings of guilt about not being here with me, and he mistakes that for feeling pressured by me. So he gets mad, gets distant, then I need the reassurance, and he pulls away more.

    Also important… While he’s pretty reserved with his feelings, I am very verbal about showing him how proud I am, and expressing my appreciation. He can be insecure, and I try to show him how I see him, I try to build him up. When we see each other (which is rare) he is very physically expressive, and I feel VERY loved, no question. But with the distance, he can’t express that love and I can’t feel it.

    Now, we haven’t spoken in 3 weeks, just a couple of texts. I can’t tell if he has decided to give up on us, or if he’s trying NC to get me to miss him, or what else could be going on in his head. Maybe he’s trying to hold it together for the next year+ until we can be together again. I just don’t know.

    Based on everything I said, what do you think my ex is thinking and feeling? Do you think he’ll try to win me back, or do you think he’ll just walk away?

    While my feelings have changed, our love was always strong. We’ve been through so much, and I do want things to be better for us, but not without change.

  179. sameer Says:
    August 25th, 2012 at 2:01 am

    I’m going through some similar problem, but my case is little different.
    My ex nd i study in same clz but i’m senior. She is few batch junior to me. We were in relationship since last few months. I lvd her nd still lv her more than myself. The prblm occured is few weeks ago, her parents knew abt our relation. She was stricted by parents to b close wid me. C was in problem so said me not 2 contact her for few days, but instead of standing wid her i showed some attitude saying “b aware abt my reputation. I dnt wnt it to lose in clz.” i i said it in bad mood, but i truly didn’t mean it. I thought her parents may bring a grt prblm so I blocked her in fb for few days informing her that its for few days only. this was the start. She startd thinking i didn’t for me my reputation is more important than her.
    After few days c told me that c lvd me a lot bt c thinks that i dnt care/love her as she thought. She also said instead of being wid her i blockd her in fb too. Sayin i hurted her a lot she said, she cdnt carry on the relation.
    I felt so bad that i cdnt speak a word. I blockd her in fb coz i was afraid if her parent may come 2 clz nd get me.
    After that i thought i’d apologize on fb i posted i’m sorry. C had another secret account via which c cd access my wall. But i posted a quote along wid the sorry status. Which led me to more complexion.
    So i txtd her nd calld her asking for a chance, but c told i’ve broken her trust so i’l nvr get it. Nd said my sms r hurting her more nd told me to leave her alone.. So i stopped texting her. As our final xams r near i want 2 concentrate in my stdies bt i can’t. So now I am in NC(no connection) with her so that c could stdy well for exams.
    Bt Each nd every second, i think of her. Nd feel guilty of my stupidity. Bt thinking of my stupidity i did is killing me inside day by day. I really lv her and want her back. What shall i do?
    Please HELP…

  180. Davy Says:
    September 7th, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    Guys, one thing I can tell you, the advice of this article works most of the time (it has worked for me before, a few times)…but from a slightly different manual. It really depends on how well you use it. AND, don’t make the mistake of asking other women/people how to handle the situation. I’ve asked my sister before, and she just had all the wrong answers. I think women give you the advice that would work DURING the relationship, but they are not aware of the advice that works AFTER the breakup…..because they don’t want to give us any real tools to use against them, or, in my sister’s case, they are just oblivious to their own nature. No contact….best way. If they contact you, keep it brief, keep it cool and happy. Then don’t initiate contact. Rinse, repeat.

  181. mark Says:
    September 9th, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    i lv my wife so much,i drove her away.im insecure about who i am,and my looks,i av a big nose,but she sed she lved me so much,that i av drove her away,cos i keep asking her wheres shes been,whose she texting stuff like that.now she says she dunt lv me any more,cos ive pushed her away.shes very very stubborn,and i do think i av lost the lv of my life,im in pieces i really am,just hope she comes roound,but i doubt she will,as shes spending anites away now,an i dont no wat shes up to

  182. Alex Says:
    September 28th, 2012 at 5:15 pm

    I was with my ex for 5 years .. We lived together for 3. I lost my job and became very depressed because i couldnt find work.. Long story short, a year later she moved out because she thought she didnt see the drive in me anymore. Ive begged for her back but nothing.. I came to find out she starting seeing/sleeping with another man and 7 months later it kills me inside… I miss her and love her so much.. Please help what do i do????

  183. Daniel Says:
    October 1st, 2012 at 8:55 pm

    It’s great to hear everyone’s experiences. I am in the same boat as many of you are or have been. We decided to break up several weeks ago. It has been rough, but I have managed to take of other happenings in my life. However, I have reflected on the person I was in the beginning, middle, and end with her. I have seen the same tendencies affect me that affected my last relationship. Experience is very helpful, yet it does not mean one has all the answers for the next experience. It is tough to stay distant from each other, because she is a dance instructor at my gym. We communicated how we want to still be part of each others lives. That is not as easy as it sounds. She told me the other day how her dog is noticing that I am always gone. Not sure if she is really hinting that she is missing me or not. I lovethis girl a lot and miss her dearly. Still, I think for both of us we need to be apart. Time will tell whether we are meant for each other. If not, it is something I have to accept. All I can do is live my life day by day. That’s all I can tell everyone else too. Don’t let this period in your life get the best of you. It’s important to be strong and love yourself before your ready to give all your love to someone else.

  184. elsa Says:
    October 5th, 2012 at 5:29 am

    hey i been with my bf 7 year on and off i know what u all going through so yer and now i am back with him hopefully for gd ok no sex but thats not evrythink in a realastionship thanks for litening

  185. Joey Says:
    October 9th, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    Ok, so, I’m divorcing my ex. In the process we have both found someone else that each of us has fallen in love with. This girl is especially dear to me, but my ex, despite her claims that its not her fault, has seriously gotten in the way of my relationship. Now, it’s come to a close because of her. I can’t get rid of my ex for the time being, and I want my girl back. Will someone PLEASE help me?

  186. josh Says:
    October 11th, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    the issue i have is tough, we split up because she really needs to grow up and she wants to be single. the problem i know she really has is that she listens to everyone but her self. she tells me from time to time how she misses me so much and she knows it is unfair. when i ask about what’s going on, she says well my friend told me i shouldn’t be dating right now i should be fixing my life and blah blah. yet she told me in many differnt ways she wants to try from time to time. i guess it does help that she told me i was the only guy who treated her well. i just don’t know what to do. before i went on vacation she split it off completly with me, it was way way hard, friendzoned hardcore. so i said fine i dropped all contact. then a few days later she starts hitting me up every single day telling me i’m glad you have time to reflect i need to do the same i hate where i’m at in my life right now, and i reallllly miss you a lot. i know it isn’t fair. everyday i hear from her some how she contacts me i don’t contact her. she had told me she does love me, yet she feels it is only with half her heart, how do i win the whole thing again? this woman means the universe to me, and she admitted i do for her too. how do i win her heart again in full? any help anyone please? thanks

  187. Craig Says:
    October 11th, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    So, my GF of 4 years told me 1 week before we were moving into our first apartment that she thinks she lost the spark. She still loves me and I would make the perfect husband but without the spark she just can’t do it. She told me she needs space and time, but we still moved in together (we are both on the lease and until she knows we have to try right?). I have been doing nice things for her and still been taking her out once a week. We have been going out and then she says wow what an amazing night (even mentioned making love the other night) and then at the end of the night she goes “I’m sorry but I still don’t know”. And the mention of making love was just a hopeful statement. I am being driven insane but I think I will take her out tomorrow for an event we have been waiting for and then I’m going to stay at a friends for a few weeks.

    Life sucks, life without her is worse :( I hope she figures it out quick!

  188. Gray Says:
    October 28th, 2012 at 10:32 am

    Guys - I’ve gone down through a ton of these - and while it’s encouraging to share the misery, and know I’m not alone in experiencing something so hurtful … You have to face some hard truths. My story is a revision of any of the above - in fact what I felt was a unique and gut-wrenching loss of love can be retold with pieces of several of the stories above. Please trust me - I am going through the same pain, same confusion - same sick feelings which are normal. Tricks and strategies will not work on something that shouldn’t … I am choosing NO CONTACT because It disrupts my life to hear from her. SHE chose to end the relationship - and I went through all the dumb mistakes to try and change her mind/heart. It looked and felt like it was working - then suddenly it wasn’t. I told her that I felt I would be better off if I didn’t hear from her anymore - that this would be the last text I would send - and I wished her nothing but the best. That way - there is no question - sneakily feeling good when she contacts you when you haven’t been is unhealthy. Set the expectation and stick to it. It’s difficult to do - because I’m sure you’ll be afraid she will actually take you at your word! Well - sorry - but that’s the idea. The rules are basic: if she wanted to be with you - she would be. Apply ot to yourself! Did you ever break up with a girl who said she loved you? Did you do it as a game or a ploy or because you needed space? NO - it’s because you simply didn’t want to see her anymore or be with her - and if she didn’t contact you it was probably a relief to you too!!! C’mon … man up mates. Concentrate on yourself and your life - enjoy yourself again - and yes: love yourself again. If she returns to you - it will be new. But this is rare people … accept that - concentrate of yourself and refuse to compromise your life or heart - if she confuses you make it clear it ain’t that kind of party as I did. You have to be selfish now - not a tactician. It will only work if YOU ARE BOTH on the same page about making it work. If not - walk away with dignity and with permanence in mind.

  189. Brenda Says:
    October 30th, 2012 at 8:16 pm

    … say what !
    no gifts?

    Sorry but European girls are high standards.

    If you were a jerk and broke up with her (for a reason not involving her major fault but involving your fears or indecisiveness)
    MOST of women, would not even take you seriously if you won’t show up with flowers or write her a love handwritten letter… or invite her for a self made dinner and a talk or a romantic walk around some sentimentally valued for both areas..

    Seriously guys, you consider what I’m telling you.
    If a girl is smart means she’s a great catch and won’t settle nor be back with some punk coward who broke up with her out of the blue.
    She knows she deserves better and will find better in NO TIME.

    so BE better.
    damnit.

  190. Aaron Says:
    November 3rd, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    Quick question for someone. I’m in the same boat as most, married with 2 kids to the most beautiful amazing woman. But for some reason I let myself get too comfortable in the relationship and didn’t give her enough attention or whatever it is that she wanted. So she ended our relationship, and it wasn’t until then that I realised exactly what I’d done wrong and what I had lost. Now I’m left broken hearted wishing there was something I could do, but at the same time she still wants to have sex with me on a regular basis and whenever we are together she gets close and wants to kiss and cuddle me. When she does this I mention to her about taking me back and she always says no, does anyone have any idea of why she will happily have sex, kiss and cuddle me but wont take me back? I know I should turn her down when she wants sex but I cant help myself!

  191. gunjan choudaha Says:
    November 7th, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    pls gals help mee…….how can i get my love back if his ex came bach to his life?????pls help me

  192. Td Says:
    December 6th, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    I read this article today and without reading it before, I actully have done everything the article said. My girlfriend broke up with me 5 weeks ago. I told her I would give her all the space she would need and would only contact her only when she contacted me first. During that time she had a birthday and Thanksgiving. No gift sent for her birthday, just a text saying happy birthday. She contacted me on Thankgiving to wish me a nice day. Two weeks later, she called me on her way home from her work Christmas party because she had to hear my voice. We had a nice talk. Three days later, she missed me so much, she had to see me and talked more. We bought wine for our anniversary before we broke up. She said she was saving it for “just in case”. Good advice. Seems to be working, only time will tell. However, I will admit, following this advice is not easy since you are thinking and reacting opposite of what you want your heart to do.

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