By Dr. George Karanastasis
You would think that winning a girl back involves doing all of the things that attracted her to begin with and led into a full-blown relationship.
After all, if they worked once… why not a second time around? Unfortunately nothing could be further from the truth.
The strategies for saving a relationship are very different than the ones for starting or maintaining one. And while most men are well versed with the rules of the latter, few seem to be savvy to the former.
So, if you happen to be going through a breakup and you want to win this girl back… here are 5 actionable suggestions that strongly contradict the traditional rules of relationships…
1. Do NOT give this girl the same amount of attention you did during the relationship…
Every relationship requires attention from both parties involved to grow healthy and strong. If you’re not showing a girl how much you care about her (to a healthy degree)… it won’t be long before she walks out on you.
But during a breakup it’s a different story altogether. Why? Because when a girl breaks up with you she’s asking for space (whether she’s verbally expressed it or not). And if you don’t give her what she asked for, she’ll continue to put more of that space between you.
Now this doesn’t mean that you should blatantly ignore her… quite the contrary. However, in most breakup situations, when it comes to giving your ex-girlfriend attention… less is MORE.
Besides, giving her exactly what she asked for, at least initially, is a key factor in winning her back (more on this latter).
Now on to the second rule…
2. Don’t try to win back her heart with gifts
Giving a girl a gift from time to time is just as important as giving her enough attention. It’s a great way to remind her that she is someone special in your life. Not only that, but gifts are a great way to say you’re sorry if you happen to screw up… but that’s only when you’re still together.
In contrast, when you’re broken up… the act of showering a girl with gifts (e.g. flowers, apology cards, etc.) not only doesn’t help your situation… it actually hurts it.
Because in her eyes, this is “too little, too late”. Whatever problem led to this breakup is something that she obviously feels strong about. And attempting to solve this problem with something as simple as a gift just reinforces the fact that you don’t understand her on the level she expects you to.
Now with that being said, there are times when gifts can do wonders for saving a relationship… but immediately after a breakup isn’t one of them.
3. Never try to keep tabs on where she’s going (or who with)…
When you’re in a relationship with a girl you should know what she’s doing and who she’s with. The same holds true about her. It’s a healthy way of sharing your life with each other… even when you’re apart.
But when the relationship ends, you immediately lose the right to keep tabs on her. Furthermore, attempting to do so will most likely alienate her. Remember, she’s single now so she doesn’t have to “report” to you (or anyone else for that matter).
And I understand that it’s nerve-racking not knowing what your ex is doing, especially when she’s “available” for any guy to come along and sweep her off her feet… but trust me on this one… it will save you a world of pain (and possibly your relationship).
Besides… it’s better for your sake if you’re left in the dark, and this ties in directly with the next rule that should be broken.
4. Do not attempt to get in the way of her dating someone else…
A relationship lives by monogamy and dies with infidelity. And that’s why out of all the rules, this has to be the hardest to break (that is unless you’re used to sharing your girl with other guys… but this I highly doubt).
Nevertheless, this all changes once a breakup comes about. And I know what you’re thinking, “How can I sit back and just let her date someone else?”
Well first of all… no one is telling you to encourage it… just don’t fight it. Because if you do try to fight it the only thing you will accomplish is encourage her. Why? It’s pure psychology. It’s the same principle that applies between parents and children. What do children always end up doing? The exact things their parents tell them not to.
And don’t think for a second that this reaction goes away with age. Remember, as soon as someone tries to stop you, me, or anyone else from doing something… we always tend to want to do it even more, wouldn’t you agree?
And now for the final rule…
5. Do not continue to be her best friend throughout this breakup…
Couples oftentimes consider their respective partners to be their best friends. After all, so much time and happy memories are being shared together. This is why it’s typical for a girl to tell her ex that she still considers him her best friend and she wants to keep it that way during the breakup.
However, this arrangement is not a mutually beneficial one (to say the least). To be frank, what usually ends up happening is that she heals and he continues to hurt. But again, you shouldn’t blatantly ignore your ex if this is your case… but just like in rule #1: less tends to be more… so keep this in mind if you’re still best friends with your ex.
Those are the rules… now go break ‘em and if you’d like some more (counter-intuitive but highly effective) advice on saving your relationship, just click here to read this in-depth resource on winning a girl back.
Topics: How To Get Her Back |
these 6 tips (it could push her further away)...