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How To Win Her Back - 5 Relationship Rules You Gotta Break
By Dr. George Karanastasis | February 19, 2008
You would think that winning a girl back involves doing all of the things that attracted her to begin with and led into a full-blown relationship.
After all, if they worked once… why not a second time around? Unfortunately nothing could be further from the truth.
The strategies for saving a relationship are very different than the ones for starting or maintaining one. And while most men are well versed with the rules of the latter, few seem to be savvy to the former.
So, if you happen to be going through a breakup and you want to win this girl back… here are 5 actionable suggestions that strongly contradict the traditional rules of relationships…
1. Do NOT give this girl the same amount of attention you did during the relationship…
Every relationship requires attention from both parties involved to grow healthy and strong. If you’re not showing a girl how much you care about her (to a healthy degree)… it won’t be long before she walks out on you.
But during a breakup it’s a different story altogether. Why? Because when a girl breaks up with you she’s asking for space (whether she’s verbally expressed it or not). And if you don’t give her what she asked for, she’ll continue to put more of that space between you.
Now this doesn’t mean that you should blatantly ignore her… quite the contrary. However, in most breakup situations, when it comes to giving your ex-girlfriend attention… less is MORE.
Besides, giving her exactly what she asked for, at least initially, is a key factor in winning her back (more on this latter).
Now on to the second rule…
2. Don’t try to win back her heart with gifts
Giving a girl a gift from time to time is just as important as giving her enough attention. It’s a great way to remind her that she is someone special in your life. Not only that, but gifts are a great way to say you’re sorry if you happen to screw up… but that’s only when you’re still together.
In contrast, when you’re broken up… the act of showering a girl with gifts (e.g. flowers, apology cards, etc.) not only doesn’t help your situation… it actually hurts it.
Why?
Because in her eyes, this is “too little, too late”. Whatever problem led to this breakup is something that she obviously feels strong about. And attempting to solve this problem with something as simple as a gift just reinforces the fact that you don’t understand her on the level she expects you to.
Now with that being said, there are times when gifts can do wonders for saving a relationship… but immediately after a breakup isn’t one of them.
3. Never try to keep tabs on where she’s going (or who with)…
When you’re in a relationship with a girl you should know what she’s doing and who she’s with. The same holds true about her. It’s a healthy way of sharing your life with each other… even when you’re apart.
But when the relationship ends, you immediately lose the right to keep tabs on her. Furthermore, attempting to do so will most likely alienate her. Remember, she’s single now so she doesn’t have to “report” to you (or anyone else for that matter).
And I understand that it’s nerve-racking not knowing what your ex is doing, especially when she’s “available” for any guy to come along and sweep her off her feet… but trust me on this one… it will save you a world of pain (and possibly your relationship).
Besides… it’s better for your sake if you’re left in the dark, and this ties in directly with the next rule that should be broken.
4. Do not attempt to get in the way of her dating someone else…
A relationship lives by monogamy and dies with infidelity. And that’s why out of all the rules, this has to be the hardest to break (that is unless you’re used to sharing your girl with other guys… but this I highly doubt).
Nevertheless, this all changes once a breakup comes about. And I know what you’re thinking, “How can I sit back and just let her date someone else?”
Well first of all… no one is telling you to encourage it… just don’t fight it. Because if you do try to fight it the only thing you will accomplish is encourage her. Why? It’s pure psychology. It’s the same principle that applies between parents and children. What do children always end up doing? The exact things their parents tell them not to.
And don’t think for a second that this reaction goes away with age. Remember, as soon as someone tries to stop you, me, or anyone else from doing something… we always tend to want to do it even more, wouldn’t you agree?
And now for the final rule…
5. Do not continue to be her best friend throughout this breakup…
Couples oftentimes consider their respective partners to be their best friends. After all, so much time and happy memories are being shared together. This is why it’s typical for a girl to tell her ex that she still considers him her best friend and she wants to keep it that way during the breakup.
However, this arrangement is not a mutually beneficial one (to say the least). To be frank, what usually ends up happening is that she heals and he continues to hurt. But again, you shouldn’t blatantly ignore your ex if this is your case… but just like in rule #1: less tends to be more… so keep this in mind if you’re still best friends with your ex.
Those are the rules… now go break ‘em and if you’d like some more (counter-intuitive but highly effective) advice on saving your relationship, just click here to read this in-depth resource on winning a girl back.
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Topics: How To Get Her Back |
February 29th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
good advice
January 21st, 2009 at 3:37 pm
well, this is all good stuff, but I was the one that broke up with her for stupid reasons but as soon as i did it i regreted it. i called her and told her i had made a mistake and asked if she would give me another chance, obviously she said no, that’s what i had expected, but she said she’d consider the idea. and ever since then, i’ve been talking to friends (including her best friend)and they told me that i had to show her that i REALLY wanted her back. her best friend (and everybody else i’ve talked to) recommended that i call her everyday for at least 2 minutes to see how she was doing and that i should try to get her back slowly, but not with expensive gifts or anything, but with like sentimental things like i.e. i sent her an envelope yesterday that contained a mustache, a mini poster of a young michael jackson, another of depeche mode, a paintbrush, a picture of an alien (we like aliens), a picture of a chicken (i’m her stinky chicken), and a printout of a dream flotah that i made on paint (she was my dream flotah). oh and a little note that said, simply, “i know that i am the stinkiest chicken in the world right now. i’m sorry.”
and that was it.
what do you think of this? could this be an exception?
February 10th, 2009 at 7:24 pm
if only i had read this 3 months ago
March 28th, 2009 at 5:30 am
I should have read this a month ago…I tried giving gifts maybe twice…but after a month i realized that she needs space…it’s so hurting doing that by not knowing what she’s up to…but i think giving her space is giving her time to think, to reflect that she might realized how much i love her. and i know she loves me still…i don’t know why i am writing this…it’s just that my heart got broken big time…i need to win her back for i love her so much…
April 2nd, 2009 at 8:21 am
this is the advice i used to always give my friends but its so hard to actually do it yourself. My girlfriend started to think were just friends and i tried everything i could think of( all counter productive) and now i realized all i can do is give her space and hope..
April 2nd, 2009 at 1:14 pm
Paul, I understand what you are going through. I had my first girlfriend break my heart so after that for 9 years I wore an amoured suit. I finally took it off realizing that the person I wanted to be with was standing right infront of me. It was too little too late. She says, “I need my space” and I almost bought flowers today and booked a trip etc…but then I realized that if she doesn’t love me for who I am than I am just spinning my wheels. I hope that she does. And the day that she comes running back I will shower her with anything that she wants. She is my life, my love my entire world rightside up and upside down. This article really helped open my eyes to something, I already knew.
April 7th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
i understand all, my heart is broken as we speak but its by my own doing. i finally pushed my fiance away untill she said she needed a complete break from me. its so hard be because i want to spend every minute im awake making up for it but i know it wont do me any good. all i can do now is give her the space she desires, and trust God that he will show us his will for us and pray the he will give us the strength to make it through this tough time
faith is so beneficial at a time like this, we can find comfort in him and we can know that he would never give us more than we couldnt handle. God puts us all through these trials to bring us closer to him. i encourage each of you to ask for Gods help throughout this because i guarentee you cannot do it without him. Pray for the girl you that you want to win back, pray that he can give her strength and comfort and he can heal her wounds and she can forgive you, prayer is powerful
April 17th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
does any of this apply if i broke it off with her? only because she kept threatening to break up with me and was being impossible. i love her very much and just dont know what else to do.
April 19th, 2009 at 7:47 pm
so i am going through this right now and at the time she is going out while i am at home… alone… all i want to do is keep tabs on her. i miss her so much! i am so afraid that she is going to find someone else and leave me behind, forgetting about all the love we had before. i understand why she broke up with me, that it’s “too little, too late.” I JUST WANT TO FIX IT AND BE HAPPY THE WAY WE USED TO BE.
April 21st, 2009 at 11:08 pm
My girl just left for a “break” to evaluate her life… and ultimately decide our fate.. she says she loves me and just needs time to think. I am a wreck, and don’t know what to do… this advice sounds great but she said she’d call all the time … do i pick up, act busy , or tell her imiss her???? we’re supposed to go out in a few days just to spend some time 2gether…. not sure how 2 handle it….HELP??
May 1st, 2009 at 4:26 am
my everyday without her is good as whipping my self.. im living in misery, i want to win her back but it seems its not the right time yet..im still hoping.. nevet too late to mend? guess so..
May 1st, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Guys whatever the reason for the breakup and whether it was you or her that actually did it…
Girls can small desperation the same as dogs can smell fear. I know it’s hard to do, but you have to get control of your emotions and accept the fact that you are broken up for now.
My girlfriend and I called it quits after 5 years and at first I started chasing after her. She only ran farther and faster. Then I started taking some time away from her to focus on myself and not only did I start feeling better, but she sent me a text after a week or so asking if I was alright. We exchanged a couple messages and I told her I had to get going.
I waited another week and called her. We kept the conversation light and the only topic discussed was her job (she’s going through a tough time there). As soon as I could sense the conversation starting to die I told her I was meeting some people and had to go. She said she felt bad that we only talked about her and thanked me for the call. She sent me a text a couple of days later and I limited our exchange to 2 or 3 of them. I may call her in a couple of days.
The reason I’m writing this is because there is hope, but you really, really have to get in control of yourselves or you won’t get her back. You may get your chance, but until then you have to play it cool, be patient and focus on bettering yourself.
May 3rd, 2009 at 8:26 pm
My girlfriend dumped me 2 days before Christmas Eve. I tried to have her reconsider but she is perfectly happy with the guy she’s with now. She was my first love and the dreams that we had planned are now in a heap of rubble. My heart is in little tiny fragments and it still is. My friends have told me to move on but I badly want her back. She was the only one that made me smile. I was there for her when she was sick, sad, etc. I gave her space but it’s tearing me apart. Even now my heart is like lead, my throat has a lump in it and every night I cry myself to sleep, begging God to take me away from this torture. I always remember her birthday and to give her a Christmas present and vice versa. I can’t move on because I’m suffering from the breakup still. I didn’t do anything bad to her and everytime I hurt her feelings, I apologised straight away. I’m unable to eat much or anything else. Everytime somebody mentions her name I become sad and just wanting to end it all. I’d do anything to have her back. I’ve left myself go completely because of it and all I want is to have her talk to me like we used to when we were in a relationship. Any ideas?
May 5th, 2009 at 5:43 am
I broke up with her. Twice, instantly only a few hours of doing it. Pain rushed in and i couldnt live without her, first time she took me back, second time no. And that was th biggest mistake i could have ever made really makes me think the term “Dumb guy” was said for a reason. Now she said she wants space, so hard to do shes very attractive and i know many of men would love to get close to her. I didnt talk to her as much as in our relationship but when we did talk it would end up in arguments due to me whining about wanting her back, she claims to need time. But i grew up on “you either want me, or you dont” ….eventually i chucked that moral out of ways and gave her time, i didnt respond to texts or calls for a whole day. By the end of the night she texts very upset that I havent called or text, i told her i was giving her time. Out of a fit of rage she tells me she doesnt want this anymore. I am lost, I let the madness in my mind seep out and come into to conversation to destroy the one thing i want most in my life. I admit i am an idiot for ending it as many times and how i did, very childish. But how do i fix it. I am not gonna take ” move on” for an answer hell no i wont. She too much to lose
May 7th, 2009 at 1:25 am
i have kind of a similar situation. it wasn’t my fault, it was her past that was bothering her. i did everything a girl would expect from her boyfriend. but sometimes i got a little too carried away by being over possessive and caring more than enough, thats she said to her best friend and eventually i found out. we still talk like we used, we still hangout the same way, its just that romantic part lacks in our relationship. she calls me as her friend and i guess i treat as her friend too. i ignored her so she came up to m, i dont pay attention so comes up to me, everything has worked but i cant make her say “I Love You.” she lets me put my hand on her, she also sometimes let me put my hand around her waist but i just want to hear those 3 words from her. if she says then i buy clothes for her and vice versa. any tips to get her say that?
May 7th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
I’m going through this right now. She told me that she doesn’t have the feelings for me that she once did. i’m not so sure that I believe that. She told me while she was drunk that i’m now the man that she always hoped that I would be. What? She did tell me that I was her best friend and I told her that I was never friends with my ex’s. She has text me every few days since it happened. I have left her alone. She has also mentioned me not having a career. Break up factor? Help! Is all hope lost? I have dated her on and off for five years now and we have both grown up so much since then.
May 12th, 2009 at 10:09 pm
I am glad that I read this when I did. My girl decided it was best to end things due to the fact that she cannot devote herself fully to being a single mother of a very young child and a girlfriend. I took it hard but agreed. My strategy was to stay in touch moderately. Now I believe I will wait a few months. This saved me from calling next week. I am glad that I do not have to worry about rule 4 too because I’m not sure I could handle it, but that’s a long story.
May 12th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
My question would be about rule 3. I feel like there is a fine line between always asking what she’s been up to and asking how she’s doing from time to time. It’s all about how you come off and why you are actually wanting to know.
May 18th, 2009 at 9:04 am
we broke up five days ago and ive been trying to persuade her talk to her tell her how much i care and all that crap but i havent given any gifts so i dont think i totally screwed my chances up. i am going to give her space i havent talked to her in two days i am going to try the advice and see if it works.
May 19th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
So my girl and I broke up 6 weeks ago for 5 of them I have been showering her with gifts and begging her to give us a 2nd chance and one week ago I put NC into place then on friday I heard she had given a horse away that I had bought for the 2 of us and got a little upset and call and left a message for her to get the horse back and I would have someone come get it but not to call me to have one of our friends get in touch with me I have lost all my standing ground with this woman and I just want to get back to what we where I am willing to wait and use NC to get her back. HELP?????
May 20th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
I broke up with my girlfriend just over 2 weeks ago and from the second I did it realised it was a mistake… but she doesn’t wanna know.
She has been clubbing a few times since we split and she met a guy when she was out. They have kissed a few times but he is away for the next 4 months to work in Greece. They have both said that they will miss eachother and that they wont forget eachother but she thinks he will forget her.
It is so painful to see that she may be slipping away from me.
She said that she doesn’t want a relationship at the moment and she says she is enjoying being singal but she also said that when she does want a relationship again she would consider me.
And something is more likely to happen if I back off and give her space and stop talking about a relationship which is also hard.
I hope that the love she does still have for me comes through in the end and we do get back together and I am willing to wait as long as it takes.
It is really hard not to try and talk to her all the time or keep tabs on her.
I just cant bear to lose he completely over something so stupid because I love her so much.
I guess all I can do is wait and see what happens.
June 2nd, 2009 at 7:03 am
Trev,
I’m in that same boat now as you. Have no idea what to do. Shes going away for the summer so it looks like I don’t have a choice but if only I could do something.
June 7th, 2009 at 7:06 am
I have been able to patch up wid my girlfriend once & that too in a matter of 2weeks when I gave her the scare of moving on wid life & this time we had a terrible fight that too of my fault & now wen I tried to do things like being available & accomodating,showering gifts,its of no use to her- she calls me daily & we speak over the phone for 2-3 minutes & then she rushes the conversation & ends it-may be I should apply the same formula which I did last time coz it sems me being overfriendly in this circumstances doesn’t work..
June 8th, 2009 at 12:41 am
My Ex just broke up with me and I told her that I didn’t think I could be friends with her, I said that because at the time I was very hurt after the 2 year relationship. Now shw is getting very close to dating another person only a week after the breakup does this mean that the 2 years we spent together can be forgotten in a week. I felt that it would take me about 2 months before I could date again, has she broken any rules?
June 14th, 2009 at 10:25 pm
my girlfriend broke up with me in jenaruary and i miss her terribly i love her and i want her back and i asked her if she ever thought of getting back together and she says i dont know and i said how come you dont know yes or no and se says i dont know latter on and she told me that let some time go by and lets see what happens so i really need to know what to do and what are the most important signs that she wants me back or that she is over me just want things to be the same.
June 20th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
I need help people! My girlfriend broke up with me about a month ago..our relationship was slowly going down but i still tried everything to make things better i just didn’t get a good response.. i became sooo scared.. i let fear and desperation drive me.. i kept trying to persuade her i tried everything.. and i’ve realised all i’ve done is push her away even more.. she practically hates me now… i can still feel that there is something inside her that wants me but its very small.. right now shes on vacation and i won’t see her for around 14weeks. she thinks its perfect for her to ‘move on’ ..i only realised a few days ago that i’ve been pushing her away and i’ve provoked her for that..ive thought hard about what i want.. and i want her back.. it seems impossible with the way shes treating me..if i give her more space im worried it will allow her to get over me even more easily. shes a very headstrong woman and once she makes decisions she sticks to them.. i don’t know what to do to win her back now. this girl is a one of a kind.. shes worth everything to me.. i’d give anything for her. i’ve lost all of those rights.. and i want them back.. but what can i do? What can i do to atleast make her consider getting back with me? make her want to come back to me.. even after everything i’ve put her through.. i need a lot of help.. this is the most important period of my life so far.. i want her forever.. i just need that one last chance.. but i don’t know how to aquire it…
June 20th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
all my attempts have ended in failure.. i’ve stopped attempting and im now giving her space.. although i know shes using it to move on.. i ask her to think of us but she won’t listen to me.. i cant even contact her anymore.. what can i do im soo helpless :’( !!!! she - is - my - life
June 30th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
if only i have read this yesterday! damn!
July 6th, 2009 at 8:39 pm
I just got dumped by my girlfriend 6 days ago. It wasn’t that bad of a break up and were still friends. I keep tabs on her, I text her sometimes and we talked once on the phone and everything seemed ok. After reading this it seemed like ALL of what I did was wrong. I DON’T KNOW WHAT I NEED TO DO!!! HELP!!!
July 18th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
She broke up with me after being together almost a year, no advanced warning, just all of a sudden no phone calls or call backs. Everything was going great until that day, it caught me completely by surprise. She tells me she wants an independent man that she can rely on, when I am the one that would literally bend over backwards to help her if need be. I have my own place, I have good job, I pay all my bills, I never would cheat on her, and have done nothing but treat her with respect. This one hurts, I am giving her space, but I still don’t have a plan for when I actually do get back into contact with her. I am still at a loss.
July 20th, 2009 at 11:04 am
this really opened up my eyes. My gf ended it on a Sunday and I tried talking all week to her. Now I realize to just give her the space and let it work out. I love her more than anything and she is my world and true love. Did I hurt it trying to talk to her and figure out what she was doing ??
July 23rd, 2009 at 10:51 pm
My case might be a little bit different because she lives in London while I leave in Atlanta LDR! I aagreed I was too nousy wanting to know what she’s doing, where she’s going, who she’s hanging out with e.t.c and she had always warned I need to trust her but things took a dramatic turn few weeks ago she stopped doing all she used to do and when I brought it up she always have some flimsy excuses and finally she stopped calling its been 6 days now since we spoke and its killing me my heart is broken!
July 28th, 2009 at 8:28 pm
did all our girlfriends break up with us for the same reason ? Jealousy ? after reading these responses for some reason I`m coming having this feeling it is
September 2nd, 2009 at 7:02 am
wow!!!! reading this really helps me think about thing…i just hope that it works for me, even though she was never my girlfriend…she was just best friend…and i miss her so much, i’d give anything to go back to the way we were…wish me luck fellas…
September 20th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Doonovan
im in the same boat mate.
though we were togeather we just never officially said anything
she then said one night that she dosnt lookfoward to comming out and seing me anymore like she used to
and she needs to sort her head out
and she needed space
September 21st, 2009 at 4:11 pm
It’s great advice guys! I am back on to say it worked like a charm. It is hard as hell and I know how you all feel, but you have got to keep the faith.
It really helps if you delete her number - really helps out in those tempting moments.
When she makes contact be lovely, fun and upbeat. Don’t try to score any cheap points or ask her anything that will give her any reason to think anything that what a fun, lovely guy you are.
Another tip - keep busy! Try and minimise the moments that you are in thinking about her, it will just drive you crazy. Make sure that you time is spent positivley. Keeping fit, getting you place in order, taking up a new hobby etc.
I think there is a 70% chance, if you follow the rules, that it will all work out.
Hang in there!
September 22nd, 2009 at 11:53 am
Thanx matt
im really hoping mine will work :S
September 27th, 2009 at 12:21 am
ha. well, instead of her hurting me, i hurt her. cause i could care less. she kept saying that she was gona break up with me, because we had a big argument the day before. so i got tired of it and told her that im leaving. she asked me if i was really breaking up with her and her face was totally shocked. i said yes coldly and left without another word. now she keeps trying to call me and leaves me messages to come back with her. to tell you the truth, im moving on to better things. (i might just be a jerk)
September 27th, 2009 at 7:03 pm
i hate knowing shes hanging out with guys it worse because i know she has a boyfriend thats a massive ass. but i think these rules might help me get her back.
October 2nd, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Couldnt agree more with most of this
My ex told me last week she needed to be on here own and that it was over.I blame myself,i never invested enough of myself in her,prefered to keep it on a semi-serious basis
Well the cliche “you dont know what youve got til its gone is so true”
I sent her a couple of cards,even though i know it was the wrong thing to do.So im now doing the hardest thing in the world-staying away and just clinging on to the faint hope that in her own time she will realise my feelings are gunuine.I just wish id realised it before
Its only been a few days,and of course im in a world of pain and hurt,but i realise this is the only thing i can do
Good luck to all above
October 10th, 2009 at 6:39 pm
during a 1 year relationship with my ex, i have to admit, i was pretty neglectful. my previous girlfriend did a number on me and i was a bit closed off. my ex stuck by my side and gave her love to me every waking moment of every day and i didnt see what i had at the time. we had a mutual breakup right before our 1 year anniversary and shes been dating another guy. my heart has been crumbling day after day, and i kick myself in the ass constantly for not seeing what i had right in front of me this whole time. we currently are back to dating again, but shes also been dating this other guy as well (about a month i guess) since we’re technically not “exclusive”. this other guy really likes her (she everything any man would want in a soulmate) so she feels torn between the 2 of us. she admits that she still loves me, but is scared that things will go back to how they were before…no matter how much i try to re-assure her. he tells her how much she means to him, so i guess he has a leg up because he hasnt actually hurt her before. she feels bad because she really hasnt given this guy a fair chance and hes such a nice guy and doesnt want to hurt either of us. when shes with him, she says she still thinks of me, which is good, right? but when shes with me, she sometimes thinks and feels bad because she hasnt really given him that fair chance. every morning i wake up and read a letter she once wrote to me when we were together. it brightens my day, but when the sun goes down, my mind begins to wander and my heart crumbles once more. its a daily, torturous cycle that is causing my heart and soul feel pain like no other. i have no idea why im even writing this, but in a strange sense, it is a bit comforting to release these feelings. theres always hope, and God willing, she will come to me again.
October 12th, 2009 at 7:24 am
ok so who her can tell me they are back together after doing what you said and giving her space ect
October 23rd, 2009 at 7:56 am
I broke up with my girlfriend after 3 years on and off, we stayed friends for 5 months and basically we were like gf and bf, we did all the stuff u do. I still loved her but it seemed she loved me more, I was often an ass to her when we were dating and it made her hurt. when i realised i didnt want anyone else and asked her back out she sed no, only 2 weeks ago she asked if i loved her still. she said she had slept with someone else and realised she wasnt as hung up on me as she fort, and yes ‘not knowing what u have until its gone’ is so true. and also ‘wanting what u cnat have’, i txt her loads opening up my feelings and now she feels suffocated, she says it isnt me and needs space, she sed im her best friend and so i wnated 2 keep her coming round for dvds and hugs. after reading this i feel so much better already by giving her the space she needs and wants, after 3 days of not txtin her, which was agony, she actually txt me. im tryin 2 hold it togetehr, she might be coming round in a few days and im just gona play it cool, cos so far it seems to be working! great advice!!
October 26th, 2009 at 7:06 pm
look guys if your girl needs space then give it to her…..i knew my relationship was headed south so i confronted her when i statrted noticeing the withdrawal signs from her….by me acting fast i think this is what may have put the brakes on the beginning to an end…..so there we were talking and she said she really wasnt prepared for this conversation and had been thinking about it for sometime but was afraid to say anything because she was afraid she would loose me….and then thats when she asked for them dreaded words i need to think about this relationship….so i looked her in the eye and said if you need time to think if you love me or not thats a pretty clear answer to me……to i got to thininkin the next day so i called her up and told her she could have all the time with her thinking but she just needed to break up with me because i wasnt gonna just sit baack until she made her mind up and then come drop the bomb on me when she got ready…damn that was one hell of a decision i had…well she said that she didnt want to break up but i kept insistin that she break it off with me bacause i wasnt gonna break it off with her because that was not i wanted..it was what she wanted so she just need to break up with me…..welll she did ….lol….but at least i was a man about it and didnt beg didnt cry and wasnt needY……WELL AS SOOON AS SHE BROK IT OFF WITH ME I WENT STRICTLY IN THE NO CONTACT MODE YOU KNOW NO CALLING NO TEXTING AND JUST BROKE CONTACT OFF IMEDIATELY…..REMEMBER SHE WAS THE ON THAT NEEDED SPACE AND BY GOD SHES GOT IT NOW…..WELL A WEEK WENT ON AND SHE FINALY CALLED BUT IT WAS A SILLY EXCUSE TO DROP SOME OF MY THINGS OFF THAT I HAD LEFT AT HER HOUSE…IT HURT TO SEE HER BRING THEM THINGS BACK BUT I KNEW DEEP DOWN SHE WAS ONLY BRINGING THEM OVER TO SEE ME …BECAUSE IF SHE WASNT SHE WOULD HAVE LEFT THEM ON MY DOOR STEPS OR SOMETHING…..SO SHE CAME IN WE TALKED AND I SCREWED UP BY TALKING ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP I NEVER SHOULD HAVE DID THAT BUT WE HUGGED HELD HANDS AND SHE WAS VERY AFFECTIONATE WITH ONE ANOTHER AND THEN SHE LEFT ….AND I WENT STRICTLY BACK INTO THE NO CONTACT MODE AGAIN WELL FRIDAY ITS WHICH I 2 WEEKS FROM THE BREAKUP SHE CALLED AGAIN WANTING TO KNOW ABOUT A SUITCASE I HAD OF HERS….LOL I KNEW SHE WAS ONLY WANTING TO COME BY AGAIN JUST TO SEE ME FOR IF SHE DIDNT SHE WOULD HAVE TOLD ME TO LEAVE IT OUT SOMEWHERE SHE COULD JUST PICK IT UP…WELL I ACTED BUSY AND DIDNT RETURN HER CALLL RIGHT AWAY AND TOLD HER I WOULD GET IT TO HER….BUT I ACTED HAPPY AND NEVER ASKED FOR A CHANCE FOR US GETTING BACK TOGETHER….GUYS NEVER BRING THE RELATIONSHIP UP MAKE THEM WONDER WHATS GOING ON IN YOUR HEAD……AND THEN I WENT BACK INTO NO CONTACT AGAIN NO CALLING NO TEXTING…..WELL I WAS COMING DOWN THE ROAD TODAY AND PASSED HER COMING HOME FROM WORK….SHE TEXT ME TELLING ME THAT SHE HAD SEEN ME COMING DOWN THE ROAD SO I JUST DIDNT REPLY BACK TO THE TEXT…….WELL AFTER ABOUT AN HOUR SHE CALLED ME AND ASKED IF I GOT HER TEXT AND YOU KNOW I SAID THAT I DIDNT BUT I DID GET THE TEXT AND SHE SAID IT MUST BE HER PHONE….LOL…BUT WE HAD A GREAT CONVERSATION WE TALKED A LITTLE WHILE AND I MADE HER THINK I WAS HAPPY AND BUSY AND CARRYING ON WITH MY LIFE AND AFTER ABOUT 10 MINUTES I CUT THE CONVERSATION SHORT AND TOLD HER THAT I KNEW SHE WAS BUSY AND I WILL TALK TO HER LATER …AND TO TELL YOU ALL WHAT SHE REALLY DIDNT WANT TO LET ME GO I COULD TELL IT IN HER VOICE …RIGHT BEFORE I GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH HER SHE TOLD ME SHE WOULD STOP BY AND GET THAT SUIT CASE IN A DAY OR 2(LOL WHAT AN EXCUSE I LOVE THAT DAMN SUITCASE NOW THOUGH….SO WHEN SHE COMES BY TO GET THE SUIT CASE IM GONNA ACT HAPPY ACT CONFIDENT AND FLIRT LIKE HELL WITH HER BECAUSE I KNOW SHE IS READY FOR IT…I WILL HAVE HER BACK AND I WILL NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES I MADE IN THE BEGINNING BY ACTING JEALOUS NEEDY AND CLINGY AND SHOWING TO MUCH ATTENTION ….REMEMBER GUYS YOU HAVE TO SHOW ATTENTION BUT DONT SHOW TO DAMN MUCH OR THEY WILL BE GONE AGAIN AS SOON AS YOU GET BACK TOGETHER….BE THE CONFIDENT GUY YOU WERE BEFORE YOU MET HER AND IN THE BEGININING OF THE RELATIONSHIP AND ME A MAN DAMN IT ACT LIKE A MAN AND YOU WILL BE TREATED AS THE MAN……..NOW I HAVENT GOT HER BACK BUT ITS JUST A MATTER OF TIME AND I WLL KEEP YOU ALL POSTED…..THANKS YOU ALL
October 28th, 2009 at 7:47 am
If anyone could analyze my situation, please give me advice and whether you think I could win her affection back..
Well, my girlfriend broke up with me a little over a month ago. Things had been sour for quite some time and I kind of saw it coming. Her main reasons why she broke thing off, she said, were due to the lack of affection and romanticism I showed towards her and that towards the end, I seemed to be more like a friend than a boyfriend.
I accepted my faults and tried to move on. But within a week, I couldn’t stop thinking about how bad I had made things for her and I know I could have been better. I love her so much that I’d do anything for her and would never make those mistakes again.
But sadly, I wasn’t aware of these tips and I txted her like normal after the break up. Bringing up our relationship a lot and getting angry. I guess I was selfish hoping I’d get her back easily. But the thing is, we’ve hung out about 3 times since the break up and it just seems so right. But stupidly, at the end of the night I’d gush out my feelings on how i want her back and am a changed man but she just says that she’s sorry but that she doesn’t feel the same way and that she just doesn’t believe that a person can change in a month’s time. But I truly have! I’m getting back into shape and hanging out with more of my friends again. I feel a higher boost of confidence but when with her, I get weak for her..
But even though she says that she doesn’t feel the same way, she still talks to me and gives off these subtle hints that I’m still in her heart! Because if she wanted to break things with me, wouldn’t she avoid me? It’s just that when I ask to hang with her she actually lets me. And we can txt each other all day and that seems fine. But do you think that she’s just putting me in a friends zone?
At times I feel low and think that she’s just wanting me as a friend now. But the last night I talked to her outside her house. I gushed my feelings and she comforted me. She says that she does see good changes in me but that it sucks that it had to have been after a break up. And I know that. After talking, I asked her her a probably stupid, but straight question: “Do you want space from me? Because I don’t want to push you away and always be considered as a friend”… Well she gave me a smile and said “Can you be my friend?”. This didn’t seem like a bad way of “friend”. It actually felt as if she doesn’t want me to disappear and hopefully, rekindle things. And even better, she invited me to a theme park with her friends this week, which she had never done. It felt nice. This was all at 2AM. And to make it even better she snuck me into her house to watch some TV with her!
People; anyone… What should I make of these signs and gestures? Do you think there’s still something there for me and her? I really love her and want to be that great affectionate guy. Please, help a man out. I’ll promise to return the favor.
October 29th, 2009 at 7:42 pm
chris im warning you to not be her friend……im here to help you tell her that you cannot be her friend ….maybe after a month or so you can come back into the friend zone to prove that you are not to needy…..and present to her the new and improved you…….she is gonna use the friend thing to gradually ease you out of the pic…ive gotten all the get your ex back manuals and by no means can you be her friend…maybe later but not now ….let her misss you
October 29th, 2009 at 7:47 pm
well guys its j….she came for the suit case today…..i acted all happy and cocky a little…i had just popped some pop corn before she came in …we drank a corona and ate some pop corn but i never brought the relationship…..she was here for little over an hour and a half making sure to let me know that nobody was in her life …..we kissed and hugged like never before and i really believe i could have had sex with her but i told her i didnt do casual sex in a joking manner……i could see the gleam in her eyes the way she was looking at me and then she was dying for me to tell her that i love her but i didnt i just played it cool to not let her know the way i really feel about her ….i really believe things are looking up for ole j
October 30th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
yeah yeah yeah, women are funny creatures…
November 16th, 2009 at 8:35 am
mine is another story!
after 1 year and 4 months, she broke up with me. the reason is because she said i’m no a guy who can leads, can understand her and her friends, could care about her, and most of all, she couldn’t see me as her future..
BUT
I don’t know how, but i managed to get her back! on the day i get her, we were on date. but initially we kept in mind that we are a friend, not a couple anymore. but the tully reason for going out? i don’t know about her. but my mission on that day is getting her back. and i won!
BUT
just after 5 days we resumed to be a couple, she ask for a break up again..bcoz the same matter as i mentioned earlier..
days passed. she starts to text messaging me to ask what i m doing n bla bla bla.. i entertain her.. but she said that she just wanna b friends with me..not couple back. but i was so stubborn. i want her back. i constantly push her for that.
i said, i rather not contact her if she is just a friend.
then..after 4 weeks we’re on that situation, i delete her from my social network and said i want her to change for good.
but it was a mistake. now she is COMPLETELY ignore me. she’s never text messaging me neither call me. i tried to pursue her back. saying i m sorry. i also tried to add her back in my social network. but all is effortless.. she never ever giving me any chances.. never trully reply to my contact..
right now i just don’t know what to do..
i really wish to make she open her heart again n see the bright sight.. but she never responds.. so how it is going to be? :((
November 17th, 2009 at 9:55 am
This is exactly what people are telling me to do..its only been 2 days that i havent seen her and already im going crazy. it just hurts to think that she can be giving her loving kisses and her self to someone else when i have no say in it. i need her back i have not slept or eaten anything in 2 days..im really hurt but its all my fault
November 17th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
My girlfriend split up with me 2 days ago, ive tried texting her and calling her and she dosen’t want to talk. After reading this maybe i just need to leave her alone for a while. I really miss her and il do anything to get her back, i know she still loves me and it was all my fault we broke up, i just wasnt a good boyfriend. Hopefully i can show her that i can change but not contacting her is going to kill me……….
November 19th, 2009 at 6:30 pm
Being the typical guy sure does not work when you want to be with the one you love when you have made the stupid mistake. I have been typical for far too long and my mentality was centered on ‘being one of the guys’ and my mind was all screwed up. I was in a long distance relationship lying to her and cheating on her and was hot-and-cold when I came back home to be with her. She wanted to be back to with me and I didn’t know and I always had an excuse and I put my blinders on and drove her away big time. I put myself first instead of her and rejected her when I said I wasn’t ready for a relationship at the time she wanted things to work out, but I did it in spite when she told me that she was spending time with another guy….
That was a huge mistake! In the midst of trying to implement the steps to win your girl back, you have to consider how she feels first and foremost if you really love her and get rid of the distractions and things that do not matter for a new relationship. I’m in the process of showing her how much I love her and this article really helps guys! Remember, she wants to ’see’ how much you care, not talk about how much you care!
November 21st, 2009 at 2:23 pm
its been nearly a week with no contact guys……………what should i do? do i loode touch with hr more so she drifts away and gets used to not been with me or do i contact her??
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:24 pm
my advice from a girls perspective is to concentrate on your own life, show her that your a real ‘winner’ eg don’t mope around the house, get out and do things, really live your life. do the things you’ve always wanted to do, like travelling, getting the job you want, getting fit, having a great time with your friends and family, being a kind, helpful and generous with others, get a hobby. these things will make you into a better person and she’ll see the change. if she texts don’t ignore her, it’ll probably infuriate her, but don’t be too available either, she needs time to miss you, and being at her beck and call will not help her realise that.
November 22nd, 2009 at 9:16 pm
thanks!
November 26th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
This girl and I had been dating for about a week and everything was going perfectly well and great. Our dates were amazing. This morning, I woke up to a text message from her saying she’s sorry but she’s back with her ex-bf. Apparently her ex-bf came to visit her at work last night and they got back together. She says she feels terrible for what she’s done to me. I’m extremely heartbroken. I didn’t believe it at first. Being with her felt right and I can’t believe whats happened. I’ve been browsing the net all day for advice on what to do. I don’t want to lose her.
November 27th, 2009 at 7:01 am
just want to say, if space she needs, space is what you give…have a life, turn it around, i’m into this right now, i really love her but if i do something i know i will end up with nothing…i didnt
t listen, i know its my fault and i am sorry for the things ive done…but it really hurts, that i need also to think of myself, or if i am worthy with this treatment, loving yourself is the best thing you could ever do after the relationship, have a life, go out with your friends, hang out and be happy, leave this all for a moment, i also want to know what she’s doing, i am dying to know what she is up to, but if the relationship ends, you can’t control her, if she can leave you, what can you do about that? i’ve tried everything, ive said sorry, i really love her, i know, i’ve promised to lord above that i’ll stay with her for the rest of my life, but arguments and misunderstanding gets in our way…i am still hurt right now, i don’t know what to do, i am also searching myself, i am doing the things she wants me to do, and if the love is not really true, i guess i have to let go, because all of us needs true love, all of us needs a girl that could stay and understand what we want, which in return we give it back to them, we stay in a relationship because we love each other, but either of the two loose it, it would not work out, ive just learned now that letting go is really hard to do, and if you can do you consider yourself as a person that is very determined to do the things that makes you happy…for me what makes her happy is what i want, and i wouldn’t ask for more…not knowing what she’s up to is really painful for me, it hurts everyday, i am lost, but what can i do, with the rules above i know i am on the right track, but it is hard…no one wants to be left, no one wants to be hurt as well, but maybe things are not likely fall on what you want…and right now, i can say i am not strong, but if this is what she needs, this is what i gonna do…it is hard, leaving things that you getting used to, but you can’t do anything about that, if you’ll wait it is your choice, but living your life is way much better that the pain that you feel…to the one i loved, i still love you so much, i know you know that, but if this is what you wants i believe what you said before, i am living the life you want me to be…and i hope to see you around, i hope
December 1st, 2009 at 7:38 pm
NEED HELP! two weeks ago my ex had me come to her house and to tell me she didnt love me anymore. after that we still talked a bit here and there. decided to go to counsoling. the thanksgiving morning she told me she thinks she is ready to see other people. i have talked to her a few times since then, once over the phone (about school not us) i have not talked to her going on 36 hrs. WHAT SHOULD I DO!
December 3rd, 2009 at 10:29 am
Give her space, she may see someone else and then realise your the one she wants, don’t stop her seeing someone else it will just make her push you away. You need Patience and Persistance, just be cool about it and if it’s ment to be then it will happen………..if its not ment to be then you WILL find happiness somewere else.
December 9th, 2009 at 9:33 am
Man…I am seeing a pattern in this. I cant stress on the point that I am going through the exact same thing. I have won her back 2 times already and this time she asked for space but she was getting close to this other guy and something i said made her so mad that she said she hated me. I am now on a vacation for a month and she sent me an email on my birthday wishing me and asking how I was doing and I am contacting her minimum. I just hope the rules get me the result i desire. She is my life. I don’t want to loose her. My only question is if I play cool would it not help her to forget about US and move on? That’s my biggest fear. Somebody help !!!
December 14th, 2009 at 12:11 am
ok i need some help…me and my ex broke up about a week ago, we’ve been on for about 2yrs and a half. it was all over me not showing affection n not catering to her. for example it was time for her to go back to school and she asked me if i could take her but before i even knew she needed me i already had plans with my aunt to go to the football game. so i told her ill take u after the game if u really want so u dont have to leave at 6am with your mom. she got madd and was acting all childish for the rest of the night. couple days go by and she tells me i want to be yours again but u have to pass a test n i guess the test was to see who i have talked to on social network site which she already knew about. from that day she said it was really over this time i havent changed or anything( ive lost her twice before). i really have changed and was there for her alot. im scared to lose her, what am i suppose to do. i read the rules on top and following them but i dont want her to really leave this time…help
December 22nd, 2009 at 3:24 pm
She broke up with me beacuse she said she did not have the time and was not ready. She was all over me and i decided to try it out, now she says she will be single for a long time and i found out she is dating someone else but she tells me they are friends. She says i was brought to her for a reason but does not know what, i really helped her through some bad and i want her back but she is not telling me things and i know that beacuse she talked to one of my friends and he tells me. What should i do?
December 23rd, 2009 at 2:01 am
Damn, I just lost my fiancee last Sunday, December 20th when she gave me back the engagement ring i gave her. OUCH! Back on December 14th i started seeing something wrong with her. She seemed distant for some reason. I asked her what was wrong and she said nothing. So i left her house and went home, but immediately started thinking about her. I called her and asked her what was wrong, but she said nothing was wrong. When we started talking for a bit, she said that she felt i didn’t want to marry her and that she rushed me into getting married. I told her that wasn’t true and i kept insisting that i loved her.
Then, when i saw her on Tuesday Dec. 15th, she seemed “so-so” but i still told her i loved her and i wanted to get married no matter what. She started crying and still believed i didn’t want her.
I then left her alone on wednesday, but called her on thursday. I was talking to her about our engagement and she said she needed a break. She said her parents also believed i didn’t want to marry her. She kept hanging up on me and finally told me to leave her alone.
So I went to her house on sunday dec. 20th and told her i didn’t want a break and that i wanted to be with her and that i loved her. She was “stone cold” and showed no emotion. She strongly believed i didn’t want to marry her still. I felt sad after she gave me the ring so i left.
Me and her met through our cousins. I’m related to my cousins mom, and my ex-fiancee was related to my cousins dad. So yeah it sounds weird but it isn’t. SO anyways shes been talking to my cousin and saying that i didn’t try to win her back. That i just let her go and she’s been feeling sick.
I went to her house yesterday to talk to her parents and I found out why they said what they said. They said i wasn’t ready because I wasn’t done with school yet. HOwever, they now see the type of guy i am. I’m going to her house on Thursday, Christmas Eve, and I’m going to try to work things out.
Its funny cuz, although girls say they want you to leave them alone, they don’t mean it completely. They still want you to show them that you care. I’m going to fight for this girl because she is my LIFE. She said i wasn’t taking her out enough anymore, but that was because i was busy with work and school. So hopefully everything works out. Don’t ever give up guys. If you really feel like you didn’t do anything wrong, just keep trying.
December 23rd, 2009 at 2:01 am
sorry bout my last post. Just needed to pour out my heart. this is tough man.
December 23rd, 2009 at 6:34 am
H iguys
My gf left me 6 months ago .. She says her parents saw her roaming with me and the nindirectly her dad told her jus cut off everythign and concentrate on ur studies …and the ni tryed every thing but was unable to get her ..
Guys wot u think . does she really loves me . She says she loves me but cant show and cant talk also ..
December 23rd, 2009 at 12:58 pm
My girl just broke up with me this mornin she told me last night that if she found out i lied to her it was over this was probably my chance to come clean but i didnt i wanted a few hours after she went to sleep and came clean and tried to use my way with words to win her over but it didnt work i cant stop thinkin of her and i know i wont be able to move on ive been with a lot of women and have never felt anything close to wat i felt for her so shortly i knew she would be the one but i messed up once b4 and let my anger get the best of me but now i lied to her and this is the first time i have and feel like the lowest thing on the earth for doin it i hope this works but i think my chances may have run out she has trust issue cus every guy she has been with has cheated on her i have never but i lied which is pretty close i can only pray to God that she will take me back
December 26th, 2009 at 11:52 am
well i have messed up in a big way, we were happy for 3 years, blissfully, we then moved to be closer to her parents, they then decided to drive a wedge between us and it worked, she started seeing her ex and not telling me, we got through this and were going to be married, her dad then got in the way again and wouldnt come overseas to see us, (she dreamed of a winter wedding in the snow), she decided to please him and get married over here, it left me very resentful of him and her decision and it ended up with me kissing someone else, i told her and hoped we could get through this, i needed a little time to clear my head, but she left that day and returned to her parents, i started a relationship with the other woman,this was 3 weeks before christmas, it broke her heart,we then saw each other regularly and ended up having sex several times, the relationship with the new woman was a living nightmare, however the woman i still loved ended up getting pregnant, i was a mess and wouldnt get back with her, we had a termination in april 07, we tried to get back together and then she decided to see a guy who had paid her some attention, this lasted 2 weeks and we decided to try again, that was 18 months ago, she was living at her parents and we were getting closer, still we argued about how i felt her parents had treated me, the had told alot of lies about me and i couldnt forgive them, we went on holiday this year and were the happiest we had been in years, she moved back in and in 2 weeks we were in pieces, i told her to leave, the week after i took my kids away for the weekend, she came too and was going to try again, all we did was row over the kids, i wouldnt listen to her. it was my birthday last month yet we didnt see each other till 4 days later, she came over and told me she wanted the future we had always talked about, we made plans to go to the xmas party the following week, then on the sunday morning she told me she had met someone else, i was in pieces, she has told me that they are going to move in together and that she is in love with the guy, it was christmas day yesterday and all i got was a text, it was heartbreaking, now i sit and pray every day that she will see that i love her and come home,
December 27th, 2009 at 7:50 pm
sounds to me Stephen (23rd dec) that you don’t deserve her at all. and this is probably the biggest lesson you’ll ever learn.
December 30th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
This is hard to do. My girlfriend left me over Christmas, we have two boys together. I didn’t show her enough attention and never asked her to marry me. I thought I was miserable. Well, I didn’t know miserable until now. I haven’t felt this way in 14 years. We’ve been together 4 years. She says she hates this state and wanted to stay in her home state. I currently have our kiddos for the week. But I’m dying to get her back, and would do anything. No gifts, but it’s hard not to contact her. It’s hard to function and I haven’t eaten in days. I’ve stayed sick and I just can’t get over this actually happening. I’m 30 years old, and I’ve been really immature about things. I should have proposed when i had the chance. I should have done lots of things better. Of course, it’s hard wondering if she’s with some other guy, even though if she’d admit to it, I’d know it was over for good. It’s so hard to do anything. My insides are toast. All I want to do is lay down and never move, no energy, no motivation. I’m trying to stay strong for our boys. I did text her apologizing, and told her I would change things and make her feel like a queen and pretty much begging. After reading this, that may have hurt my intentions, but at least it’s true. I want her back so bad, it hurts.
January 10th, 2010 at 9:28 pm
well ive been in no contact for 2 months now and i still think about her all the time every day, it is easier now than it was right after the break up though. anyway yesterday she contaced me out of no were saying she hoped i had a great christmas, i personally see this as progress as its the first time shes initiated contact since we split and it shows shes thinkg of me. anyway guys hang in there you will either get over it or she will come back one day, don’t give up!!! do not contact your ex untill she contacts you!
January 16th, 2010 at 12:14 am
My situation is different. I fell in love with a flirty co-worker (though I tried to hide it). We had great chemistry and a lot of things in common. We went out a couple of times on very long non-romantic dates talking and having a wonderful time for as long as 12 hours. Other people at work noticed our attraction to each other and began making comments. I made the mistake of asking her out in front of others and that’s when her boss took her aside and told her we should not be seeing each other and basically threatened her job. So, she told me she did not feel comfortable seeing me because of that. I was very calm and said it was no problem and we continued as friends, with me gradually getting closer. Then I made the mistake of sending her a Christmas card that while not suggesting anything more than friendship, she regarded it as “more than just a card” after the gossiping assholes in the office said to her over and over again that I was in love with her though I had never done anything to suggest that (obviously too early). She flipped and made a big drama out of nothing, but basically ended our friendship because it was too personal. The kicker is she still wants to be together with me on my team but strictly as “co-workers” and nothing close. I am still relatively calm about it, but inside I am dying. I am giving her all the space she needs, interacting with her only when she comes to me, or when required. Without having gotten to the point where we were lovers, I don’t know if that puts me in a better situation for a comeback or not. I know she was attracted to me before it was suggested our relationship was somehow inappropriate. I don’t think I cam e off as needy, but I may have been too pushy in trying to be a closer friend, which tipped her off that I do have feelings for her though I lied and said I was not in love with her.
February 3rd, 2010 at 2:05 pm
Thanks 4 the advice i was doing the total opposite and it wasnt working. im going to try these rules and see if she comes back to me. If not then i’ll move on but always with regret in my heart for what i did to her…
February 10th, 2010 at 8:32 am
Guys, all I can say is this. I was with a girl for ten years. She was my first love. She was by my side when I was in the Navy and continued to be by my side when I got out. In that time I started doubting our relationship because of what society says, “You are too young, you can’t get married, you need to meet other women” etc, etc. To make a story short she recently broke up with me after I was going to marry her; not to mention that I broke her heart during the relationship because of the doubts I had. Now she’s the one having those same doubts. I tried chasing after her initially for almost a month. But you know what, it is useless. She knows who you are and nothing you say is going to change her mind at this time, and if she truly wants to come back to you just give her her space and she will. And even if she doesn’t just move on guys and appreciate all the good moments you had with her, and learn from all the bad moments so that your next relationship can be even better. Don’t get me wrong guys I still hope to have her back but I’m not holding my breath.
February 11th, 2010 at 7:52 am
A few months ago would have nice lol
February 12th, 2010 at 10:54 pm
she contacted me by email telling me thank you for telling her dad how to fix her ps3. I sent her a nice email wishing her luck and telling her I was ready to move on. She freaked out and called guys! She I’md me and told me she was pregnant. I stupidly went along when I should have ignored her. I was going about it all wrong. She needs space, time to miss me I guess. I hope it’s not too late. She said she still loved me and wanted us to work. But she keeps bringing up the space. I hope is not too late. I will try to follow these rules and see what happens
February 16th, 2010 at 3:51 pm
My girlfriend and i dated for 1 year and 5 months she broke up with me the day before valentines day..she still gave me a gift and i tried telling her no..but she insisted i take it..its been 3 days now barely talking at all…i text her alot but she only replies 5-10 texts a day…she seems so serious about this..and its like her friends persuaded her into doing this..i talked to her on the phone twice and each time was about 10-15 minutes…i explained my fealings and i said do u have ne fealings for me at all and she said yes..but it really doesnt seem like it…she texts like 3 different people all day long 2 of them being guys..and she even talked to them on the phone the same night for an hour each..what do i do? Im afraid she is just going to move on..i was her first for EVERYTHING…she is only 17 and im 18..but i love her so much i cant picture her with another guy or i just get very sad? IDK WHAT TO DO IVE CRIED EVERYNIGHT with out her..she went on her facebook and erased some pictures of us and took everything she wrote about me off..what do i do i need ADVICE ASAP!! PLEASE HELP
February 21st, 2010 at 7:08 pm
its been 2 weeks now since my girlfriend asked me for space..we’d been arguing a lot because of my past (previous relationships cropping up and I still got an ex named on my current mortgage that I didnt tell her about and I cant as of yet get her off as the mortgage company wont allow it)
so as you can imagine this has caused trust issues, resentment and constant stress for both of us for a long time.
She started to put up major defences back in November and due to that I started to become very needy (constant texting/calling checking up on her) which caused even more arguments. Eventually she had enough and asked for a break, it’s killing me inside, I havn’t eaten properly for over 2 weeks, weight is falling off me, cant sleep properly, I end up in tears at the drop of a hat and I cant seem to get myself together at all. We’ve text a few times since the break and she seems to have gotten over us already? want so much to try and fix us but I know that I cant and all I do is hope that she’ll remember all the good times and maybe miss me enough to want to try again…this is so hard, anyone got any advice??
February 24th, 2010 at 1:10 pm
Paul im in the same boat!! Cant eat sleep…and we text a little bit…i want her to remember our good times too…but good luck on this website because NOONE has replied to me yet! Im lost stuck and confused!! all girls are the same! They get your love and then tear you apart slowly…
February 24th, 2010 at 9:09 pm
Hey Eric thanks for the response!!!What about you mate?? what happened?? how long’s it been?? Yeah man it’s very very hard,so many things I want to say to H, not text since Sat night and I have to stop myself from texting to see how she is, H wanted space to sort her head out and to re-boot her brain as she hates being bitter and twisted over my past(that’s cropped up).My lady thinks I was still seeing my ex when I started seeing her and therefore was cheating because I didn’t tell her about the mortgage!! I may be stupid and may keep things to myself because I didn’t want to lose her…but no way cheating! she’s made me out to be Tiger Woods or Ashley Cole but no way!! oh and I was a bad boyfriend (have no idea how??) and I couldn’t get through no matter what I said. I love her to bits and miss her every day,I think of her as soon as I’m awake and last thing at night…hell I even dream about her lol (how sad am I eh!) but I am now sort of glad of the timeout as I am starting to de-stress and get back to the way I used to be before all the arguing and bitterness set in. I’m hoping that H is getting back to her old self too….I miss her smiling so much. You gotta start doing stuff for you now mate, be round your friends, join a gym, do stuff you wanted to do but just never found the time to do when you were with her (I’m re-learning to ski and fancy doing rock climbing etc..)and hopefully she will see what she’s let go and give you guys another chance.I’m sure she is remembering the good times but also has those “issues” kicking around too which is messing her up..try stop texting/contacting her for a bit, make yourself unavailable (it’s hard I know) for a bit.
If you wanna chat mate message me back and I’ll reply back. Keep yer chin up pal
February 25th, 2010 at 4:51 am
J how did you go?
February 27th, 2010 at 10:53 pm
Paul! My gf decided to break up with me because she “had no fealings” but the week before we broke up she was at my house an she explained how much she loved me…we rode quad she laughed flirted EVERYTHING WAS AMAZING…then she went home and a couple days later she broke up with me…all of her guy friends talk trash about me to her and she is a croud pleaser!! so whatever they want she does…so i think it was her guy friends that did it! but she like ignores me…but last night i ignored her for a couple hours and she texted me 5 times trying to get ahold of me..then she called me and said i was seeing if my phone was off!! lol i dont believe it…we havent been communicating well…idk what to do..and it has been since the 13th of febuary..thats when we broke up..i think about her ALL the time!! and your girlfriend must have Jealousy problems…especially if she accuses u of cheating…by the sounds of your relationship it seems that u guys will end up together again soon..i feal it is the whole jealousy concept!
March 1st, 2010 at 8:47 pm
Hey Eric,
Hmmm seems like your gf is listening to too many people, but I guess if you start to bite ack about them then it only looks like you are being bitchy! best to keep playing it cool mate, get out and do stuff, switch your phone off for a night and make her wonder what you are doing for a change instead of the other way round.
Yeah my (ex?)gf does have jealousy probs I think, it’s gone a wee bit odd since posting on here last time, I havn’t txt her for a week and then on Sat she txt’s me at work (we work in the same building) asking if I’d brought in her shoe’s etc from mine, I replied (nicely but short txt) that I had, heard nothing all day from her until 10pm…got a txt saying ” Woman’s Intuition…I knew I wasn’t the one for you..maybe one day I’ll tell you the real reason I ended the relationship” wtf????? anyway’s that pushed my button….and yep I ended up txting back…”you were always that one etc…why do you think I tried so hard etc…stop playing games and tell me why you broke up with me” so I gets a txt back ref how she let me off to easy when she found out about my lies (the mortgage) and at what point did I try etc. Buttons pushed again and I replied back about how I tried to sort stuff and how much I want to be with her (yeah I fell into it) etc. txt back from her about how it was all just words etc. txt from me AGAIN stating how much I want us to e together etc. then nothing…spoke to one of my mates who said, just ask her why she dumped you,what was the reason and and why she seems to now hate you. So I txt this morning asking why I was dumped and why she hates me as I don’t understand….I gets this back ” Paul I don’t hate you at all.Txt you later.Im shattered and not feeling too good.X ” ?????? anyone any ideas on what the hell is going on?? still no reason!!! and guess what? no txt tonight to give me a reason!!! arrrrrrgggh!!! she’s driving me mental!!!!
March 1st, 2010 at 11:26 pm
Paul…hmm…lets just put it this way GIRLS ARE CONFUSING! But Paul idk what to do cuz she is on MY PHONE CONTRACT…everyone is saying shut it off and idk what to do! Your GF lost me lol! i have no IDEA and my EX GF is really getting on my last nerve! Her Friends are so IMMATURE and im about ready to shut them the hell up! And one day it seemed everything was going ok bcuz i was ignoring her!! then she was all trying to get ahold of me AND OF COURSE I FELL INTO it then the tables turned again and now she erased me off of Facebook…and she wont even text me back!! She is pissing me off HARDCORE!! im going Insane! Your GF paul seems to not know what she wants at the moment…mb she is going to see if there is ne one else out there..thats what i think mine is doing! it hurts but it seems true!
March 1st, 2010 at 11:27 pm
Paul if you have a facebook you should add me on there i check it everyday! type in my name Eric Platzer and send me a request!
March 2nd, 2010 at 6:20 am
sent you a friends request, oh if I were you…remove her off that phone contract, hey if she’s not wanting to be with you then no need for her to be on there is there
Dunno what’s going on with mine, one minute we’re okay,in love etc, talking about moving in together,kids (yep the only woman I’d want a family with!) sorting out the mortgage once and for all etc, next thing she’s detached herself and is distant?? even my female friends don’t know what to make of it? one of my mates at work saw her yesterday and said she looked down n sad, he wondered why, then I told him.He doesn’t think I should give up on her. Think I need a face to face to find out what is going on in her head, maybe get a resolution on way or another on this so I can move on with my life. Been 3 weeks now of odd texts, and I’m still confused as to why she ended it. Still no reason?? As much as I love and want to be with her I’m kinda stuck in limbo not knowing..
March 2nd, 2010 at 9:41 pm
Paul…i accidentaly ignored your request lol…my bad one more time haha..i cant find you on facebook! Eric Platzer!!
March 2nd, 2010 at 11:21 pm
lol I’ll send another request again, do it in the morning,
Am well hidden on facebook mate lol…saves loony tunes looking me up lol!!
Oh may be making progress with H!!! sent her a huge txt with all my feelings laid out and how I’ve been an ass last few months when drunk (don’t drink at all anymore)she replied that she is in love with me but has big time trust issues with me…and she’s missed not seeing me at work!! going to take a while but maybe just maybe we may work this out!!I’ve got to regain her trust again, she cant seem to stop being bitter at the moment…not sure what to do???
you canceled yer gf’s contract yet???
March 4th, 2010 at 12:45 am
Well you are making great progress!! WOW!! wish mine was good..No i havent cancelled her contract i cant pull myself together at all to do it…i love this girl so much! Mb your girlfriend is just confused on HERSELF not you…did she do something? That is what im wondering? If you ask and she freaks out you know she did…me and my girlfriend have not talked in a few days..although tonight i called her and we talked for a few minutes and she said she was getting ready for bed so i said goodnight and hung up! usually i try to keep her on the phone and say i love her..but not tonight! Im so cofused i love her alot
March 4th, 2010 at 10:00 pm
hmmm not so sure about the progress bit at the mo, went out with some guys from work (was my day off so I traveled in)just been txting each other, and she asked what I’d been up too…said Id gone out with guys from work (she knows them as we work in the same building) am now getting kinda frosty txts back…dont think she’s happy that (a)I traveled in to see them on my day off and (b) I went out and had a laugh with them tonight! now what have I done?? should I have cleared it with her first?rung her when I got into work to say “Hi I’m in the building fancy meeting up for a cuppa?? ” (just asked her how her night went again!! she was out with 2 girly mates…now no reply!)oh well and so it goes on…Paul in the doghouse again!
March 6th, 2010 at 11:11 am
I’m probably coming at this from a slightly different angle to a lot of you guys and I hope you don’t dislike me for it, you see, I am the ‘other guy’ in this situation. I met a girl when I started a new job, it was immediate attraction for me but I knew she had a boyfriend so decided not to let my feelings get the better of me.
To my surprise it was her that seemed to be showing the signs of attraction and interest in me more prominently and obviously this fired those initial feelings I had for her. Over the next six months we didnt see each other that much due to working in different locations but she initiated several meetings betwen us and I could tell the interest from her remained.
The time came when I was leaving for another job and feared not seeing her again so I found the courage to tell her exactly how I felt about her. She appeared pleased with what I said and suggested we meet up. From this point, for about 3 or 4 months our relationship grew stronger, there was nothing physical, but we both knew it was building. She would tell me of her frustrations with her relationship (I later found out that at this time she hated her boyfriend)and how she wished she was free of it leaving the door open for the two of us to maybe get together in time.
Just when I felt things were building it all went quiet. One week were were talking on the phone and she was saying how she wanted to go to a party with me, the next week - nothing. A month went by with no contact. Eventually, she contacted me and told me she been away to Prague with her boyfriend and he proposed. She said ‘yes’, they were engaged. I was gutted!!
At first, I played the game and offered my congratulations and decided to play it cool despite feeling like crap! Problem was my feelings got the better of me and fearing never being able to have the same connection with her again I told her I was pleased for her but wasnt dealing with it too good. Not really heard from her since, did I appear to needy for her?
I understand peoples relationships go through ups and downs but this one seemed to be in tatters. I reacted to a good six months of interest from this girl before telling her of my feelings and then things grew stronger. I can’t understand how quick she turned back to him, it seems to me that the engagement is just papering over the cracks in their relationship as I know shes the type of girl who cant wait for the security of marriage, children etc. It was offered and she took it. I may be the bad guy here to some of you but all I’ve done is fall completely in love with a girl who showed me the same.
I know all I can do is sit tight and hope she realises the relationship they have isn’t the real deal and I may hear from her again but them being engaged almost puts a brick wall in the way in my mind.
March 8th, 2010 at 1:10 pm
Tom…im sure no body dislikes you for it…but ne ways maybe she disliked her bf at the time bcuz she was WAITING for him to propose and mb she didnt feal he was going to and she wanted that? Maybe they were in a small stage of there relationship where they both felt not so in love ne more? Who knows maybe one day she will realize you were for her! There engaged MANY people realize during engagement that the person is not the one who they want to be with forever! Give it some more time…but dont try and talk to her..let her talk to you! But if you feal she isnt going to maybe you could spill your guts once again? You always here of the stories where the person lost the one they loved bcuz they didnt have the guts to tell them how they felt! so being i dont know this girl or you…it is your call if you feal she isnt going to contact you…you should maybe contact her! Otherwise you may lose this girl forever! Hope this helped a little bit!
March 8th, 2010 at 4:48 pm
Thanks Eric, appreciate you taking the time to reply and yes it does help a bit. I had thought about what you said about the period where she seriously disliked her boyfriend because he wouldnt propose and she felt maybe the relationship wasnt going anywhere and for this reason she turned to me instead. It could be a possibillity but I think us blokes could only ever find that out if we could somehow gain access to inside a womans mind!
The latest development is that I told her the other day (by txt) that I was moving to a new job, she congratulated me and said it was a good move for me. She even asked where it would be so that she could come and say ‘hello’ sometime.
On the face of it this is good as it keeps up the contact between us but I can’t be sure if she means it. I know I just have to get on with my life, leave her alone and see what happens but its so difficult when you’ve invested the last years thoughts, hopes, dreams etc in one girl and then suddenly, thats it!