By Dr. George Karanastasis
There you are… you’re having a peaceful moment with your girlfriend engaging in meaningless conversation about an equally senseless issue when it comes out of nowhere to blindside you both: a fight so nasty that, after several rounds
of back-and-forth bickering, sends the two of you to your respective corners… banged up and badly bruised.
At first, your ego stands tall fueled by the fury of the recent event. There’s no way in hell you’re taking that initial step toward a resolution, you think to yourself. But like all matters involving conflict, time lends its healing hand here as well and before you know it… you’re feeling calm yet overwhelmed with guilt.
You want to make up with her but you’re clueless as to how you should proceed. You’re embarrassed and at a loss for words because deep down you know that saying “sorry” just ain’t gonna cut it.
So, if you’re finding yourself in this all-too-common situation let me offer you a simple approach that, when followed, virtually guarantees a swift recovery and you’ll soon be chalking up this fight to nothing more than a faint memory of the past.
It all boils down to 3 steps, so here they are…
Step 1: Make Your Apology Count…
Do this by meeting her in person to say you’re sorry. But before you run off to see her, take some time to put a written apology on a card as well. You’ll be giving this to her when you get together, but only after you’ve verbally expressed your thoughts.
This order of events is crucial. Why? Because too many “men” hide behind their keyboards when it comes to saying sorry. They send off a half-baked email to their girlfriends in order to avoid the personal encounter. It takes guts to raise your hand and admit you’re wrong. She knows this and will not only appreciate the sincerity of your gesture, but she’ll take your willingness to make up that much more seriously.
Now, here’s where that well written apology card comes in…
Even if your girlfriend flat-out rejects your attempt to make up because she’s still fuming from the fight, she’ll have your words to read over somewhere down the road when in a better mood. This “two-pronged approach” ensures that she takes what you have to say to heart.
Step 2: Take All The Heat If You Must… At Least Initially
If you’re looking for a quick resolve with this girl then you have to approach her with tact and take on full blame for the fight. Forget about your ego and swallow your pride. Any logical arguments you might want to bring up as to why you’re not entirely to blame you’ll have to save for later. There’s a time and place for this but the initial meeting where you’ll be apologizing is not one of them.
But don’t worry… you’ll get the chance to put your word in soon enough. It won’t be long before she calms down and is receptive to hearing what you have to say in your defense. And when that moment comes, you can be sure that she’ll be agreeing with most of it. Because if you’ve done everything right up until now, she’ll be feeling the weight of her own guilt as well. But this won’t happen unless you bite the bullet first!
Step 3: Back Off And Let Her Make The Next Move…
Depending on the relationship and the seriousness of the fight this step might not be necessary. She might accept your apology from the get go and you can put this fight behind you. However, I’ve included it here to cover all possible ways this scenario can play itself out.
If your girlfriend doesn’t immediately make up with you after apologizing or even taking the full blame for the fight, your next move is to back off and let her know that you’ll wait for her to get in touch whenever she feels ready.
Under no circumstances should you push for a resolve. There’s nothing more counter-productive than trying to persuade an angry woman for a second chance… especially if she’s not ready to give it to you.
However, rest assured that, in time, she will forgive and forget. And if you’ve followed the instructions in here to the letter, she’ll also reward you in her own way for handling this fight in a mature fashion (let your imagination run wild with the latter ;)).
In conclusion, while this fight with your girlfriend may seem like the end of the world (with no possibility of coming to a resolution), rest assured that by taking a stepwise and calculated approach, this too will come to pass. And when it does, you’ll be happy to find yourself back where you started: enjoying the peaceful times with the girl you love.
Has this fight led to (or leading to) a breakup? If so, click here to learn how to quickly get her back…
Topics: Relationship Rants |
these 6 tips (it could push her further away)...