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How To Make Up With Your Girlfriend After A Fight
By Dr. George Karanastasis | December 27, 2007
There you are… you’re having a peaceful moment with your girlfriend engaging in meaningless conversation about an equally senseless issue when it comes out of nowhere to blindside you both: a fight so nasty that, after several rounds
of back-and-forth bickering, sends the two of you to your respective corners… banged up and badly bruised.
At first, your ego stands tall fueled by the fury of the recent event. There’s no way in hell you’re taking that initial step toward a resolution, you think to yourself. But like all matters involving conflict, time lends its healing hand here as well and before you know it… you’re feeling calm yet overwhelmed with guilt.
You want to make up with her but you’re clueless as to how you should proceed. You’re embarrassed and at a loss for words because deep down you know that saying “sorry” just ain’t gonna cut it.
So, if you’re finding yourself in this all-too-common situation let me offer you a simple approach that, when followed, virtually guarantees a swift recovery and you’ll soon be chalking up this fight to nothing more than a faint memory of the past.
It all boils down to 3 steps, so here they are…
Step 1: Make Your Apology Count…
Do this by meeting her in person to say you’re sorry. But before you run off to see her, take some time to put a written apology on a card as well. You’ll be giving this to her when you get together, but only after you’ve verbally expressed your thoughts.
This order of events is crucial. Why? Because too many “men” hide behind their keyboards when it comes to saying sorry. They send off a half-baked email to their girlfriends in order to avoid the personal encounter. It takes guts to raise your hand and admit you’re wrong. She knows this and will not only appreciate the sincerity of your gesture, but she’ll take your willingness to make up that much more seriously.
Now, here’s where that well written apology card comes in…
Even if your girlfriend flat-out rejects your attempt to make up because she’s still fuming from the fight, she’ll have your words to read over somewhere down the road when in a better mood. This “two-pronged approach” ensures that she takes what you have to say to heart.
Step 2: Take All The Heat If You Must… At Least Initially
If you’re looking for a quick resolve with this girl then you have to approach her with tact and take on full blame for the fight. Forget about your ego and swallow your pride. Any logical arguments you might want to bring up as to why you’re not entirely to blame you’ll have to save for later. There’s a time and place for this but the initial meeting where you’ll be apologizing is not one of them.
But don’t worry… you’ll get the chance to put your word in soon enough. It won’t be long before she calms down and is receptive to hearing what you have to say in your defense. And when that moment comes, you can be sure that she’ll be agreeing with most of it. Because if you’ve done everything right up until now, she’ll be feeling the weight of her own guilt as well. But this won’t happen unless you bite the bullet first!
Step 3: Back Off And Let Her Make The Next Move…
Depending on the relationship and the seriousness of the fight this step might not be necessary. She might accept your apology from the get go and you can put this fight behind you. However, I’ve included it here to cover all possible ways this scenario can play itself out.
If your girlfriend doesn’t immediately make up with you after apologizing or even taking the full blame for the fight, your next move is to back off and let her know that you’ll wait for her to get in touch whenever she feels ready.
Under no circumstances should you push for a resolve. There’s nothing more counter-productive than trying to persuade an angry woman for a second chance… especially if she’s not ready to give it to you.
However, rest assured that, in time, she will forgive and forget. And if you’ve followed the instructions in here to the letter, she’ll also reward you in her own way for handling this fight in a mature fashion (let your imagination run wild with the latter ;)).
In conclusion, while this fight with your girlfriend may seem like the end of the world (with no possibility of coming to a resolution), rest assured that by taking a stepwise and calculated approach, this too will come to pass. And when it does, you’ll be happy to find yourself back where you started: enjoying the peaceful times with the girl you love.
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Has this fight led to (or leading to) a breakup? If so, click here to learn how to quickly get her back…
Popularity: 91%
Topics: Relationship Rants |
November 7th, 2008 at 12:13 am
okay my girlfriend and i got into this big fight i gave this girl a ride home who we both dont like but i just flat out said yes then my girlfriend got mad then we got in a fight about it on the phone but i never called her back that night then i came to school the next day in pain becasue of my back and i never said a word to anyone in my class all day then i finally didnt show up for school the next day because i wasnt feeling well and i didnt call her till 7 to apologize and when i shold of handled it a better way so i am trying to figure it out but she says saying sorry and talking about it isnt enough i need to do more and be more romantic i mean i know waht to do i just have to get my check cashed in so i have to wait for a couple days and just talking i try but it seems like it doesnt help i offer to carry her books try to give her back rubs complement her nails her hair her personalty doesnt work what do i do!?!?!?
November 20th, 2008 at 8:08 pm
today my girlfriend’s birthday my car which it broken down this morning . so I told her I couldn”t come down cuz it is 60 miles away and she said u just make my birthday worst day in my life and I feel terrible and upset abt it!! now I don”t know if is there better thing to make up to her? any suggestion?
January 31st, 2009 at 8:16 pm
my friend .. women are like … hot cakes .. they are easy to sell .. and women also bonse like pop corns on fire .. the mantra to success .is the album’phir befaai’ … take my advice my dear friend you’ll not regrett it.
May 9th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
The only advice that I have for any of you people out there that are looking for ways to help save your relationship. I still make mistakes, who doesn’t. The only thing you can do is THINK before you ACT. When you’re in love with someone… Always put them first before yourself! I screwed up worst then I ever have before but I’m hoping that she will eventually come through and know in heart that I love her and I only want and need her in my life. So just always keep in mind, put the woman first… She is worth the fight. Wait it out and have faith that she will have in her to forgive you.
May 16th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
man i just got in a fight with my gf and now she is all mad. i had to get ready for work and she called me. i hate when she does that. and she got mad cuz i said i have to go. she said i said it rudely. then that just mad it worse she started telling me off and getting me pissed for ex. she says how do i know your going to work, go f your ex, ur just going to c ur gf and stuff like that. it got me pissed and she expects me to be nice and make it better. im like f#ck that. i hate the damn bi#ch but i guess i got to stay with the bi#ch she is my baby mama. but she makes me hate myself and feel like a girl and useless and a bi3ch like a dam slave i hate her
May 24th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
i had a fight with my girl after argument
she came into the house remove her picture
then wanted to leave but i did not want to
so we pick up a fight
but one thing i forgot is that she was pregnant
July 30th, 2009 at 11:02 am
WELL MY GIRLFRIEND TRIED TO GIVE ME A SURPRISE ANNIVERSARY PRESENT BUT I IGNORED HER BECAUSE I LEFT MINE AT HOME SO I DID NOT WANT TO ACCEPT IT SO SHE SENT ME A EMAIL SAYING SHE HATES ME NEVER TALK TO HER AGAIN WHAT DO I DO.
August 1st, 2009 at 9:31 pm
my fionce was in a small car accident and nothing really bad happened, when the accident happened i was on the phone to her brother which happens to be in car with her when it happened. i asked if everything was ok and if she was alryt and he said to me yeah it nothing bad we’re alright. later that night my fionce was so close in breaking up with me because i wasnt there. i told her that her brother told me everything was alright then she made me feel so low. she was upset with me for almost 2months and every now and then she makes something small into something big, for example i finished work and tried calling her but no answer, so i went to my brothers house and ate there. after i get in contact with her and i told her i ate at my brothers house she starts saying i cnt beleive u wouldnt even wait to eat with me at my house i waited all day this and that and made me feel like shit AGAINN. PLEASE SOME ONE HELP ME??? WHAT DO I DO? IS MY RELATIONSHIP COMING TO AN END? PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!
August 11th, 2009 at 10:44 pm
here’s the thing.me and my gf fought two days back.and i really try to mend things by going her way and baring with all the pain.and i really hope things would be better in time and i really do hope so.it’s because she’s the one i live for and she mean the world to me.i rather to be alone than to love another.*sighs
August 17th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
saturday night my girl and I drank alot we got into a argument, i remember i got off the car and started to walk, i dont remember anything all i remember was that she was crying alot, she finnaly took me home after she called my mother and tolld her what was going on. the bad part about it is that we are getting married soon… what do I do.. i have not talk to her since then shouuld i just drop it.. i have tried texting her she just said i dont want to talk?
October 2nd, 2009 at 12:46 am
Hey everyone!
I’ve been through a ton of tough situations like that. I am a girl, so this will be a little womanly persepective.
I suggest a ton of letters, for all of you. I know writing is hard, time consuming, and definitely tedious if you take it as a chore, but it is more romantic than a text message or a simple bought apology card, or any teddy bear.
Meet up with your better halves! That’s what they are there for.
It lets them know that you understand what they feel, and care for them.
I know that when me and my boyfriend get into a fight, I try oh so hard to not let it bother me, and then I burst out on him. Its because that’s what I do best, hide my emotions. On the other hand, it is not his job to fix my emotions, but rather help me get through the pain of it all.
Ice cream, chocolate, cut cards, love notes, romantic dinners (MADE BY YOU) and a ton of apologies and hugs, make things so so much better.
Guys, be sincere in whatever it is you are doing.
It will pay off!
*Break a leg out there!! And keep on loving…
October 5th, 2009 at 6:15 pm
Guys…just stfu…and go cherish the one you love…every moment is precious.You just dont know ’till its gone…So,instead spending hours googling your lives…Go live them a bit…Ask for forgiveness…Take fault this time,and dont cast blame…There are exceptions,but if the true love is the matter,then,just go on! Live a full life!
October 10th, 2009 at 10:13 am
Hi..my g.f is angry on me because i did a big mistake which i should not do it n i am really sorry for it but i dont have any idea to how to say sorry can one help me plz….. it is so painful feeling that ur love one is angry on you help me plz…..
October 11th, 2009 at 9:24 am
im in a long distance relation, i get to eperience fights missunderstandings every alternative day… somtimes it gets really worst cuz she likes to fight over things like facebook, even though she uses herslef meet her friends and all but she doesnt want me to do that she fights with me even wen im going to work even if i get late to call her som stupid litle things and she stops talking to me she gets really agresive use abusive words like swearing and all….
i call her 1000 of times like mad she still puts the phonedown on my face and never talk to me she delets me from yahoo and stuff and wen i get i pissed off and burst out thats it!
she jsu tells me to end this relation she dont wana be with me and how much she hates me and she dont wana be with me anymore even wen we r planing to get married.
everytime i have to call her she never say sorry she never take initiative to break the ice everytime i have to call her and appologise for everythign and take the blame for everything even if its her fault then she will takefew days to be normal.
in our 4 yrs reltiion she hasnt called once to make up our last brake up was for one year and still i called after one year.
can someone help me is it one sided relation and waever she is doing is it normal? watever im doing is it right thing to do?
October 15th, 2009 at 11:47 am
Basically i play rugby and last saturday i went back to the rugby club because someone told me a comedian was there and i will be good. so i went along. turnt out there was a comedian and also strippers. and who got stitched up with a stripper? me!
me and two others were tied up and given lap dances and then the joke went too far and i was made to put a toy into the stripper. reluctantly i put the end in and said are you happy now? and left.
Due to my concience i had to tell my girlfriend as i felt i had cheated on her. understanably she is not happy. but she dosnt want to talk to me at all. she hasnt ended it so im assuming she still wants me.
But i trying to make it up to her but she wont let me and is saying she dosnt know if she can ever deal with it, not sure if i can make it up to her. is so blunt with me and i dont know what to do. i love her and i just want to make her happy.
Please Please Pleease help me.
October 18th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
me and my fiance have split just now, we had a great relationship at the first few months, then she lied to me over something quite silly ( fone call to a guy ) she told me she lied because she didnt want us to argue, but i couldnt drop it for months, and things went from bad to worse… but now we are seperated but i cant bare it, just want her back, she says she loves me but dont believe i will let the lie thing drop, i have no idea what to do to try make things up, iv already wrote a letter, foned her ( ignored ) and txt alot but only get negitive replys. am lost and have no clue how to get her back????
October 24th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
hi my name is carlos . my gf and i went to a dance. i didnt wanna dance cuz i had hurt my head and ma ass and then she started yelling at me. I called her the next day and she says i dont wanna talk to you so i just am pissed. What should i do.
October 27th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
leestar…I was in a long distant relationship similiar to yours, all the way down to the one year break up and talk of marriage. I suggest you discontinue the relationship asap. Break up with her in a respectful manner, but be concise and brief. Don’t become emotionally evolved and don’t allow her to suck you into an argument. Take sometime for yourself to heal. Most important part: Don’t wait to long to get back into the dating arena. This will help you avoid being a bitter person…good luck.
November 12th, 2009 at 10:26 pm
me and my gf keep getting in fights cause i feel like she is hiding something like she pulls her fone back like she is texting someone she knows she shouldnt. but its also my fault cause i checked her fone one time got mad and i know it was wrong and i promised it will never happen again. but anytime i bring it up she gets mad and we have almost broken up for this. but i just want her to know how i feel about some things so i told her and now she is mad i just need to know how to make it up 100%
December 8th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
ok here’s mine: we just hooked up…been dating like 3 weeks or thereabout and then one day she said she just wanna b left alone…when asked her friend…best friend, the friend told me in confidence thats its because i dont trust her. I tried getting her to talk to me but she didnt for like 4 days…then i got mad and sent her horrible texts calling her a bitch and all…accusing her of f***ing other boys behind my back. She came to my house and we had a big fight..just shouting.
Its been 5 days and i’m still trying to get her ack. I’ve sent tons of apology texts but no reply. Now am thinking of going to see her…IS IT WORTH IT???
December 11th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
my gf is mad at me for some reason i still dont kno why but we dont see each other all the time cus we go to different schools and after school she dances so i dont see her till the weekends and i was wondering if i were to wait till the weekend to see her in person if this would still work
December 11th, 2009 at 9:08 pm
to all the guys on here that are texting and not having any luck–let me tell you, if you’re not in a long distance relationship, take advantage of the fact that you can just show up at her doorstep and apologize in person. i know it seems stupid or irrelevant–but im telling you, if shes pissed, show up at her doorstep, bring her flowers, say you messed up and want to talk about it and itll pass…
December 12th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
well i got in a fight with my girlfriend and idk how to tell her sorry i tried explaining the situation but she got pissed and strted to yell so i yelled now what do i do
December 16th, 2009 at 10:22 am
Wow. Guys, the stories I’m reading in the comments are wild. The best blanket advice I can give you that applies to everyone is to realize that you are who you are and will remain who you are throughout. For those of you with girlfriends that get angry enough to say they hate you/want to break up with you/etc because you can’t make it to their birthday or can’t talk to them while you’re getting ready for work, you are definitely doing something wrong. Don’t harbor that kind of behavior at any level. For them to feel that they can react so harshly to such a small issue means they are getting away with over reacting in a lot of instances of the relationship.
December 31st, 2009 at 6:47 pm
a lot of the women described above sound like insecure nutcases. My advice is to leave those lunatics to find a guy who is not a doormat who will one day wake them up (or alternatively equate with them in lunacy).
in addition you guys that keep taking, absorbing, allowing, tolerating etc stupid behaviour: realise it aint worth it. No woman is worth that much when she treats you like hell.
oh and guys (you know who you are) that treat your woman bad, and are abusive, lunkheaded psychos? Well, guess what: you probably deserve one of the chicks I describe above or you need to be incarcerated.
happy New Year. Fucking hell, people.
January 8th, 2010 at 9:19 pm
Guys,Guys, Guys,
I have read a lot of the posts on here asking for advice over “giving a friend a ride home” “to car breaking down and ruining her birthday” to apologizing via text, or “getting upset and yelling” what should I do?
Gentlemen,
Men are human, guess what? So are women! I really cannot believe that so many men on this site are so insecure that they need advice because there girl is mad at them.
My advice is simple, apologize, and they will either accept it, or reject it. If they don’t, the world will still go round and round. If a pissed off woman is the cause for the end of the world, then it would have happened a long time ago.
Apologize, admit you are wrong, (only if you are) and see what happens. If she doesn’t except your apology, then obviously it isn’t you with the problem, it is her. Only a fool will stay with a woman miserably. Just like women view us, they should be expected to be viewed the same way. There are other fish in the sea.
My name is Tony, and I have been happily married for 10 years because I don’t worry past apologizing. ONce you apologize if your woman loves you, then no matter how mad she is, the fight is over.
January 10th, 2010 at 1:53 am
Uuugh me and my bf been dating for almost a year and after 5months or so we started arguin abt the littlest stuff….idk wat it is but I just always get irritated very fast becuz he don’t seem 2 understand me…he always keep sayin am dominant,heartless e.t.c and den he want to wrap my arms around lik it was nothing…eventho I say mean thing but the tin is am just been real,but everytime we have a big argument I just wanna leave ….just turned 19 really new 2 dis long term relationship thing so am still learnin but dang its just too much stress…help!
January 12th, 2010 at 10:19 am
If the girl tells you to get lost, then get lost for a few days, or a couple weeks, without any contact. In the meantime, do not be too depressed and let her know of your being a downer. Go to a movie, listen to some music, party a bit with mutual friends, be happy. She will be wondering how you have been doing without her since she must have thought that you would be miserable without her around. When she finds out you are HAPPIER without her, she will be wanting to find out the mystery in you. Then, haha, you have won half of the battle. Don’t act cocky and tell her so. Be polite, keep good eye contact and when you sense that she is in an agreeable mood, ask her to have lunch with you or do some simple things together like watching a show you both like, etc. Before you know it, she will be hugging you, saying how much she misses you….
January 20th, 2010 at 3:15 pm
The brain does not have feelings but controls feelings. Love exists in the heart, and what makes it troubled comes from the mind; that is to say love on its own can’t be troubled unless a certain degree of harmful perception from the mind strikes it. Love requires its basic which is truth.If you think what you’ve done can take away love then know that you have just surrendered cos there is no way love will live if it has come, unless if it is abandoned for a very long time.By apologizing, you have to act like Sb who is looking for love.Read out meanings,try me and see. good luck.
January 23rd, 2010 at 10:32 pm
on the weekend of 21st jan 2010 me and my girlfriend sophie winders started to have an arguement and it was all my falut i dont know what to do i am trying mybest to win her heart back again as i really do love her to bits i have been reading all this his website and there is some good advice on here but i just dont want to loose her sophie my gf lives 50mins away from me and i cant get up to see her as i dont have any money so what should i do. i try ringing her mobile but she dont anwser i try emailing her but nothing i ask my best mate for help and still nothing she only says hi to me on msn and i dont want to loose her i hope i sort things out can anyone help?
February 7th, 2010 at 3:17 pm
Dr. George Karanastasis,
Please excuse the slang terms, but you are the M A N !
My girlfriend and I got into a huge fight over something which I have yet to understand why.
At the beginning my ego was through the roof, I did not want to be the first person step forward and take the blame. But after reading your article, I wrote her an email not only apologizing, but also explaining my actions.
IT WORKED!!
Thank you DR!
Ali Abdulhussain
February 22nd, 2010 at 4:10 am
I have recently had a fight with my girlfriend. I told a close friend that we were making out earlier that week, and my friend told her best friend and now she thinks that i brag to all my friends “about how far we have gone”. She visited me, and i was angry at her that she would accused me of that that i snapped at her and told her to get out of my house. She is now angry at me for not being there for her when she has always been there for me. I have tried apologizing multiple times, but now she wont talk to me, and all her friends hate me because they all think i’m a lier. I really like this girl and i want this to work but i don’t know what to do.
February 28th, 2010 at 4:31 pm
just a few minutes ago i was walking my dog and my girlfriend trish hangs up on me so i call 2 times to c what happmed i said “i called twice and ur line keeps hanging up on me” and she said “yup” and i tryed calming her down and she is in her period week so i dont know what i did or said or annything u guys cant c it but im like freakn fliping out i dont know what i did or said can anyone try at least give me suggestion to help me out.