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How To Get Her Back - 5 Facts You Should Know Before Trying
By Dr. George Karanastasis | December 17, 2007
So, she’s broken it off and you don’t know how to get her back. Perhaps you’ve already tried, yet failed; or maybe you’re just getting started and want to avoid mistakes. Whatever the case may be these five facts will instantly put you on the right path, whether you’re a relationship rookie or a seasoned veteran of the art.
Fact #1: It won’t happen overnight.
Some guys get her back within a week, some in a month. It all depends on the relationship in question and the underlying circumstances that tore it apart. And while you can’t know exactly how long it will take you to get her back, this shouldn’t concern you in the least. Instead, rest easy in the comfort of knowing that if you take the right approach and avoid critical mistakes that time will ultimately reward you.
Fact #2: There’s no room for sorrow when it comes to getting her back.
I know that this breakup is tough and you’re hurting all over but you must maintain your composure. Do whatever it takes to stop feeling sad and to start feeling happy. Take up a new hobby or spend some more time with your friends. Because if you can’t be happy when you’re alone then you don’t stand a chance of being so with someone else.
Additionally, the last thing your ex wants is to be around someone that brings her down. Always keep this in mind: she’s also going through a tough time (even if she doesn’t show it) and she’s also looking for someone to cheer her up. So be that one person in her life that makes her smile.
Fact #3: You can’t persuade her to come back.
Many have taken this approach and even more have failed. And since you’re reading this article it’s safe to assume that you too have tread down this path. So heed my word of warning: stop what you’re doing now! The only thing you can hope to accomplish with persuasion is to push her further away.
And this makes total sense if you take a moment to think about what she ultimately wants: space. So do your due diligence and give it to her, and in turn she’ll reward you several fold in the very near future.
Fact #4: You can not buy your way back into her heart.
A classic mistake that most guys make when trying to get her back is to shower her with flowers, apology cards, and various other gifts. And that’s because they somehow believe that these gestures, gestures that girls normally adore when they’re happy in a relationship, will have the same effect during a breakup as well.
But nothing could be further from the truth. The only thing that excessive gift giving accomplishes is to push her further away. This goes hand in hand with fact #3. She’ll take this is a sly form of persuasion and it will literally backfire. So save your money for something more useful (perhaps a great getaway for the both of you when you when she finally does come back).
Fact #5: All relationships are not created equal.
Understand that every relationship is different and therefore each one requires a unique approach. You can’t expect to ask someone how to get her back, do exactly what they did, and expect the same level success with your relationship. It will take a good deal of analyzing on your part so that you can pinpoint the factors that lead to the breakup to begin with. Only then can you craft your own plan of getting her back by “reverse-engineering” the relationship and every mistake that led to it falling apart.
In conclusion, while the topic of relationship repair and how to get her back needs several more articles (even books) to fully be covered, these are the five most important facts you should be aware of when you’re just getting started.
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Topics: How To Get Her Back |
October 31st, 2008 at 12:40 am
We are in a serious relationship from 5 years, we did everything we can do and were living happily, she even couldnt sleep before talking to me, every day we used to talk on mobile for hours, we used to meet every second day, but her father forecly made her engagement with somebody else, in a month she got attracted towards that guy, she said i love u both u r my first love and he is my fathers choice, but due to some unwanted reasons her engagement broken, now she still talks to me but not like before,she doesnt talk much, refused to come close and didnt have that warm feeling for me she earlier has. i love her madly i cant live without her please help me to get her back……….
November 9th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
this is amazing advise i actually have gor far beyond this and whitnessed her with another man last night. write back if you want a story not too long but id love to tell it and be advised thank You
January 7th, 2009 at 9:16 am
My girl and I have been together since the 28th of April, 2005. Just recently, she and I got into a little tie about her going to the military. She asked me if she could go, but I wouldn’t let her. And as a result, she stayed back.
Later, she realized that with almost every decision she made in her life, she always had to take me into consideration. I’ve done her wrongs, I admit. And I regret them ALL… Yet, no matter how many times I apologize to her, none of it could ever heal the scars I’ve already planted in her. She wants me to let her go. “If you love me, let me go…” Believe me, because we’ve been together for three years now, I don’t believe she wants to let me go.
So tonight, I’m going to call her up and ask her a yes or no question. Her answer would determine whether or not I’d fly over to see her. Wish me luck. I’m about to pull one of the craziest stunts a guy would ever do for a girl he loves with his whole heart…. If I fail, I fail… “So help me God…”
February 2nd, 2009 at 9:40 pm
everything here is right!
i will try this approach and may God be with me!
February 5th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
My girlfriend of three and a half year just broke up with me.. We started going out a few months before she left for college. She is now in the last few months of her junior year and says she has fallen out of love with me. She said she has been hiding it for about 5 months now and didn’t tell me because she wanted to get the felling back. Everything has always been amazing even though she is 120 miles away most of the year. We would even talk about how we could not wait until she was done so we could start our lives together. She said she has met another guy that is still a friend and may never be anything more, but does not feel she should be with me and have some feelings for him and not be in love with me. She said she does not want to be with anyone and to focus on herself and get her school done. I love this girl to death and would do anything to keep her and share the rest of our lives together. I don’t know what to do now though. She will be back for summer in 3-4 months. All your advice is greatly appreciated.
March 10th, 2009 at 2:26 am
please help i lost this girl and then i found her in the dark now again 7 years later i lost my ways and her. i am going to get her back or die single……..
April 13th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
I just lost my girl of three years. She said she just doesn’t love me like that anymore, only as a friend. Just the night before though, we had the most amazing time and I knew she was definitely in love with me.. I just don’t understand and have to get her back before she gets with someone else. I love her more than anything. I can’t fail at wining her over. I hope this works.
May 22nd, 2009 at 5:30 pm
i have lost my gf for 1 week dy. she said she love a form6 guy more than me and she don’t love me anymore. Just the night before though, me and her had a best tome and at that time i knew her really love me…but i don’t understand why the next day she will break with me??? I really need her and i love her more than everything. I can’t lost her hope this is working and help me to get my gf back.
June 8th, 2009 at 8:06 am
i was very possesive.i use to argue with her if she does not call me and asked for a reason why she does not call me.i know she love me.But finally she said she want to broke up with me. i asked for the reason and she told me she can’t take it any more.but i really want her and i love her so much.i said sorry to her but she does not except it and she say no need to say sorry.please help me.
June 9th, 2009 at 10:41 pm
This girl and I met at work awhile back. She had a boyfriend so we just started as friends and the more we started to get to know each other and realize that our passions and ambitions were the same, we started falling for one another. However she stilled loved him as well and was stuck in a tug of war of emotions. He found out about us, and made her delete me from her life and due to her feeling guilty about loving me she did. Its been 4 months since then, and I still am in complete love with her and her boyfriend just broke up with her 2 weeks ago. We havent spoken much yet, I called her once for her birthday and left a nice message, as well as texting her once about some music production that I did. She has been avoiding conversation with me and I dont know why. I would really love to start over with her again as friends and see what happens. This guide is aimed more for the ex-girlfriend… but my situation is a tad different. I am positive this girl is the one for me, and I am doing my best to stay positive and let her come to me.. but Im not sure if it will happen. If you have any advice please get back to me! thanks
July 13th, 2009 at 8:16 am
Guys, guys! My heart aches for you! I was there too, when I lost Jenny, took me a year and a half of occupational self-imposed therapy to get over her. yes, I got her back, but she dumped me after 3 months,…again.
Fact: I love what we had, not what she has become.
Fact: The same Jenny I loved, no longer exists because she is a different Jenny.
Fact: I’m a much happier person now because I won’t let anybody, including her, determine my mood and my future happiness.
ADVICE:
Repeat the 3rd fact to yourself, and get the book by Richard Bandler “Get the life you want: The secrets to quick and lasting life change with neuro linguistic programming” ISBN-13: 978-0-7573-0776-8 Once YOU change, she might like the NEW real YOU and go crazy bumping her head against the fridge, whether you still want her back then or not, that will be a different matter.
Never give up on yourself, even if she does!
J
July 18th, 2009 at 1:10 am
In my experience whenever I had a girlfriend break up with me and I completely forgot about them and moved on they ALWAYS came back around and began to pursue me again in some way shape and form except for one girl.
Fact is there is NOTHING you can do or say to get a girl to want you or come back to you. Sure there are ways that can make it better or worse but simply put if a woman wants you nothing will hold them back to get you and if they don’t want you there is nothing that will keep them to stay around.
Sheer indifference towards them always seems to be the key. Take them or leave them either way YOUR life moves on just fine.
Cheers
July 24th, 2009 at 6:26 am
i love her very mach i dont know the casse she is move i went back her what is your advice
August 9th, 2009 at 8:00 pm
I love this girl to death and I’m praying to God that I will be able to have her someday. I am in love with her, and I know she’s right for me. And from day one I proved it to her. When she said that she wanted to break up for school purposes, it felt like I shut down inside. I started feeling anxious, sick, cold, imploded, corroded, dead, just the most awful hurt you could ever imagine. I want to cry but I can’t form the tears. I couldn’t wish this on my worst enemy it hurt so bad. Not for the fact that we may be just taking a break, but for the fact that when she graduates college, she’s going Ivy League, so I hurt because I could lose her forever. I’m desperate! Not for other women or companionship, but for her. Only her. I could love no other like I love her. I’m passionate in everything I do with her. In my eyes she’s perfect. Its not a possibility that if I lose her, I will never find another woman like her, its a fact! Could God be kind and pity an unworthy sinner with just one oppertunity to get her back? God help me…please…
October 6th, 2009 at 8:19 pm
Ok guys. I feel ya. Trust me.
I loved a girl, and still do, more than I can possibly express with words. We’ve been together for 2 years, and we got married 8 months ago.
She was madly in love with more for over a year. Its the 2nd year now.
The problem started occurring when I would NEVER express my love to her or show her much affection, because I was affraid it would “push her away” or seem “wussy”.
Let me tell you, I WAS WRONG. In fact, my lack of expressing my love for her is the main and sole reason she started to fade away from me, lose attraction for me, and ultimate stop loving me.
And in the end, she cheated on me, multiple times, and then broke it off with me.
Don’t make the mistake I did, guys.
If you have a woman that you LOVE, who LOVES YOU, then express it freely. Don’t let anything hold you back.
Don’t smother her with it, by giving it to her too much, or too often, but you know when it’s the right time, and don’t block yourself.
I caused so much hurt for her, so many days of crying and tears for her, while I was just a cold wall. And in the end, karma came back to bite me in the ass.
She became that cold wall, and cheated on me, and now, I am the one crying and in tears over her… and over myself, and what I’ve done to contribute to this matter.
Yes, there is no excuse for cheating, it was a totally selfish and destructive and hurtful thing to do which is BARELY forgiveable, if it is at all…
However, I cannot deny what I have done to her and the pain I’ve caused her, which was no less reason than the pain she has now caused me, regardless of the fact that the pain I caused her was not due to her cheating.
Pain is pain, and it hurts no matter what causes it.
Learn from this guy, I’m asking from the deepest of my heart; take what I am saying seriously.
It is THE ONE thing most important that I learned from this.
Love thy woman.
Love your woman. Don’t let anything stop you. And make SURE she knows it, and let it be known often… for as long as you two are together. PERIOD.
Now, as for our relationship. She wanted a divorce. I finally wrote her a letter expressing my true love for her, and how I finally realize all the pain I’ve caused her, and how I made a big part of this situation happen.
I told her that I love her, more than anyone in the world, and that I still see hope for our future, and that I want her, and I want to be together with her.
I just wrote it, I prayed it did not cause her to lock up in a clamshell and start to resent me, because I always feared opening up to her for fear that she will lose attraction to me.
It didn’t happen!
After she read the letter, which was just days after she told me she wants to divorce for real, her whole mindset shifted.
It was as if my expression of true love was the thing that shook down a huge chuck of the wall she had built towards me.
Since then, we’ve been connecting more and more, and I know she still loves me.
Although she doesn’t have that same strong attraction, passion, and fire for me yet. I know it’s only a matter of time before it happens if I keep giving her spacing, and most importantly, KEEP BEING THE MAN SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH, WITHOUT ALL THE FLAWS OF THE MAN THAT PUSHED HER AWAY!
Either way, I know that whether we are together or not, I will find happiness in my life, and I will have a great relationship in the future, with or without her. And at this point, I’d definitely love it to be with her.
I hope you enjoyed my story and learned something from it.
Nate
USA
October 22nd, 2009 at 6:36 pm
me and my girlfriend have been dating for a year and a half. she cought me cheating and broke up with me. i love her so much and i want her back nut i dont know how help
November 10th, 2009 at 8:29 am
I was with my girl for 2 months. OCD and suffered from intrusive thoughts, which tore us apart. We broke up amicably, but I couldn’t help myself. I drove her away and I’ve been threatened with the big ONE (you know what that is) but I can’t stop thinking about her… My head spins and I just want to hold her and have her council to help me with my condition. I cry every day.
December 3rd, 2009 at 11:02 am
Guys I feel your pain. I’ve been with my highschool sweetheart for 8 years. We’ve been through so much you could honestly write a book about it. We’ve been engaged, the works. During a TDY, I slipped up badly. I have no excuses for any of my actions. I lied about it for more than a year and fate finally came knocking. Did the other woman mean anything to me? No. So why would I do this? Regardless she is gone. She was my everything fellas. One dumb-ass mistake and lies to cover ruined something so special. Trying to see light at the end of the tunnel in all this, I realize that I can embrace this as a catalyst to turn my life around. BE THE MAN SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH, NOT THE ONE THAT PUSHED HER AWAY.
I just want to hold her and I can honestly look into her eyes and tell her I can change overnight, but no one can do that. I need to let her see those changes and hopefully she’ll give me that second chance to make things for the better.
I appreciate you guys taking the time to read. Its extremely therapeutic and hopefully you guys can learn from my mistakes. Remember that lying gets you nowhere! It may cover things up for the time-being, but sooner or later it will emerge. Be honest and faithful guys. God Bless
December 3rd, 2009 at 6:04 pm
I was with my girlfriend for 2 years and 4 months. About 4 months ago, we ended up moving in together. It was the best time of my life, and I was so happy to have found the girl who I pictured as being “the one”.
Unfortunately, she dumped me two weeks ago today, claiming that she had fallen out of love with me, and that she wanted to go out with her friends and do whatever she wants to do without having to answer to me at home about anything.
She is not a cheater, and I have never had any reason to doubt that she has always told me the truth.
The problem with our situation is that we live together… I have tried unsuccessfully the past two weeks to show her that we can still be so good together. It’s so hard seeing her everyday at our place, but I feel like if we move out, that will eliminate any chance of the relationship to rekindle in the future.
Any advice? I’m lost without her.
December 19th, 2009 at 8:45 am
RESPONSE TO NUMBER 19.
ok well listen, im not gonna complain about my thing becuase people come here to get advice, not hear about how horrible this shit is. like u i got broken up with after 2 years and a half. u have to understand that women are not as rational as us. its dam true. to us its we were happy together= we should be together again. makes sense right? well it doesnt to her. and im very sorry, i know how it is, im going thru with it as we speak and im dying inside trust me. but let me say this:. i cant tell u to move out cus every situation is different. all i am going to tell u is that YOU ARE NOT LOST WITHOUT HER. stop telling urself that. u are a grown man and u can not act like a boy in this situation. understand that u might be with one crying alone but she has also lost. if she doesnt see what u have to give than she has lost aswell. dont mistake happiness for winning. remember that u are lucky to have experienced what u have no matter how much it hurts now. i know she seems like shes the best thing out there. but hey there are 18 other people right abouv you on this site ^^^^^ saying their ex is the best thing. she is just the easiest thing not the best, u have to work now. so go out there and put in work. if shes really gone then u are not doomed to lonliness. put in work to fix shit with her, fail, crumble, breakdown, and put ur self back to pieces, like everyman in history has done. now u will be one of them. u will graduate soon. but hey what do i know, im fucking 18.
December 30th, 2009 at 4:55 am
My significant other, who I was going out with for 3 years, broke up with me the beginning of March, which was 10 months ago now. It was the first relationship, first love for the both of us. We were quite serious quickly into the relationship, and fell deeply in love and stayed there until it ended.
She said she needed space and needed to stop hiding behind me as an excuse to not complete her portfolio and find a new job. I gave her that. I talked to her maybe once a week for a few months after we broke up. She felt she was too clingy to me, and I somewhat agree with that. But it took her two months after the breakup to actually finish her portfolio, and she is still at the same job (and the place where we actually met).
She was back and forth with her feelings of wanting me to move on and and wanting to get back together, throughout this year. Her mind seemed to change every month. I became so lost without her this year, we had always been each others’ best friends, and were always able to pick each other up. Up until a couple weeks ago, she was expressing some desire to get back together, if I could take the steps to change what I needed to change. I gave her space the week of her finals. The following week I was really sick and could barely speak due to a sore throat. She made no effort to contact me or show me that she still wanted me, and I didn’t want to smother her with daily updates on my progression as if we were still dating.
I truly love her more than I thought it was possible to love someone, even while we were apart. It’s not the idea of being with someone, or how she used to be, or the idea of her or anything silly like that. I really, truly love her unconditionally. I love her as my best friend, my most intimate friend, I love her in every way it’s possible to love a person. We always had great chemistry.
Well tonight she told me basically straightforward that she no longer thought of me as anything but a friend, that I was making her uncomfortable expressing my feelings for her since she was falling for someone else, and that I really needed to move on. The trouble is, I really don’t want to. I could move on to a bachelor’s life, I suppose, but I could never love another girl. I love everything about her, even her flaws, which if possible make me love her even more. I just feel like her sudden “neutral” attitude toward me of late has more to do with the introduction of this new guy into her life than her just not having those feelings for me anymore. It’s natural they’d subside since we no longer work together, and don’t run in the same circle of friends and don’t see or talk to each other every day.
Should I have called her more often? What can I do going forward? I’m not ready to give up on such a great relationship and the most amazing girl. She may have given up on us, but I refuse to throw in the towel, even if she’s “falling” for someone else. I want her to remember how great we were, and still can be, together. I don’t want to push her further away, but I can’t be stuck in the “friend zone” with the love of my life! This is the girl I want to grow old with and build a life with! Help! =(
December 30th, 2009 at 4:57 am
[cont’d]
Another big factor is that neither of us cheated on each other. So I don’t think there’s anything that can’t be healed between us, if I can just help her to remember why she fell in love with me in the first place.
January 23rd, 2010 at 3:52 pm
Me an my girlfriend of 5 months were perfect … everything was great an then We got really close an she got scarred because of a horrible past an Ex’s doing damage to her heart so she has trouble trusting…. She needs space an I gave it to her then out of the blue when giving it to her she calls me an tells me stay out of her life for good she wants nothing to do with me .. for no reason im lost . I know there something special an either way i would love a friendship she is a wonderful person who has just been scarred in the past !!!.. do you have any advise ?
February 3rd, 2010 at 8:30 am
ahhh… where to even start with you guys. Well let me give you a lil insight of what i went through. I met the “girl for me” when i was a junior in highschool and she was a freshman. Being an older guy and a popular athlete, i took advantage of her and did her wrong. I cheated numerous times and played around with her emotions for at least a year. When my senior year came to an end is when i started to realize that she was a great girl and didnt deserve what i had previously put her through. So, i was about to go off to college 300 miles away and i promised her and myself i would stay faithful. I did and i waited for her to graduate and move to college with me (which was two years after i graduated). During the long distance we had visibly grown apart but always rekindled over the summers. Well, the time came and she moved to the same college as me and moved into my house. I am currently a Junior in college and she is a freshman in college. For the first few weeks it was the greatest thing and i loved every minute of it. But by the end of the first month and a half of living together i could feel her slowly drifiting off. The time finally came when she said im moving out and its over. I cant do it anymore. She held true to her words and two days later was fully moved out and got her own apartment. I tried every possibly way to get her back; i begged, i pleaded, i cried, i got gifts, i got her friends to help me, but none of it worked. It only seemed to make her mad at me and grow further apart from me. She stayed at my college for the remaining of the semester, but once the semester was over she transfered to a school that is 800 miles away, because thats where all her friends were and that is where the majority of the kids from our highschool attend college. Its been about five months and she is already in another relationship with a guy from our highschool that was in her class. Now, the first 3 months of the break up was the hardest thing i have ever been through in my life. I broke away from friends and family and became a hermit crab in my house. I started using drugs and drinking nearly every day because that was the only time i wouldnt think about her. At the beginning of the 4th month i finally realized i had to move on because she had. Two people can only take so much together. So i started hanging out with friends, studying alot, i even picked up a new hobby making beats (music). I did all that to occupy myself and get her off my mind. Because trust me i know that when you are alone how painful it is. Well i can honestly say that i am going on five months now and i feel like a new person. I was saying what ALL of you guys have been sayng…”i love her so much and i will never find some one else blah blah blah! And as of right now i havent found some one else, but i am young at only 21 years old. I have the rest of my life to find some one. Right now im just living the college dream. I still think about her and i still have those moments when i wish she was with me, But i promise you it will only get better. You guys just gotta pick your heads up and move on. If i can do it i guarantee the rest of you can. When my first true love of five years left i felt like i would die and couldnt see ne other way. But, now i see it was for the better and not only is she better off, but i am as well!!!!
May 27th, 2010 at 11:07 am
I’ve been reading everyone’s post and noticed we all make the same mistakes at the end. I recently broke up with my girlfriend. It happened only a few days before her birthday because of a comment I texted her. She literally went crazy and exploded. She told me she that it’s over and it was her mistake spending time with me (we broke up a week before and got back). So, after a few days me not being able to take it, I ran over to her place and waited many hours to see her. i tried to persuade her to come back, but she wouldn’t even budge like before. A few days later when her birthday came around, I sent her flowers at work and showed up at her place with a cake later on in the night. She seemed surprised, but the only thing she said was “you don’t have to do this.” I’ve made several attempts to see her, but was rejected harshly.
I honestly can tell you that this is a push-pull game. When you try harder to pull her back, she just keeps on pushing you away. And i knew this from the start, but my emotions got in the way.
My advice to everyone who truly feels the pain, if you feel like sending her gifts or simply balling your eyes out in front of her, DO IT. She might not take you back, but at least you showed your true emotions. And sometimes, girls just need to be burnt by another guy to truly understand how you were good to her. My gf and I broke up because she was sick and tired of arguing, but remember it takes 2 to make it happen. And don’t even bother telling her how things went wrong. She really doesn’t give a rat’s ass. Just know that you were sincere to her and if she doesn’t see it, then that’s that. Some of you are prob reading this hoping for a cinderella story, but in all honesty, you never know what will happen. This is where I let fate kick in. Just think of it as fate. If it happens, it happens. And it’s ok to wish her back, but don’t bank on it. Cheer up guys. I’m trying hard too feel better too.