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How to Forget Your Ex Girlfriend So You Can Get Her Back

By Dr. George Karanastasis

Things tend to happen in life when you least expect them. And breakups are no exception to this. For instance… when a girl leaves you (9 out of 10 times) you want her back. So you try everything in your power to get her back. Usually this leads you nowhere (or even pushes her further away).

But then… just as you start to lose all hope and begin moving on with your life… something happens that brings her back.

So, in light of this unwritten “rule of love”, this post will go over a simple (yet devastatingly effective) two-step strategy for forgetting your ex girlfriend so you can get her back…

1. Go grab a calendar. Now, count up two weeks from today (four if there’s been a lot of turmoil since the breakup or you’ve pushed her further away) and circle the date. Why? Because you’re not going to attempt any form of contact with your ex until that day comes.

This is a slight variation of the powerful No Contact (NC) tactic. However, rather never allowing yourself to reach out to your ex again (hypothetically speaking, that is) … you’re leaving the door open to a possible future interaction with her. That way, the torture you’re about to inflict on yourself is a little less extreme… and hence… you’re more likely to stick to the plan.

2. For the next two, or four, weeks you must go and meet a new member of the opposite sex. This could be anything from saying a simple “hello” to a woman in the mall all the way to a full-scale date (that is, if your particular situation allows for dating other girls; see page 109 in How to Get Her Back for Good for more info).

Don’t feel like meeting other women? Too bad - force yourself to do it anyway. Every. Single. Day.

Why?

Because sooner than later you’re going to start to see (actually “appreciate” is the more fitting term) that there are other fish in the sea - endless amounts of them. This will prevent you from keeping your ex on the pedestal you’ve likely put her on.

So what?

Well… not only will you forget your ex girlfriend (not completely but considerably)… but when it comes time for relationship repair, you’ll be operating from a position of strength rather than weakness. And this is absolutely essential if you want to win her back.

So, what are you waiting for? Get to it and have some fun… even if you don’t feel like it. Trust me, you’ll thank me when she’s back in your arms.

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Topics: How To Get Her Back |


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44 Responses to “How to Forget Your Ex Girlfriend So You Can Get Her Back”

  1. Movin Says:
    February 8th, 2011 at 4:39 pm

    I have started to date, a consequence of going out, having fun, and being open to meeting other women. I feel this is the most helpful thing you can do after a break up to occupy your mind but it has been two months since I split with my ex. She initiated the break up and doesn’t call me as much now two months after the split but when we first split I went right into NC. She started calling me on a weekly basis, sometimes even more often, no more than a week after the split. Three weeks after we broke up she wanted to see me before she left to visit her family abroad. She said she wanted to talk when she returned and sure enough when she got back she called me again wanting to know how I’m doing (We went three weeks without talking to each other). She spent a lot of that conversation talking about the guys pursuing her in an obvious attempt to make me jealous, a trap I didn’t fall for. I’ve played it by the book since the beginning and at first I thought I just might be able to pull it off and get her back because there were a lot of things pointing to reconciliation. However, now I feel the contrary is true. I can feel her pulling back, an impression I received when we met for the second time since our break recently and I’ve stuck to my game plan. She’s not as warm to me like the first time we met after the break where our parting hug was so long and drawn out she didn’t want to let go of me. Sometimes you can do everything right but it won’t make a difference you just have to move on.

  2. Dr. George Karanastasis Says:
    February 8th, 2011 at 4:43 pm

    @Movin: Regarding this, “I’ve played it by the book since the beginning and at first I thought I just might be able to pull it off and get her back because there were a lot of things pointing to reconciliation. However, now I feel the contrary is true. I can feel her pulling back, an impression I received when we met for the second time since our break recently and I’ve stuck to my game plan.”

    What exactly is your game plan?

  3. Movin Says:
    February 8th, 2011 at 5:55 pm

    Well, my long term plan was to get her back with no discernable timetable and the best strategy for me was to implemented NC so I could pull her torward me and it worked at first. She always initiated contact. I kept things friendly when we spoke, joked around, let her lead the conversation, and always ended the conversation first. I listened to her, gave her feedback, joked around but never put her down. In fact, our conversations have been pleasant although when she came back from her trip abroad she sounded depressed so demonstrated genuine concern and hoped she would cheer up. I even squeezed in an opportunity to get compliance from her by asking her to do me a favor and she did it. I’m not sure what to do next other than sticking with what I’m doing. I’m waiting for the right moment to escalate but I’m not getting any of the typical attraction cues on her part.

  4. paul Says:
    February 15th, 2011 at 6:21 pm

    I had a break up about two weeks ago and did all the bad things guys do to win them back. Wrote her a song, multiple letters, apologies and even a heated discussion to prove my anger for her not wanting to at least see that it would be different. Communication was the hitch and now the urge to communicate is sickening. I was getting out of the house and still plan to this week, meet new girls, new people, have fun, and just stay busy. However, last weekend the booty call got dropped, and I went over there and took care of that…several times. We parted in the morning as we used to, kisses smiles and hugs, and see you laters. We lightly texted Sunday wishing her good luck on her new job starting Monday. Then said i was happy she was back in her element and for the hell of it happy valentine’s day. I got no response. Now she reminded me before we hooked up about her date and my response was light, “That’s cool, I’ve got a date Tuesday night.” Which i do. I know I just need to completely back off and let her initiate contact as she did over the weekend. I’ve deleted her emails/txts/phone number so I wouldn’t contact her. I want her and don’t want to be used at the same time. I’ve got alot to do this week and planning each night brings more and more fun to my table. I’m working out really aggressively to counter the yearnings I feel. Is this the correct approach for this moment?

  5. koe Says:
    March 2nd, 2011 at 1:03 pm

    you know what number 4 move on you doing great find new people

  6. Alex Says:
    April 7th, 2011 at 11:34 pm

    she broke up with me by email (long distance relationship / different continents), I was TOO beggy and needy, and I tried to maker change her mind for hours (all this by messages, she is not able to use MSN nor call me at the moment), until I accepted to be her friend, and what she ordered to me to do (look other girls even I said, I won’t because I only love her). Her reason to break up with me was that she said everything was different since she came back to her country, and that she couldn’t keep lying to me and herself, that she couldn’t see me as a bf but only like her best friend, she says she doesn’t want to totally “break up” because she still wants be friends with me, but that won’t ever be my gf anymore. She wants me to meet other girls because she is practically my only gf, or at least whom I lost my virginity. She says “you only know me, you don’t know other girls, so you should meet other girls date and fall in love with other girls, I will never see you like a lover anymore” Since my last “friendly” email (that was like “ok, I will meet other girls only by internet, but I will listen to my heart and wait until We finally meet again” and then I made sorta cheesy joke, this was almost 3 days ago when I started NC and at the moment she hasn’t sent me any email.
    I think I lost all the respect she felt with me when she came to my country and We lived together since she thought I was not independant, because I need many favors from my parents, then when she came back to her country (even she truly enjoyed living with me and at the moment didn’t want to come back) she started looking kinda cold towards me, from talking every single day even by hours, she started saying she didn’t like PC, that she didn’t like webcam, that PC made her feel exhausted, etc. Then we started talking only once or twice a week, until finally it converted in maybe once or twice every 2 or 3 weeks. She started ignoring my emails and not answer me back until I looked very needy and demanding her attention. And finally she dropped the bomb and dumped me. As I have said I started NC 3 days ago, but I am thinking this won’t change anything cuz I really screwd it up so badly!

    what do you think Dr?

    btw, I am really sorry for my english, I am not a an english native speaker.

  7. ronnie Says:
    May 14th, 2011 at 12:46 pm

    My girlfriend broke up with me after 2.5 years. i tought we were fine. just two days before we had gone to her niece’s b-day. but then she texts me saying she was stressed and needed to be single ,constantly reminding me she wasnt a 30 or 40 yr old. I am 22 and shes a year older, weve been thru hell together and she used to hate the people at her job, but now they have become bests of friends and she left me for them. i went into the NC treatment and she gave me a cold farewell ”You take care then” was the last she wrote. i tried to get together and get coffee but she finds an excuse at all times. i dont have many friends since she was my best friend and i feel i aint the same anymore to go and talk to girls like i used to. i still talk to her mom and she tells me to wait it out, but i dont know if her mom knows her like i do. i know shes enjoying life to the fullest and hurts me to see she doesnt want anything to do with me. am still in love and cant get over it. please if anyone has advice i would appreciate it. (that.audi.guy@hotmail.com)

  8. tom Says:
    May 17th, 2011 at 11:44 am

    hey
    ,, :(. m really dying.. i dated some girls but still i want my ex back.. she went away from me coz of some pitty issue.. it was not that big.
    i even did most of d things to get her back. but she hardly cares. :(
    we have a long distant relationship. she lives in other country.
    wt i shud do now ? ?? should i message her something or should i wait..??
    her last message was just that ” ur sorry isn’t enough” .. that was her last message nd now she has completely ignored me. even i’m not on her friend list.
    please doc. REPLY HELP ME OUTTA.. SOON!
    i can’t concentrate on nything.. nd i really need ur help. u just tell me wt shud i message her??? please doc. please

  9. David Says:
    June 23rd, 2011 at 4:48 pm

    Hello, Dr. Karanastasis!

    My girlfriend broke up with me after a 5 years long relashionship, during which we lived together and also had a planned marriage. After text-messaging her for 2 days after the breakup, I agreed with her that a pause was for the better. Then I went straight to NC. She contacted my sister (with whom I live temporarily) two times (the first time about her plans and she asked my sister to take care of me, the second time about the fact that she was bored and stuff). After two weeks of NC she contacted me and asked me if I could send her a package with all the things she had left at my place (she lives in another city now, with her parents, 2 hours distance by train/car). I sent them and went back to NC. A whole month has passed since the breakup. The problem is that I still have some things at her place. Should I contact her and get them as soon as possible and then go back to NC or just continue with NC and leave those things until a better moment?

    PS. I finally understood why she broke up with me: shortly she felt ignored, I did not offer her the attention she deserved, I became very insecure, very pesimistic and I doubted my strength. Given the context, is strict NC the right approach?

    Thanks in advance for your time and advice!
    David

  10. david Says:
    July 8th, 2011 at 4:34 am

    Hi there,

    Me and my girlfriend were really happy we got on like a house on fire. She had to move back to her country as her dad was unwell unfortunately in the time we spent apart I did not give her the emotional attention she needed, purely because I did’nt realise how sad she actually was and I was busy trying to make everything perfect here. I made all the classic mistakes of pestering her to death as a consequence she has met someone else on the re bound and now may have feelings for this person, find this hard to belive, but i’m gonna say that. She still contacts me but I get the feeling it could be through pity as I went into meltdown. I have now decided to only respond and not initiate any conversations, man up a bit and try and be the person she fell for not this washed up whimp I have become. I have asked her to meet up with me and she said she will think about it, any help or advice would be apreciated as I am still a total mess!

  11. Zsolt Says:
    August 8th, 2011 at 6:40 am

    Hello Dr.
    My girlfriend left me because(she said) my mother did some ogly things and I was too nervous lately and because because me and my mother distroyed her nervs and she can’t taki it anymore. my point of view is that she and her mother misunderstood the thigs my mother said. I know that I have my guilt in the brakeup but I love her more than my everything. the relationship was perfect between us untill 2 years and 4 months. After the break I did one mistake. I baged for an other chace I promissed I’ll change, i told her I love her and that she loves me too(which is true) and she will never find somebody to match with like she did with me.She lives in the same city like me and trust me we matched perfectly even our thaughts were the same. now I’m distroyed I started NC but at home I am praying to God to give her back to me.I really need her back she is my dreamgirl she has every detail how I want She my taste 100%. please Doctor help me out there’s nothign I can do without her.

  12. James Says:
    September 4th, 2011 at 11:59 am

    My wife of 3 years, relationship of 5 left me because I kept relapsing with drugs. I wasnt honest to her about my using and she asked me to take a drug test. She sent me home 3 states away and I have been calling non stop basically for the last 13 days. Their was one day when we were actually talking and we were geting to a reoncile point but the next day that feell through because of family. So I have kept saying I was going to give her space because everytime we have had this same fight after I finally leave her alone she always says late had you left me alone we would of made up sooner. It has got to the point where she is told me yesterday she wants nothing to do with me and that if I keep calling and texting she would get a restraining order. The only thing is 2 years ago when we had our last big blow out like this she said the same thing and actually got one for one day. It was about 2 weeks later but she started coming back after that and I had eventually moved down there. Now Im wondering if she is going to come back around again or if she is truly done this time either way we have both been more mature in the fight this time she isnt changing her number and Im not calling her parents house repeatedly.

  13. Connor Says:
    September 10th, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    Hey doc,
    So my girlfriend said she needs to take a break.the main reason why she broke up with me is because of my mother.mother doesn’t like her.she said that she doesn’t want me to have problems with my mom.I told her I didn’t care what my mom thought. That’s when she told me that I she needed 2 months and if she still had feelings for me we will get back together.it’s a long distance relationship. I want to know how to get her to still have feelings for me when the two months are up

  14. Piotr Says:
    December 10th, 2011 at 8:47 pm

    ok so my ex-gf and i broke up a November, a year ago, exchanged xmas presents that year, then didn’t talk for about a month or so, then we became friends. we dated for about 4 months before we broke up (she did the breakup). during our “friendship” this year we started to hang out more and more and talk more often, the whole time, she knew how i felt, and maintained a friendship with me. She never opened up to me, but there was flirting between? us. Then we kissed for first time in almost a year of our break up now, on her special birthday dinner, this past september. after a few weeks, she says we won’t be more than friends, but sometimes she is warm one day and cold another. she told me two months ago, i take a mile, when she gave me an inch and not to pressure her. I guess in the past two months, i did smother her, and she kept insisting we would only be friends. well things got worse after that when she said i tried to kiss her too? much and we were not bf/gf. now she totally backed away and barely talks to me, or sees me as nearly as before. we haven’t gone out in 2 months. she claims we were only friends and we didn’t have anything more. Even though she took flowers from me many times, and other expensive gifts during our friendship. I apologized for my poor behavior, professed my love (she said we were not compatible, i think out of anger), and? I told her i wasn’t very good at being just friends. We are both in our mid 30’s.
    We don’t talk on the phone, only by text or email, when we did have a friendship. I know also she has been looking to date online, but nothing has happened yet.

    she won’t text? and doesn’t always reply to my texts/emails, and we haven’t gone out in two months now.. is there hope for me? what? do i do in my situation ?

  15. Jeffrey Says:
    December 19th, 2011 at 6:37 am

    Hello!

    My girlfriend broke up with me two weeks ago..when I asked for the reason, she said she really thinks we have compatiBility issues..she admits that she still loves me and doesnt want to hurt me by anychance..she also told that she doesn’t want to be forced into this relationship..!! She wants to be in contact with and mentioned that she would like to hangout with me like usual..intact last two weekends she called to check if we can go hangout somewhere..we’ve been together since 2yrs..been through ups N downs..I’m really confused if she is taking time to analyze everything or has she made up her mind..?? And to top all of this - she hasn’t name tattooed on her arm…I really love her - and it’s definitely worth to give it a shot on working out this relationship..she is strong headed - so not sure if the NC rule will affect her..please advise Dr. She is an awesome girl that I don’t want to loose..I haven’t done anything devastating after the breakup - like calls or texts..she is the one who would initiate a conversation..and whenever I try to steer the conversation towards the past she freaks out I’m decided and I’m happy the way I’m right now!! It hurts me Bad..please advise what’s the best I need to do in order together her back!!

  16. Jeffrey Says:
    December 19th, 2011 at 6:43 am

    Typo - she has my name tattoed on her arm..

  17. ROYAL Says:
    January 19th, 2012 at 10:57 am

    What if my ex girlfriend is also applying the NC rule? What if she is also dating other guys to forget me? And even though we get back together, it’s still not going to fix anything, because just like regular arguments, if there are any future fights, this topic (of dating another guy/girl)will definately come up. Then what? Why do we have to play so much game to win the love of your life? Is there any other fix, for me, I am applying NC for the past week, but damn, I can’t get her out of my head. I am going out to bars with friends, and try not to think of her, but the moment I get home, I only think of her. I rather be sad and think of her, then to go out in bars and drink to forget those memories. Is there anything else I can do to get her back? I am not religious, however I believe in God and the fact that a man and a woman should date and sleep around with a douzan people before finding the right one, is kind of sickening. I am not a saint, I did my part, but a time comes in everyones life, where they just want to be with one person, and no matter the struggle, we should try to lean backwards to save the realationship.I mean, whats the point of dating other people when we know that we want our EX back? I feel that this is just a slow procedure to just forget about the person you love, and move on. This is our second big break up for the same freakin reasons. I haven’t learnt much from the first break up besides being a bit more calm than before, but she ended up pushing my button and I reacted the same way as the first break up. Do you think there is any chance of us getting back? I am so confused, I don’t even know what I am writing. If I have offended anyone by my words, I am sorry. I just don’t know what else to do! I purchased a couple of “How to get your ex girlfriend back” books. And they all say the same thing. I feel like my money has gone to waste. PLEASE HELP!!! I need some proper guidance if possible.

  18. ROYAL Says:
    January 19th, 2012 at 11:23 am

    Correction: When I said that I find it sickining that we should date other people, I meant it after a break up, because eventually, especially with the temptation nowadays, it will lead to some kind of sexual encounter, which could have a negative impact on your realtionship if you are trying to get back with your ex, NO? Or am I just crazy for thinking this way?

  19. ROYAL Says:
    January 19th, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    When we were toghether we both had our own Facebook account. Because of many problems, we decided to deactivated our accounts. Now that we broke up, she reactivated her account. ButI don’t want to reactivate mine. 1- Because FB is really not for me, I just think it’s a total waste of time (BTW she thought the same about FB also) 2- I don’t want her to feel that because she reactivated it, I am doing the same. What does this mean? I want to avoid any sort of competition. I heard that even with NC, you should try to exist in a subliminal way and have her hear about you through other source (like mutual friends, etc) Is that a good way to get her back?

  20. praise shivambu Says:
    February 3rd, 2012 at 11:07 am

    Hi! Doc. I got same situation and I want my girlfriend back,her friends told her what did she see in me. We don’t talk to each other I don’t know what I must suppose to be

  21. Sanjay Says:
    February 10th, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    Dear Dr George sir,
    Im Dr Sanjay, 26yrs, medical student from India. My gf broke up from me a few weeks ago. Actually she had distanced me last yr only after v had a 3 yr relationship. I did all those mistakes which you have mentioned, beggin, behavin desperate and needy, tryin to convince her that i have changed etc. But nothing was effective. Now wen i read ur words i feel it so true. I want ur guidance sir. Is your book available in any shops in India? I want to buy. Please help me..

  22. Royal Says:
    February 21st, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    It is absolutely pointless writing on this site. This guy is there just to sell his books, and he says the same thing as every other LOVE GURUS. Guys, don’t fall for this internet bull crap, they all say the same thing, that you will spend hundreds and thousands of $$$$ for relationship coaches but purchasing their book is “ONLY 39 or 40$”. You know what, at the end of the day, it’s worth it, because these live relationship coaches are there to listen to your unique situation and guide you according to your way on how & what to say, and whats your next move. I tried all of these online e-books, and they all say they will give you one on one coaching and that this system is guaranteed to work. Of course it’s guaranteed to work when you know what to say. I writen on these blogs, I e-mailed them on the e-mail addresses they provide while purchasing the e-book on my particular situation. Guess what, NO REPLY what so ever. The only thing I receive are generice e-mails that they have pre set up, and all they do is insert your name in it. GUYS, beleive me, don’t fall for this crap. These people are just taking avantage of your vulnerability, and making a living out of it. Karma will hit them back quicker than they think. If you are heart broken, do what your heart says. The NC rule does not work, because chances are that your ex is using the same on you. Don’t be needy and pushy, but always keep contact with them atleast send her a text once a week, just to let them know that you are still there. Women, move on faster than men. So don’t wait 2-3-4 months, before re-initiating contact. And if you internet LOVE GURUS are really concerned with what us “MEN” are really going through like you say you are on your sales pitch before the purchase, then actually reply back to peoples comments. And perhaps their e-mails. Guys just look at the last time this GURU replied to this, February 8th, 2011. Thats a little over a year ago. Think about it!!! Spend you money on real relationship advisors. It’s much more effective.

  23. Christian Says:
    March 31st, 2012 at 4:21 am

    My ex said how I killed the love we used to argue and it is because of one of these arguments that she left since I said something I regret saying, and as if that weren’t all I started constantly texting her and asking for forgiveness this led her to give me the cold shoulder and act very indifferent towards me so I said another thing which she didn’t like and she said to me that now whatever drop of hope she had for the relationship I killed it. I really want her back I haven’t phoned her for like 3 days but I still see her at work although we don’t talk or make eye contact.

  24. madly in love Says:
    April 27th, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    Dear Dr, George Karanastasis
    my girlfriend left me after 3 years of great love, we loved each others more than life it self, my ex fought all her family to be with me, for three years i gave her all i had and she gave me back all the love she could have, lately i have passed with bad economic factors, and i had depressions becoz of work and money, during that period my ex stood by my side and gave me all the love…

    Suddenly she asked me for a break and did not tell me why, i was inexperienced and tried getting her back by txting her and sending her facebook messages, two weaks later she broke up with me and told me that it was becoz of many accumulations and that i didnt know how to save our love, she told me many times that she doesnt love me anymore and that she blocked her heart and has found her empty spaces, since that time she never contacted me at all, i started N.C. but after 2 weaks a friend of ours came to me and told me things that made me feel bad, he told me that my ex had felt for long that i was uncaring for her, that she felt for long that she was alone in the love and that i didnt care, she cried for log nights even after she showed me she had fun with me, she never made me feel less love, and never made me feel that she was unhappy
    i felt huge guilt on my heart for all she had passed through, so i sent her an e mail expressing how sorry i was for all the pain she went through, and that i have learned allot from this break and that i wished her back and told her that i needed another chance to prove to her how i could be better
    all she did was blcok me from all msn, facebook, and life, and she txtd me saying that she isnt stupid, and that she is happy without me
    please doctor, reply to me, guide me to what the best step could me
    i love her so much, and want to get her back at any price, we had plans to marriage, and kids, a house, and we had chosen names for kids, we made perfect love all over the past 3 years, we used to be happy on all things
    i now an 27 years old and she is 24 years old
    thanks for your reply

    ps. when she broke up with me, she cried allot and suddenly stoped and talked to me so rudely, i still believe she has feelings for me, what should my next move be??

  25. Matt Says:
    May 1st, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    Hey Doc,

    Our 2.5 year relationship started very passionate. We moved in together after only a month and although she at the time was 20 and I was 28, I expressed my concerns about dating a younger girl. They change their minds easily and frequently and I’ve been hurt by this before. After receiving about 120+ hand written letters from her on my car every morning for the past 2 years before work expressing how much she loved me and I’m the only one, and that she would never leave me, she left me just one month ago. She said that I didn’t show her enough love and affection. The problem is that I became too comfortable with the situation. She was always freaked out that I would leave her (and expressed this in letters), and this kind of made me lack in giving her the attention she desired. Right before moving out, she promised me, and even swore on everything that matters to her (I didn’t ask her to do this) that she will marry me someday. She left notes all over the house saying “don’t give up on me”. I know that NC is the typical way to handle a breakup, but I’m not sure it would apply in a situation where I didn’t show enough love. For the last month, I have been brief with her for every interaction which she has initiated. She always says “I love you and miss you, and I’m coming home soon, and I just need to find myself again, and I just need to do this for US” and a lot of things that imply that she desires to return. I already wrote a 7 page letter expressing my regret in not providing the attention, and she says that she knows that we will be strong and untouchable when she returns. Does it seem like she will return? I planned to ask her to marry me this summer (obviously before the breakup happened), and she knew this. Now, she is dating other guys, and has asked for me to date other girls so that I absolutely know that she is the one for me. She says that even when she is with someone else, she only thinks of me, because we are “so right”. I don’t care to date anyone else- like everyone else on this site, I just want MY girl back, and I want the opportunity to give her what I have intentionally held back for so long. She says that she needs 6 months, possibly less from the time we broke up to return home. No kids, only 2 pups that we bought together. She will be treated like a princess if she returns, but does it seem like this will happen based on the brief rundown of what I have said? The thought of losing her to another guy is heart wrenching. She gets hit on all the darned time (she’s a 10/10 easily) and it’s like I have to beat the guys away when we were out.

    Please help!

    Thanks

  26. chirst Says:
    May 22nd, 2012 at 9:43 pm

    hi friends ,i was dating a girl, i date many girls, i mean i had many girlfriends , but i didnt like anyone of them that much that i like this one , i dont know why i love her so much,,even we didnt date for long time , i did my best for her , i did my best for her as much as i can to make her happy ,as much as i can ,..please i need help , myself i dont know why i love her so much , i love more then anyone in this world ,since she broke up with me i am feeling good, i went hospital to 2 times,.9( i need her back what should i do ?)please help anyone, and why i love her that ,more then anyone in this world ? so i need help please , answer my 2 qoustion

  27. Geo Says:
    June 25th, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    Im been dating a girl around 3 months we are a couple by now, problems is the attention from her to me is decreasing and my attention for her is increasing , and when she goes out with me she texting with her friends, but when shes her friends she totally forget about me ! and im the one who always trying to make her feel appreciated and desired, but i think the most i do for her the more she back off, we fought about it and she hang out the phone and wrote to me a text saying that im jealous and control freak , and she cant talk on the phone cause im not listening ! what i should do ? call her or wait til she calls me

  28. Leon Says:
    June 30th, 2012 at 4:57 am

    Hey Geo,

    You didn’t mention age…but women tend to text their girlfriends about what a great time they having, and boasting about being out with their boyfriend. So don’t stress, but if it becomes too much, just tell her you’ll be at the bar when she’s done texting. Make sure you get next to a hot female. Here’s another idea: when you go out. make sure you have female friends going to the same place. Invite them over and chat to them.
    Actions speak louder than words to women. Don’t reason with her about something like this. It will make you come across needy.
    If this doesn’t work, tell her that her manners when she’s out with you suck. Give her cab-fare, and leave her at the club dude. Seriously.
    Don’t call her.

  29. goodguy85 Says:
    July 19th, 2012 at 9:38 pm

    My ex-girlfriend has moved out and broke up with me. I’m 29 she’s 26 and we were in 1 year and a half relationship. 6 months living.

    A month before the breakup, I”ve ha some studying for the Bar exam and had been very distant so i acknowledge i was at fault. But she stated that before that, she loved me and was incredibly happy.

    After a month of broken up, me ex-girlfriend texted me to see how my dog was doing (He was not eating and suffering from a little separation anxiety from her dog after the break up)

    I told her that I missed her and asked if she truly doesnt miss me. She stated that she does at time but is also enjoying her Independence. She also stated that she has very very mixed feelings but feels like she made the right decision.

    Ive been partying, working out and hanging out with friends so I’m not miserable. But i would like to know if there is still a chance for reconciliation because I believe that we can make it work if I just start being the old me and starting over with her when the time is ready now that ive learned my mistakes and will communicate better. Do i have false hope or is there a chance and how do I approach her, if so.

  30. Jon Says:
    August 31st, 2012 at 5:28 am

    Hii doc actually my situation is exactly like Tom number 8 on this page !!!

    hey
    ,, :(. m really dying.. i dated some girls but still i want my ex back.. she went away from me coz of some pitty issue.. it was not that big.
    i even did most of d things to get her back. but she hardly cares.
    we have a long distant relationship. she lives in other country.
    wt i shud do now ? ?? should i message her something or should i wait..??
    her last message was just that ” ur sorry isn’t enough” .. that was her last message nd now she has completely ignored me. even i’m not on her friend list.
    please doc. REPLY HELP ME OUTTA.. SOON!
    i can’t concentrate on nything.. nd i really need ur help. u just tell me wt shud i message her??? please doc. please

  31. Tyson Says:
    September 10th, 2012 at 11:42 pm

    I dated a girl for about 4 years (18-22) had the best times of my life(so far, I’m 27) She dumped me and I begged and cried for her to take me back. She coldly looked at me and said “it can’t be fixed”. I took my dad’s advice and cut all ties and 2 weeks later she was at my door wanting to try again. We did but I took a job out of state and cut all ties her again.

    I found the another girl and a couple years later she called my work wanting to meet. I met with her but this time I told her that I was in a good relationship and nothing was going to happen (i had really missed her and was happy to see her) So again I cut all ties and moved on with my life. I recently got a divorce and the day after I get a facebook friend request from guess who, we talk on the phone a couple times a week. I think she’d drop everything a move back to MO from NY if I asked her to but I can’t do that to her.
    Sorry for the long story, but this was a great read and I wanted to reinforce it.

  32. Adam Says:
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:05 am

    My girlfriend ended the relationship 3.5 weeks ago. She said she’d been having doubts for 6 months, but the relationship always reassured her and made the doubts go away. She went on holiday and then to a festival and when she came back, she ended it saying that she couldn’t see a future.

    She says she still loves me, loves spending time with me, loves our ‘routines’ together, but ended it nevertheless.

    I’m 41 and she’s 26, and for a while she’s been busy studying, working and seeing her friends. I asked to see more of her, so perhaps I put too much pressure on her.

    I’ve seen her once, but she says she stands by her decision. Recently, she didn’t reply to a text, so I assume she wants to distance herself from me further.

    I’ve been terribly anxious, think about her all of the time and simply can’t seem to move on, as I still love her and wanted to marry her.

    I’ve told her how much she means to me and asked her to explain why she doesn’t see a future, but I’ve only been met with vague answers, such as we’re not a good pairing.

    I honestly believed that she loved me as much as I do her and have been very confused and hurt by the sudden break up.

    I find myself not wanting to move on, as I still love her and don’t want anyone else.

    What do you make of the situation?

  33. Royal Says:
    October 10th, 2012 at 12:15 am

    I recently Broke up with my girlfriend. We have a five year difference but that’s not the reason for the break up. The reason would be because she told me that she’s not ready for a relationship right now, she doesn’t want to mix her friends with me, So we broke up. She wants to be with me but at the same time she doesn’t. I asked her if she was scared about it, she said no. I don’t know what to do to get her to change her mind. This never happened before. I told her that I felt like she wanted me to give up on her but She said she doesn’t want me to. We would still talk and text frequently but last time I saw her, I told her that I want to be with her. Before leaving I gave her a hug and tried to kiss her which she dint like. I told her, ok I will kiss you when you ask me to. She responded that she is not gonna do that (WTF). I assumed and told her so I guess we are never gonna get back together which got her Mad because she din’t mean that. Now I told her that I was gonna do the Right thing and give her sometime that I dint do it before because I was scared of loosing her but now That I know that’s the right thing to do I will do it.

    I don’t know what to do after I give her some time. I’m thinking about a week or two but like I said I don’t know what to do . I really care about this girl like I’ve never done before so I don’t want to mess everything up. So What Should I Do ?

  34. Dbeats Says:
    October 25th, 2012 at 3:59 am

    Hey Royal I’ve been reading your messages and I feel bad for your man. I definitely agree on your message about how people are wasting their money on these products! I really hate the fact that these so called gurus don’t seem to give a damn about you guys, really pisses me off. But anyway, my advice to you would be to move on. Seriously man! What’s the point chasing someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you? Your wasting your life bro! Be the alpha male, find someone else who appreciates you and don’t want to waste your time! There are many good genuine women out there! Its her loss, she obviously doesn’t feel the same way so why bother? Chances are if she sees that your are moving on, she will feel jealous because you are not under her control anymore! Instead she appreciate you more. One thing I’ve learned about women is that they like a men who’s got options, they like knowing you could be with anyone else but instead you are with them, they will hold you up much higher and appreciate you more especially if you are a great person. So don’t chase! Give her space, when you talk to your ex, you have to keep it on a friend level. No more I love you or I miss you she already knows that! Instead be casual n talk about other things. Try and be objective in your outlook of life, see now and then you have to see it as it is. Unfortunately this woman doesn’t feel the same way anymore and if there is nothing you can do well move on and live your life for goodness sakes. Never lower yourself for anyone, you should have higher standards of yourself! Don’t allow someone to waste your time, you have just got to try! Try and try again! No matter how hard it is to move on! Love should be mutual not one way!! Remember put yourself higher! You deserve someone who has time for you! So come on guys stop all of this!! Be men and dictate your lives! Life is not a fairy-tale!! Its harsh! But its the truth! Find someone who appreciates you! Be a gentleman, treat them well but give them space, don’t be clingy, again and again make decisions for them,don’t be forced to say you love them. Say it if you mean it and don’t say it all the time until it looses it’s meaning! Same thing with complements. Don’t allow bullshit from them, don’t be afraid to show your serious side but no violence! Be unpredictable and don’t do the same things all the time. Remember that COMMUNICATION is very important! Don’t be afraid to say how you feel. Don’t be afraid to have friends especially female friends. Let them know you have OPTIONS. Basically Just be yourself of but an alpha male version of yourself. Dictate you life!

  35. Dbeats Says:
    October 25th, 2012 at 4:14 am

    By the way when I said again and again make decision for them I meant from time to time. So instead of asking all the time, suggest things to her. Don’t hesitate to say no!

  36. Dbeats Says:
    October 25th, 2012 at 4:45 am

    Also Royal think about it. if she wanted to be with you she would just do it! All these things she is saying about her friends is just an excuse! I mean you were together for 5 years so why all of a sudden does it matter? Its not a good enough reason. If she feels that strongly about you why should anyone come in the way? Am sure it would definitely not be the same way around for you would it? The way you feel for her I don’t think friends would stop you from being with her would they? So like I said before, give her want she wants, be friends with her and just move on. Move on to move on and not to hopefully get back together because she doesnt feel the same way about you anymore. Remember be alpha male and dictate! Or remain depressed your choice guy!!

  37. Artur Says:
    November 9th, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    I met with this girl 6 months ago, basically we’v been together for 6 monhts amd everything was perfect we never actually argued about anything and we both were calm, at the very beginning of the relation ship i told her to talk everything out, every issue or problem you have with me, lets sort it out and deal with it. Now after 6 months it came out of nowhere, she sent me a kiss ” good morning babe :* ” usual stuff. Around 5 pm she calls me and tells me she’s coming over , i felt something strange so i asked her, whats wrong? She said , we need to talk , its about us.
    Took her 3 hours, and i knew this is over, i had a feeling i didnt know why , but i couldnt dodge the feeling that she is leaving me ( for no reason , everything was fine infact, she loved me and had or still has strong feelings for me i know it ) . I let her in, she hugs me and kisses me, and after asking whats wrong, she starts to cry and cant calm down. After a while she tells me we need 2 split up and she is crying constantly, she starts telling me about all these riddickulous excuses about wanting 2 be free, i cant study , she didnt have enough time alone betwen her last relations , befour we started dating, i told her im going to Norway after 3 months and she was realy sad, and told me she said goodbay 2 me already( she thougt im leaving for sure , so she cried it out and said goodbye). All this together led her 2 leaving me, but as she was saying that all, she was hugging and kissing me as if someone pushed her in 2 doing this. She stayed at my palce that night, and we were close as if we were together, no sex tho.( always had great sex, so thats not the issue). Next morning we woke up and continued where we left off, by this point we are already split nad i told her that my heart screams for her, but my self esteem wont let me chase her and i wont judge her decision, but i wasnt realy sure why she wants to leave me cause she looked so confused and those reasons are simple 2 sort out. After more talking i started to quote all that she said . ( You like my face, you like my teeth , you like my muscles( doing gym , white smile) you like my ass, you like my dingdong, you like the music that i listen to, you like the way i cook, we meet eachother 1-3 times a week and phone calls and sms included everyday , i dont interfer with your studies , and i told you 2 do all u need 2 do and just give me whats left , i dont ask much, so whats the problem? And she replies sleeping on my knees” i miss you”.( that made me cry, but i had no clue what 2 say or how to reac”. After more tears and talking , she stops and thinks for a while, and suddently she said” I got it” and started crying realy realy bad, like enver befour. She asked me , Who wants me to finish university, who wants me home all the time, who wants me tied up? ” refering 2 her mom , she knew the answer , its just the way she decided 2 put it. And in the end she said, she doesnt even know what she wants anymore ” since she thought that its what her mom wanted” but i had good relationship with her mom , so i doubt she told her 2 leave me+ she is 20 years old, she got her own head on her sholders. after that i said, why leave me out of a suddent, everything was perfect, we had no arguments or anything it was perfect and now all of a sudden u put me in this position where i cant do anything , out of blue you tell me you leave me, that just isnt right, you didnt eve givem a chance. After she she needs to think about stuff and calm down , and mkae a decision but dont let your hopes up. She told me she would call me after 2 days . Now its the day she would call me, but i couldnt stop thinking about her and whats wrong , she left a huge mess in me im confused and i dont know why, i didnt do anything since she said herself that its not me . altho problem might be that when she had a problem with me she called me as i would want her 2 , and we talked it over.. I stated valid arguments and logic explanations and she submited 2 it, and it sounded all fine for her, but 10 mins after the phone call she understood that it doesnt help her, but she is 2 afraid to call and bug me about it. Personally i tnink its dumb 2 leave me for just not talking to me , when i told her 2 do it since its all gona be fine. Second day, she should call me, but i couldnt wait, and made a call myself around 12:30 in the morning she was in a party ,her friends birthday, i was invited 2 but i didnt go cause of this shit, and well i had job next morning. So i called her, and asked her how she feels and all that, and then i said, so, what do you think, what have you decided, whats the plan? And even befour i asked, she said shes not in a condition to even talk, she was tired, but i she answered that question kinda cold, i have no thoughts, i dont have plan i dont know. it felt cold. I told her, okay then, get well, goodbye
    Not as goodbye as ill see you never, but i droped the phone first. So yeah, now its 6:24 and im sad, what should i do… Doesnt sound as serious as everyone else here, but i have good chance 2 get her back, but i need something. I wont call her , il lwait for her 2 call me, that cold answer made me realise that i should let her take her time. Suggestions , advices, anything will do . help ;/

  38. Anthony Says:
    November 16th, 2012 at 12:26 am

    Me and my girlfriend broke up after 6 years of being together. We argued a lot but there were times where we loved each other and always smile with each other. I know I pushed her away because after we broke up I kept calling and texting her. I don’t know what to do. She recently took her phone off and she hasn’t put it on back for over 2 weeks now

  39. Geoff Says:
    November 21st, 2012 at 11:15 pm

    Good Dr.

    I recently was in a relationship for 4 years, we talked about getting married and what not and back in May she ended up getting sent down to Texas to work on a project that the company was doing down there. Now shes always wanted to do this kind of stuff so I was supportive of her when she had to go. It wasn’t too bad the company paid for me to go down every two weeks so it wasn’t very stressful for our relationship. I mean i had my up and downs without her, but when I was with her it was the best thing ever. Anyways she ended up getting extended down there for 5 months and she eventually came back home. The sad thing was that when she came back home her attitude changed, she was going out more with work friends and we really didn’t get to hang out as much. I kind of found it as a slap in the face but I figured maybe she’s just adjusting from being back. I tried everything from date nights to spending time with her to ease her back in, but it didn’t work. Anyways after a month I kind of started hinting that I wanted to settle down with her because that was my next step. We ended up breaking up because she felt that she didn’t see us getting married and that she’s 26 and wants to do more working over the country type deal. I was pretty upset because how could this person that I love change over 5 months. I would go on 2 days without contacting her and then I would cave in. I love her and she loves me but what do I do at this stage. I figure i’ll just go with no contact and maybe she will come around. At the same time I feel like I need to accept that this is what she chose and deal with it. However there is this small sense I have in which i’m hoping she comes back to me.

    Please help, I greatly appreciate it

  40. Steve Says:
    November 27th, 2012 at 7:13 am

    I started dating my first love 12 years ago and we went out with each other for 2 years, lived together. Things went badly in the end and we split up but we made friends again and did everything together as friends for the past 10 years. We were occasionally sleeping with each other over the years.

    6 months ago we got back together officially. Unfortunately just afterwards I lost my mum. It’s put such pressure on me that i’ve been so depressed and at times i’ve lost it with her completely (not violently, but slightly intimidating). She split up with me after a big row 2 weeks ago. Completely blocked me on everything. Won’t reply to any communication. I won’t lie i’ve been handling it really badly. sending texts/emails etc. I just can’t lose this relationship because if nothing else there is a 12 year friendship there as well.

    Completely don’t know what to do :(

  41. Loren Says:
    December 3rd, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    Well she left before thanksgiving, because of my 2 ex’s interference in our relationship she went from I’ve never been happier in my life to. I’m turning her son against her. I was the stay at home dad raising her 2yr old as well as my son both I treated as mine. She insisted on working full time i had my part time job she was fine with it. then the ex’s got involved and now they are all best friends with me as the common enemy. so after 4 yrs of living together she and her son are gone, she doesn’t even let the boy have any contact, ive gone usual stupid routes texts emails etc. now going to go the 4 weeks NC I just wondered since she has the new clicke do you think she will be able to see how good it was before the ex;s interfered. and realize they are just using her to hurt me.

  42. steve Says:
    December 9th, 2012 at 11:06 am

    This is not true for every one. Am a guy who had a break and still counting the days. Nearly 3 years… we never met nor talked again. I still love her and i still watch the small clip with pictures of me and her which we spent when u were in relationship during 2 years. I tried going out with other girls. but she was always on my mind. And right now i have a girl who seemingly likes me but sometimes she doesnt treat me right with her words. Am stuck.

  43. David Says:
    December 24th, 2012 at 9:30 am

    I can’t believe it we broke up 6 weeks ago i did all the wrong things before reading the book now i do not contact removed contact details and she rings on Saturday said she was thinking of me. Then tonight Christmas eve about 9.30pm (Australia time) i didnt answer then a sms from her daughter saying they are having problems with her mobile/cell ph i didn’t answer then they rang from home ph i didn’t answer. She wants to be friends, I’m not over her but getting that way after 5 years slowly. The cheek of ringing to help with a phone. I dont even know if i should bother answering her calls if she needs help, I dont think that comes in the list of wanting me or needing me or using me

  44. Loren Says:
    March 7th, 2013 at 12:24 pm

    well The plot thickens, in a perfect world, ignoring them will bring them back, but the reality, I found out my ex Christina started to look for someone new one month before thanksgiving, funny part is, she does the exact same stuff with her new man, she did with me! not sure of the sex but im sure that is included too. yep hurts like hell to know this stuff, the way I handle it Karma, christina will get screwed over eventually her new man is a party-er and all she is to him is a piece of ass and maid.she dumbs her son at her parents so he can get laid and she will know how it feels, so guys if you want to carry the torch for your ex because you think she is coming back, have at it! bottom line it hurts like a bitch! find someone to help you through it if needed but lets face it she isn’t worth it she left when she was needed most! she was a Grazer! she ate at your pasture until it was dead and brown and instead of waiting for regrowth she jumped the fence to the next guy. The only good thing about this type of girl is the way they put out in the bedroom. When the relationship seas got rough they jumped ship. What do you think they would do when you were old and really needed them to be there..good luck but life is too damn short to care about someone that doesn’t give a shit about you..

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