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How to Forget Your Ex Girlfriend So You Can Get Her Back
By Dr. George Karanastasis | February 7, 2011
Things tend to happen in life when you least expect them. And breakups are no exception to this. For instance… when a girl leaves you (9 out of 10 times) you want her back. So you try everything in your power to get her back. Usually this leads you nowhere (or even pushes her further away).
But then… just as you start to lose all hope and begin moving on with your life… something happens that brings her back.
So, in light of this unwritten “rule of love”, this post will go over a simple (yet devastatingly effective) two-step strategy for forgetting your ex girlfriend so you can get her back…
1. Go grab a calendar. Now, count up two weeks from today (four if there’s been a lot of turmoil since the breakup or you’ve pushed her further away) and circle the date. Why? Because you’re not going to attempt any form of contact with your ex until that day comes.
This is a slight variation of the powerful No Contact (NC) tactic. However, rather never allowing yourself to reach out to your ex again (hypothetically speaking, that is) … you’re leaving the door open to a possible future interaction with her. That way, the torture you’re about to inflict on yourself is a little less extreme… and hence… you’re more likely to stick to the plan.
2. For the next two, or four, weeks you must go and meet a new member of the opposite sex. This could be anything from saying a simple “hello” to a woman in the mall all the way to a full-scale date (that is, if your particular situation allows for dating other girls; see page 109 in How to Get Her Back for Good for more info).
Don’t feel like meeting other women? Too bad - force yourself to do it anyway. Every. Single. Day.
Why?
Because sooner than later you’re going to start to see (actually “appreciate” is the more fitting term) that there are other fish in the sea - endless amounts of them. This will prevent you from keeping your ex on the pedestal you’ve likely put her on.
So what?
Well… not only will you forget your ex girlfriend (not completely but considerably)… but when it comes time for relationship repair, you’ll be operating from a position of strength rather than weakness. And this is absolutely essential if you want to win her back.
So, what are you waiting for? Get to it and have some fun… even if you don’t feel like it. Trust me, you’ll thank me when she’s back in your arms.
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Topics: How To Get Her Back |
February 8th, 2011 at 4:39 pm
I have started to date, a consequence of going out, having fun, and being open to meeting other women. I feel this is the most helpful thing you can do after a break up to occupy your mind but it has been two months since I split with my ex. She initiated the break up and doesn’t call me as much now two months after the split but when we first split I went right into NC. She started calling me on a weekly basis, sometimes even more often, no more than a week after the split. Three weeks after we broke up she wanted to see me before she left to visit her family abroad. She said she wanted to talk when she returned and sure enough when she got back she called me again wanting to know how I’m doing (We went three weeks without talking to each other). She spent a lot of that conversation talking about the guys pursuing her in an obvious attempt to make me jealous, a trap I didn’t fall for. I’ve played it by the book since the beginning and at first I thought I just might be able to pull it off and get her back because there were a lot of things pointing to reconciliation. However, now I feel the contrary is true. I can feel her pulling back, an impression I received when we met for the second time since our break recently and I’ve stuck to my game plan. She’s not as warm to me like the first time we met after the break where our parting hug was so long and drawn out she didn’t want to let go of me. Sometimes you can do everything right but it won’t make a difference you just have to move on.
February 8th, 2011 at 4:43 pm
@Movin: Regarding this, “I’ve played it by the book since the beginning and at first I thought I just might be able to pull it off and get her back because there were a lot of things pointing to reconciliation. However, now I feel the contrary is true. I can feel her pulling back, an impression I received when we met for the second time since our break recently and I’ve stuck to my game plan.”
What exactly is your game plan?
February 8th, 2011 at 5:55 pm
Well, my long term plan was to get her back with no discernable timetable and the best strategy for me was to implemented NC so I could pull her torward me and it worked at first. She always initiated contact. I kept things friendly when we spoke, joked around, let her lead the conversation, and always ended the conversation first. I listened to her, gave her feedback, joked around but never put her down. In fact, our conversations have been pleasant although when she came back from her trip abroad she sounded depressed so demonstrated genuine concern and hoped she would cheer up. I even squeezed in an opportunity to get compliance from her by asking her to do me a favor and she did it. I’m not sure what to do next other than sticking with what I’m doing. I’m waiting for the right moment to escalate but I’m not getting any of the typical attraction cues on her part.
February 15th, 2011 at 6:21 pm
I had a break up about two weeks ago and did all the bad things guys do to win them back. Wrote her a song, multiple letters, apologies and even a heated discussion to prove my anger for her not wanting to at least see that it would be different. Communication was the hitch and now the urge to communicate is sickening. I was getting out of the house and still plan to this week, meet new girls, new people, have fun, and just stay busy. However, last weekend the booty call got dropped, and I went over there and took care of that…several times. We parted in the morning as we used to, kisses smiles and hugs, and see you laters. We lightly texted Sunday wishing her good luck on her new job starting Monday. Then said i was happy she was back in her element and for the hell of it happy valentine’s day. I got no response. Now she reminded me before we hooked up about her date and my response was light, “That’s cool, I’ve got a date Tuesday night.” Which i do. I know I just need to completely back off and let her initiate contact as she did over the weekend. I’ve deleted her emails/txts/phone number so I wouldn’t contact her. I want her and don’t want to be used at the same time. I’ve got alot to do this week and planning each night brings more and more fun to my table. I’m working out really aggressively to counter the yearnings I feel. Is this the correct approach for this moment?
March 2nd, 2011 at 1:03 pm
you know what number 4 move on you doing great find new people
April 7th, 2011 at 11:34 pm
she broke up with me by email (long distance relationship / different continents), I was TOO beggy and needy, and I tried to maker change her mind for hours (all this by messages, she is not able to use MSN nor call me at the moment), until I accepted to be her friend, and what she ordered to me to do (look other girls even I said, I won’t because I only love her). Her reason to break up with me was that she said everything was different since she came back to her country, and that she couldn’t keep lying to me and herself, that she couldn’t see me as a bf but only like her best friend, she says she doesn’t want to totally “break up” because she still wants be friends with me, but that won’t ever be my gf anymore. She wants me to meet other girls because she is practically my only gf, or at least whom I lost my virginity. She says “you only know me, you don’t know other girls, so you should meet other girls date and fall in love with other girls, I will never see you like a lover anymore” Since my last “friendly” email (that was like “ok, I will meet other girls only by internet, but I will listen to my heart and wait until We finally meet again” and then I made sorta cheesy joke, this was almost 3 days ago when I started NC and at the moment she hasn’t sent me any email.
I think I lost all the respect she felt with me when she came to my country and We lived together since she thought I was not independant, because I need many favors from my parents, then when she came back to her country (even she truly enjoyed living with me and at the moment didn’t want to come back) she started looking kinda cold towards me, from talking every single day even by hours, she started saying she didn’t like PC, that she didn’t like webcam, that PC made her feel exhausted, etc. Then we started talking only once or twice a week, until finally it converted in maybe once or twice every 2 or 3 weeks. She started ignoring my emails and not answer me back until I looked very needy and demanding her attention. And finally she dropped the bomb and dumped me. As I have said I started NC 3 days ago, but I am thinking this won’t change anything cuz I really screwd it up so badly!
what do you think Dr?
btw, I am really sorry for my english, I am not a an english native speaker.
May 14th, 2011 at 12:46 pm
My girlfriend broke up with me after 2.5 years. i tought we were fine. just two days before we had gone to her niece’s b-day. but then she texts me saying she was stressed and needed to be single ,constantly reminding me she wasnt a 30 or 40 yr old. I am 22 and shes a year older, weve been thru hell together and she used to hate the people at her job, but now they have become bests of friends and she left me for them. i went into the NC treatment and she gave me a cold farewell ”You take care then” was the last she wrote. i tried to get together and get coffee but she finds an excuse at all times. i dont have many friends since she was my best friend and i feel i aint the same anymore to go and talk to girls like i used to. i still talk to her mom and she tells me to wait it out, but i dont know if her mom knows her like i do. i know shes enjoying life to the fullest and hurts me to see she doesnt want anything to do with me. am still in love and cant get over it. please if anyone has advice i would appreciate it. (that.audi.guy@hotmail.com)
May 17th, 2011 at 11:44 am
hey
,, :(. m really dying.. i dated some girls but still i want my ex back.. she went away from me coz of some pitty issue.. it was not that big.
i even did most of d things to get her back. but she hardly cares.
we have a long distant relationship. she lives in other country.
wt i shud do now ? ?? should i message her something or should i wait..??
her last message was just that ” ur sorry isn’t enough” .. that was her last message nd now she has completely ignored me. even i’m not on her friend list.
please doc. REPLY HELP ME OUTTA.. SOON!
i can’t concentrate on nything.. nd i really need ur help. u just tell me wt shud i message her??? please doc. please
June 23rd, 2011 at 4:48 pm
Hello, Dr. Karanastasis!
My girlfriend broke up with me after a 5 years long relashionship, during which we lived together and also had a planned marriage. After text-messaging her for 2 days after the breakup, I agreed with her that a pause was for the better. Then I went straight to NC. She contacted my sister (with whom I live temporarily) two times (the first time about her plans and she asked my sister to take care of me, the second time about the fact that she was bored and stuff). After two weeks of NC she contacted me and asked me if I could send her a package with all the things she had left at my place (she lives in another city now, with her parents, 2 hours distance by train/car). I sent them and went back to NC. A whole month has passed since the breakup. The problem is that I still have some things at her place. Should I contact her and get them as soon as possible and then go back to NC or just continue with NC and leave those things until a better moment?
PS. I finally understood why she broke up with me: shortly she felt ignored, I did not offer her the attention she deserved, I became very insecure, very pesimistic and I doubted my strength. Given the context, is strict NC the right approach?
Thanks in advance for your time and advice!
David
July 8th, 2011 at 4:34 am
Hi there,
Me and my girlfriend were really happy we got on like a house on fire. She had to move back to her country as her dad was unwell unfortunately in the time we spent apart I did not give her the emotional attention she needed, purely because I did’nt realise how sad she actually was and I was busy trying to make everything perfect here. I made all the classic mistakes of pestering her to death as a consequence she has met someone else on the re bound and now may have feelings for this person, find this hard to belive, but i’m gonna say that. She still contacts me but I get the feeling it could be through pity as I went into meltdown. I have now decided to only respond and not initiate any conversations, man up a bit and try and be the person she fell for not this washed up whimp I have become. I have asked her to meet up with me and she said she will think about it, any help or advice would be apreciated as I am still a total mess!
August 8th, 2011 at 6:40 am
Hello Dr.
My girlfriend left me because(she said) my mother did some ogly things and I was too nervous lately and because because me and my mother distroyed her nervs and she can’t taki it anymore. my point of view is that she and her mother misunderstood the thigs my mother said. I know that I have my guilt in the brakeup but I love her more than my everything. the relationship was perfect between us untill 2 years and 4 months. After the break I did one mistake. I baged for an other chace I promissed I’ll change, i told her I love her and that she loves me too(which is true) and she will never find somebody to match with like she did with me.She lives in the same city like me and trust me we matched perfectly even our thaughts were the same. now I’m distroyed I started NC but at home I am praying to God to give her back to me.I really need her back she is my dreamgirl she has every detail how I want She my taste 100%. please Doctor help me out there’s nothign I can do without her.
September 4th, 2011 at 11:59 am
My wife of 3 years, relationship of 5 left me because I kept relapsing with drugs. I wasnt honest to her about my using and she asked me to take a drug test. She sent me home 3 states away and I have been calling non stop basically for the last 13 days. Their was one day when we were actually talking and we were geting to a reoncile point but the next day that feell through because of family. So I have kept saying I was going to give her space because everytime we have had this same fight after I finally leave her alone she always says late had you left me alone we would of made up sooner. It has got to the point where she is told me yesterday she wants nothing to do with me and that if I keep calling and texting she would get a restraining order. The only thing is 2 years ago when we had our last big blow out like this she said the same thing and actually got one for one day. It was about 2 weeks later but she started coming back after that and I had eventually moved down there. Now Im wondering if she is going to come back around again or if she is truly done this time either way we have both been more mature in the fight this time she isnt changing her number and Im not calling her parents house repeatedly.
September 10th, 2011 at 2:36 pm
Hey doc,
So my girlfriend said she needs to take a break.the main reason why she broke up with me is because of my mother.mother doesn’t like her.she said that she doesn’t want me to have problems with my mom.I told her I didn’t care what my mom thought. That’s when she told me that I she needed 2 months and if she still had feelings for me we will get back together.it’s a long distance relationship. I want to know how to get her to still have feelings for me when the two months are up
December 10th, 2011 at 8:47 pm
ok so my ex-gf and i broke up a November, a year ago, exchanged xmas presents that year, then didn’t talk for about a month or so, then we became friends. we dated for about 4 months before we broke up (she did the breakup). during our “friendship” this year we started to hang out more and more and talk more often, the whole time, she knew how i felt, and maintained a friendship with me. She never opened up to me, but there was flirting between? us. Then we kissed for first time in almost a year of our break up now, on her special birthday dinner, this past september. after a few weeks, she says we won’t be more than friends, but sometimes she is warm one day and cold another. she told me two months ago, i take a mile, when she gave me an inch and not to pressure her. I guess in the past two months, i did smother her, and she kept insisting we would only be friends. well things got worse after that when she said i tried to kiss her too? much and we were not bf/gf. now she totally backed away and barely talks to me, or sees me as nearly as before. we haven’t gone out in 2 months. she claims we were only friends and we didn’t have anything more. Even though she took flowers from me many times, and other expensive gifts during our friendship. I apologized for my poor behavior, professed my love (she said we were not compatible, i think out of anger), and? I told her i wasn’t very good at being just friends. We are both in our mid 30’s.
We don’t talk on the phone, only by text or email, when we did have a friendship. I know also she has been looking to date online, but nothing has happened yet.
she won’t text? and doesn’t always reply to my texts/emails, and we haven’t gone out in two months now.. is there hope for me? what? do i do in my situation ?
December 19th, 2011 at 6:37 am
Hello!
My girlfriend broke up with me two weeks ago..when I asked for the reason, she said she really thinks we have compatiBility issues..she admits that she still loves me and doesnt want to hurt me by anychance..she also told that she doesn’t want to be forced into this relationship..!! She wants to be in contact with and mentioned that she would like to hangout with me like usual..intact last two weekends she called to check if we can go hangout somewhere..we’ve been together since 2yrs..been through ups N downs..I’m really confused if she is taking time to analyze everything or has she made up her mind..?? And to top all of this - she hasn’t name tattooed on her arm…I really love her - and it’s definitely worth to give it a shot on working out this relationship..she is strong headed - so not sure if the NC rule will affect her..please advise Dr. She is an awesome girl that I don’t want to loose..I haven’t done anything devastating after the breakup - like calls or texts..she is the one who would initiate a conversation..and whenever I try to steer the conversation towards the past she freaks out I’m decided and I’m happy the way I’m right now!! It hurts me Bad..please advise what’s the best I need to do in order together her back!!
December 19th, 2011 at 6:43 am
Typo - she has my name tattoed on her arm..
January 19th, 2012 at 10:57 am
What if my ex girlfriend is also applying the NC rule? What if she is also dating other guys to forget me? And even though we get back together, it’s still not going to fix anything, because just like regular arguments, if there are any future fights, this topic (of dating another guy/girl)will definately come up. Then what? Why do we have to play so much game to win the love of your life? Is there any other fix, for me, I am applying NC for the past week, but damn, I can’t get her out of my head. I am going out to bars with friends, and try not to think of her, but the moment I get home, I only think of her. I rather be sad and think of her, then to go out in bars and drink to forget those memories. Is there anything else I can do to get her back? I am not religious, however I believe in God and the fact that a man and a woman should date and sleep around with a douzan people before finding the right one, is kind of sickening. I am not a saint, I did my part, but a time comes in everyones life, where they just want to be with one person, and no matter the struggle, we should try to lean backwards to save the realationship.I mean, whats the point of dating other people when we know that we want our EX back? I feel that this is just a slow procedure to just forget about the person you love, and move on. This is our second big break up for the same freakin reasons. I haven’t learnt much from the first break up besides being a bit more calm than before, but she ended up pushing my button and I reacted the same way as the first break up. Do you think there is any chance of us getting back? I am so confused, I don’t even know what I am writing. If I have offended anyone by my words, I am sorry. I just don’t know what else to do! I purchased a couple of “How to get your ex girlfriend back” books. And they all say the same thing. I feel like my money has gone to waste. PLEASE HELP!!! I need some proper guidance if possible.
January 19th, 2012 at 11:23 am
Correction: When I said that I find it sickining that we should date other people, I meant it after a break up, because eventually, especially with the temptation nowadays, it will lead to some kind of sexual encounter, which could have a negative impact on your realtionship if you are trying to get back with your ex, NO? Or am I just crazy for thinking this way?
January 19th, 2012 at 12:22 pm
When we were toghether we both had our own Facebook account. Because of many problems, we decided to deactivated our accounts. Now that we broke up, she reactivated her account. ButI don’t want to reactivate mine. 1- Because FB is really not for me, I just think it’s a total waste of time (BTW she thought the same about FB also) 2- I don’t want her to feel that because she reactivated it, I am doing the same. What does this mean? I want to avoid any sort of competition. I heard that even with NC, you should try to exist in a subliminal way and have her hear about you through other source (like mutual friends, etc) Is that a good way to get her back?
February 3rd, 2012 at 11:07 am
Hi! Doc. I got same situation and I want my girlfriend back,her friends told her what did she see in me. We don’t talk to each other I don’t know what I must suppose to be
February 10th, 2012 at 1:03 pm
Dear Dr George sir,
Im Dr Sanjay, 26yrs, medical student from India. My gf broke up from me a few weeks ago. Actually she had distanced me last yr only after v had a 3 yr relationship. I did all those mistakes which you have mentioned, beggin, behavin desperate and needy, tryin to convince her that i have changed etc. But nothing was effective. Now wen i read ur words i feel it so true. I want ur guidance sir. Is your book available in any shops in India? I want to buy. Please help me..
February 21st, 2012 at 12:33 pm
It is absolutely pointless writing on this site. This guy is there just to sell his books, and he says the same thing as every other LOVE GURUS. Guys, don’t fall for this internet bull crap, they all say the same thing, that you will spend hundreds and thousands of $$$$ for relationship coaches but purchasing their book is “ONLY 39 or 40$”. You know what, at the end of the day, it’s worth it, because these live relationship coaches are there to listen to your unique situation and guide you according to your way on how & what to say, and whats your next move. I tried all of these online e-books, and they all say they will give you one on one coaching and that this system is guaranteed to work. Of course it’s guaranteed to work when you know what to say. I writen on these blogs, I e-mailed them on the e-mail addresses they provide while purchasing the e-book on my particular situation. Guess what, NO REPLY what so ever. The only thing I receive are generice e-mails that they have pre set up, and all they do is insert your name in it. GUYS, beleive me, don’t fall for this crap. These people are just taking avantage of your vulnerability, and making a living out of it. Karma will hit them back quicker than they think. If you are heart broken, do what your heart says. The NC rule does not work, because chances are that your ex is using the same on you. Don’t be needy and pushy, but always keep contact with them atleast send her a text once a week, just to let them know that you are still there. Women, move on faster than men. So don’t wait 2-3-4 months, before re-initiating contact. And if you internet LOVE GURUS are really concerned with what us “MEN” are really going through like you say you are on your sales pitch before the purchase, then actually reply back to peoples comments. And perhaps their e-mails. Guys just look at the last time this GURU replied to this, February 8th, 2011. Thats a little over a year ago. Think about it!!! Spend you money on real relationship advisors. It’s much more effective.