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How to Fix a Relationship Before It Falls Apart

By Dr. George Karanastasis

How to Fix a RelationshipMany guys let a relationship fall apart before attempting to save it in the first place. And it’s unfortunate because it’s much harder to get a girl back after a breakup (due to the bitter fights they often lead to) than to keep her in the first place.

So in light of this fact, here’s a simple, yet highly effective, tactic to fix your relationship if it’s currently heading south.

The obvious thing is to sit down, discuss your differences, and devise a game plan of how you’re going to solve those differences. For example, you’ll stop leaving the toilet seat up and she’ll cook more often. Just joking! But in all seriousness, that’s what most couples do when they get to this point in their relationship. They make the initial effort and then leave it at that.

And that’s the major problem with this approach. The promised changes are never actually made. Eventually, somebody (or most likely both parties) will revert back to his or her old ways. Next thing you know, you’re fighting over the same issues, again, and the inevitable happens: you break up.

But, by making a slight change to the above approach, you’re guaranteed to have a much higher chance of fixing the relationship and following through on anything that’s been promised.

What is that you ask? Simple…

Instead of just talking things over and making your respective promises to each other verbally… write everything down. Seriously - do this. Grab a pen and a piece of paper, draw a line down the middle to form two columns, and put each of your names on the top of those two columns.

Next, write down exactly what’s bothering you and the proposed solution. Finally, once you’re both in agreement of what should be done to correct these problems, put the piece of paper in a highly visible place (i.e. on the refrigerator door).

Now why is this so effective? Actually, there are two reasons:

1. The principle of ‘Commitment & Consistency’. By taking the extra step to put your problems and solutions into writing (rather than merely talking them over) - you’re subconsciously making a much stronger commitment to stick to your proposed changes. Why? For the sake of brevity I won’t go into a lengthy explanation, but trust me nonetheless (you can also check it out on Wikipedia). Onward…

2. The inability to “forget” and the absence of misunderstandings. First of all, by keeping this piece of paper in a visible place you’ll be reminded of your promises every single day - even several times per day. “Forgetting” to follow through becomes a lot harder when you have such a constant reminder.

And second of all, because you’ll already have agreed (in writing) on the current problems you face in your relationship - and the exact solutions - there will be no room for misunderstandings down the road. You know, the way there would be if you had just talked things over. Of course, you can make amendments to the “rules” as the need arises, but you’ll never have to worry about fighting over who said what.

That’s the gist of it. Again, it’s simple by don’t be fooled by its simplicity. It’s a highly effective tactic that can fix your relationship before it falls apart so you can keep this girl where she belongs: in your arms. And if you feel the relationship has steered too far down a bad path, click here to read this resource for stopping your breakup - even if you’re the only one that’s trying…

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Topics: How To Stop Your Breakup |


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8 Responses to “How to Fix a Relationship Before It Falls Apart”

  1. John Says:
    February 13th, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    Hello,

    I’ve been dating a girl for 3.5 years, (the last 1.5 years being LDR). Everything was seemingly fine but i knew that she has been under a lot of stress with Grad School (reason for LDR) and work . I have been pushing to take the next step, last week i added her to my life insurance policy without her permission. I have also needed her a lot more than she has needed me. Well, last week 2 days after i gave her the news about the life insurance I got the ‘call’ she said “I dont know how I feel, I’m not happy as I used to be.” I asked if this was a break or a breakup, she said I ‘think’ it is a breakup but ‘I don’t know’. I’ve taken this to mean that this is more of a break and not a breakup based on her inability to make a cut and dry decision. Based on this I am struggling with whether I should take a NC approach or a LAC approach? Also if i take the NC approach should I apologize for the ‘next step’ pressures first before dropping off??

  2. Dr. George Karanastasis Says:
    February 13th, 2011 at 8:35 pm

    John,

    Treat this as a break (hence LAC) unless the breakup becomes official (then switch to NC).

    All the best,
    GK

  3. nondumiso Says:
    April 5th, 2011 at 3:01 am

    i cheated on my boyfriend and he took me back, he is still working on trusting me again. All i want is for things to go back to the way they were before the breakup. He has another girlfriend though and when i cheated i fell pregnant

  4. Sara Says:
    July 20th, 2011 at 7:29 pm

    My boyfriend just had a fight because I used to like my ex…BIG MISTAKE! Im trying to fix, no conversations, nothing! How can I make a conversation up when we are both mad AND how can i prove to him that I love him and not, my ex

  5. quincy Says:
    July 23rd, 2011 at 3:35 am

    i been dating my girl for about 4 months now and she havng my baby in the first months in half everthing was ok and now it the 2 month and everthing is going down him idk what to do she want to leave but she not happy with cause all the fight i don’t know how to really handle this i really need help?

  6. Dermot Joyce Says:
    September 24th, 2011 at 6:40 am

    I’ve been with this girl for almost a year.this is the first time we’ve kinda officially started to get serious ( we were on and off over the past couple of years). Everything was going great but we were keeping our relationship quiet due to the fact of our crazy ex boyfriends and girlfriends. One day she was caught into being focused to kiss this guy after we promised each other that we wouldn’t kiss other people. I took her back because I love her but I asked her does she still love me first before I made my decision and she said yes, but ever since she hasn’t been the same, I call her and we you chat for minutes instead of hours and we only see each other in school now ( she is very busy and I respect that) but we used to fit each other into our busy weeks. Also when I ask her what’s wrong she won’t talk to me about it. I’m in bits because I really love her but I feel like I’m putting in 90% and only getting 10% back,I really don’t want to lose her, please help me what should I do ?.

  7. Jon Says:
    February 21st, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    My gf & I got into a huge fight and used a lot of profanity towards her. We live together (LC?), but she has been staying w/ her parents since the fight (NC?). It will be 3 weeks tomorrow and I don’t know where we stand (not officially broken up). She told me I can move on if I need to. She’s been ignoring 95% of my calls/texts. The book says LAC since I’m officially together, but should I change my approach? Thanks!

    Jon

  8. burnit Says:
    March 23rd, 2012 at 7:14 am

    My gf and i argue close to what seems EVERY night. we’ve been going out for a year now and the relationship has been slowly going down, i dont trust her at all due to a previous relationship. and i also found her talking to a guy on the phone for about an hour. whenever we argue i just go all out and say exactly what im feeling and though i am being extremely blunt she calls me an asshole. she cries close to every night now but she loves me so much she hasnt ended it. at times i just wanna give up on the relationship bc idk what is going to happen anymore. ive tried to fix what im doing wrong but its harder than it seems. sometimes i just wanna end it and leave to the marines in order to get away. im tired of being in this relationship but at the same time i fucking love this girl. this isthe longest relationship ive had and i dont know how to deal with it. what can i do?

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