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How NOT To Get Her Back - The Nice Habit That Can Cost You Your Relationship

By Dr. George Karanastasis

How NOT To Get Her BackAside from the obvious blunders that we men tend to make following a breakup (e.g. becoming desperate for a second chance, persuading her to come back, giving her gifts and flowers)…

things that obviously don’t work in saving a relationship…

there’s a not-so-obvious blunder can be even more counter-productive than the former when it comes to getting your girl back.

This is none other than bending over backwards to please your ex girlfriend in hopes of getting back together with her. What I mean is, continuing to treat her like a queen - like your #1 priority - even though she’s essentially “demoted” you from boyfriend to friend.

To be more specific, here are a few examples coming from guys I’ve spoken to regarding this issue:

Now, doing any of the above is perfectly normal when you’re a couple, however, continuing to do them while you’re broken up is not only unnecessary, but highly counter-productive as well. This goes double if you’ve got a hidden agenda while performing these “selfless” acts (i.e. you’re hoping she’ll realize how “nice” and “needed” you are in her life so she should let you back in… all the way).

And here’s why…

By giving her all the benefits of a boyfriend (minus the sex and intimacy) while you’re merely a friend… the only thing you’re accomplishing is smoothly transitioning your relationship from a romantic one to a platonic one.

And that’s good and well if all you’re interested in is to be her close friend that she can always count on. However, if you want it “all” from this girl, you have to stop doing her favors, because unfortunately, this approach won’t work.

Not only that, but sooner rather than later you’re going to expect her to reciprocate the kindness you’ve been showing her (i.e. to tell you that she wants to give the relationship a second chance).

And if she doesn’t, you’re likely to call her up on it… and if you do… don’t be surprised if she hits you with the “we’ve been through this before and it just doesn’t work” line.

In a sense, by taking this route you’re only setting yourself up for yet another dose of rejection that will leave you even more hurt and confused.

Now just like every other “rule” in life, this too has its exception. That is, you shouldn’t turn your back on your ex if she truly needs you (e.g. she’s bedridden and has no one else to turn to for help). In a case such as this, and especially if she’s been there for you in the past, you have to cast aside what might become of your relationship and do the right thing.

Go ahead and be there for her throughout her difficult time (just make sure you’re not blowing up a trivial situation as an excuse to be her prince on a white horse and rush to her side).

But other than that, tread very carefully when it comes to doing favors for your ex girlfriend. Unless you’ve given up all hope of a reunion with her, it’s best to politely let her know that this “arrangement” is not appropriate given your recent breakup and let her sort out her own life… without you in it.

And for more help with getting your ex girlfriend back after a breakup, click here to have a read-through this free report which will give you 6 actionable suggestions to put you on the right path of your relationship repair process.

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4 Responses to “How NOT To Get Her Back - The Nice Habit That Can Cost You Your Relationship”

  1. Alejandro Says:
    August 11th, 2009 at 6:27 pm

    I’ve been doing this for like 11 months now and stupidly enough not knowing if I wanted to go back or if I wanted to move on. Now my ex is kind of starting to see someone new. I’m more or less devastated. Now I think I want her back, what should I do? Should I take a step back, like this article says, but then running the risk of totally losing her to this new guy?
    What is the next step to take after you’ve done this?
    I would love to get an answer since I really don’t know what to do… I want her back, but the risk of losing her, now that she is seing someone else (perhaps met him like 3 times now), is to great if I just back down…or is it?

  2. Akinola Says:
    April 6th, 2010 at 2:43 pm

    Our break up,is one month old now,we work on same street so we see each other almost everyday.after our break up,i do greet her when she passby and she will give me a faint response.but as at first of april’ve stopped greeting her,when she pass i will act as if i did not see her.pls am i ruining my chances of getting her back,since i’ve stop all form of contacting her.pls where am i standing now.

  3. michael Says:
    June 19th, 2010 at 6:43 am

    my ex just contacted me today asking whether she could borrow 200 bucks and that she would pay me back nxt month…
    money was nvr an issue when we were together, but currently shes staying in our apartment that i moved out and the rental itself is taking half of her monthly salary to pay , so should i jus lend her the 200 ? or should i not? this is the 1st time she ever asked for money and it just comes as a suprise for me…
    please advice

    thank u

  4. Brett Says:
    June 22nd, 2010 at 7:32 pm

    Damn dudes, take it from me don’t be this guy. Outright REJECT any offers of friendship on the basis you think you make a great COUPLE. She won’t come running back but she will RESPECT you for it.

    I took my ex out to dinner and she told my buddy she thought I was trying to BUY HER BACK. Now I made a couple blunders after the split: flowers once and persistently telling her I’m sorry/love her…

    THIS WONT WORK. Be confident, and don’t dig too deep! Also reject the friendship thing. It’s been a month, I told her I accept her decision and won’t pursue her… Time to regroup. I don’t know if thisll work but I am getting my cojones back and self-respect!

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