By Dr. George Karanastasis
Aside from the obvious blunders that we men tend to make following a breakup (e.g. becoming desperate for a second chance, persuading her to come back, giving her gifts and flowers)…
things that obviously don’t work in saving a relationship…
there’s a not-so-obvious blunder can be even more counter-productive than the former when it comes to getting your girl back.
This is none other than bending over backwards to please your ex girlfriend in hopes of getting back together with her. What I mean is, continuing to treat her like a queen - like your #1 priority - even though she’s essentially “demoted” you from boyfriend to friend.
To be more specific, here are a few examples coming from guys I’ve spoken to regarding this issue:
- Lending your ex-girlfriend money because she’s a bit short for the month
- Continuing to plunk down her car payments because you’ve done so throughout the relationship
- Giving her rides to and from work because her car is in the shop
- Picking up her kids from school because she has somewhere else to be
Now, doing any of the above is perfectly normal when you’re a couple, however, continuing to do them while you’re broken up is not only unnecessary, but highly counter-productive as well. This goes double if you’ve got a hidden agenda while performing these “selfless” acts (i.e. you’re hoping she’ll realize how “nice” and “needed” you are in her life so she should let you back in… all the way).
And here’s why…
By giving her all the benefits of a boyfriend (minus the sex and intimacy) while you’re merely a friend… the only thing you’re accomplishing is smoothly transitioning your relationship from a romantic one to a platonic one.
And that’s good and well if all you’re interested in is to be her close friend that she can always count on. However, if you want it “all” from this girl, you have to stop doing her favors, because unfortunately, this approach won’t work.
Not only that, but sooner rather than later you’re going to expect her to reciprocate the kindness you’ve been showing her (i.e. to tell you that she wants to give the relationship a second chance).
And if she doesn’t, you’re likely to call her up on it… and if you do… don’t be surprised if she hits you with the “we’ve been through this before and it just doesn’t work” line.
In a sense, by taking this route you’re only setting yourself up for yet another dose of rejection that will leave you even more hurt and confused.
Now just like every other “rule” in life, this too has its exception. That is, you shouldn’t turn your back on your ex if she truly needs you (e.g. she’s bedridden and has no one else to turn to for help). In a case such as this, and especially if she’s been there for you in the past, you have to cast aside what might become of your relationship and do the right thing.
Go ahead and be there for her throughout her difficult time (just make sure you’re not blowing up a trivial situation as an excuse to be her prince on a white horse and rush to her side).
But other than that, tread very carefully when it comes to doing favors for your ex girlfriend. Unless you’ve given up all hope of a reunion with her, it’s best to politely let her know that this “arrangement” is not appropriate given your recent breakup and let her sort out her own life… without you in it.
And for more help with getting your ex girlfriend back after a breakup, click here to have a read-through this free report which will give you 6 actionable suggestions to put you on the right path of your relationship repair process.
Topics: How To Get Her Back |
these 6 tips (it could push her further away)...