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Getting a Girlfriend vs. Getting a Girl Back

By Dr. George Karanastasis

Get Girl BackA relationship begins and ends with attraction. So
it’s no surprise that when guys go through a breakup many of them turn to the pick-up community for help. Why? Because pick-up artists (PUA) are masters at attracting women. They’ve got the whole thing down to a science.

And while their techniques are great for getting a girlfriend… they fall short when it comes to getting a girl back. Now, if you’re familiar with the works of PUAs (e.g. David DeAngelo, Neil Straus, Mystery) you wouldn’t think that’s the case. After all, it’s the same concept: meet a girl, gain her trust, build attraction, and get the girl, right?

Well… yes and no. You see - the process of getting a girl and getting her back share the same rules but it’s a whole different ballgame. And I’ll tell you a story that explains why…

Several months ago I ran into a reader outside one of my favorite spots (Barnes and Noble at the Prudential center). His girlfriend had just called it quits and he was surprised he couldn’t get her back. Why? Because he was a PUA!  He had no problem “number-closing” several women during this breakup but he couldn’t make an inch of progress with his ex.

That came as no surprise to me and I told him why it was the case: when it comes to pick-up you’re not emotionally invested. Sure, you might have feelings for the girl you’re after but nowhere near as much as when you’ve been in a relationship with her. That “emotional detachment” works wonders for pick-up. It becomes a game: opening sets, number closing, etc…

SIDENOTE: Curiosity got the best of me and I picked up one of these guides. It’s called Magic Bullets and I must say… quite a clever system and highly recommended…

Back to the point… when you’ve been through the throws of a relationship everything changes. Emotions get in the way and cloud your judgment. Furthermore, a heavy dose of rejection can turn even the most sought-after, confident guy into a “needy nobody”.

And while good pick-up skills are a must for getting girls, they’re not enough for getting a girl back. Without the ability to push your feelings aside and act out of logic - rather than emotion - you’ll be fighting a losing battle.

Now, doing the latter is by no means easy… but it’s not impossible. It’s a skill that can be learned (just like pick-up). And when mastered, getting a girl back becomes much more likely… not to mention a whole lot easier.

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Topics: Relationship Rants |


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