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Can You Get Her Back If She’s Dating Someone Else?
By Dr. George Karanastasis | December 17, 2007
There’s not a single breakup reason that gives a guy comfort when his girl calls it quits, however, there are certainly some that he can “stomach” more than others.
For example, if the relationship ends because she moves cross country… it’s something he can live with. On the other hand, if she leaves him because she met someone else… then that’s a different story altogether.
The reason I decided to post this today was because one of the Makeup Board members pointed out an article he discovered at SoSuave.com. This article is a great example of what I tell my readers when they ask me, “Can I get her back if she’s left me for someone else?” And if you’re going through a breakup because your girl left you for another then I encourage you to read it first so you’ll better understand where I’m coming from.
Back already? Good, then let’s press on…
Getting a girl back when she’s dating someone else is not an impossible feat. However, you definitely have your work cut out for you. Why? Because not only did she reject you… she replaced you altogether! So the likelihood of making the mistakes that push her further away becomes that much greater.
But don’t let this discourage you. With a little self-control you can overcome this handicap and drastically improve your chances of success. How?
Well for starters you must resist all urges to “bad-mouth” this guy to your ex. Whatever you tell her she’ll take with a grain of salt and if you think about it, it’s completely logical: you are his competition after all. You should wish them both the best and then leave it be.
Next, you should concentrate on your strengths while eliminating your weaknesses. For example, the fact that you have a history with her is a strength. She won’t forget about you no matter how much she enjoys this guy’s company. And that’s because you share a bond with her that takes time to be broken - a bond that he’s yet develop.
However, jealousy is a serious handicap. And if you allow this feeling of jealousy to take over your logical though process you’ll begin to act in ways that will push her further away from you and ultimately closer to him.
What you must understand is that she’s comparing you to your “rival” on a daily basis. And while he may seem to be the perfect guy to begin with, he’ll mess up sooner than later. That’s where that self-control comes in. Because if you’ve managed to be a “good boy” throughout this, over time that comparison will become striking… but in your favor.
Then it’s only a matter of time before your strengths overpower his while his weaknesses become more pronounced. And then my friend, the tables will begin to turn in a way you never imagined. So do whatever it takes to keep your composure. You can get her back is she’s dating someone else. You just need to work harder.
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Topics: How To Get Her Back |
December 26th, 2007 at 1:08 pm
I was reading the article ‘Can you get her back if she’s Dating someone else.’ It refered to a suave.com, I went there but couldn’t find it. Any chance of sending me the link?
Thanks
December 26th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
Daniel,
The hyperlink, when clicked, takes you directly to the article in question.
January 29th, 2008 at 8:43 pm
My ex (we were together 3.5 yrs is now dating someone else. I pushed her away with my selfishness and desire to hang with my friends drinking nights away. When I realized the error in my ways I began to pursue her, telling her things would be different. I’ve changed a lot, lost 40lbs, quit drinking, but I became that needy guy. After about a month of switching between not calling and then when we spoke asking to see her, I called her and told her that I dont think we should talk anymore. I think it is best for everyone involved. I think that letting go is the only way to truly see if we are meant to be together. By accepting her “i’m not ready” and moving on with my life, I think I’m doing what is best for me. If she comes back, maybe I’ll still want her, maybe not. But the idea of being the “good boy” and waiting for her removes control over myself. I still love her, and by letting go of her and accepting that she doesn’t want me at this point, IS the right thing to do. Even if it is very hard.
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:54 pm
I hate how I read this right after I did all the things it told me not to do. Now I’m trying to figure out if I can get her back after all the jealousy and anger I reacted with. I’m trying to stay so cool right now and just waiting for her new guy to mess up.
March 16th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
i feel the same as Joey
i’ve found some great advice recently, but it feels like it’s all too late to save my situation . . basically it seems the best way to behave is to react in the opposite way to what your feelings are telling you . . i made the mistake of trying too hard to get her back, i did everything wrong, calls, texts, mails, appearing at her work, classic stalker crap, in hindsight i hate myself for having done it, but now she has felt my anger and jealousy i think all this advice comes too late for me . .
March 21st, 2008 at 7:56 pm
Well boys, we’re all in the same company here huh? Guys, I need to vent so I’m sorry to make this so long.
I dated this girl for 4.5 years and she happens to meet this guy back in August. Long story short, she never told him she had a boyfriend and dumped me 2 months later (saying it just didn’t feel right). Since then, she’s been away for a week at a time and then come back and acted like my girl again (this happened about 4-5 times). I found out that they were actually dating only two weeks ago (I knew it all along but this was the first time she actually confessed-telling me she had feelings for him). The day after she tells me this, she calls me in the morning crying and begging for one more chance. Like an idiot, and here’s where I really wish I had found this advice, I took her back no questions asked. 5 days later, she tells me this isn’t working and that she and I don’t have the chemistry we used to (and that she didn’t know why she couldn’t tell this new guy off for good). I basically yell at her for the next 1/2 hour and tell her we are finished for good (I said some hurtful stuff too). It ended with me dropping her off at her place and I started to soften up (she was having a medical check up in the coming days that had me worried for her health). First I tell her to call me and let me know how the check-up goes. Then I tell her, like an IDIOT, that I’d never close the door on her, but that I wouldn’t stand to be treated the way she had been treating me (I also said my arms would be wide open if she ever got to where she needed to be…AHHHHHH, what was I thinkinggiving her an in like that?????). She ends it by saying “its not goodbye, its see you later”. She writes me an e-mail two days later (a relply to an e-mail I’d sent her days before the blow up) and concluded it with I love you…more than you know. Then she texted me news of her check-up. That’s the last I’ve heard from her (maybe ever).
She obviously felt my anger and jealousy when I yelled at her, but if I ever do talk to her again, I’ll have to put this advice to work, wish them well, move on, and never call her. For the record, during the break-up, it was usually she who would have to call me, I was good about giving her space. Joey, I know what you’re talking about, just move on and wait for the new guy to mess up (which they all do…this guy lives in a trailer {not to offend anyone here hopefully}, dropped out of college, works a low-life job…is basically the oposite of me). I really hate to sound elitist, but I do need to vent, for all I know he’s a good guy.
If anyone want to give some advice to me, I’d love it…
March 22nd, 2008 at 8:16 pm
Chris,
You should also have a look at this post:
http://www.thebreakupblog.com/should-you-get-your-ex-girlfriend-back/
Because, to be honest, I think she’ll come around again… but should you take her back? That’s the question…
March 23rd, 2008 at 8:40 pm
After dating my girl for 6 years(engaged for 1) we broke up before thanksgiving. We continued to talk for the next month and a half and even exchanged xmas gifts. Slowly though she was pulling away and I was doing everything wrong to get her back. After very little contact for the next month, I find out on valentines day that she had been dating another guy for over a month, whats worse is that not only is he the exact oppisate of me, he has the same first name as me. She told me that day to not try to contact her anymore and that I should move on. That was the last time I have talked to her or tried to contact her. Seems kind of wierd from a girl that wanted to marry me 4 months ago.
March 26th, 2008 at 4:20 am
same problem,same stupid mistake
5 year realtionship,long distance for 5 months
another guy
stupid clingy,needy,begging,jealous,reasoning,threaten,
did every stupid mistake
is there still a chance 4 me?
i’ve been broken up for 5 weeks
she’s been dating for 2 weeks
i’ve been in no contact with her for 2weeks
March 26th, 2008 at 6:56 am
vantm,
There’s definitely hope if you stay out of her hair. Remember, you have 5 years - he has 2 weeks. The excitement of the rebound fades sooner than later, and if you’ve been keeping yourself in check throughout the breakup, there’s definitely hope.
Hang in there and good luck.
March 27th, 2008 at 5:05 am
I dated a girl for more than two years and it’s turned out terrible. I made more than my fair share of mistakes but I was serious and I really loved her. We were promise-ring engaged for about a year. Then I broke up with her about three times.
I did it because our church tells us that it is what god wants. I knew what I wanted and it was her, but I couldn’t help but think that if I wasn’t at least willing to take a risk and be obedient was I really good enough for her?
Well I did it and I just couldn’t, then I did it again, and couldn’t stand it and the third time she said she wouldn’t take me back.
I was weak but I was honest and she won’t trust me now. It’s been almost a year, our anniversary is coming up and she is getting married in five months. Certainly not to me, and certainly not to mr. perfect. She isn’t even sure he loves her.
You were right, she wanted to be friends. If only I had known about this seven months ago! You have my email, I am really willing to do just about anything (which isn’t working in my benefit right now). Please help.
April 7th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
i was with my girlfriend for a year and a half, and just last weekend she left me for another guy, we still live together because i’m contracted here until august, and she’s moved onto a new guy, same first name (weird!) and told me that i should be happy for her and not to get in the way, i dont want to throw what we had away, but i think i’m already passed getting her back, any ideas on a real gameplan instead of an outline would be much appreciated!
April 11th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
My girl and I were together for about a year and a half, we broke up and she immediately started sleeping with another guy. I went NC and she called in two days and said she still had feelings. It seemed like we were on the path of getting back together but she wouldnt shake the other guy. After realizing that she was trying to keep me as a friend, i went NC and after 7 days she called and said when i went NC her feelings faded and it made her realize the break up was the right thing to do, but still wanted friendship. I said all or nothing and we wished each other the best. She is still with the other guy and I fear this was it. What do I do?
April 12th, 2008 at 11:19 am
Matt,
Stick to your guns no matter what. She called you after 7 days of NC to tell you that her feelings faded? I don’t buy that because…
1) Feelings don’t fade that fast and…
2) If that’s really the case then why call you up to tell you about it… “perhaps” she’s trying to get a reaction out of you… hmmm?
Now, if you want to be her friend, that’s fine - but I don’t recommended this if you truly want to get back together with her.
In my book, you did the right thing… now keep at it.