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Can You Get Her Back If She’s Dating Someone Else?

By Dr. George Karanastasis

Can You Get Her BackThere’s not a single breakup reason that gives a guy comfort when his girl calls it quits, however, there are certainly some that he can “stomach” more than others.

For example, if the relationship ends because she moves cross country… it’s something he can live with. On the other hand, if she leaves him because she met someone else… then that’s a different story altogether.

The reason I decided to post this today was because one of the Makeup Board members pointed out an article he discovered at SoSuave.com. This article is a great example of what I tell my readers when they ask me, “Can I get her back if she’s left me for someone else?” And if you’re going through a breakup because your girl left you for another then I encourage you to read it first so you’ll better understand where I’m coming from.

Back already? Good, then let’s press on…

Getting a girl back when she’s dating someone else is not an impossible feat. However, you definitely have your work cut out for you. Why? Because not only did she reject you… she replaced you altogether! So the likelihood of making the mistakes that push her further away becomes that much greater.

But don’t let this discourage you. With a little self-control you can overcome this handicap and drastically improve your chances of success. How?

Well for starters you must resist all urges to “bad-mouth” this guy to your ex. Whatever you tell her she’ll take with a grain of salt and if you think about it, it’s completely logical: you are his competition after all. You should wish them both the best and then leave it be.

Next, you should concentrate on your strengths while eliminating your weaknesses. For example, the fact that you have a history with her is a strength. She won’t forget about you no matter how much she enjoys this guy’s company. And that’s because you share a bond with her that takes time to be broken - a bond that he’s yet develop.

However, jealousy is a serious handicap. And if you allow this feeling of jealousy to take over your logical though process you’ll begin to act in ways that will push her further away from you and ultimately closer to him.

What you must understand is that she’s comparing you to your “rival” on a daily basis. And while he may seem to be the perfect guy to begin with, he’ll mess up sooner than later. That’s where that self-control comes in. Because if you’ve managed to be a “good boy” throughout this, over time that comparison will become striking… but in your favor.

Then it’s only a matter of time before your strengths overpower his while his weaknesses become more pronounced. And then my friend, the tables will begin to turn in a way you never imagined. So do whatever it takes to keep your composure. You can get her back is she’s dating someone else. You just need to work harder.

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93 Responses to “Can You Get Her Back If She’s Dating Someone Else?”

  1. Daniel Says:
    December 26th, 2007 at 1:08 pm

    I was reading the article ‘Can you get her back if she’s Dating someone else.’ It refered to a suave.com, I went there but couldn’t find it. Any chance of sending me the link?
    Thanks

  2. Dr. George Karanastasis Says:
    December 26th, 2007 at 2:04 pm

    Daniel,

    The hyperlink, when clicked, takes you directly to the article in question.

  3. jonathan Says:
    January 29th, 2008 at 8:43 pm

    My ex (we were together 3.5 yrs is now dating someone else. I pushed her away with my selfishness and desire to hang with my friends drinking nights away. When I realized the error in my ways I began to pursue her, telling her things would be different. I’ve changed a lot, lost 40lbs, quit drinking, but I became that needy guy. After about a month of switching between not calling and then when we spoke asking to see her, I called her and told her that I dont think we should talk anymore. I think it is best for everyone involved. I think that letting go is the only way to truly see if we are meant to be together. By accepting her “i’m not ready” and moving on with my life, I think I’m doing what is best for me. If she comes back, maybe I’ll still want her, maybe not. But the idea of being the “good boy” and waiting for her removes control over myself. I still love her, and by letting go of her and accepting that she doesn’t want me at this point, IS the right thing to do. Even if it is very hard.

  4. Joey Says:
    March 3rd, 2008 at 9:54 pm

    I hate how I read this right after I did all the things it told me not to do. Now I’m trying to figure out if I can get her back after all the jealousy and anger I reacted with. I’m trying to stay so cool right now and just waiting for her new guy to mess up.

  5. Jay Says:
    March 16th, 2008 at 12:33 pm

    i feel the same as Joey

    i’ve found some great advice recently, but it feels like it’s all too late to save my situation . . basically it seems the best way to behave is to react in the opposite way to what your feelings are telling you . . i made the mistake of trying too hard to get her back, i did everything wrong, calls, texts, mails, appearing at her work, classic stalker crap, in hindsight i hate myself for having done it, but now she has felt my anger and jealousy i think all this advice comes too late for me . .

  6. Chris Says:
    March 21st, 2008 at 7:56 pm

    Well boys, we’re all in the same company here huh? Guys, I need to vent so I’m sorry to make this so long.

    I dated this girl for 4.5 years and she happens to meet this guy back in August. Long story short, she never told him she had a boyfriend and dumped me 2 months later (saying it just didn’t feel right). Since then, she’s been away for a week at a time and then come back and acted like my girl again (this happened about 4-5 times). I found out that they were actually dating only two weeks ago (I knew it all along but this was the first time she actually confessed-telling me she had feelings for him). The day after she tells me this, she calls me in the morning crying and begging for one more chance. Like an idiot, and here’s where I really wish I had found this advice, I took her back no questions asked. 5 days later, she tells me this isn’t working and that she and I don’t have the chemistry we used to (and that she didn’t know why she couldn’t tell this new guy off for good). I basically yell at her for the next 1/2 hour and tell her we are finished for good (I said some hurtful stuff too). It ended with me dropping her off at her place and I started to soften up (she was having a medical check up in the coming days that had me worried for her health). First I tell her to call me and let me know how the check-up goes. Then I tell her, like an IDIOT, that I’d never close the door on her, but that I wouldn’t stand to be treated the way she had been treating me (I also said my arms would be wide open if she ever got to where she needed to be…AHHHHHH, what was I thinkinggiving her an in like that?????). She ends it by saying “its not goodbye, its see you later”. She writes me an e-mail two days later (a relply to an e-mail I’d sent her days before the blow up) and concluded it with I love you…more than you know. Then she texted me news of her check-up. That’s the last I’ve heard from her (maybe ever).

    She obviously felt my anger and jealousy when I yelled at her, but if I ever do talk to her again, I’ll have to put this advice to work, wish them well, move on, and never call her. For the record, during the break-up, it was usually she who would have to call me, I was good about giving her space. Joey, I know what you’re talking about, just move on and wait for the new guy to mess up (which they all do…this guy lives in a trailer {not to offend anyone here hopefully}, dropped out of college, works a low-life job…is basically the oposite of me). I really hate to sound elitist, but I do need to vent, for all I know he’s a good guy.

    If anyone want to give some advice to me, I’d love it…

  7. Dr. George Karanastasis Says:
    March 22nd, 2008 at 8:16 pm

    Chris,

    You should also have a look at this post:

    http://www.thebreakupblog.com/should-you-get-your-ex-girlfriend-back/

    Because, to be honest, I think she’ll come around again… but should you take her back? That’s the question…

  8. tim Says:
    March 23rd, 2008 at 8:40 pm

    After dating my girl for 6 years(engaged for 1) we broke up before thanksgiving. We continued to talk for the next month and a half and even exchanged xmas gifts. Slowly though she was pulling away and I was doing everything wrong to get her back. After very little contact for the next month, I find out on valentines day that she had been dating another guy for over a month, whats worse is that not only is he the exact oppisate of me, he has the same first name as me. She told me that day to not try to contact her anymore and that I should move on. That was the last time I have talked to her or tried to contact her. Seems kind of wierd from a girl that wanted to marry me 4 months ago.

  9. vantm Says:
    March 26th, 2008 at 4:20 am

    same problem,same stupid mistake
    5 year realtionship,long distance for 5 months
    another guy
    stupid clingy,needy,begging,jealous,reasoning,threaten,
    did every stupid mistake

    is there still a chance 4 me?
    i’ve been broken up for 5 weeks
    she’s been dating for 2 weeks
    i’ve been in no contact with her for 2weeks

  10. Dr. George Karanastasis Says:
    March 26th, 2008 at 6:56 am

    vantm,

    There’s definitely hope if you stay out of her hair. Remember, you have 5 years - he has 2 weeks. The excitement of the rebound fades sooner than later, and if you’ve been keeping yourself in check throughout the breakup, there’s definitely hope.

    Hang in there and good luck.

  11. Disconsolate Says:
    March 27th, 2008 at 5:05 am

    I dated a girl for more than two years and it’s turned out terrible. I made more than my fair share of mistakes but I was serious and I really loved her. We were promise-ring engaged for about a year. Then I broke up with her about three times.

    I did it because our church tells us that it is what god wants. I knew what I wanted and it was her, but I couldn’t help but think that if I wasn’t at least willing to take a risk and be obedient was I really good enough for her?

    Well I did it and I just couldn’t, then I did it again, and couldn’t stand it and the third time she said she wouldn’t take me back.

    I was weak but I was honest and she won’t trust me now. It’s been almost a year, our anniversary is coming up and she is getting married in five months. Certainly not to me, and certainly not to mr. perfect. She isn’t even sure he loves her.

    You were right, she wanted to be friends. If only I had known about this seven months ago! You have my email, I am really willing to do just about anything (which isn’t working in my benefit right now). Please help.

  12. at a loss Says:
    April 7th, 2008 at 8:47 pm

    i was with my girlfriend for a year and a half, and just last weekend she left me for another guy, we still live together because i’m contracted here until august, and she’s moved onto a new guy, same first name (weird!) and told me that i should be happy for her and not to get in the way, i dont want to throw what we had away, but i think i’m already passed getting her back, any ideas on a real gameplan instead of an outline would be much appreciated!

  13. Matt Says:
    April 11th, 2008 at 2:15 pm

    My girl and I were together for about a year and a half, we broke up and she immediately started sleeping with another guy. I went NC and she called in two days and said she still had feelings. It seemed like we were on the path of getting back together but she wouldnt shake the other guy. After realizing that she was trying to keep me as a friend, i went NC and after 7 days she called and said when i went NC her feelings faded and it made her realize the break up was the right thing to do, but still wanted friendship. I said all or nothing and we wished each other the best. She is still with the other guy and I fear this was it. What do I do?

  14. Dr. George Karanastasis Says:
    April 12th, 2008 at 11:19 am

    Matt,

    Stick to your guns no matter what. She called you after 7 days of NC to tell you that her feelings faded? I don’t buy that because…

    1) Feelings don’t fade that fast and…

    2) If that’s really the case then why call you up to tell you about it… “perhaps” she’s trying to get a reaction out of you… hmmm?

    Now, if you want to be her friend, that’s fine - but I don’t recommended this if you truly want to get back together with her.

    In my book, you did the right thing… now keep at it.

  15. Ty Says:
    November 13th, 2008 at 11:03 am

    I’ve dated this girl 5 months then made the mistake to let her in my appartment. She took over one bill and groceries. Then she bought a horse on her creditcard. Later I had to take over the rest of the bills. I got ged up of her take care of me attitude, and told her to “roll out.”
    She decided to break up with me beacuse I am not taking care of her. I am 28, she is 25. She is very beautiful, very needy,good personality, but a bit ghetto at times. Is she worth getting back? I kind of cursed at her a few times, and she hold a grudge. On a last phone conversation she said she still cares but is over. I showed up to what used to be a common place to work, public place, with flowers, she took ‘em, looked sad. Why was she almost crying? Yet , she plays cards with some guys now. Thank you.

  16. Anonymous Says:
    December 9th, 2008 at 2:03 pm

    Well…
    I did something similar to this without knowing it.
    Now she’s come back but to be honest I don’t know if I trust her enough to really put any faith in her.
    I kind of take it day by day.
    The fact that she’s been with this other guy is just… its like being tested, how far can I push you for you to still be there for me and to be honest she’s pushed me too far.

    So now I’m kind of distant without meaning to be because I’m almost disinterested, the girl I fell for just messed m around to much so anyway thought I would mention seeing as this seems to be the point that every woman wants to push their man to.
    I don’t care any more, I just regret letting myself get this involved.
    Love is dead fella’s just get past it I guess.

  17. Max Says:
    December 15th, 2008 at 9:51 pm

    Hi, my girlfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago saying one of the reasons was “because she liked someone else”, I begged her for a second chance and she said she would think about it… now my senereo is alittle odd, I dated her for 3 years, we started living together almost immidaitly and did so the whole time we were together. anyways when she broke up with me and I got my “second chance” I screwed it up because I would get jelous when she would text this guy who she liked (later found out had cheated on me multiple times with) all day. I also smothered her. Finally one day I had it and went off on her and she said it was over. She said that she didnt feel the same way she had about me anymore. I am still madly in love with her and wrote her an appology letter/get back with me letter, which she said that she loves me but can no longer be with me. I now havent talked to her for 3 days , is there any chance I can get back with her somehow?

  18. Dan Says:
    December 29th, 2008 at 12:53 am

    ok so we dated for a year and a half. it was great and we both had this connection, and we both figured we where the one for eachother. So about a year after dating i moved up north for a job. She then came with me. we lived to gether for about a month then then i got an apartment and she moved to the dorms. this is when everything started too fall apart i guess. So one day i got really drunk and freaked out at her and all that stupid shit. So about a month after that she met a guy at her work. they started out friend but me and her will still dating. long story short were broken up now and its about 3 months ahead. and she is dating him now right after we broke up. and yesterday we had this really big heart to heart talk she called me and asked if we can talk and i did, this is after i wished her the best for her new relationship. now i am sitting here wondering what next? I told her i aint her friend and i am doing the whole no contact thing. and we also go to the gym together and c eachother. How should i treat her to win her back?

  19. Alvin Says:
    December 30th, 2008 at 1:43 pm

    Hi, my girlfriend broke up with me for a few days already, but my situation is a little different. Although I don’t call her, she sometimes calls me instead and we chat for a while before hanging up. We did this before we came together, but now that we are apart, we still continue to do this. Its abit confusing as you said to not call her, but shes the one who maintains contact with me. We do not discuss any relationship stuff when we are on the phone though. What should I do?

  20. vinnie Says:
    January 1st, 2009 at 9:28 am

    I was dating this girl for 1 and half year, she was my world, i gave her everything she wanted and everything she needed. I did everthyng for here and took here where ever she wanted to go. and now she left me for another man. after I read all the advise now i relize that i made a lot of mistakes. I allready have been bad mouthing the guy she is with saying that he is not good for you he will break your heart and ect. I have text her somanytime trying to convince her to come back but nothing. what shuld i do now someone please help and tell me what are the next steps i should take to get her back.

  21. Nicholas Says:
    January 3rd, 2009 at 12:32 am

    I was dating my girlfriend for around three and a half years before she broke it off with me. We had a great relationship and I never wanted to be away from her. Unfortunately i had to transfer to a different school where we would be about an hour apart from one another. She was always the type that needed to be close to people so i believe that me moving away and trying to continue our relationship was extremely hard for her. Three months ago she said she wanted to be single for awhile and i of course did all the wrong things. Text, calls, begging for her to come back and i realize now my mistakes. After three weeks of us being broken up she began to see someone else and i actually managed to get my self together and wish her luck with her new relationship and tried to give her space. A month after this we began talking again only for short conversations on the phone every week and a half or so and we actually met up for a quick lunch a couple weeks ago. She is still with the same guy and i am worried that i will lose her forever. I have no idea what i should do. I am looking for any advice i can get.

  22. Phil Sadun Says:
    January 6th, 2009 at 10:30 am

    Dr Karanastasis, I would appreciate your insight into the following:

    > Started off as good friends;
    > Dated/been together for three years;
    > She has broken up with me over four times;
    > Just broke up with me AGAIN;
    > Told her how I felt when we saw each other, that I’m OK with her decision for more space and to be alone, and I took responsibility for the rift;
    > But we talk every night, and I don’t want to be just the “friend” that cushions the blow until she literally moves on to another man.
    > We are great friends and we have been through enough, and the only thing that has come in the way is stress/tension from work, finances, college etc.

    Your advice would be of great help. Thanks and happy new year!

  23. alex Says:
    January 26th, 2009 at 11:09 am

    Hi,

    I was having a very pleasant 4 year long distance relationship with my girl friend. She lives with a 7 year old daughter in place A. I was working in place B (4hours drive) and stayed weekends with my 3 teenagers at C (1 hour flight or 7 hours drive from A and B). We met every 2nd weekend at C, every 3rd at A and met 2x a week half way between A and B. Besides, we both travel professionally and we had at least a joint overseas trip every two months. Almost 4 weeks of holidays per annum were spent altogether (us and all kids). It felt harmonic. Of course, we had plans of moving in closer…

    Now, there it comes: last May I quit the job to eliminate B from our travels. I spent more time in A and C, but it took me until 3 weeks ago to actually get an appropriate job in A. Two days before I planned to move in with her, she rejected me saying that she fell in love with another guy. We work in the same building and run into each other daily. I applied LC, but it is hard to find the difference between LC, chatting as friends and more serious talks. She readily talks about the relationship (she is an academic as I am, too). However, she says that she is guided by her gut feeling and not by her conscious. She was crying and she lets me know she is browsing photos of last Summer holiday. At the same time she doesn’t make any steps to get back….and is dead serious she made the right choice in her life with the new guy.

    Should I leave the job I just started 2 weeks ago? Should I stay in the geographical area she is? Or, would it help if I spent some time far away from her, moving onto a job on the other side of the planet? I am not sure how geography works here…

  24. JL Says:
    January 26th, 2009 at 12:22 pm

    Thanks guys for all the help, Maybe if I play my cards right I am not too late and haven’t already screwed up too much. I think we all are allotted a few post break up screw ups. My situation begins with my lack of knowledge about what I really had in front of me. I called it off after a yr, and by that evening she was out with friends who immediately introduced her to the guy she is with now. That’s been two weeks now, I almost had her back once but she got away, now I am gonna take the advise from this site and be patient but not too distant. There is no way he is perfect and my time will come. Good Luck in your situations. -Jeremy

  25. zach Says:
    January 30th, 2009 at 6:44 am

    joey, same thing happened to me. I dated this girl for a lil over 2.5 years. I love her more than the world. and yeah, ive done alot of crap to push her away and ruin things. We still talk sometimes, and she has a new guy shes been dating for 1 year. i KNOW im better than him, and can provide more. Shes confused about the marriage thing cuz that guys kinda serious. It sucks but, im gonna try to get her back, i know shes confused between us both but…ill see how it plays out…im so frikin nervous and wish i had some help

  26. Bdog Says:
    February 3rd, 2009 at 8:26 pm

    its been a couple months. she is with someone else but SERIOUSLY trying to persue a friendship with me. Shes asked me to help her with her homework, opend up to me about some of her problems, and says she really loves spending time with me still. I’m being friendly and supportive and spending time with her when she asks me to. I want her back. Am I doing the right thing?

  27. Jason Truong Says:
    February 3rd, 2009 at 8:47 pm

    hrmmm
    females are confusing
    she broke up with me about 2 weeks ago and the following day she calls me up to give me a note that says she loves me.. we talked for the next couple of days and everything was normal we did everything we use to do and she even say that we re going to get bakc togther…,, but then out of the blue
    she completely fades and we started completely ignoring each other… i just recently find out that she is talkin to this guyy and i dont kno wat to do or does she even still cares ??

  28. Thomas Says:
    February 13th, 2009 at 12:37 pm

    Ok so im new at this but ive tried going to all the women i know and constantly asking them for advice, ive even stoop low enough to talk to her friends to figure out what i need to do to get her back. My basic story goes a lil something like this-
    I dated a girl off and on for 5 years, it was a high school sweet heard kinda thing. Then after we graduated we go more serious and she decided to move in with me. We were a little rocky at first with being a young couple and i didnt exactly have the best head on my shoulders. Ya i made some mistakes and she came back time and time again. But i was young and never really knew what i had till it was gone. We stayed together without any break ups for about 2 years. One day she had a weird feeling to get onto my lap top and go throug my hotmail account.She soon found a picture that was pretty old from a girl that was talking to me. Well she got pretty upset at what she saw looking back at her and gave me my keys back and walked away. Well three months went by and i did all he wrong things of course. Then she started talking to me again and wanted to hangout. I told her i had changed and wanted to try everything again. Well we hungout for a month straight and i thought everything was looking good. the only problem was i was trying to hard to get her back instead of just being the guy that she fell in love with. She came to me about 2 weeks ago and told me that she didnt love me anymore and that she didnt think she could ever because i wasnt what she wanted. Now shes talking and hangen out with a guy thats exactly like what i use to be when i was younger (deadend job, drugs, smokes, and drinks everything she hated about me doing and wanted to change) and ive talked to her about this guy and she tells me shes not trying to get with him just what happens happens. But she tells me she wants to be friends and that i need to act myself and things will be better. Is she just setting me up to put me in the friend zone forever or is she wanting to see if she will fall in love with me, or is this other guy already pushed me out of the picture. I try talking to her and she talks back and she texts sometimes, but i think if i just stop talking to her then it will be easy for her to forget and move on and make this guy look like the golden boy and make me look like shit. what shoud i do please?????? any advice ?

  29. mark Says:
    February 14th, 2009 at 7:08 pm

    My girlfriend and I went out for three months, but we were friends for far longer. We were so in love and planned to get married. She accepted that I was disabiled and we were a perfect match. My family stresses pushed her away and now she is back with her ex. I love her very much and I need to know how to win her back.

  30. Sei Says:
    February 24th, 2009 at 10:58 pm

    Hello. My girlfriend broke up with me after a 3 year relationship the day after valentines day. Her initial reason was she wanted time and space of 3 months to better herself and learn to be independant but i knew that wasn’t the underlining reason why. There is another guy whom she kissed before we even broke up and she admitted it to me and she also likes this guy. The day we broke up i found out she was hanging out with this guy at his house the same night. I’ve been a wreck. Lost my appetite, can’t sleep. I haven’t done what a typical person does after a break up which is constantly calling, begging and pleading. But it has been hard. Last Wednesday i called her to take some of her things to her that she still had at my house and the questions started about how am I doing and can we still be friends. I was nice about it and said lets talk about it another time. When I got there, I wasnt planning on going in the house but I had to use the bathroom so i went it and spent no more than 45 seconds and got outta there but she followed me outside. She started asking me what I’ve been up to and I was very short and said I’ve been busy and working on bettering myself but I dont have alot of time to talk because I had places to be at that time and had things to do later on that night as well and not a lot of time to do it. So 3 questions followed: “What do you have to do now? What do u have to do tonight?” And the last question confirmed what I was dying to know for those 3 days since we broke up,”Are you seeing anybody?” At first I wasnt sure how to answer it but i told her nah I’m not worried about all that because I’m worried about bettering myself and she said so that means you are seeing somebody and I said you can think what you want but Im not worried about all that. I reminded her that she was the one that asked for this space so use it wisely and I will keep her in my prayers and I hope she finds what she’s looking for. Sorry its so long but I have to get this all off my chest. Anyway, I didn’t call her or bother her but I made the mistake of having my cousin and boss call her to see what she was feeling and she gave them different reasons other than what she told me such as there was too much going on that built up all at once and she felt I was controlling her life and didnt want to live like that and she feels this breakup is permanent. She lives with a friend of mine named Amanda and she told me that my ex that she feels I’m dating someone else. My guess is that she said that to not feel bad about seeing this guy that she kissed before she broke up with me and my friend did tell me that she has been spending alot of time with him since our breakup and it all came down to last night. She text me saying we have to talk. I had my friend that she’s living with ask her if she thought about me at all and she flipped out on her and was pissed with me for having her and my cousin calling her and all that. She was pissed to the point where she finally said she doesn’t want to be with me anymore. She loves me but is not in love with me anymore. To make it worse when I called her the other guy that she “likes” answered the phone saying she was asleep which was bs because i spoke to her 10 prior. She called me back and that’s when she told me she feels this is the best. I didn’t know whether to cry or or be mad or anything like that. I blew it and I don’t know what to do now other than leave her alone and pray that she realizes that I’m a good man who will give her everything she deserves. But at the same time I deserve to be happy too. Since that’s been said is there any chance of me getting her back in my arms again? She threw away 3 years. Please tell me what I have to do to get her back!

  31. Eric Says:
    April 7th, 2009 at 10:20 am

    Me and my ex were together on and off for 8 years. We broke up two years ago but kept in contact. I broke it up to have the opportunity to feel more independent (dumb move). Recently in December, I tried to reconcile and found out that she had a boy friend of two months. I was persistent and she ended up taking me back. I immediately set ridiculous boundaries and it blew up in my face. I was completely inconsiderate of her feelings and was selfish. She told me early last month that she didn’t think that this was going to work. In retrospect, I just now realize that I didn’t remember our original anniversary of February 24th and that’s around the time she decided to let me go. She told me to leave her alone but because of our history, I didn’t think that it was the end. About 3 weeks later she started acting very harsh towards me. It turns out that she was trying to talk to another guy and she said that with me in the picture she couldn’t move on. The next day her Facebook status said that she was in a relationship. I was devastated. I asked her if this was the end and she said “yes, I think it has to be”. I started acting irrationally and got angry, then sad, then told her that I couldn’t accept losing her after all that we’ve been through. I went to a local bar and saw her family there and found out that she was there with her new guy. My drunk friend ended up starting something with her cousin in law and it got ugly. I sent her a huge heart felt txt wishing her good luck and she did not respond. This was on the 30th of march.

    I’m feeling a lot better and have decided to change my ways. I am taking steps to think more positively and give more than I receive. I am reading books on relationships, and am volunteering for two charitable organizations. I am going to therapy and to a males only retreat to help find myself. I am determined to change my ways. Not for her, but for myself.

    My question is this: If I take time to better myself, will she reconsider? Also, I want to contact her to let her that I am trying to change my ways. If I did this would she think that I’m acting out of despair and push me farther away? I feel like I want to tell her that I am bettering myself and that if she ever wanted to talk or try it again in the future things could be different.

    I am preparing myself to move on, but she is the most wonderful girl I’ve ever met and I’d feel like a fool if I just let her go without fighting for it. My friends tell me to leave her alone and she’ll eventually contact me, but I feel like I have to make a move before the window shuts forever, if it hasn’t already.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

  32. Steve Says:
    April 13th, 2009 at 6:02 pm

    Hey Dr. George Karanastasis, I have a bit of a story here myself. I really do think i can get her back, but i need some major advice/patience. If you will send me an email to the one i have provided. I will tell you all about this and hopefully you will help me out. Its been two days since the break-up, but there are some issues surrounding it.. I hope you can help me out. Thanks.

  33. fdm Says:
    April 21st, 2009 at 12:10 pm

    my ex of 1.5 years is rebounding with a married guy. she is 7 years younger than me, but the married guy is like 21 years older than her. we’d broken up once before but got back together, we broke up over a fight and she felt i didn’t put enough into the relationship and she put too much in. plus some past trust issues and forgiveness problems were still present. it turned from a break into a full breakup when she met/got close with married guy. we were long distance, and married guy is online but in the same state as her, so things don’t look good…he’s of course totally woo’ing her… i hope this article is right and that in the not too distant future her and i will have a chance to try again… i know what i did wrong and i know what i must do, but only she can give me the chance…

  34. james Says:
    April 26th, 2009 at 4:49 pm

    Good advice here….
    I’m really beaten down right now as my girl has left me for various reasons. The economic crisis has taken my job and I have cat allergies - making life at her place pretty difficult for me. I have not been happy and probably taken some of that out on her however, she knows how much I love and adore her. We had gotten to a bad place in the last six months that really spiralled us down. She went off on a girls trip to Hawaii and just before that we had an arguement. I have discovered that she met someone not one day after being there and she has come back home cold and bitter towards me - kicking me out. She says she loves me but that her feelings have changed and she no longer wants me in this capacity. I am so heart broken because I have know her for almost 20 years and we have been together for 4.5 years with previous times dating in the past!
    Although, I have felt that maybe we are not completely compatible in the past - I have since, found how perfect she would be as a life partner. I feel like she has know this all a long and it is maybe a case of too little too late for me. I desperatly want her back but as I dig into things…. I see that she has really ‘replaced” me not left me. Maybe this is her way of dealing with getting on with her life or maybe something else? I can’t believe she has done this as it is soo disrespectfull and our families have known each other for so long.
    I am not a desperate man…. I do find women interested in me but I love her and was ready to marry her and have kids. I’m 35 yrs old and I felt that we were moving closer together. Unfortunatly I have been a bit of a tyrant on some issues with her family and the fact that she wont or cant stop smoking. I tend to get on my soap box and beat my point home. I have made her cry a few times regretably. I am a really considerate and nice guy and I guess us men have to a tread lightly with women - they are not able to handle debates or arguements to the same degree I suppose. I thought we were just working our diffferences out?! I am very sorry for the distance i have created with her….F@^%^
    She called me the other day and was a bit cold. My voice seemed to soften her up a bit but she tells me she is moving on. She ended up crying and we talked some more… How can I change her mind. I’m trying the reverse psychology of agreeing with her and hopeing we can be friends really soon - as in yesterday! But she has not called me back and we do not have a date set up. Meanwhile , I know that this guy from her trip in Hawaii is coming into town to see her. This is brutal on me and I don’t know whether to try hard to see her before he arrives? Or leave her alone completely? Ignore her? Write her off? Or, expose to her that I know she replaced me to be able to have the strength to move on. This would mean not speaking and not friend forever or for a long time! That is why she is taken great effort to hide this from me. I have confronted her about this twice already and suggested to her friend that I think there was someone else. I have a hard time being really mad about this because I did some side dating at the very beggining of our relationship…bad , yes I know but I was not sure…. Now I am…. Do I make my point and teach her a lesson or do I just wait and self improve. I am truly lost about what to do. If she is not contacting me soon and remains cold I feel I have to expose this truth. If she wants to carry on this friendship I hope to show her a new and improved me with all of the polishings..

    Finally, will her feeling come back to her about me? Women can’t just keep forgetting - it does come back…
    This other guy is not living anywhere near my city so it would be a long distance thing for her giving me a bit more of a leg up!
    I’m pretty sure, even knowing what I know, that I would want her back because I was not fully committed to her for a long time - whish is why, well,.. probably how I got here. Syncronicity…. was the problem.
    I have the ability to move on but I want her…. she is doing her best to forget me.
    I need some advice on all of the above.

  35. Chad Says:
    May 12th, 2009 at 11:45 am

    A similar story here. Me and my lady were together for 2.5 years. We met in college and then she moved North with me after even though her family was from Cali. After almost a year living together in the cold north woods she was going nuts being away from her family. I understood as my family was close and hers was far away. Although it hurt I helped her move home as I knew she needed to feel reconnected to her family, I loved her because family was important to her. She wanted me in California but I was not ready to leave the north woods. We had been doing the long distance thing for 10 months, and I was working a job working nights nearly 80 hours/week when she broke up with me over a text message. At first I thought nothing of it, i didn’t take it seriously as we had broken up a half dozen times before. But this time was different she said, “I think we would both be happier with other people.” I would not accept that. I did everything wrong I emailed, I texted, I called, I even bought a plane ticket out to see her. Everyone told me not to go, and I was on the fence, but then she texted me, “I need to see you” and wrote me a letter telling me she wanted to see where we stand and if she made a mistake. So I flew out west. I am here in Cali with her right now. The day she picked me up from the airport was torture, we talked, we walked, we cried, then we went out walking our dogs together they were like our kids, and I noticed she had a hicky on her neck from someone else. It hurt me so bad. Was that why she wanted to see me? To show me that? I got very hurt by it, very jealous, a berserk rage built inside me. I did my best to keep my composure. It was so difficult, slanderous comments popped into my head all the time, and i try to hold them in but sometimes they slip. Today is my 5th day here I head home tomarrow. I know she needs her space right now. I will wish her happiness with her new man. I will move on. I feel better after being here, I am ready to move on with her or without. Its been hard as she made me sleep in another the first few nights now she is sharing a bed with me but still not ready to share her body. I feel like I am set up for failure because I was hurt by what she did physically and I can’t get over and past it with her until she shares herself physically with me. I am glad I came though. I showed her my courage, my care, myself, my soul. My biggest mistake was being pushy though, pressuring her. Its so difficult to stop when you want is right there. It hurt so much knowing she let some other guy suck on her neck and she could turn away from me everytime I went to kiss her. She kisses me now but not with passion. The other night she called me a temptation. I am proud though, I will leave here tomarrow knowing I tried, knowing I faced my fears, that I gave it my all. I will wish her success with her new relationship, even though I know its just a rebound that will never work. Sunday was mother’s day and her whole family went out to dinner. That was very difficult for me, I did not want to go, I love her family and want to be a part of it, but her actions have shown me she doesn’t want me in it anylonger. I told her this how I felt it was very emotional. She convinced me to go with her and enjoy her family and I did, but it was the hardest part as I felt like I was a donkey being lured with a carrot on a stick. I look forward to leaving tomarrow and worrying about myself. I now have the strength to give her space, I will. Coming out here was so scary for me and difficult I felt lonely staying with her family who were afraid to talk to me it seemed because they did not want their daughter/sister to feel they did not support her. But I did it. I made all the mistakes but I don’t feel they were mistakes and I know I can now accept she does not want me in her life. I am ready to move on and I can feel her moving closer to me, in a way we have connected emotionally in the last 5 days like never before. Wish me luck. Share your advice please.

  36. Chad Says:
    May 12th, 2009 at 11:51 am

    James I just read your comment I wonder if you still check this board. I feel we have similar situations. Be strong, self improve, move on, and continue to hold on if you know you are meant to be. Just remember you were a complete person before you started dating her and she loved you for that and find that you are a complete person after her as well. When she see’s you as complete without her maybe she will find herself falling for you again. I hated letting my girl see me in such disarray. I made all the mistakes, but I feel ready to move on now with or without her. I love her but that will fade if it is not reciprocated. Good luck.

  37. Chris S Says:
    May 24th, 2009 at 12:26 pm

    Man, At-least i’m not alone in the way i’m feeling, My Girlfriend binned me 3-4 weeks ago, but it actually turns out she was playing around with another guy at-least 4 weeks prior to our split, he is also an Ex! Anyway after a bit of social engineering i find out that on the 2nd a Anniversary of my mothers death when she came to the Cemetery with me to lay some flowers, the very same night whilst i’m at collage she is out banging him, i want her back, i must be totally insane. Listen fella’s if A) Your Mrs played away, SHE WILL DO IT AGAIN. Better off out of it, it will be hard but YOU WILL NEVER TRUST HER AGAIN, YOU WONT, so it will never work. Good luck!

  38. jaz Says:
    May 30th, 2009 at 8:54 am

    my girlfriend of six year has left me she say she like some 1n else iv been upset for days. i realy do love her do you think i can win her back helo me please

  39. Hopeless Says:
    June 3rd, 2009 at 7:42 pm

    My girlfriend of 1 1/2 yrs broke up with me mid-march, things were pretty rocky and there was somebody else she was seeing. At first I did all the typical retarded pleading, then stopped talking to her altogether a few days later. She was studying abroad. For most of April I tried NC, didnt do well and she told me she was with him and then we were over. I said just be happy and whatever other dumb nice things I tried to say without flipping out. She came home in May and hasn’t talked to me since. They are fully together in a relationship (official), he has met the family and everybody. My whole life is turned upside down. I NEED to get her back. I sent her a text msg the other day asking how everything was going?, she sent back “ita Great thanks. I didnt respond, but later that night she said “Why didn’t you ever get back to me”?….what the hell does that mean, do I stand a chance at all? It honestly feels hopeless, and im losing my mind

  40. Alex Says:
    June 29th, 2009 at 9:07 am

    I need some advice guys. I had been dating this wonderful girl for 6 months, out of the blue one day she tells me that we need to spend some time apart and shortly after she dumps me. We maintained some contact but not a lot to be honest. One weekend she sends me ma few messages telling me that she misses me, that her friends know we will be getting back together and that she wanted to come over, so I let her. A couple days later she asks me to stay at her house being the love struck fool that I am, i did. It turns out that since we have been on break that she has been talking to another guy. I found this information out when I told her that since we had been on break it was clear to me that we needed to change some things up, not that we had a bad relationship but there were things that could make it better.

    When we last spoke in person she told me that she still loved me, cared about me more that i would ever know and that i was the best thing to ever happen to her. She told me that she still wants me in her life and that she would do anything to make that possible and that i should think over what we should do. A couple days passed after my thinking and I get a text saying how much she misses me and that her and the new guy wouldn’t last. She may have been drinking when she sent it, but I don’t know. We talked about it the next day and I told her that I was somewhat hurt to tell her how we could make us better only to find out that she was planning on dating this other guy. She is now currently in a relationship with this guy.

    If she says all of these things to me and that she still cares for me as much as she does what would be my best bet on getting her back? Its not an I want you back because I cant have you; because I wanted her back before I knew about this other guy; Its an I love you unconditionally and still want to create that future that we discussed love. Should I be the friend she wants me to be until things with this new guy start to go south? If so how long should I wait to start contact with her again? We also have a big event planned for the end of next month is there any advice I should follow on our big meet-up as well?

    Sorry this is so long but I needed to vent for one and hope to get some information.

  41. Bill Says:
    July 28th, 2009 at 1:07 pm

    I really need some advice. I have been dating a girl for 2 years that I am in love with and she is in love with me. she desparetly wants to get married and have children. The marriage discussion started about 8 months ago. It made me nervous and I told her that I think we have some communication issues to work on first. We worked on them and then back in December I told her that we would get engaged in 2 months. Well, 2 months went by and I couldn’t do it. I loved her but I had fears. She was very understanding at that time and she said to figure things out and if I still wanted her after I figured things out, she would be waiting. But one month later she said it was too hard, she was angry and she was moving on. I took 2 months and saw a counselor and figured my fear had nothing to do with her and I know I want to be with her. I went back to her to tell her I wanted to get married. She was reluctant at first and even though she told me she moved on, she started to open up. We started to spend alot of time together and started talking about having kids and buying a house. This lasted about a month and then it suddenly turned 180 degrees. She stopped calling as much and spending time together. She said she was very angry at me and need to get over it on her own. This lasted about a month and then she just told me she doesn’t want to get married to me. I know I screwed up taking the time but I needed to find the clarify that I have now. It was been about a month since I talked to her. In that month it was mine and hers birthday. I sent her a card and she wrote me an email wishing each other happy birthdays. I just recently found out that she is dating somebody for about a month now, who has professed his love for her already but doesn’t want to get married and have children. To make matter worse when she told me she couldn’t marry me, she said I don’t know if I want marriage and children anymore. I just recently downloaded your book but I don’t know what to do next. Do you think this new boyfriend will last and what do I do next?

  42. tomas Says:
    August 17th, 2009 at 7:09 pm

    hey i feel the same way i dont know what to do i feel like cuting my throat

  43. tomas Says:
    August 17th, 2009 at 7:16 pm

    ok my turn i been going out with this girl for 4 years .. we have a 1 year old son .. it all started out as she needed space and she was gona come back in like 3 months and we were gona get married and stuff. well im a realy jealous guy i was texting her today and i wouldnt stop bothering her. so i huess she got fed up with it then all the sudden some guy says this is her bf and to stop texting her unless its about my son.. im really pissed i dont know what to do she swore she wasnt gona see anybody for the time she left. so it makes me think did she just leave for him ? i want to stop calling or texting but its hard i love her with all my heart and i just wana be with her she is the mother of my child. b4 for she left she made all these promises she was coming back now im thinking she isnt .. cuz he might be better then me

    what should i do???? email me [EMAIL REMOVED]

  44. Carlos Says:
    August 26th, 2009 at 2:51 pm

    Well ive been with this girl for 13 yrs we have 4 kids together and i can admitt alot of things that happened between us was my fault but whos perfect huh. Hanging out with my friends all hours of the night not comin home a few nights here n there ect. Well as of lately ive really been getting my act together trying to show her i really do love her n the kids and that i want to work on getting my family where we should be and she says shes been noticing a change…well as of last week she tells me she has this guy that shes known for a while n she wants to see him n not be with me anymore. I havent over reacted or anything but im always coming at her about the situation. She really seems to like him but at times shes like she doesnt know what she wants but yet she with him everyday. Well since then ive come to be more understanding about it and i tell her im always gonna be here for her and i understand why shes doing what shes doing but i cant seem to get it out of my head im mean its there everyday all day. And its so hard because we have kids together and i really dont like strange guys around my kids but if she with him i have no choice but to except it if i want her back. I mean i even watch the kids so that she can go and see him. But you know she still shows that she cares we see each other everyday even when the kids arent there…she says she still loves me…am i doing the right thing? So with all that said i wanted to know your opinion on do you think i still have a chance on getting my family back?

    Carlos

  45. Dean Says:
    September 3rd, 2009 at 2:22 pm

    well i was with this girl for about a year she treated me like gold.I never treated her the same i mean i was alright to her but i should have been better.We moved in together about 9 months into the relationship i started feeling a little smothered and started going out with my friends. It made her mad and she started hearing roumors i was flurting with girls well i flurt a bit but nothing serious.Anyway we had a fight one day on the phone and i never went back to where we lived . 2 weeks later i moved all my stuff out and was living back at my place. 2or 3 weeks after that i started missing her and wanting her back i text her all the time telling her i loved her and was wrong, i even took flowers to her door with a long letter telling her i treated her like crap and i want to fix that and want another chance to prove it. None of these messages were answered except once or twice she told me to leave her alone she was done.I kept asking her if there was another guy in her life never got an answer, i drove by her place and seen a truck there so im sure she is with a guy. I text her that didnt take long nice . Havent bugged her since that was about a month and a half ago , i sent her a text telling her i wish she would come to this concert with me that we booked in may and i understand if she doesnt that was 2 and a half weeks ago no answer the concerts come and gone now and still nothing want to text her but i know its useless. My sister phoned her the other day and is planning on getting her kids for a up comming weekend she said to my sister shes cool with that, im hoping that we might still have a chance but i think shes still with that guy and wondering what my next step should be ?

  46. Edgar Says:
    September 5th, 2009 at 6:19 pm

    i was with her for 3 and half years. we had broken up already 3 times and this is the fourth one, she told me if this did not work she would move far away and never come back. I was also on drugs and she was too but she had stopped along time ago while i was trying too but couldnt. Now i am sober but i dont have her 3 days after she left across the country she called after i sent her a big letter saying i was sorry. she called and it was a surprise. then we started to talk more and more during our lunch and going home and evrey night we talked about her coming back home to my state and we were going to get married and evrything we had spoken about this when we were already in a relation ship i engaged her but she left again and i took the ring back to the store. all of a sudden she stopped calling and i kept asking her and telling her why. I knew she had met some one but was unsure. then it came out she said she was confused but she kept mentioning about me almost looking like cuz my eyes i told her that i wanted he to be happy and everything. then i read some tips and told her the night before that i was going to be doing stuff like study and go to school. the morning after i text her saying i need to tell you something about our freindship i can no longer do it. she text me This hurts alot i am sorry but i have to do this bye mY name i havent text her or said anything to her i have a phone line with her and i dont think she has changed her number but the first time she did. i have nc and i just dont know if its going to work but my mind set is that i no longer want to speak with her.because i keep reading that it will push her away. she mention about our bond that last night i spoke with her and she mention more stuff about me and maybe 3 things about him. i told her it was bs and that i wasnt going to be ok with that, but also told her that i was moving on and that i was going to go to school and be something more in life. the next morning like i had said i was text her that i wanted to tell her something that we could no longer be her friend and she just said this hurts alot but i cant do this anymore. i didnt text her because i did the nc its day to my mind set is where uts supposed to be but yet she is miles away now with another boy that kinda looks like me. i was going to pick her in november to come home and get married she said again she was confused but it failed.. what do i do now do i just sit and wait with the nc. and how long its almost winter were in september. we broke up in the middle of augost its been we talked till september.???? please help i dont cry about her and see the future right with her but at times i still wonder since we broke up many time but yet there are many factors of me being a rebound i guess?? I dont know but can you please help….

  47. kityi Says:
    September 24th, 2009 at 6:18 am

    We went out for 2 years. However only about 2 months of it was in real life and the rest were phone and internet. She treated me like i was the best when i know i am not. I treated her really badly and wasnt as passionate toward her as she is towards me. She told me I was the first to ever make her felt loved. Everything she say about me just makes me feel good and as if I am something great. I was never willing to give up work to go see her even though i realized now it’s only a 5.5 hour drive. I wanted to save up more for our future though. It is too late however because she already found someone else that will treat her right. I feel selfish wanting her back because she is so happy with him. Should I just give up?

  48. Steffon Says:
    October 17th, 2009 at 4:08 pm

    I have a concern thou.. I’ve broken up peacefully with my gf due to her study.. then her friend came to visit (they’ve known each other for 6 years) and now they’re dating because I was able to plead and beg and cry in front of everyone.. which was horrible.. even thou she always says she won’t date him and she now tells me that she’s happy with this guy and able to do whatever she wants.. but still keep telling me that our break up has nothing with him to do and it’s not planned.. Yes our bond is 2 years but they’ve known each other for 6 years.. I’m afraid I’m on my way to death even I’m in Strict NC atm.. Any advices or feedback please?

  49. nik Says:
    November 2nd, 2009 at 10:28 am

    I was with my gf for 4 years, i broke up with her 2months ago but remained friends, after a month i realised i had made a mistake and asked her to get back with me, she said she needed time, now i know she is seein someone else, i have made all the mistakes, texts mails calls all begging for her to take me back. she still calls and texts as friends. should i go nc and see how it works out. i want her back so bad.

  50. gregg Says:
    November 12th, 2009 at 4:52 am

    I went out with my girl for 4yrs and lived with her for 2yrs we been broken up for 50 days and she been with another guy for the duration.
    I will tell you that 2 days prior of her leaving she said she wanted a family marriage and little did she know i had a ring on deposit.
    And 2 days later moves out…… I acted foolish and chased her for a month or so the flowers,the everything will be different, please dont go, and she wouldnt budge i just recently went into nc it has been 10 days it is killing me because i dont know what is going on in her head but i do know she is with him daily….Do i stay in NC til she calls me or is it alright after 2 weeks or so to just text a How r you message? And take it from there and try to stay in the mix?

  51. Ca Says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 12:52 am

    Ok this is going to be a long one. I was dating this girl for about 1 1/2 years and it was great we were living together having a good time then earlier this year I got fired from my job for a stupid mistake that I made. And after that I was in a slump that lasted about eight months (yes I know that’s a long time)I couldn’t find a decent job for the life of me. I was working but not making very much money at all (minimum wage sucks) Now i’m not trying to use the bad economy as an excuse but its pretty rough out there anyways she kept telling me to go get another job and I promised her three times that I was going to get back my drive my determination but everytime I would hit a snag I stopped trying so hard. I didn’t see the signs and then one night WAM she said we need a break cause she hasn’t been happy for a couple of months. Of course I got all emotional and said please give me another chance I can change I can be that man you fell in love with. And she said I don’t think I can give you another chance. So I left and made the stupid mistake of finding every little excuse in the book to see or talk to her. Then the bomb shell drops, I was talking to a friend of mine whose boyfriend works right next to her and she told him “Yeah blank and I are on a break and I have a friend of mine named blank that i’m talking to, to help me out but we are just friends i’m not doing anything out of love and respect for blank.” Now this “friend” is another guy. And when my friends boyfriend tells my friend he leaves out the crucial piece of they are talking as only friends and nothing more so my friend tells me this without the he’s just a friend part and I go over to the house and pack my stuff while she is at work and left without saying a word. Then our roommate who is a girl texted her and told her what was going on. My ex sends me a text so youre gone no goodbye no nothing? Later that evening we talked on the phone and I tell her that i’m sorry but we are done you keep hounding me about finding another job and i’m trying but it’s not good enough. Then she tells me what she actually told my friends boyfriend and I just feel horrible about how I broke up with her so a couple of days later I go to the house to apologize how I did it and she said after that I lost so much respect for you and that she doesn’t care anymore. She said I deserve to be happy and so do you I don’t like thinking about you with another girl but you need to move on. Then a couple of days later I ask if we can talk and she said there’s nothing more to say no more conversations are needed and it just turns into a very nasty conversation I said some really hateful things and so did she then she ends it with this is my civil goodbye I moved on I am talking to someone else thank you for walking out of my life. Than I sent her an email saying i’m sorry about the things I said they were uncalled for you deserve to be happy I will always love you goodbye. Then throughout the course of a couple of days I find out she is already seeing someone else and she keeps saying I forgot what it was like to be this happy and that i’m an a-hole. Now i’ve turned myself around I have a plan put into place to get a better job i’ve been on some very promising interviews the past couple of days and thats where its at now. We haven’t spoken in a couple of days and I know she is still pissed at me and needs to cool down. And i haven’t gotten any confirmation but I believe the guy that she is now seeing is her “friend” that she was talking to as only friends. Have I completely ruined any chance of getting her back I know its going to take time and alot of effort on my part and I’m willing to do that but I want her back is there anything I can do or should I just move on?

  52. J.R. Says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 9:37 am

    Are there any stories here that have happy endings? I feel like I continue to read about the same problems. We’re all experiancing the same thing. But no one ever comes back to share the ending. Maybe it’s because she came back, i hope so. I’ll come back and share my happy or sad ending.

  53. Ca Says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 9:35 pm

    J.r. is right there are no endings posted. When my ending comes I will definately post it either way it goes.

  54. Mike Says:
    November 23rd, 2009 at 12:43 am

    My advice is let nature take It’s course. Woman do not want to see a man who is weak. She may give in at first but once she realizes she has power and control of you she will always dangle or feel she can walk out at any time and you will be there if she decides to come back. The key to any woman is make her wonder. If your calling stalking texting and all this other stuff you are not making her wonder at all. You should never allow someone to take away your joy. You need to find happiness in yourself.

  55. James Says:
    December 21st, 2009 at 1:59 pm

    Good day, My ex and I were together 2 1/2 yrs. We had our problems but seemed to work them out. Back in Feb 2009 we had major arguement and I left her in my place and moved far away for another job. I paid the bills and kept her there, she was unemployed and I felt that was the right thing to do. We made up over the long distance and were talking about getting married and her moving where I was. Jealousy and drinking didn’t help. After some heated arguements over the phone she left me and moved out in April. I left her alone for afew months trying to move on and date someone else. In August she accepted a friend request I sent in May. We eventually started talking again and she told me I was the best person she has been with intimately. We continued talking and she kept saying how we’re not getting back together. Couple weeks before thanksgiving something very terrible happened to her from another guy. I was there for her and went and visited for Thanksgiving. First couple days I took her shopping and she opened up and was affectionate to me. I didn’t push the issue just that I was there and Loved her. Day after Thanksgiving we woke up and I was coming out of the shower and she woke up saying I should find another ride to the airport sunday. I asked if I should leave and she said that would probobly be best. I then asked for the cash I asked her to hold when I arrived and a agruement errupted. How I can use her things and car and other petty stuff after dropping alot more money on her. So I left and as I was leaving she told me to let go. She knew I wanted to marry her and even asked if I brought the ring at dinner one night. She was not in a good mood so I said no. A week later after returning home she calls and asked if I could help her with some items and gas. Because of what I used and she was finacially unable to replace. I sent money and she calls and thanks me and calls again couple days later about being sad giving away a kitten we found together while out at dinner one night. I called back and asked what we are doing. Are we going to fix this and make it work. She said no and that I must move on. I called couple days ago asking to speak to her. She text me to leave her alone and to move on. I asked whats wrong and other stuff. She said theres someone else and to move on. I think she’s lying about it and don’t know exactly what to do. Any help would be appreciated.

  56. John Says:
    December 22nd, 2009 at 6:33 am

    O.K. This may be long but I need some advice as my story is somewhat the same as the rest but also entirely different. I am 36 and the girl in ? is just turned 50 but still looks 42! Anyways, we have been dating since 2005 and she was just getting out of a “cheating” relationship by her ex-bf. So, we start dating and I almost immediately moved in with her and I don’t know if it was the age difference or what but the new wore off and I was immature then and even though she tried to treat me good, I took her for granted and over the next 4 years, we stayed together and broke up several times but nothing longer than a few weeks. I was the only guy she had sexual relations with and yes, I admit, I cheated a few times but none while we were actually living together. Don’t know if that qualifies as cheating or not,but just being honest. So, it was hard for us to stay apart from each other even when we were not living together, because we always lived close to each other. I was working a good job and yes, hanging out with the boys when I should have been home with her. I WAS WRONG and never thought that I would find myself acting obsessive, controlling like she use to act and yes, sometimes even psychotic..The difference is that we fought all the time but it was usually because of financial stress and probably because she worked from home as a real estate agent, but was never very successful even though I would try and help her in her endeavor.It just wasn’t her calling and with me at home a lot as I was trying to help keep $ coming through the door so we didn’t have to depend on her SCARCE commission checks. However, it kept us at each others throats and more less suffocating one another. We finally broke up and I was GLAD, I thought. Now the thng is even during our break-ups, she never dated anyone else and of course, she would hear from others that I was involved with other girls and getting over her. I guess because I never thought she would find someone else and would always come back to me. So,she moved again but further away this time and I was involved in my new job and we didn’t talk for a good 3 weeks and then all of a sudden, I send her a text and she calls me and invites me over to her new apt. I go and, yes, the same thing happens. We start talking how we miss each other even though she is not trusting me but reluctantly lets me back in and we start dating again. Like the asshole I was, I start taking her for granted and stay at her place and go to work and come back to her place late and make up excuse of why I was out, etc..Then one day she has to leave to go out of town because her father was very ill. She reluctantly lets me stay at her place while she was gone as it was closer for my job in a way. This is really where I #$%& up guys! I guess I was upset because she was to be gone only a few days and it wind up being 10 and we talked a few times on the phone while she was gone about her dad even though she says I did not seem like I was too worried about him but that was not true. I would ask her how he was and she would respond vaguely, so I didn’t pursue it thinking it probably hurt her too much to talk about it.. Anyways, around the 4th day,JULY 4th weekend, I start meeting people around the complex being the OVERLY FRIENDLY SOCIAL BUTTERFLY that I am. I meet a few, what I thought were cool people and it turns out that everyone in that complex was on some drug! Having dabbled in the drugs off and on for years, I decided to partake in the activities and let people in her apt. that I was suppose to be watching..She got word from some “informant” and bitched me out on the phone and said she was be home in a few days. I got mad and hung up and went roaming again (like an idiot) and long story short, got involved wit the wrong people because I was thinking with the wrong head. Now, I was truly trying to help this woman kick her addiction and thought I actually cared for her maybe because she was around the same age and same features as my girlfriend but I seem to find myself more attracted to this woman than my GF..Intrigued by her past, who knows? FAKE BOOBS..who knows..Anyways, I also meet this “what I thought” was a cool dude and we hung out and did some @#$%#$ and everything was cool and then FATEFUL
    day arrived without warning, the GF shows up and surprises all of us! We have an argument and the guy that I had been hanging out with tries to calm us down and the reason I keep talking about this guy is because she wind up sleeping with him, but only after I pretty much forced her into him by 1. HAVING AN ARGUMENT WITH HER AND TELLING HER THAT I NEVER WANTED TO SEE HER AGAIN AND CALLED HER EVERY NAME IN THE BOOK AND TOLD HER THAT I WAS SLEEPING WITH THIS OTHER WOMAN! SHE CRIED AND GOT MAD BUT WHEN I TOLD HER I WAS GONG TO GO TO THE OTHER GIRLS APT. AND NOT HERS, SHE BROKE DOWN AND BEGGED M..PLEADED ME TO STAY AND I PRETTY MUCH SPIT IN HER FACE (NOT PHYSICALLY) BUT WHEN I CHOSE (LIKE AN IDIOT) TO GO TO THE DRUG ADDICTS APT. INSTEAD OF MY GF..WELL, ALL I CAN SAY IS IT SEEMS I MADE A VERY BIG MISTAKE..
    SO, ABOUT A WEEK GOES BY AND I ME AND THE EX START JUST TALKING AND I SOON FIND OUT THAT SHE HAD BEEN SLEEPING WITH THE GUY THAT I INTRODUCED HER TO WHEN SHE RETURNED FROM HER TRIP THAT NIGHT (AS A FRIENDLY NEIGHBOR ONLY)I WAS SHOCKED, BECAUSE COCKY ASS ME THOUGHT SHE WOULD NEVER SLEEP WITH ANOTHER MAN, SHE JUST WASN’T THAT TYPE OF GIRL, BUT ME BEING SO MEAN AND HATEFUL AND CHOOSING THE DRUG ADDICT OVER HER DID SOMETHING TO HER INSIDE AND RELEASED A “HOLD” SHE SAYS I HAD ON HER HEART AND MIND.I WAS SIMPLY STUNNED AND ANGRY. I CONTINUED TO SEE THE NEW GIRL BUT AND ATTEMPTED TO WRITE THE EX OFF BUT HAD TO SEE HER AGAIN AND FIND OUT WHAT SHE SAW IN THIS GUY WHO I THOUGHT WAS MY FRIEND BUT SEEMED TO FOOL NOT ONLY MYSELF, BUT THE EX AS WELL..I EVEN TRIED TO SLEEP WITH HER AFTER I KNEW SHE WAS WITH HIM REALIZING I HAD MADE A BIG MISTAKE! TOO LATE! THIS JACK ASS HAD HIS CLAWS IN HER BUT I KNEW FROM THE START THAT HE WAS NOT GOOD FOR HER AND WOULD SOON PROVE THAT I WAS RIGHT. EBEN THOUGH HE PUT ON THE “I WILL PROTECT YOU” SHIELD OF FAKE ARMOR AND CONVINCING HER THAT SHE WAS WAY BETTER OFF W/OUT ME.I MEAN LOOK HOW MANY TIMES I DID HER WRONG AND LEFT HER IN TEARS NIGHT AFTER NIGHT..GOD1 I WAS AN IDIOT THEN!!SO, THINKING I WOULD GET HER BACK AND ALLOW THE NEW GIRL TO STAY AT MY HOUSE TO TRY TO GET HER OFF DRUGS THINKING MAYBE IF SHE CLEANS UP HER ACT, THEN MAYBE WE COULD HAVE A FUTURE..TURNS OUT, I WAS DEAD WRONG! I WOUND UP KICKING HER OUT AND WROTE HER OFF A FEW WEEKS LATER SIMPLY BECAUSE I COULD NOT GET THE EX OFF MY MIND! HOWEVER, I CONTINUE TO HABG OUT AT HER COMPLEX BEINGS I HAD MADE SOME OTHER FRIENDS WHILE THERE AND SHE THOUGHT THAT WAS WRONG IN ITSELF, BUT I DID NOT CARE WHAT SHE THOUGHT. ANYWAYS, ONE NIGHT SHE COMES BACK LATE AND GETS IN AN ARGUMENT (ALREADY) WITH THE NEW GUY AND I WAS THERE T LEAN A SHOULDER, BUT IT WAS NOT THE SAME ANYMORE..SHE WIND UP LETTING THE ASSHOLE BACK IN AND OUT I WAS..I HAD HURT HER TOO MUCH, TOO MAY TIMES..I JUST WANTED TO CRY, SERIOUSLY! SO, LAST DITCH EFFORT TO WIN HER BACK. UNFORTUNATELY, HER DAD DID PASS ON AND SHE HAD TO LEAVE TOWN FOR THE FUNERAL AND BECAUSE HER AND THE NEW GUY WERE STILL NOT TALKING, SHE RELUCTANTLY, ONCE AGAIN LET ME STAY AT HER APT. WHILE SHE WAS GONE BECAUSE SHE WAS GETTING READY TO MOVE APT’S ANYWAYS (TO ANOTHER UNIT/SAME COMPLEX)HOWEVER, THIS TIME, I DID EVERYTHING RIGHT AND I EVEN MOVED HER ENTIRE APT. OH AND YEAH, THE DRUG ADDICT GIRL LIVED RIGHT ACROSS THE HALL, BUT I NEVER SAID 1 WORD TO HER THE WHOLE WEEK SHE WAS GONE. FINALLY, THE EX RETURNS AND SHE IS PLEASANTLY SURPRISED BY WHAT I HAD DONE BUT STILL NOT TRUSTING ME AT ALL. SHE IS BEING DISTANT AND I CAN TELL THAT SHE WANTS ME OUT SO SHE CAN SEE IF THERE IS ANYTHING ELSE LEFT WITH THE NEW “SWEET, PRINCE CHARMING” ASSHOLE..THE GUY MADE HIMSELF SCARCE WHILE SHE WAS AWAY AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN APPEARS WHEN SHE COMES BACK BUT WON’T COME AROUND HER BECAUSE I AM STILL HANGING AROUND. SO, SHE IS GETTING MAD AT ME AND YES, I SHOULD HAVE JUST GOT MY SHIT AND LEFT, BUT STUBBORN ME MAD HER EVEN MADDER AND STAYED AND WOULD NOT LEAVE (I GUESS I FELT I DESERVED TO BE TREATED BETTER BY HER SINCE DOING ALL THAT WORK FOR HER) DUMB ME.. I EVEN TRY TO HAVE SEX WITH HER AGAIN BUT SHE WASN’T FALLING AND THAT WAS ONLY PUSHING HER FURTHER AWAY..THE THING IS, IN THE PAST, I WISHED SHE WOULD FIND SOMEONE ELSE, I DIDN’T CARE! WHY THE $#%^ DO I CARE SO MUCH THIS TIME (MAYBE BECAUSE SHE WAS ACTUALLY ATTRACTED AND STARTING TO LOVE SOMEONE BESIDES ME??) DID I FEEL ABANDONED OR SOMETHING..LOOK HOW MANY TIMES I ABANDONED HER..WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!?? ANYWAYS, SHE TELLS ME TO GO AHEAD AND STAY 1 MORE NIGHT BUT THAT SHE WAS GOING OUT WITH THIS GUY TO SE IF THERE WAS SOMETHING THERE BETWEEN THEM.I THOUGHT THE ASSHOLE WAS JUST USING HER FOR SEX AND SHE WOULD NOT STAND FOR THAT..NOT BY ANY MAN..TOO MANY EX-BF’S HAD DONE THAT TO HER IN THE PAST..SHE WAS DETERMINED AND I WAS TOO. SHE REALLY GOT UPSET WHEN SHE FOUND OUT THAT I WAS DOWNSTAIRS TALKING TO THIS GUY AND TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT EXACTLY WAS HIS AGENDA! SHE BACAME ANGRY AND DEMANDED TO KNOW WHY HE WAS NOT WITH HER, BUT INSTEAD TALKING TO ME?? THEY WOUND UP GONG OUT AND I STAYED AT HER APT. NOW, THEY RETURN A COUPLE OF HOURS LATER AND 1 CAN IMAGINE HOW AWKWARD THAT SITUATION WAS.HOWEVER, SHE PUT THE NAIL IN THE COFFIN AS FAR AS I WAS CONCERNED WHEN SHE NOT ONLY WENT OUT WITH THE GUY BUT HAD SEX WITH HIM WHILE I WAS IN THE NEXT ROOM SLEEPING/ACTUALLY SLEEPING IN HER BED HOPING THAT HE WOULD NOT COME AROUND AND THAT WE WOULD SLEEP IN THE SAME BED AGAIN AND I COULD MAKE HER FORGET ABOUT HIM AND FOCUS ON ME AGAIN(HOW SELFISH I WAS HUH?)I WAS ONCE AGAIN..”HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME, BUT I LOOK BACK AND ASK MYSELF NOW..HOW COULD I DO WHAT I DID TO HER WHEN I WAS HER EVERYTHING AND ALL THE WAY I SHOWED MY LOVE AND GRATITUDE WAS BY TAKING HER FOR GRANTED!(IDIOT!) SHE NEVER WOULD HAVE WENT TO THAT GUY’S ARMS IF I HAD NOT PUSHED HER INTO THEM (NOT PHYSICALLY) ANYWAYS, I WAS DEVASTATED AND THE NEXT DAY I LEFT TAKING THE DRUG ADDICT WITH ME BUT LIKE I SAID BEFORE, WOUND OUT KICKING HER OUT 2 WEEKS LATER..YES, WE HAD SEX BUT IT WAS NOTHING TO WRITE HOME ABOUT! I HAD TO GET MY EX OFF MY MIND AND THAT TO ME WAS A TEMPORARY FIX! THE GIRL REALLY LIKE AND ACTUALLY SAID SHE LOVED ME, BUT TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, SHE ANNOYED THE HELL OUT OF ME!! BUT SHE DID UNDERSTAND THAT I WAS STILL IN LOVE WITH MY EX AND RESPECTED THAT TO AN EXTENT. SO, ME AND THE EX DID NOT SPEAK FOR ABOUT A MONTH AND A HALF(I WAS DEPRESSED AND SAD AND CRIED WANTING TO BEAT MYSELF, BUT IT WAS TOO LATE)ANYWAYS, WEEK AFTER I KICKED THE DRUG ADDICT OUT, I WENT BACK OVER TO THE EX’S COMPLEX TO SEE A FRIEND BUT NEVER SAW THE EX AS I HOPED I WOULD. RUMOR WAS SHE WAS NOT ONLY DATING JERK-OFF, BUT THAT HE HAD MOVED HIMSELF IN WITH HER! WHAT! ?? NONE OF MY BUSINESS..I FUCKED UP..NOT MY CONCERN.I LEAVE AND SAY I WILL NEVER COME BACK TO THIS VORTEX/HELL AGAIN..I ATTEMPT TO WRITE HER OFF BY ENGAGING IN ONLINE DATING..TALKING TO NEW GIRLS AND SLOWLY THE EX STARTS TO FADE MY MEMORY.I WAS EVEN INVOLVED WITH ANOTHER GIRL FOR A SHORT WHILE BUT NOTHING SERIOUS WITH ANY OF THEM! NOW REMEMBER, THIS GUY IS SUPPOSE TO BE HER NEW “KNIGH IN SHING ARMOR” HER NEW SPIRITUAL PARTNER, ETC.I CALLED “BS” ABOUT THAT WHOLE FACADE FROM THE BEGINNING, BUT SHE HAD NO INTEREST IN WHAT I THOUGHT ABOUT HIM AT ALL AND MY AGENDA WAS TURN HIM AWAY FROM HER SO I COULD HAVE HER BACK (ACCORDING TO HER ANYWAYS)I MEAN WHY SHOULD SHE? HE IS AFTER ALL MY NEW COMPETITION! So, this is where it becomes PAINFUL again..keep in mind, I had not spoken 1 word at ALL, notta, in almost 2 mths.Then out of the blue 1 day, my phone rings and GUESS WHO..Yep. It’s her..Wait! please let correct myself! I had listen to a couple of her VM’s but never returned the call..However, I was tempted because her vm’s consisted of some lies that she had heard and she was actually coming to my defense and letting me know that on her vm. She also text me about 2 weeks after I left her place for good asking if i was “okay”..I never responded..I really wanted to but I was too hurt and was trying to move on..I mean that’s what I wanted a year ago! Why not now, is it because she had actually found someone else that made me want her back so bad? I have no idea.I just know that I wanted to forget about her and move on and having sex and starting to date other girls seem to be the pain remedy. One girl even told me not to let her back again when the ex called late 1 night(she called crying because the asshole was letting his true colors shine through so she calls me when he leaves her apts. to hang with his buddy) I didn’t know how I should feel. So this new girl tells me she likes me a lot, but I was not really feeling it, simply because talking to the ex for 5 minutes seem to make me want to KICK everyone out and let me be alone with my chewy!(Pomeranian)! weird..Anyways, I soon decided to not see anyone but would talk online but that was it! Now, it had been a few weeks since I talked to the ex and almost 60 days since I had seen her PHYSICALLY! Then out of the blue, she calls me and asked if she can come by because she was going to be on this side of town (30miles away)so she could get some medication that we both take. I said “sure” So, she pulls up and gets out and I just say to myself “God! here we go again” just when I thought I was over her, she shows up after almost 2.5-3mths! ^%$#!! we talked and laughed for a few minutes and I asked her how she was doing..I knew that if everything was “okay” she would not be standing in front of me at that moment! AT THAT DEFINING MOMENT! I knew that she was being mistreated! I tried to warn her but she had to find out for herself! Nothing pphysical but MENTAL

  57. grant Says:
    December 26th, 2009 at 12:51 am

    I had the worst time i am 24 years old and dated my ex 19 for 8 months i was her first boyfiriend in college we were doing really well at the beggining then my mind just took off and i pressured her barely went out and lost my job i didnt know what to do so i left to go home to finish at my local community college and so i broke up with her even though i didnt want to. after moths of talking on the web cam i aked her do u love me and she hesitated and then said yes. days later i called to say that i want to take her some hwhere special becsue were still somewhat togehter. she says no i dont love you anymore and i felt sick and cried i lost pounds and kept thinking about her for moths during the summer. we kept texting and tlaking nonsense i lostr even more control. then 2 weeks after she borke with me she dated a new guy Sean i felt betrayed and jelous and emailed on face book when i was mad and drunk and told him that he better not hurt her in any way ect. he did not keep it to himself but told my ex then got me in trouble and she went further away from me i kept begging for her to come back to me and i was going to change ect she then wanted to move onb she sai that i was nothing then later during my birth day she said that she was sorry that she hurt me and that she was trying to get me to be over her. i never once went to her house sent her mail or presents during october we finally deciede to move on and i would have no power or say and that i would not be with her and she loved sean need. weeks go on and she out of the blue calls me an asshole and blaw blaw for somthing that i did on face book when didnt even remeber doing it i lost control again and she told me that she never wanted to see me again an wished that i would not return to our college. i panicked and sent her a letter of apology and messasges and face messages not a good idea. i called her and texted her for her Bday and recently for christmas i finally get a reply back after months saying Merry christmas Grant and that is it. i love her more than anything and i lost her i continue to change from mistakes. but i want to be with her even if that requires me to let go and wish her well. what should i do?

  58. Jimmy Says:
    January 11th, 2010 at 11:06 pm

    Guys,
    I been thruough the same thing. Me and my woman broke up. She left me for her ex after a month of us dating. She came back a month later, saying that she should have never left in the first place. She went back to him again after 3 months. All this time, she had been calling me and texting me. I did the same. We shared all the I love you’s, and I miss you’s crap. She left him for another guy and still calls me and texts me. Still I do the same. Just not as much. Now she only calls when he’s not around. Yes, I go to her. Tell her she looks good, has a nice butt. Compliment her all the time. We’ve even kissed a few times. She’s even went as far as saying she wanted to sleep with me while she’s seeing this 3rd guy. She won’t tell me she doesn’t love me. Believe me, I’ve asked her to tell me she doesn’t. No response. Guys, as long as she’s with someone else, she’s with someone else. Nothing you do or don’t do will change that. She has to decide wheat she wants. And all the prayin and crying and wallowing in the pain is not gonna help. I’ve been there. Begged, cussed her out, stalked and other things. But it ultimately is up to her. And they only know what they want. Just move on and find someone else to fill your time. Even if it’s just friends. At least you won’t be at home waiting to see if your ex is gonna come around. Look how much time you will waste if she doesn’t come back. Hell, at least have some fun with your life.

  59. Henry Says:
    February 6th, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    I’d appreciate some advice if anyone has ay….

    I was together with this girl on an off for a year and a half. We had our fair share of fights and I ended it with her multiple times….I moved out of state for several months for work. I made it clear that we were not together. We still talked and kept in contact and remained flirty - like we were together all along. I come back, excited to see her and she says she is dating someone else. I was shocked. She has been with this new person for over 3 months now. We still hang out every once in a while. She says she misses hanging out with me. I tell her I miss her. Told her my feelings that I want to be with her. I think I made a mistake though and asked What are the chances of us getting back together? It obviously made her uncomfortable, that she really likes this other girl and doesn’t see them breaking up anymore. But she cares about me still.

    Advice? What do I do now? I’ve been leaving her alone, not contacting her. Is her new girl a rebound? Will it last? Do I even have a chance?
    I can tell that she still has feelings for me by the look in her eyes and she finds ways to casually still touch me… We were both each other’s longest relationship. She told me she loved me 6 months ago….How could it all just be gone?

    Please help.

  60. Aaron Says:
    February 28th, 2010 at 9:01 am

    You know what I fail to understand? If a girl breaks up with you for someone else, why would any man in the right mind even bother to try to win her back? Let her go. There are plenty of women in this world that will love you unconditionally.

    Chasing around a chick that makes you go through something like this is just not worth it. We’re talking GIRLFRIENDS here. Get out while you can, heaven forbid this woman becomes your WIFE and instead of another “break” or breakup it turns into a messy divorce.

    Men, we’re men for a reason. We need to stop and think. I’ve had this happen with 2 girlfriends over the years, I went NC and that was that. Looking back I’m grateful I’m no longer with them.

  61. leo Says:
    March 3rd, 2010 at 7:50 pm

    has anybody ever got his ex back after she started dating someone else? a lot of guys here including myself are going through this now. But really has anyone ever done it? or at least heared of anyone who has done it?

  62. elias othitis Says:
    March 4th, 2010 at 11:58 am

    Geia sou Giorgo!!

    Im Greek and I like many guys have the same problem.. She loved me sooo much, wanted to marry me and she always knew i love her also. But that was not enough, cos i was not in love with her. I didnt say i want to marry her too. So, after a year of being together we broke up about a month ago. I agreed and we still had conact and met eac hother but as friends and showing how we love eac hother. very fast she got involved with a new guy but she didnt tell me. We still had contact but i could tell something is wrong. I asked her straight forward and she said yes. So fast in something new? Maybe a rebound? Anyway we met after that and she was sooo close to me. Even said repeated many times “you look hansom” but when i started asking her back and saying that i really love her and i was coming back. that pushed her away. She asked me to respect that she is somewhere else now, bursted to tears saying its too late now but im in her heart. yeah… anyway i didnt contact her anymore, and i saw her out a few nights ago with her new guy. I went up to them nice and said its all ok and that im happy for them.. I saw her on the street today and said, im cool we spoke for 2 minutes and i said i have to go. thats all. Any chances? cos i know i love this girl. She said its too late now.. this new guy is totally different from me.. And she always used to say im what she wants!

  63. Dr. George Karanastasis Says:
    March 4th, 2010 at 3:03 pm

    Geia sou Elias,

    Sorry to hear about your recent breakup. To answer a couple of your questions:

    1) Any new relationship so soon after a breakup is, by definition, a rebound. However, the real question is, will it turn out to be more than that?

    Of course, only time can tell but that doesn’t mean you can’t do your best to influence the outcome. How? By following the advice in this post and in the comments.

    Don’t do anything to aggravate the situation (i.e. don’t give her a chance to make a comparison of you and him - which she’ll be doing regardless - and come to the conclusion that she made the right choice to leave you).

    2) She asked you to respect the fact that she’s with someone new. Make sure you do that… and without fear of losing her. Remember, you have a long history with this girl, her new bf doesn’t. It’s you she wanted to marry - not him. Don’t give her a reason to change her mind.

    And finally, regarding this: “She said its too late now” - what a woman says and does is two very different things. Stay out of their way and let things play out (again, without fear). And if the rebound doesn’t turn into a long-term relationship - a very high chance - then sweep in and make things right.

    All the best to you,
    Dr. K

  64. elias Says:
    March 4th, 2010 at 9:05 pm

    hey George!! Thanks very much for taking time to read the post.. Yeah, you are right.. Sometimes i get the feeling i wanna talk to her and tell her that if everything she ever said is true, then we wouldnt be apart right now and that cos of this, i cant believe it was all true.. But i have to wait.. I know that. Thanks again!!

  65. elias Says:
    March 8th, 2010 at 4:02 pm

    Hey people!!! Just wanted to inform you guys how things are going with my ex that has a new boyfriend.
    Well, i have been doing the things that the post says and it is not pushing her away. We met yesterday for some business things and we talked just a bit about feelings and things but that was all. We spent 5 hours together doing silly stuff and just having fun and laughing. She did speak about her guy a bit but i said i want her to be happy and i want things to go good for them. I agreed with what she said. Ofcourse i showed her she is important for me (maybe a little mistake) but in the end, we kissed
    goodnight on the lips. Just a lip touch. She called me when she went home and said she had a good time with me. She even called me today to find out what went on with the things i had to do and she invited me to her place to do some things. I went there we had fun i did not push her at all and that was it.
    But i just dont want to get to close to her yet. I dont want to be her friend. Maybe no contact now again will be ok? I can tell she still feels for me and that she does trust me still!! Guys if you think its worth getting back with ur ex then try it!! If it dont work in the end, at least you did ur best!

  66. Chris Says:
    March 11th, 2010 at 7:04 am

    Hey i dated this girl for 11 months and we were tottaly in love with her, and then i had to move away so we broke up, Two months later she has a new boyfriend. I tried to keep in contact with her and i still really love her. her boyfriend and her have been dating for 9 months now, and i still tell her i love her and she texted me the other day and told me not to talk er call her anymore and i should move on and i told her i cant not have you in my life and she told me it was to hard for her to talk to me anymore cause she still fu**ing loves me and i dont no what to do, I really do love her and when i try and text her or call her she dosent text er call me back…Is there anything i can so. Please i need some help! any advice or tips i would really apriciate it

  67. Mario Says:
    April 7th, 2010 at 1:05 am

    Hey , I was with a girl for about a year, she has a history of an abusive father that beat her up and the ugly divorce from her parents, before me she has had a couple of other boyfriends and they both cheated on her. when she was with me even her brother beat her up. She trusts a lot in my judgment, we were like a team. Everything was going wonderful, until one day I throw her this romantic dinner and when I took some flowers and a letter out, she liked them but immediately put like a wall and told me that she could not love me like I do, she cried I did too, tried to find out why she could not love me the way I do but she could not give a good reason. So I told her I didn’t see a reason for us to keep seeing each other, at that very moment she asked me to leave her alone at my place and she hided a present for me a photo album she hand made with hearts and red color, a couple days went by and her mother called me to ask me to see her because she was very depressed I went to see her and she was happy again, but in the next week I gave her some space and not called her or see her as often as I use to, then when I when to talk to her about a week and a half after the romantic dinner she tells me that she is having feelings for a friend , so I told her not to contact me not email me or anything, then in the next couple days I sent her a mail saying how I could see that her “friend” wanted to be with her and asked that she didn’t do what she did to me to her new love, then her best friend calls me and told me that she was going to call me to get back together but after she read the mail got discouraged, so I went to talk to her and we remained as friends she even and told me that she likes this guy. I want her back. I’ll do whatever it takes, but she is dating this other guy who is also not from our religion, I have been with her thru a lot of problems she had and was her angular stone to keep her safe, her family loves me, even the mom who can be really mean to most people, PLEASE!!!! Dr. Karanastasis, let me know what can I do to get her back

  68. adam Says:
    June 12th, 2010 at 4:55 pm

    hey my wife of six months and i were apart for a month and a half…we had a fight the night after she met this guy who was a complete player, 29 years old club promoter, with two kids and she is only 19, the day she met him we were madly inlove, using pick up artist scripts down to the T he turned her against me and on to him in a matter of hours. stole everything from me. she is such a good hearted and nieve young woman that she doesnt know guys like this exist. we continued to fight for about three weeks when finally she came out to either stay or pick up her car, she picked up her car and left me completely crushed a week later i found the emails, she apologized profusely, adn we got into another fight because i told her it was really done. we’ve been bouncing back fighting and not i told her to call me if she ever needed anything. didnt call for a day and fourty hours later sure enough i get a call, her finding some dumbass excuse to talk to me, i told her it would be ok and then texted her after words, that she needs to go and have her new guy deal with this stuff before she comes to me. i never got a text back it probably pissed her off becasue i said i would be there for her but i know where that road goes and i dont want my love of my life as a freind only. so today after reading testamonies here i told her via text that i was happy for her and this guy, good luck, and no hard feeling i didnt write i love you or anything.

    two things
    1. i need your book but my card is not working online, i need to know what my next step is.

    2. if any of you guys out there are pick up artist or players…remember what it feels like to have your girl taken from you, in this case, the guy used ross jefferies boyfreind destroyer pattern number 2 ….you should all know these things exist mind control is easy, but it doesnt last forever. thats what you need to count on, thats the only thing thats keeping me from calling her right now

  69. J Says:
    June 28th, 2010 at 10:47 pm

    Hye fellas, were all in the dumps. I dated a girl for a year and a half. We fought and she is a runner. Runs from everything that dont work perfect. But we were happy and it was beautiful. She has problems and i wanted to take care of her. I loved her and i think she was the one. I went away to work in March and still am gone. its only 2 hours away and i was home every weekend. At the end of April i could sense soemthing was wrong. She was goin out all the time and with her girlfriend and a bunch of guys and getting drunk. She was missing work and got fired. I was here and going nuts cause she was not herself. I texted her and questiond her all the time through this. I have never been a jealous boyfriend before but i was goin insane. I told her i wsnt coming home that weekend, but i did. Long story short i went to this farm wehre she was at. i walekd in on her and another guy on the couch at 7am on a Sat. I wanted to kill him but kept my cool. By the time i walked in he was in the kitchen gettng water but it was obvious. She gave me hell for jus showing up and this is what i get for not trusting her. I left. Over the weekend she told me nothing was goin on but by MOnday she said she jus met him on the prior Wednesday. He offered her a job to work construction for him and she has feelings for him. I took it hard and like a baby. It came outta nowhere and I never thought she would do this to me. I went back to work and the next 3 weeks was all texting and emails and calls. Her saying she doesnt knw what she wants and shes not dating him, to she think she can do better and wants to get to know him. May long i saw her and aske what was goin on. I didnt get any answers and she swears its cause i said i wsnt coming home, she felt hurt and wondered what i was doing. So he made his move and she went with it. Said im too immature. Pshh. I gave her my best and told her how much i loved her, what i want for her in the future. I said some really good things. SHe cried and we hugged. We were best friends too. But i said i cant be friends with her. Shes bummed about that but really confident in her decision. The next day she was texting me wanting to fix things. I said we could talk and we were supposed to. But then it changed again and she wanted another break, saying if we get back together we know its for real. I told her off and to never speak to me again. We didnt text or email for 3 weeks. Then she would I.M. me alot. I would never reply. She owes me money (alot) so she texted me “how am i goin to pay u since you wont talk” i told her when im back we can make arrangements. So she IM’d me a few times, i ignored and then eventually responded. I acted cool, ok and like im real busy but having fun. Kept it short. We were supposed to meet on Fathers day so i could get the money. Shes the one who kept bringing it up. AN hour b4 the meet she texted me wanting to konw if we could wait 2 weeks so she could register her car. I said it was fine cause i didnt need it now. Her response seemed stale. Like she thought i would demand it now. I was on Facebook again and she came on IMing me asking if im done work and if im around. I left it open and said i had to go. Half hour later she texted me asking what my deal was and to come get the money so this can be over already. WTF i thought it was over. I didnt reply so she called and was so pissed off. Prob cause i wasnt giving attention. We talked and i calmed her down.We talked for 2 hours and i told her what i had wanted for us and about my mistakes in the relationship. I told her i still cared about her but taht i was glad about the break up. I think i still sounded desperate. Last week she randomly texted me asking whats up. She never texts me. This past weekend i wnt home and a bunch of my friends say they see them out together alot. I drove by her dads house(she lives with him) at 6am on a Sunday and saw this guys truck there. Hes already sleeping there!!! Its moving pretty fast, it seems so bizarre, shes jus replaceing me. She texts me still wanting to know what imdoing and such. Im supposed to get the money this weekend. I do still love her and a big part of me wants her back. Even though i would look like a fool. This guy is my polar opposite too. Hes a redneck, and everyone tells me he seems like a huge deuche bag. I dont get her. Please help Doc. Is there still hope for me to get her back. SHe is a runner and moves on fast. People have told me she does this with everything in her life. I jus never thought she would do it to me. I would of given her so much better. Please help…J

  70. elias Says:
    June 30th, 2010 at 6:38 am

    Hello again!! Just wanted to inform everyone that is in the position of ex dating someone else and wanting her back!! I GOT HER BACK!!!!
    Everything that George says, works!!! It really does!! The thing is that you have to realise the importance of it. Yes i begged, i stallked i did everything i shouldnt have done. But she really was on a rebound!!!! Yep!! At 1st everything was so perfect for her. They even got engaged fast!!! hehe!!! Well, yes after the “honeymoon” stage stars to end, she did realise his flaws!!! yep, but i was not there anymore begging her! Nope! I focused on myself! started cleaning the house again, lost weight, made my self a better me!!! Yeah, i left her alone and she started missing me. we did have some contact, in a nice way but that was all, we became “friends” again, she would share things with me, i was there for her when she needed me! i hanged out with girls, spent time with friends, but as George says, if you were in long term relationship, you DO share a bond with your ex!! and being able to talk about things again really works!!!! so people!! you cant pretend to be ok!! you have to BE ok to get her back!! realise that all the pain goes away pretty soon, it does! dont make the mistakes George says not to make!!! give yourself time!!!! be a better you!!!! It worked for me!
    All the best!!

  71. elias Says:
    June 30th, 2010 at 6:39 am

    I GOT HER BACK! (read the post above) Just leave your ex alone if she is in a rebound relationship!!! wait it out!!! And just be there for her when she needs you!!!!!!! Be a better you!!

  72. Mike R. Says:
    August 16th, 2010 at 5:46 am

    I am married for almost 5 years. This past Thursday I find out that my wife had been cheating on me for a few weeks. All of a sudden she tells me she was not happy with our relationship that I was not there for her when she needed me. Now that she’s telling me all this I do realize she’s right in some respect but she never told me. What happened was we got into a big fight one day and that was the last straw for her. She told me that she lost all feelings for me and that we will never get back together. I love my wife and forgave her with a hope of getting her back. She tells me that he means nothing to her but I see they are exchanging love e-mails every day how they can’t wait to be back together one day since she moved back to her parents house. She was the best wife anyone can ask for and I think I pushed her to this point with my ignorance. do I have any chance of getting her back ever again. Please I need to know this, if there is some hope to get her back.Please let me know

  73. alan Says:
    September 2nd, 2010 at 2:29 pm

    Six months ago me and fiance broke up. This sept 4th will have been 8 years. For a year and a half I was drinking heavily. She said I was lying to her about it. This is true. Aug 1313 she kicks me out. I love her so much and I’m breaking dodown. She is with a ex from 17 years ago that her family also loves. I know he will take care of her. Is there a chance for me still. She sneaks to see me on fridays after school for about an hour or so to hang out. We are still good friends.

  74. Reggi Says:
    September 16th, 2010 at 1:22 am

    My girlfriend and i were together for 1.7 years and she told me on Saturday May 29th, 2010 she wanted to be just friends… THe reason was i was too clingy and it took me too long to understand that. When i finally did..boom. She wants to be friends. And were as close as friends get to being bf/gf but now shes..daiting my best friend.. And i dont want to lose my friend, but i love her more than anything in the universe and want to be with her again more than anything.. I wanted to someday marry and start a family with her, but that was all ruined by my stupid clingy argueing self. What can i do? What should i do? My world is falling apart in every aspect.. I dont want to live without her. I cant cope with the pain already, knowing id never have another chance would just kill me.. Please help me?

  75. bedford Says:
    October 21st, 2010 at 4:14 am

    my girl broke up with me after dating for a year n 3 months, she told me she wasnt happy but she had a friends she talked to everyday n after she broke up with me started dating him, she wants to be friends and doesnt ever want to talk abt our past, i think she still have feelings for me and that is why she is advoiding that topic.

    its been 3 months since she is been with that other guy we talk everyday and i want to get her back is there hope for me? and why is she hiding that fact we dated?

  76. rodolfo cesar Says:
    October 24th, 2010 at 6:23 pm

    Dr. George Karanastasis
    if you read this please i need some help….
    I date my ex for 2 years, and we were in deep love, i was her first real boyfriend and she was my first real love (girlfriend)
    sure we had problems, here and there and we split a couple of times but we always managed to come back and start again… about a year ago my fam and i thought that we where gonna move to mexico, and i decided to put some space between my ex and me so that the break up wouldnt be as bad…turns out we didnt move and i came back to her, and things seemed to go great… one of my biggest flaws was that in her eyes i cheated on her because i talked to other girls, and did say that i loved them, but as a hello, you know some people say “hey love” and mean nothing by it….
    my ex says that even though i dint cheat physically i cheated emotionally…
    we broke up and things seemed like no matter what i did i could not get her back, 2 weeks after the break up she started dating this other guy, and during the first month of their relation ship she asked me to go see her at night through a window, we made out several times i even bought her an engagement ring that i had started paying for before the split, and she seemed really happy….recently she seems cold and distant we talk some times and i usually tell her i love her and want her back…which i do..now i should say that i have done the constant calls, and texts, and begging…but please understand that shes the first one ive ever loved like this, to the point of getting married…the thing that kills me is that not 2 months ago we where talking about what the names of our kids where going to be…planing our future together, and life 50 years from now….i go to school and work, i could only see her so often, and the guy shes with, finished tech school and is a mechanic and only works in the mornings, and thus sees her every darn day, they go out to dinner all the time, and to the movies, things i could not do because of money and time….another thing is that my parents are old school and they tell me that unless i was ready to marry a girl i could not bring her home, in case it dint work out, it be best for them, and this new guy takes her every where shes met his parents and he seems like the perfect guy….i miss my baby so much and would do anything to get her back….now the question is how do i do that?
    Dr. George Karanastasis if you read this pleas help

  77. rasheed Says:
    October 24th, 2010 at 7:31 pm

    hey i dated my girl for more than 2years now and she love me before and i love her also but i did not show that to her that i love her ..but now she using second phone which i dont know about and she use that to talked to a man most of the time through the phone..and if am always with her she can just talk to me anyhow she want and tell me that she tired of me being with her most of the time ..and sometime today i told her that i missed her and she told me never to talk about that in my life again..but i think maybe she has fund someone else that she love..please what i can .please

  78. rasheed Says:
    October 24th, 2010 at 7:51 pm

    Again..And she never came to my house now for the past six month now but if i want to her i do go to there house to see her and talk to her even sometime she does allow me to take touch her but sometime she will just get mad at me ..now am confused because i love her so much and she keep telling my friend that the love that she have for me is no more there like before ..now i dont know what to do again to get her back for good and i love her so much but i think she seem to see someone else because she using second phone which i dont know about .

  79. josh Says:
    November 2nd, 2010 at 12:57 pm

    Well, I i’m in the same boat as all of you guys. I dated my girl for 3 years. she even told me she wanted to marry me. then 3 days before we went to hawaii and i was gonna ask her to marry me she found out that i lied to her and i lied to cover up that lie. we talked for 2 more months and she said she still loved me but needed time. i kept begging her to come back, sent her flowers, went to talk to her at her work. then i come to find out that she had been sleeping with another guy. i got mad called her a hoe and now she has cut off all communication with me. she is now in a relationship with this guy after only 2 months of breaking with me. she says she is happy now. I thought we were soul mates and i still love her. She got into the relationship with him exactly one day after our 3 year anniversary and now i’m afraid that i have lost her forever. I told her i was letting go and wished her the best. now i need to try to move on with my life and better myself. the only way she will come back now is if it was meant to be. The part that confuses me is that she said she wanted to marry me, and have kids. but she seamed to have moved on so quickly.
    any thought on this matter???

  80. Ante Says:
    November 21st, 2010 at 7:36 am

    hi there..

    where should i start…ok well i was with my x-girlfriend for 1 and half years which is quite a long time considering she was my 1st real gf
    and i was her 1st real bf. everything was great and ran smoothly..the biggest problem in our relationship was that i was ov full croatian blood andshe was 3/4 serbian and 1/4 croatian becoz her dad was half. this didnt arise to be much ov a problem at the start but then it slowly started to bulid up..

    unfortunetly i can only blame myself becoz i should ov brought her home from day 1 and things would ov been much better and different instead i waited which i should ov not done…though my parents neva told me to not date her and not bring her ova and go 2 her house they neva said that…my mum was alright with it

    i just think it would ov taken the old man a bit more time to process..we had our usually arguments ova stupid things that were mended quite quickly…though as of this year start ov september we went on a little break so i could sort out my stuff with my parents and so that she could sort out her negativity with a few things… one nite i decided to go for a drive with a friend through the local town..one ov my x girlfriends, friends saw me driving and immediately txtd my x gf, she went berzerk started saying i dnt care about i dnt love her and that im moving on…i didnt kno wat to think or say i was angry..then the arguing started and in a couple ov days she broke it off with me…we were broken up for 5 days and next thing u kno i shes in a new relationship! i didnt think much ov it becoz i thought it was all bullshit to try get bak at me…but when a few ov my mates were asking wat was going and that she (sandra my x) was in a new relationship it really hit me and i basically lost the plot..all the stuff she use to say to me felt like a lie…she use to say i love u sooo much i cant imagine my life without u and that she wanted to get engaged even married at some point…i was tottally gutted and i started texting and calling her..i was soo angry and upset…then when i calmed down after a week or so..she called me to come to her work…she said she dosent kno if she can go bak with me becoz i havent done anything to prove to her how much i love her and wanted her bak…soo basically she said if u want me then fight for me…i chased her for nearly 2 months she lead me on…thinking we’d get back togther…she made a fake account on facebook to contact me through and we even talked on msn…even on webcam…the thing that kills me the most is that she said we will set a date to get back togther which she said was december the 1st… but while this was going on she kept saying she needs space i dnt understand how u can need space if ur withsome else…i was confused, hurt, emotional angry the works…the guy she is with now is ov serbian origin… one my friends thinks that my x wanted/needed something i couldnt give her and that apparently was that she now sees how she’ll be accepted by his parents becoz they are serbian…also one ov her friends told me that my x said her new bf is really nice and is ready to settle down with a serbian girl…i was like wtf… during this peroid ov being led on..i bought her a ipod touch and a gold pendant with her name on it Sandra…which i dnt regret but it still hurts… november the 3rd was the last contact i had with her…she basically rippt my heart at the library in our univerisity… i kept telling her though this ordeal that if she came bak to me we would go straight to my place and i would tell me my parents this is more than serious now we really do love each other and u will accept it whether u like or not…but in saying so on november 3rd 2010 she told me she dosent want anything to do with my parents and that she is happy with how she is now and she really likes this new guy shes with…and that she sees me as a friend..i askt her if she loved me her response was a a slight shake ov the head as in no and that was the same respone when i asked if she still had feelings for me…the weeks prior to the final one she was saying she does love me but shes unsure if she wants to be with me and still needs space…well i have cut all contact with her and it hurts like hell…i think about her non-stop.. its been 18 days no conact and she has been with her new bf for 2 and a half months… i dnt kno what to do or think anymore..i.d do anything to get her back.. can things be mended? is there still hope? please i really would like some help as the stages i am at r pure anger and hatred… i am 22 and she is 18.. if that helps in any way…she was 1st first love and i was hers well i hope i was…i still think things can be mended i just feel like i keep hitting a brick wall please help if you can thank you…

  81. KW Says:
    December 20th, 2010 at 3:41 am

    I have a similar situation, my girlfriend of 5 years, mother of our 3 year old only daughter broke up with me. It started out of the blue one night 2 days before thanksgiving; she told me by saying I could have everything. I thought she was playing, deeper into the conversation she revealed she didn’t want to be with me. I was crushed, she told me she didn’t feel the same about me anymore. I didn’t understand where this was coming from, just one week ago she was marking days on the calendar of how we would spend a day celebrating our love of our happy family.She agreed we would try to work it out, after all we been through so much together. The next day she went out with her friends, said she would come home that night, ended up not answering my calls, even turning off her phone, finally I got through to her on her friends phone. She said she would sleep over. Next day try calling, no answer, finally reach her and pick her up. She ended up having a hickey on her neck which she said was from her “friend” a butchy. Couple days later she said she didn’t want to try. I said lets stay together for the holidays for our daughter, she agreed. We ended up staying together for one week. I found out she was talking to another guy, I figured out this was the reason for everything. I kicked her out, she went back to her friends house. It’s been about 3 weeks since we haven’t been together. Today she is a different person. I tried everything from persuading, begging, calling her endlessly, it just seems to be pushing her to this other guy. I really want to be with her, one month ago we had a happy family, now its so different. She doesn’t even seem to care about her daughter anymore. It just hurts so much. She is now with this guy, in the past even do we had our troubles she would still sleep with me, now she just rejects me. She says she loves this guy and that they are so similar, they are also sleeping together. How could she feel this way about him so soon after just three weeks. What makes this even worse is this is the second time this happened, when our daughter was born after three months she wanted to leave me, said she wasn’t feeling it anymore. Found out there was another guy. Dude ends up leaving out of state, we work it out and three years later its happening all over again. Except this guy is here to stay or so it seems. Over the three years in between it seemed like we were so happy together. Even before the first guy it seemed like it was all good.

    I still want to be with her but the more I try it seems like I’m just pushing her closer to this other guy. Actually now that I wrote this it seems like she is not that good of a person. The first time shame on her, the second time shame on me. I just want to have a happy family, I don’t want to start all over. And we were happy together she would tell me how she was in a happy place in our relationship and I felt it as well. I thought I would spend the rest of my life with this girl. It seems we’re always happy until another guy comes and pushes me away. I love her, every time we broke up we would work it out and get back together. Now that she has this guy it seems that things wont work out this time. I don’t know what to do it seems like everything i feel i should do is the wrong thing. I can’t just stop calling her but I need to, why I don’t know.

    HELP ME!!!!!PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!

  82. Rod Says:
    January 6th, 2011 at 8:04 pm

    My girlfriend and I broke up in June 2010 after being together for 4 years off and on. This isn’t our first break up, but it may be our last. While we were broke up, we still hung out and even had sex. Everything felt the same, but without the title. In November 2010, she started talking to the boy she had her eye on when we had been apart in the past. They began to get more serious and recently became official around Christmas. Ever since she told me that she was talking to this guy, I began to realize more and more what I had done wrong. I wanted to be with her still and kicked myself in the butt for letting her go. I know she still cares about me, but she says she doesn’t love me anymore. I feel like there is nothing I can do and my world is just crashing down. When I first found out they were talking, I became irrational and childish. Since then, I feel like I am giving her the space she needs and while they are in their “honeymoon’ phase, there is little I can do. I have just been working on myself and trying to better myself for me and for her. I try to ignore her, but I just miss her so much. I try to keep any conversations brief and to a minimum. Is there still hope for us or has she completely moved on?

  83. Danny Says:
    January 29th, 2011 at 6:31 am

    I and my girlfriend met 3 years ago and i was her first love and she said she loves me so much. we dated about 2 month and then i broke up with her because i just like her, not love. After we broke up about 5 months, she met another guy and she fell in love with him. After 6 months later, this guy left her to study abroad. She was so desperate and that time i came to her as a friend. After 1 month, we had sex and i asked her if she love me. she said yes, she said she still had feeling for me because i was her first love..and she chose me. the time we spent togther, she still had contact with her ex. when i asked her, she said he just a friend, not more. i believed her and everything she said about that guy. so i had no doubt. she was very good to me, treated me like her husband and i did the same, i treated her like a queen, the only woman for me, i gave my everything to her. We were happy together for 2 years from begining to now. and everything seemed ok. suddenly, She broke up with me 3 weeks ago and the reason was she isnt over her ex. she says she loves me but she loves her ex more. she cant forget him.and she wants him in her life. not me. she dumped me with that reason. and now they are back together. it knock me down… i want get her back so bad because i truly love her, she’s my real love. any chance for me? how could she forget all the memories we had together for 2 years?i had 2 years , that guy only had 6 months. how could that happen?

  84. James Says:
    May 10th, 2011 at 11:09 am

    I met this girl a while back while she was dating someone else. Over time, she became less attached to him and more attached to me. Shortly after she left him, after we had been seeing eachother for quite some time, we made love. She told me she loved me. I returned it. Fast forward 2 years, and I am in the worst pain imaginable.She ended our relationship to work on our friendship. She said that she didn’t wanna get back together with me until after school. One day she called me and said that she had been sending me mixed signals, apologised for trying so hard to save our relationship, and told me that she had no feelings for me and did not love me. She told me that she was single. I found out that she had been dating her roommate the entire time. The thing that really hurts is how she wants to be friends and she has actually asked me not to join the military… Something she NEVER did while we were dating. I made a lot of stupid mistakes, but I read this article and today is the day I walk away from her and let her live her life. But is there any possible way I can either get her back sooner or stop the pain?

  85. Lucho Says:
    May 21st, 2011 at 10:25 pm

    hey guys, i had a 6 1/2 years relationship that enden after we talked about getting married, she wanted to and me too after a month she left me and move in with her mom, i called her and ask her why and all she said was that she didnt wanted to be with me…i was devastated and i did crazy things… going out every day and nigth,drinking too mucho,etc…after all it had been almost 7 years and i was really hurt. after almost 2 months one of my friends showed me a picture of her kissing another guy… well you can imagine what i felt… i wanted to died, anyways i started to party harder and meet a lot of girls but they werent what i wanted, after 7-8 months had a motorcycle accident i had to move to Mexico, she found out that she had MS…then she found out about my accident and contacted me, at first i didnt wanted to talk to her and she gave me time… then after almost a month i called her and when she answred she knew it was me and started to cry, shesked me what happened and told her (im now a c-5 quadraplegic)she promesed to stay in touch and she still does. after 1 year and 8 months since the accident and since we broked up with me i still think of her every day. she tells me that she will always love me no matter what,i do lover too
    i stoped calling her and answering her messages, not because i dont lover but because i want her to be happy… the cuestion is, should i tell her how i fell and that i want to be with her??
    or let her go… please comment on this any help woudld be appretiated

  86. The Dealer Says:
    June 27th, 2011 at 1:17 am

    So I see you fella’s have had it rough with the ladies. Well here is the reason why. They are not what they appear to be. They are voulture’s. All of them. Look at thing’s for a second from a different angle. Push back the clock about 200 year’s as well. What has changed in a woman’s role. Not just over the time of your relationship but in time all together. What is it that they strive for. What do they use to get it. Which method is it that a woman uses she is born with to gain her power and control. Her grip on thing’s to a level of status in which she feels she diserves. Let me ask you this. Regardless who you are fella’s. If a pro sport’s athelete pulled up to your girl and said let’s go. She would. I do not care who you are. One of two reason’s or maybe both. One they’re usually very healthy/physically fit. Two they have money to blow. Woman work for it using what they where born with. Some let there emotion’s guide the way and other’s that are usually older as well as deeper into the game of life have mastered they’re technique’s. Either way fella’s if you don’t wish to be sitting here sobbing over the lady you gave your heart’s to then shape up or ship out says the game. Over time she realized she could do better. Over time you got comfortable. That’s all there is to it.

  87. Jordin Says:
    July 12th, 2011 at 3:55 pm

    Hi,
    Well I been dating my girlfriend for almost a year and she tells me that I’m the love of her life n she means it and that she will never break my heart and a couple of days before our anniversary she breaks up with me. And she would not tell me why she’s breaking up with me. She said she needs a break and sometime apart. So a couple of days after the team up she tells me she broke up with me because she’s dating someone else. And the person who she is dating is actually someone that she told me about before, she said he’s cute, and at the time she said that we were dating. and now she just wants to be friends and she texts me everyday still. Just recently he called me “babe.” but then said sorry for saying it and that it was a habit and she’s used to it. So I told her oh you’ll get over calling me that don’t worry:) and she said maybe. I’m getting mixed signals from her and I don’t know what to do. I didn’t find out until yesterday who she was dating. She told me by saying,” oh steph is mad at me because I snatched.” and I replied with ” oh your dating Ivan.” and she said,” yeah he’s hella nice.” What do I do please help me I just want he back. Thank you

    Jordin

  88. Kenny Says:
    August 29th, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    Dear Dr. George,

    I was dating this young lady for nearly a year. Although I do realize that I have a tendency to “get quiet” in times of anger, she said it was a major turn off, but we still kept going.

    When my son (he lives in another state) came to visit, for the summer, she said she would give us time to reconnect since I hadn’t seen him in 3 years. She had even earlier that year gave me money to go visit him.

    When he arrived I noticed she would spend more and more time with her parents (she lives with them) and less time with me.

    By the time my son left she told me that we had made no signficant progress (relationship wise) since March. I disagreed and then she “implied” that our relationship was over. I went “quiet” and told her if she was done then so was I.

    The next day she tracked me down and told me she didn’t want to break up. We continued for about another week and the following weekend was her mother’s birthday.

    Her mother called me Friday and invited me down that Sunday. I even made her a music anthology that she (her mom) was wanting for awhile. Something I left out before was that since my son arrived my ex was saying that she was always doing something with her parents. Movies, dinner & antying else, but she NEVER included me anymore.

    So, that Sunday she called me early and said that she was making her mom, sister & dad a Sunday Birthday Breakfast for her mom. She never mentioned about me coming over at all. I felt really left out and hurt. I felt as if I was a stranger in my girl’s life now. She said I’ll let you go since you’re not saying much. I said I’ll let YOU go since you only want to hang with your family nowadays.

    I called her mom and said I will send her gift through the mail (I live nearly 60 miles away). She was gracious and obviously understood there were issues between us both.

    The next day I asked my ex what was the deal? Where did she/we stand. She sent a text back saying that my attitude was childish and that since day one I had always had this petty, grudge hholding attitude and she had enough. She then said that she had had enough. We were done.

    The next day she tried to phone me and talk it over. I refused her call. She called me 4 times that day and I never answered one time. She sent me a text later that day saying she cared a “lot” about me and hoped we could still be friends.

    That following weekend she returned my jewelry. I was crushed & devestated. We haven’t spoken since, she also blocked my and my family members accounts on Facebook. I noticed her mother’s and sisters account (connecting to mine) are still active.

    Her mother sent me one last text the day before I received my jewelry back. She said I was a good person and she considered me a friend. Anytime I wanted to come to their home, I was more than welcome, and I would be welcome by all. Where this mentality/conviction was the week before is unknown to me.

    I think she is now dating someone else. Everyone I speak to about this says it points to this. I have NO idea, and am at a complete loss as to what to do.

    I saw on another website about no contact. I sent her a letter saying that I agreed about the break up & hoped that one day we could at least be friends again. That was about 10 days ago,we haven’t spoken in 14. I don’t know if my situation is impossible, but any information or tips would be GREAT. Thanks Dr. George!

    p.s.

    one last thing Dr. George, this young lady is the kind who completely cuts someone off when she says it. A relative of hers did her very dirty and she cut her off completely. I’m afraid by doing no contact I may NEVER hear from her again. Your thoguhts please?

  89. Joseph Says:
    September 27th, 2011 at 5:20 am

    i need help my ex is now with her bestfriends i guess bestfriend and i think no matter what she will keep them together so i think its over for me all i can do is walk away and watch them be happy and it hurts because i never ended things

  90. shakim Says:
    October 6th, 2011 at 9:55 pm

    today after 2 years my girlfreind comes up to me and tells me she thinks we should just be freinds and when i talk to her best freind she tells me that my ex still loves me wtf what should i do?

  91. Robin Says:
    December 21st, 2011 at 3:09 am

    So here is my predicament, I was suffering with depression towards the last month of our relationship (about 2 months ago), I told her I didn’t want to see her anymore because I couldn’t deal with the problems in my head. I tried to reconcile about 6 days after we split up and tried to meet her to explain myself and tell her what was really going on with me. However the night before we were due to meet up I found out she was going on a date with another guy. I got drunk and texted her some horrible message. She said the next day that we should take some time, only after talking to a really loud mouthed friend of ours who told her a load of BS about me.

    I sought help from a professional and things were going well. I emailed her a letter telling her everything which she reacted positively to. I text ed her the day after to tell her I was thinking about her and she told me she was seeing this other guy. She rang me drunk and told me she loved me and I was her soul mate but things between us are ruined which upset me a lot. I wasn’t eating well and have dropped weight as a result. The day after I find a message that she has ruined the relationship and that I should move on. The problem is I really love this girl and this other guy is using her. I cut her off facebook after pictures of them came up every 5 minutes and have been in NC for 2,1/2 weeks. What to do now? I want her, I don’t need her I feel my confidence coming back and have been on a couple of dates with some really hot girls but I just want her.

  92. Alex Says:
    April 16th, 2012 at 12:24 am

    Hi:

    I was almost 4 yrs with my girlfriend, until she cheated on me and then she left me, that was the last year. She really had no intentions about having a relationship with this guy, eventhough she wanted to stay alone for a while, this guy just kept trying to get her. So i did the same, and finally i could get her back, we talked a lot about this situation, and we’ve been working to fix all our mistakes to be again in a full relationship.

    I really dont know what has happened after this, but she started seeing a new guy this time, in spite of we where having a great time in our relationship, she prefered to cheat on me, change me, and in a couple of weeks she started dating this guy.

    I managed this in a kind way, i never treated her bad for this, but i just told her that i think im better than him, she could change me but never replace me, and she would never find someone who loves her as i do.

    The only explanation she gaved me, is that there where “something” missing in our relationship, something was just broken, and even if i was doing my best to fix it, she just didn’t believe it could work anymore. That was very bizarre, because a few days before she told me i was the better person she could ever know in the world….

    Now she refuses to answer my calls, ive tried to contact her to talk, or to go out sometime, and maybe i could do something about it, but this seems to be useless, cause ive no chance to be with her anyhow.

    What could i do in this case? i really love, and i dont want to let her go until i play all my cards

  93. terry Says:
    August 1st, 2012 at 4:06 am

    well gentlemen, after reading all these post I can’t help but smile just a little. Obviously, we all have something in common. I want to write down my situation so badly hoping someone will give me answeres directed towards my problem, but as I read through all these stories I see its pretty much already there… My gf of 3.5 years left me and immidiatly began dating someone else out of nowhere. She deleted our facebook friend status and totally cut me out of her life. Yes, we had problems before… but she said they where getting better and she forgave me and I forgave her for our previous issues. Things seemed like they where falling back into place and it suddenly ended. I lost my best friend over night. It hasn’t even been a month and it feels like an eternity. I would have to agree with 90% of the individuals here that the no contact rule should apply. I dont know if the whole let her free and if she comes back its yours is true… but I respect and love her enough that she needs to be happy however that may be. She keeps texting me about how sorry she is and how poorly she thinks she handled things, but she didn’t want to be disrespectful/dishonest to either of us. wtf?? right?! well, thats how life goes I guess. I’m a tuff guy and I have to admit I cry all the time but I sure as hell dont want her knowing that. I never responded to her texts. We have the same friends and we come from a small community and I’m sure later on down the road we will see each other in passing. The last contact we made was a simple letter I wrote her about how sorry I was for letting her feel that the spark wasn’t there anymore and I had no idea she felt that way. I appoligized for all the hurtful things I may have said or done through the relationship and I hoped one day she could forgive me. I don’t regret telling her that I would be her friend no matter how things turned out but I also told her I couldn’t be apart of her life if she was seeing someone else because of how I felt about her. Like I said its been less then a month. she keeps writing me pity texts about how sorry she is but I believe those are purley selfish texts in hopes that I reply giving her the satisfaction thats things are okay. NO CONTACT is my only weapon to let her know how I really feel about her. thats how I am handling it and it effing sucks… I guess my aprouch is to be the nice asshole that shows that I can be fine without her, because I did leave her with a letter that already told her how I felt. theres no need to repeat whats been said. Gentlemen, I DO WANT HER BACK! and I DON”T KNOW IF I WILL GET HER BACK but time is the only thing that will heal everything. I miss her. and like the previous posts have stated, the only thing the two of us have in common that this other guy doesn’t is fond memories and 3.5 years… We all fuck up. He will eventually and she will compare me to him. Just live your life. Jesus, thats easier said then done… maybe I will meet someone exactly like her that knows what they want… who knows. I have to say I don’t have the answers and I have no idea if this approach will work but I WILL NOT STAULK HER and BEG HER BACK! I hope she is just doing this to be sure about what she had with me. Time will give her that answer.

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